Author's Note: This is a bittersweet moment, people. After 41 chapters, we're at the end. This is the last real chapter of the story. All we have left is the Epilogue. It's hard to let this chapter go. I've gotten so many questions about when this chapter was coming, and truthfully, I just didn't know how to post this. It was hard to write, because I knew once I wrote it, I'd have to give it up. Writing is a very personal thing for me. I write tons of things that people never see, because I write first for myself, which is what I think makes a good story. A good story is by someone who writes to feed something in them, not to appease everyone else, because then everything gets jumbled and messed up. So, this story you have all been reading for over a year feels very much like a part of me. I love it dearly and hold it so close, and I'm scared to see it come to an end, but it must. You all deserve an ending to this story, and an ending you will get.
So enjoy this chapter, and the Epilogue will be coming soon. And send a huge thanks to the amazing Sandra for providing her awesome beta help through this. She's great! Also, if you're one of my readers who likes music in the background, I played two songs on repeat throughout the writing of this chapter. The main one was Poison & Wine, the title of the chapter. I've been waiting over a year for the perfect chapter for this song, and it's fitting it comes now. The other was Alien Like You by The Pigott Brothers. They're both great songs that really fit the chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter 41
I don't have a choice, but I still choose you
Oh, I don't love you, but I always will
"I cannot believe you got us lost!" Elena shouted as she stormed out of the SUV, slamming the car door with surprising force behind her. She turned around and glared at him through the rolled down window before she stomped off toward the small gas station.
They were officially in bum-fuck nowhere and Damon had no idea how to get them back to civilization. Elena was not pleased, and she was more than happy to let him know. She had spent the past hour making sure he knew, and to be honest, he was a little sick of it.
It was three days into their spontaneous road trip and the tension that had been building since they left was finally boiling over. The idea that had seemed so great at the time now felt like a disaster. For three days straight they'd been locked in the same car together, all day, every day. And if they weren't in the car, they were eating together or in the same hotel room. They were together twenty-four hours a day, yet they'd accomplished nothing they had set out to.
In an instant, after years of space and pain separating them, they were now stuck together with nowhere to go. And the ease that seemed so easy to find once, now felt like an illusion. There was so much to talk about and neither knew where to start, so they reverted to what they did best, deflection. Elena had taken over the itinerary, taking them all over the country to whatever random spot she thought sounded interesting. He'd gone along with it at first, but there were only so many dive motels in the middle of nowhere he could handle.
"I'm from New York City," he yelled at her while he shoved open his door and jumped down to the ground, quickly following behind her. "What the hell did you think would happen when you decided to go on a road trip with me?"
Elena halted and spun around on her heel as she firmly planted her hands on her hips. "I thought maybe you'd actually listen to me when I gave you directions! I told you to go left when we got off the interstate!"
"As if you'd let me forget!" he bellowed.
"I have to keep repeating it because you won't listen to any directions I give."
"Maybe I'd listen to them if you'd stop harping in my ear every five seconds."
"You're being dramatic," she scoffed. "You're just mad that you haven't had any Egyptian cotton sheets to sleep on, and you can't find a liquor store or bar that serves the insanely overpriced lighter fluid you call scotch."
"You take that back!" he demanded. "That lighter fluid, as you call it, is $400 a bottle for a reason, which you'd know if you didn't have such horrid taste in alcohol."
"Just because I prefer to have my internal organs left intact at the end of the night doesn't mean I have bad taste in alcohol."
"Well, excuse me, Miss I'm sorry, the vodka isn't properly balanced with the pomegranate." He pulled out an overly high-pitched mocking voice that left her steaming for several moments, her eyes wide as she stared at him incredulously.
"First, that was one time, and that drink was horrible," she defended herself. "And second," her voice dropped and her mouth twitched as she fought to keep a smile from her face, "Is that the best impression you can do of me?"
"Eh," he shrugged, "I got the gist of it."
She barely lasted a few more seconds before she lost the battle with herself and laughter came pouring from her mouth. Her head fell back and her mouth opened wide, leaving way for the most glorious sound his ears had heard in years. All he could do was watch as her shoulders shook and she laughed until she cried in the middle of the deserted, rundown gas station parking lot. And just like that, all the tension was broken.
When she finally stopped and looked up at him, out of breath and her hair blowing freely around her, he smiled and shook her head. "Four years and that is seriously the best you can do?"
"The imitation may be weak, but you can't deny that it's true."
She rolled her eyes and held out her hand to him. "You're impossible. Will you just get over yourself and accept directions now so we won't be stuck in Nowhere, USA for the rest of our lives?"
"Aw, but I'm kind of starting to like it here," he said sarcastically. "What with the roads that lead to nowhere, restaurants with meals that top out at seven dollars, and hotels with rooms that look like they've been a host to a murder or two in their time. It's got a charm."
