Itsy-Bitsy-Kidsy
Warning: possible OOCness, really bad lisping, that's about it. DISCLAIMER: I don't own One Piece.
The Heart Pirates had long since gotten used to the oddities that made up the Grand Line, but Trafalgar Law's crew still did the ye olde, proverbial 180 when they saw him sprinting down the street, clutching something into his chest like it meant his life. Shachi happened to be at the periscope when he saw his captain hurdling towards the ship at Mach Two, with Bepo rushing behind.
Several members decided to meet Law at the entrance to see what had made their normally laid-back leader so energetic, and so quickly, at that. They had five seconds of preparation before Law launched himself onto the submarine and skidded to a stop on his heels.
"Sencho, what's going on? What's that in your arms?" Shachi questioned as Law kicked the massive door in.
"Eustass Kid," he panted. "He's unconscious, so prepare an oxygen tank and find his ship!" Law ordered as he rushed the blue-tinted infant to the sick bay. Rather than pry for answers, his crew obeyed, and in minutes, Law was pressing an undersized, plastic mask to Kid's face.
"Captain, there's another port on the opposite side of the island. Should we search for them there?" a crewmate with a dark green cap asked.
"Yes…" Law answered as he pulled out a stethoscope. Kid had finally begun to respond, and was starting to squirm on the adult-sized surgical bed. Good, his pulse is strengthening. If he can still talk, I'll ask him what happened when he wakes up.
"Captain, how can you be sure that's Eustass Kid?" Bepo wondered aloud as his fuzz-topped friend checked the baby's eyes for a response.
"Name one other person in the world who has this red of hair, dark lipstick, and yellow eyes. Hell, you carried his coat back here, and it was with him. It's kind of obvious," Law reasoned as Kid came around.
"Hah~!" the redhead yawned cutely, like any normal baby. His eyes opened slowly, and rubbed them with his tiny fists, unaware that Law was wrapping him up in a blanket.
"Good to se that you're alive, Eustass-ya. How do you feel?" Kid froze.
"Fawga? Why awe yoo ah mah sip?" (Trafalgar? Why are you on my ship?) His vision soon cleared, Law's silhouette taking up most of the space. Kid was able to see his hands in front of his face, eyes widening in realization. Suddenly, an ear-splitting scream rang out, scaring half the crew shitless.
"So you do remember," Law smirked, feeling somewhat proud.
"How deh fuch cuwd I aw'te wemeba, yoo basawd!" (How the fuck could I not remember, you bastard!) Kid began to wiggle in his wrapping, panicking about the situation he had just entered. He had managed to flip onto his belly and crawl a few inches before Law scooped him into his arms.
"Get a grip, Eustass-ya. We're on our way to your nakama, so just try to tell me what happened," the normal-sized captain scolded as he held Kid tighter.
"Why shud I feew yoo amifing?" (Why should I tell you anything?) Chibi-Kid growled as deeply as he