"Shut up." She grabbed his hand and twined her fingers with his. "You're such a baby."
As predicted by Elena, the gas attendant was able to give them directions that had them back on the interstate in thirty minutes, leaving him with a giddy and cocky passenger. However, due to the detour they'd taken that day, getting lost for more than three hours left them scrambling for a plan, because her previous one was now out the window.
"How about we stop in the first town that looks good enough and stay there for the night?" he suggested after an hour of Elena frantically searching her iPhone for some other plan.
"Fine," she sighed, looking dejected at the idea. "I guess we'll just stay in some boring hotel like pretty much every other hotel on the side of a highway is."
"Careful," he playfully warned, "You're starting to sound like Caroline."
"Whatever," she grumbled, "I think there's actually a decently sized city a few miles from here."
"Aw, cheer up." He reached over and squeezed her thigh lovingly. "This is what you wanted, right? Us spending every waking moment together in a car, and staying in crappy hotels?"
Elena watched his hand for a few moments when he didn't immediately move it back to the steering wheel. "It might be more enjoyable if you weren't complaining the whole time."
"If I wasn't, you'd think I was dead," he pointed out. He was behind the whole reason for being on this trip, but he couldn't deny that he was a fish out of water. He was a man accustomed to elegant things. Road trips did not fall under that category, and that took time to get used to.
"But are you complaining because you're Damon or are you complaining because you don't want to be here?"
"Hey," he moved his hand up to her head and gently ran it through her long locks, "I'm here because I want to be. End of story."
Elena sighed and turned to glance out the window. "Let's find some place to eat. I'm hungry."
Feeling dejected, Damon pulled his hand away from Elena's hair and returned it to the steering wheel. They had been walking a fine line for the past three days and it was getting harder to navigate with each passing moment. For a few minutes things would be simple and easy and Elena's hand would be encompassed tightly by his, and she'd reach out for him when he was getting too far ahead or behind. They would joke around and talk about Sawyer and everything back in New York, and then, like a switch had been flipped, she'd withdraw and retreat into her own head.
There was a battle raging inside of her that he wished he could be privy to. He knew it was about them and this relationship saving trip they were on. She was scared of the outcome, but he couldn't get her to open up long enough to vocalize any of her fears to him. Then again, he hadn't been very forthcoming about many things going around in his head either. He didn't know where to start.
There was so much they needed to talk about, but he didn't know how to. Once they opened that door, there would be no closing it. They'd have to face the ugly truth of what had happened in the past three years. They'd have to face it and deal with it. And then there was no guarantee that it would get them anywhere. They could fight and open up all the old wounds only to come away from the trip more separated than ever before. He didn't want to risk that. So he stayed quiet, but then there would be moments like this where he was so close to her, and felt like they were on the same page, only for her to slam the book and toss it out of the window.
He felt the immediate loss so immensely, and he desperately wanted her back to how she was a few moments before, but that meant talking about things that were hard to talk about. It meant talking about the miscarriage, her leaving, and Andie. It meant talking about so many painful things, and it was hard to open himself up to that.
So he allowed them to fall into a tense silence for thirty minutes until they finally found a town that looked like it had a halfway decent hotel and at least a few restaurants to choose from. It wouldn't be anything great, but it would have to do, and he could not stay stuck in this car for another moment. The tension was too thick and suffocating. He needed air.
Elena stayed in the car while he went inside and booked what passed for a suite in the hotel. He assumed it was really just a bed and a minibar, but it would be better than the dive motel they'd stayed in last night.
"Okay, I booked us a room," he called when he came back outside. "Want to go get some food? There's a restaurant right next to the hotel, so we can just walk."
"Yeah." Elena unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car. She quietly followed him to the restaurant that said it was known for its burgers and fries, and got seated in a somewhat secluded booth in the back.
"Are we going to sit in silence for the rest of the night, Elena, or are you actually going to acknowledge me?"
She glanced up from her menu, a confused look on her face. "I'm just tired, okay? It's been a long day."
Damon closed his menu and pushed it to the side of the table. "You asked me if I wanted to be here, and I do, but do you want to be here?"
"What kind of question is that? I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be."
"Then how come you act like you barely want to be touched by me half the time."
"You were engaged to someone else less than a week ago, Damon. I'm just trying to wrap my brain around everything. "
"What's there to wrap your brain around? We want this, and we'll figure stuff out."
"I feel guilty, okay?"
"Why would you feel guilty?"
He was the one that had run out on his wedding. Elena hadn't done anything wrong. All she'd done was love him, while he threw it in her face that he was with someone else and that he'd never be with her. She had nothing to feel guilty about.
She sighed "A part of me still feels like we're doing something wrong. I want this trip because we need it, but I also feel like we're hiding from it all. This past year, we've kept everything so insular with us. We were sneaking off to empty rooms and meeting in a bar so no one would know. No matter how we felt, we still knew we were doing something wrong. And now you ran off to find me, your ex-girlfriend, the day you called off your wedding. It just makes me feel guilty, and like I've been horrible to Andie."
"She isn't your concern. I'm the one who hurt Andie. Not you. Why are you even thinking about her?"
"Because Andie is a good person and we both have collectively broken her heart. I feel bad. I was in her place once."
"Elena, you were never in Andie's place." He didn't know how to even begin to explain the complexities and problems that had made up his relationship with Andie. They were nothing close to what he and Elena had. With Elena, at the base of it all, there had always been a deep, abiding, passionate love that had them coming back for more. With Andie, there was love, but they lacked the need for each other. They both knew, albeit begrudgingly, that they would be okay if the other walked away. They loved each other, but they weren't in love with each other, and that was the difference. "She knew a lot more than I think either of us realized. Nothing about what happened on our wedding day came as an actual surprise to her."
Elena looked down at the table, guilt swimming in her eyes. "She begged me to stay away from you. Not in those exact words or anything, but she knew things weren't right. She loved you, Damon."
Damon reached across the table and took one of Elena's hands in his. "I know she did, but it wasn't in the way either of us needed. I'm not who she needs and she knows that. We were playing a dangerous game that was going to crash and burn if we didn't end it. She knows that. So don't feel guilty. You weren't the problem with me and Andie, I was."
"Still makes me feel bad."
Damon slid out of his side of the booth and joined Elena on her side. He moved in close to her, turning his body so he could face her as much as was possible in the small space. "I don't want you to feel bad. This is not about Andie or anyone else. This whole thing is about you and me." He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes, taking in this moment of being next to her and her not pulling away. "I love you," he whispered.
"I want to be here," she assured him softly. "I promise, I do. This is just harder than I thought it would be."
"We both knew it was going to be tough when we agreed to it, Elena. We just have to push through it."
"It's really easy to say that right now, but this right here isn't the real world, Damon. You ran out on your wedding. We have to go back to that. If your father didn't hate everything about me before, he certainly will now. He's going to think this is all my fault. Everyone is going to stare at us and talk about us. They're going to think we've been together this whole time."
"I don't care what they think. I care what you think. This is all about us, not anyone else."
A gentle smile spread over Elena's face. "When did you turn into this guy that is reassuring and gives good advice?"
Truthfully, he didn't know. He had no idea when he'd become this guy. He didn't even know if he really was this guy. He couldn't do this with other people. He wasn't the reassuring guy. He didn't try to make people feel better. This was Elena though, and he couldn't help but want to make things better for her. He wanted her happy, and after spending so long making her miserable, he'd do whatever he could to bring back the girl who maybe laughed a little too loudly sometimes, and thought the best of everyone. She was still in there, but she'd been buried under a lot of pain and heartache. It was his job to find her.
"It's because of you. Everything is because of you." He brushed his fingers through her hair and pressed his mouth to her ear. "What do you say we just get room service? I don't want to sit in some crappy restaurant." Elena's breathing sped up as his other hand softly skimmed over her breasts and he asked "you want to?"
She nodded her head against his. "Yeah, I want to." Those were the only words of encouragement he needed to pull her from the booth and practically drag her out of the restaurant. How could he be expected to sit across from her and eat a burger when all he wanted was her? She giggled behind him as he pulled her through the parking lot. "Slow down."
"No way, baby." He bounced on his heels as they waited for the elevator, pressing the button multiple times until the doors at last slid open. "Finally!" He tugged her in and shoved her against the back wall. He reached behind him and pressed the button for their floor and then turned back to grab her face in his hands. "God, I want you."
"So aggressive," she mumbled against his lips.
"What can I say? I'm a man who knows what he wants." His mouth trailed her jawline, tasting her sweet skin on his lips.
Elena tensed in his arms for the briefest of moments, giving him slight pause in his ministrations against her neck. As quickly as it came, though, it passed and she tugged his mouth back to hers. "No more talking." He was more than happy to oblige her request and throw all ideas of discussion out the window so he could focus on nothing but her.
When the elevator doors opened on their floor he was unable to pull away from her and kept her pressed against him as he backed out of the elevator. Her hands pulled and tugged at his shirt. "You're going to ruin my clothes."
"Hush."
He roughly pushed Elena to the door of their hotel room and fished the key from the pocket he'd shoved it into when he checked in. It proved quite difficult to get into a hotel room with all of his attention focused on Elena and the places her hands were going, but he figured it out in time, and the door fell open behind her.
They stumbled inside, legs tangling together as they tried not to tumble to the floor. Somehow they made it to the bed without falling and breaking one of their legs, and when he fell onto that bed with her beneath him, all he could think about was how he'd missed this. His fingers dipped beneath the material of her shirt, and across the smooth skin of her stomach. "How have I gone so long without you?" he wondered aloud.
Elena's hands froze on the button of his jeans and she quickly gasped, "Wait, wait, wait," while pushing at his chest to stop him.
"What?" He fell away breathlessly, confusion and agitation in his voice. He had been waiting for this since the moment he saw her in Nashville, and now, having her underneath him, wanting him, his brain didn't understand why it wasn't happening.
"We can't do this," she told him. "It's too soon."
"What do you mean it's too soon?"
Elena sat up, her rumpled hair falling behind her back, and her shirt hanging awkwardly from her shoulders. She turned incredulous eyes down on him and he realized he didn't think that question through before he'd asked it. All of his blood was still rushing elsewhere at the moment and his brain wasn't in any shape to be having conversations that required anything other than telling her where to move her hand.
"The last time we slept together, you left me in bed to go propose to Andie."
"And we'll talk about that." They'd just talked about one aspect of the Andie relationship not twenty minutes ago. He was not ready for more right now. He just wanted her naked and writhing beneath him. "I don't want to talk about her right now. We just did that. We'll talk about it all later."
"After we have sex and I lie in bed all night waiting to see if you're going to run away again? Talking about one part of your relationship with her doesn't mean the other things suddenly don't matter." Tears shimmered in her eyes in the dim light of the room and he suddenly saw it all with such clarity. "The last time we ended up having sex was pretty much exactly like this, and that ended with my aunt wanting to commit me against my own will. Saying you wish you were dead can apparently be grounds to commit a person, or at least in the backwoods town of Mystic Falls it could. I can't do that again, Damon."
He reached out to her and grabbed her hands tightly in his. "And you won't have to. I'm not leaving you again. I love you."
"You loved me then!" she pointed out.
"And I made a mistake," he countered. "I messed up when I proposed to Andie, but I'm not going to do that now."
"Finally!" she exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air in mock victory.
"Was that what you wanted to hear?" he shouted, angered by her reaction to his candid confession. It hadn't been an easy realization for him, and he'd only been able to admit it to himself the day of his wedding. So, to say it out loud was a hard thing to do. It was hard to openly admit what a monumental error in judgment he had made that day, and for her to behave so flippantly about it had him moments away from playing right into her hand. "You're giving me whiplash! You want to talk and then you don't want to talk. You want me to touch you, but then you don't even want me to look at you. Just tell me what you want!"
He knew what she was doing right now. She was trying to pick a fight with him because she was scared.
"I want to hear you being honest! You have spent the better part of a year lying to my face and ridiculing me for leaving three years ago, but the truth is, all you've done this year is walk away, Damon. Every time things got hard you left, and I was the one left to pick up the pieces, just like you had been."
Damon shot off the bed like a canon, unable to stay seated a moment longer. "Don't you even dare compare the two," he warned her. "I was already hanging on by a thread after you lost the baby. When I came home to find you with your bags packed and your mind made up, I lost it. I quit my job, Elena."
"And went back to Katherine!" She was off the bed now, too, coming toward him, her chest heaving and her face red with anger. "The second your bed got cold you ran right back to the woman you swore up and down that you were over, and told her all of our dirty little secrets, the ones you couldn't even tell Andie."
Damon froze and eyed Elena suspiciously, trying to determine how much she knew and how much she was simply pretending to know. She wasn't above pulling a Caroline when she felt the need, and he couldn't tell whether she knew what she was implying or not. "What are you talking about?"
Defiant, Elena crossed her arms over her chest and said, "I'm talking about the fact that you told her I was pregnant."
The hairs on the back of his neck stood up at her words. "How do you know that?" He'd never told anyone what he had shared with Katherine during their brief reunion. There was only one way she could know that.
"You know how," she said.
"What were you doing talking to Katherine?" he demanded, perhaps more harshly than he should given the shaky territory they were about to enter.
"Trust me, it wasn't by choice. I didn't actually seek her out. She found me and proceeded to fill me in on things you should have told me. Like how you never threw my letter away and kept it in your nightstand, right next to an engagement ring I never knew you had."
"That's kind of the point of an engagement ring, Elena! The girl isn't supposed to know about it until the guy is proposing."
"Well there's still the letter!" Elena turned and let out a frustrated scream. "God, Damon. I spent two years thinking I somehow failed epically in trying to describe how broken and hopeless I felt when I left. To know you had the letter and never even read it is infuriating! Did you never even care?"
"All I did was care," he returned. "For three years, I tried to tell myself I didn't care, at least not in the way that meant I still loved you. Because that option was not acceptable. I was the man that never went back once he said he was done, so I had to stick to that, but it became impossible to deny you. You owned me, mind, body, and soul and no amount of denial would change that. And you know it, as you just reminded me five minutes ago when you said I loved you. I just made some mistakes."
"Yet I am just supposed to immediately forgive you for yours, when you couldn't do the same for me," she asked.
"I was mad and I lashed out."
"You didn't just lash out, you made it your mission to crush me!" she cried out. "For months you took every chance you got to dig the knife in a little deeper and twist it."
"Then why are you even here, Elena? If I'm such horrible person why the hell are we even doing this?!" He couldn't believe how quickly everything had spiraled out of control. Not five minutes ago he had her in his arms, and now she looked as if she couldn't be far enough away from him. Had they grossly miscalculated everything by going on this road trip?
Elena immediately deflated and collapsed onto the bed. She bent over, hugging her knees tightly and burying her face in them as she began to softly cry. Even though he was angry, it hurt him to see her in pain knowing he was the reason. Slowly, he walked toward the bed and kneeled down in front of her.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered from behind her hands.
He draped his arms over her legs and quietly asked, "Do you love me?"
She lifted her tearstained face to meet his eyes. "My life would be so much easier if I didn't."
"I think that goes for both of us." He lazily ran his fingers over her jean-clad thighs as he tried to begin to put together what he wanted to say. "I made a lot of mistakes, but I love you, Elena. I'm here because I want you. I don't want Andie or Katherine. I want you."
"Can you really blame me for having doubts? You went back to Katherine, the one woman you knew I felt threatened by. You proposed to another woman, Damon. I slept with you and told you I loved you and you proposed to someone else."
"And I'm sorry." He sighed and shook his head, wishing he could somehow snap his fingers and make it all better, but he knew it wouldn't be that simple. He couldn't lose sight of what he'd said to her when he agreed to this road trip. It was going to be hard, but he was up for that. He was up for it all. "God, there is so much I have done that I shouldn't have. I didn't listen to anyone around me. Just like you couldn't when you were determined to go to Chicago, even though we all told you it wouldn't work."
Everyone had told him that he was making the wrong choice with Andie. The evidence had always been there. He'd been able to tell Katherine the dark, twisted story about him and Elena, even if it had been forced out of him most of the time. Yet, he could never actually open up that part of himself to Andie. He kept so much of himself shut off because he thought he needed things to be simple. He thought he needed a life without the screaming and blinding rage that Elena could ignite in him, but he had been wrong. He needed the dark moments because he couldn't truly survive without the good ones.
No matter how bad things had gotten, she was still the woman he loved. Katherine had been the woman that taught him how to love and what it was really like, but Elena was the love of his life. He realized that more in this moment than ever before. It would be so easy to walk out of the hotel room and claim that there was too much to overcome, but he knew that wasn't true. He just needed her to see it too.
"Did you ask Andie to marry you to hurt me?" she whispered, her voice barely loud enough to carry the short distance to his ears.
He was transported back to that Christmas Eve where she had accused him of manipulating her for weeks before the night they slept together, all so he could devastate her with one crushing blow. It would have been a brilliant plan if that was what he had really been out to accomplish, but it hadn't been. Not even close. He'd never planned to sleep with her. He'd truthfully never had any plans for that night – no real ones. He had been so blinded by jealousy though that he had lost all ability to think.
Then he had been kissing her and it had felt like coming home for the first time in years. It was all so natural and real that when he woke up the next morning, he'd panicked. That night had showed him how easy it would be to go right back to that place with Elena, and that had scared him. It would be opening himself up to the possible heartbreak all over again, and he hadn't been able to do that then. There had still been so much distrust left there that he hadn't know how to overcome.
It had taken until his wedding day to realize that, no matter the risk, he had to have Elena again. He wanted every moment he could get with her – the good, the bad, and the ugly. He wanted it all, and he wanted it with her. If it all ended horribly, so be it. At least he'd finally be going after something he wanted because he was being honest to himself instead of living in a constant state of denial.
"I proposed because I was scared," he finally admitted, breaking the silence. "I thought if I proposed that it would somehow keep us from being able to hurt each other. I thought that if I just tried hard enough with Andie I wouldn't be affected by you anymore, but the harder I tried, the more I failed." He sighed and allowed himself to finally say the words he should have said so long ago. "You'll always be the girl I found sitting at the edge of that pool, draped in moonlight and confusion, and my road will always bring me back to you."
Another tear slid down Elena's damp cheek and she pulled in a shaky breath. "In my letter, I told you that you were always going to be the man that found me at that rooftop pool when I had no idea where I was going, and gave me hope that I'd figure it all out. I wish I could have just told you everything I felt back then, instead of feeling like I had to run away. I thought I was doing more harm than good by staying with you when I was so broken. I'm sorry."
Elena dropped her head in embarrassment, but he gently lifted her chin so he could really see her when he said, "I know." Confusion swirled in her brown eyes, not understanding what he was trying to say. "I read the letter."
"What?" She began to shake her head. "No, you kept it in your nightstand. Katherine said you never read it."
"I read it right before I went into the chapel to get married. I read it all, and then I called the wedding off."
"You read it?" she cried. "You really read it?"
His fingers traced her trembling lips and he couldn't help but smile. "Every word."
He lifted his free hand and brought it to rest against her cheek. She watched as his gaze darted between her eyes and her lips before stopping on her lips as she brought a hand up to rest gently against his. She turned her face into his palm and kissed it softly, her lips light against his skin.
"Damon ... "
At the sensation of her warm breath against his rough palm he caught her gently by the chin and turned her back to face him. Her eyes fluttered shut as he leaned up, brushing his lips against hers.
His tongue invaded the confines of her mouth and she released his pinky from her grasp, sinking her fingers into his hair. Everything around them seemed to fall away as she melted against him, their mouths coming together again and again, desperate for more.
His free hand was now clinched at her waist, slipping his fingers beneath her thin shirt. He needed to re-memorize every inch of her. Goosebumps cropped up along her skin, spreading over her body from his heated touch. Her thin fingers slid into his hair, her nails scraping across his scalp, making him nearly moan from the sensation.
This time there was no pushing him away or telling him they had more to talk about. They'd done enough talking for the day. There would be more talks at a later time, but they'd finally had the real conversation that needed to be had. They had faced the pain and torture they'd put the other through. It wasn't all fixed, not even close, but they knew it would be. They knew they were both in this now, and that was what mattered.
A hot fire ignited inside him and spread through his veins, putting him on edge. Everything about the way she kissed him was so familiar and yet so new that he felt like he was home, but desperate to know more at the same time. This was where they worked together. No matter what, their sexual chemistry had never faltered in four years, and it was still as strong as ever.
Her mouth slowly broke away from his and she trailed it along his jaw. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, pulling at each one until they finally broke free, and before long, her hands were running over the taut muscles beneath his skin. Her lips found his earlobe and her tongue gently swirled it into her mouth, sucking on it in just the way that made him nearly come undone from the sensation alone. The movement elicited a low, feral moan from the back of his throat, and his fingertips dug further into her skin.
She released his earlobe from her lips and pulled back, leaving a few inches of space between them. Enough to give him room to ask "God, I love you more than anything. You know that, right?" Her answer was a simple nod of her head and her eyes stayed glued to his while her fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as she quickly pulled it up and over her head. With a simple flick of her wrist she tossed it on the floor. Her bra-clad breasts rose and fell rapidly with her frenzied breathing, and he found himself mesmerized by the sight.
How had he gone so many months without her? How had he ever thought he could go a lifetime without her?
The corners of her mouth turned slightly upward. She grabbed his arms and pulled him up until he rose into a standing position, giving her access to his jeans after she pulled his shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she focused intently on ridding him of his pants, and all he could do was watch to make sure this was really happening. That this was really going to happen. It wasn't frenzied or panicked, just desperate to feel the connection again that had always been there. She wouldn't be left heartbroken and alone in the morning. They were real, and it wouldn't be just for tonight.
She pushed his pants and boxers down his legs, and the smile grew on her face. "Much better."
He looked at her sitting on the bed in her bra and jeans, significantly more clothed than him. Something was wrong with that. "This doesn't feel very even."
Elena grabbed his arms and pulled him down to her with a growl. "Shut up." She fell back against the mattress, pulling him with her as she went.
Their mouths met, lips already parted, anxiously awaiting the fusion of their tongues. His hands spanned the width of her back, his fingers dancing softly over her skin. Her hands held tight to the sides of his face, making sure he didn't go anywhere. As if he ever would.
His body pressed her into the soft comforter and he let his mouth trail down her neck to that sweet spot that he knew would make her writhe beneath him with want. Soon, he had her gasping for air and begging for more. "Oh god, I need you."
Their bodies rocked against each other, the friction driving him wild. He pressed his groin into the apex of her thighs and she gripped tightly at his waist, keeping him there for a moment. He desperately wanted to be inside her, feel her walls clench around him. That thought fueled the action of trailing his fingers down her taut stomach that tensed under his touch. He went to work at unbuttoning her jeans, ready to have them off of her and onto the floor.
He could see a hint of her turquoise panties as he unzipped her jeans, making him instantly harder. She had done that on purpose. She knew he loved seeing her in blue lingerie. There was no way she'd put on that pair of underwear this morning without knowing what it would do to him if he saw it.
"You're going to be the death of me."
"Likewise," she murmured beneath him, her face flushed, and her lips parted as she fought to regain the breath that she would soon lose again. She pushed at his chest until he sat up enough for her to lift her hips and allow him to pull the jeans and her panties from her ready and waiting body. It took far too long for his liking, but soon they were finally on the floor with all of his clothes. He slid back up her taut body, his hands greedily touching every bare inch of her that they could, making her desperately moan, "come here."
He dipped his head willingly, bringing their lips together once more. It had been months since he'd felt her lips against his, and as far as he was concerned, he'd never be able to get enough ever again. He'd never be able to get enough of any of her ever. They'd missed out on far too much for far too long, and he wasn't going to let that happen anymore.
In one swift move he rolled onto his back, pulling Elena on top of him without their lips breaking contact for even a single moment. Now that he had her against him like this, he wasn't letting her go anywhere. Her legs straddled his waist and he was physically aching to be inside of her. His fingers skillfully worked at undoing her bra, and soon her breasts were spilling out of their tight confines.
His hands gripped her hips as she sat up. She pushed her hair over her shoulders and slowly peeled the bra from her arms, leaving him to admire her breasts in all of their tanned glory. Her eyes were heavy with desire as she stared down at him, her teeth tearing at her bottom lip. Her hands pressed into his chest as she lifted her hips and then lowered herself onto him. She released a shuddering breath once she was comfortably situated and he moaned at the sensation of finally being inside of her once again.
For several, long moments, neither of them moved, content to revel in the moment as long as they could. Yes, it had only been a few months since he'd last shared a bed with her, but it had been years since they'd been connected on any level even close to this. They hadn't shared anything like this intimacy since before she'd lost the baby, and he hadn't realized until this moment how much he'd missed it all. It wasn't just the sex he'd missed. It was the feeling he had when he was so intimately connected with her, like they were physically one person. He'd never felt as in sync with anyone as he'd felt with her, and now he finally had that back.
In some ways it all felt like a dream, but it was real. It had to be real. He didn't think he'd be able to wake up and find out that none of this had happened, that they weren't them again, and he wasn't hers. He only wanted to belong to her.
"Hey," he said when he saw tears glistening in her eyes and realized she must be feeling the same, "I'm here," he assured her. "It's real." He sat up, his face inches from hers and said, "I'm right here."
"Promise me you won't leave," she whispered.
"I'll never leave you again."
She pressed her lips softly to his, and her breath was soft against his mouth as she began to rise and fall on top of him. It was slow and sensual, unlike any other experience they'd ever shared. He allowed her control over every movement and roll of her hips.
They could take it down a different road later. Right now, he just wanted to feel connected with her, and for her to want this as much as he did. She needed to know he was in it, all the way, no matter what. So, he spent the time focusing on her and bringing her to her pinnacle release as he drew closer and closer to his. As her neck fell back, leaving it bare to him, he took the opportunity to find that sensitive spot again, sucking gently at the skin between soothing kisses.
She moaned his name when his fingers squeezed her sensitive nipples, and her nails dug into the skin of his back. Her body began to shake and her breathing grew increasingly more ragged and he knew he had her close. His mouth moved up to her jawline and soon he found her lips again, where she invited him in with a gentle nip at his bottom lip. His tongue slid across hers as his hand moved down her stomach until he had his fingers between them. Her walls clenched tightly around him when his index finger pressed into the bundle of nerves at the apex of her thighs.
Her uneven breaths blew against his parted lips as she rode higher and higher toward her peak. "Oh god," she groaned, "I'm so close."
"Let go, baby. I'm here."
She clenched around him and cried out in ecstasy as she finally fell over that cliff into the abyss of the orgasm that rocketed through her body. Every part of her shook as she rocked against him while she rode out those waves of pleasure, and soon he was following her over. Her name fell from his lips with a throaty groan and his arms tightened around her, keeping her pressed as close to him as possible until his vision finally cleared enough for him to see her face hovering in front of his.
Her fingers slid gently over his damp forehead, pushing the stray hairs away that had fallen during their love making. Her eyes shone with love and more contentment than he'd seen in her gaze in longer than he could remember. And when she whispered, "I love you," he released the breath he hadn't even known he'd been holding.
"I love you too, more than anything."
Damon reached behind him and pulled down the covers on the bed so they could climb under, and huddle together for warmth. He wrapped her in his arms, holding her closely to him, his face pressed into her hair, inhaling its sweet scent with every breath he took.
"You know there's still something we haven't talked about," she mumbled beside him.
"I know," he whispered. He knew exactly what topic they'd avoided during their conversation.
"Was Katherine telling the truth? Do you really have an engagement ring in your nightstand?"
It would be easy to say he didn't, that he got rid of it a long time ago, but that would be a lie. There had been countless nights he'd thought about throwing it away, even gone so far as to drop it in his trash, but he could never go through with it. He always wound up digging it out and putting it right back in the drawer with her letter. He'd never allowed himself to think about why he couldn't get rid of the ring, but he hadn't.
"She was only partly wrong."
Elena turned in his arms so she could see his face when she asked, "So you got rid of it?"
"Hold on." Damon jumped out of bed and searched for his discarded jeans on the floor for a few moments before he spotted them at the foot of the bed. He reached into one of the pockets and pulled out the small piece of jewelry that had haunted him almost as much as her letter had for three years. Elena's eyes watched him in wonderment as he climbed back in bed and held it in front of her face.
"Oh my god," she gasped.
"I bought this after we had the initial miscarriage scare, when you agreed to move in with me. I had no idea when I'd propose or how I'd even get you to agree to it, but I had to have it. I haven't been able to get rid of it in over three years."
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" Her voice was choked with heavy emotion.
"I didn't know how. I guess I was just embarrassed to. I told you I hated you, but I couldn't get rid of this ring. I was a walking contradiction." He moved it around in his fingers, looking at the jewel he'd memorized long ago.
"I couldn't get a flight out of New York immediately after the wedding. So I decided I probably needed to go home and pack some things anyway. Then, at the last minute I grabbed this. I guess I wanted you to know I was serious when I came to you. When I found you in that hotel lobby, I knew I couldn't propose like that. I had to give you time and not try and mess this up anymore."
A few stray tears slid down her cheeks. "You still want to propose to me?"
"I want you to truly want to marry me as much as I want to marry you. Whether that's five months from now or five years, I don't care. This ring is yours, and it will always be yours." He grabbed her hand and turned it so her palm faced upward. With shaky fingers, he placed the ring in her hand. "So I'm going to give this to you and ask you to give it back to me when you're ready. I'll propose when you're absolutely sure you want me to."
"Okay," she whispered with a nod of her head. "I will."
"Good." He pulled her into his arms again and slid down until they were comfortably lying down in the bed.
They stayed like that for hours, breathing as one and simply living as one. It was everything he'd missed in the past three years. He'd known there was something inside of him that was lost, and now that he had her back, he didn't know how he'd convinced himself that it was ever anything or anyone other than her that he was missing. It all seemed so clear and simple now. She was who he needed in his life. She grounded him and gave him a purpose that no one else ever had. She had all of him for as long as she wanted him.
The room had been silent for so long, he was surprised when he heard Elena's quiet voice beside him. "Damon?" She turned her head to look and see if he was still awake.
"Yeah?"
She lifted the ring, and the diamond sparkled in the moonlight coming in through the windows. "I'm ready."
He sat up abruptly, wholly unprepared for her words. "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"
Elena sat up, pulling the sheet up around her chest and held the ring out to him. "We came on this trip to find out whether we could do this, not to just reconnect as a couple. This isn't just a getaway. It's making sure we want to be together forever. I want that," her voice caught on her words, "And I want that with you. You're right that I shouldn't care what people think, because it's not about them. I don't want to just be your girlfriend or to be with you for a few more years. I want to be with you forever, through the good and the bad. So I'm ready for you to ask me. I know it's quick, but this was never about finding out if we still loved each other, we knew that. It was about this – you and me, forever." She gently set the ring in his hand, much in the same way he'd done earlier. "Ask me."
His heart pounded loudly in his chest as he stared down at the ring and tried to convince himself that this was really happening. She wanted him to propose, right here, right now in the middle of some chain hotel in a no name city in the middle of nowhere. She was ready for everything he was ready for.
"I know we've never had a simple or ideal relationship," he started, looking at her. "We've stumbled through it all for four years, and sometimes I thought I'd never be able to look at you and not feel like you'd broken my heart. I thought it meant we weren't meant to be, and that we were best apart, but the truth is that all of the pain and anger came from the same place the good things did. It all came from the fact that we loved each other, sometimes more than we should for our own sanity, and sometimes not enough, but the love was always there. I've made a lot of mistakes and said even more things I shouldn't have. One thing I know now, it never should have taken me this long to ask this, but I'm asking it now. Marry me? I don't care when, and I don't care how. I just want you to be my wife. Will you?"
Even though he was proposing, knowing that she was going to say yes, he found that it was still equally as hard waiting for her to answer him. Her head was shaking long before she could ever breathe the words through her trembling lips.
"Yes, I'll marry you."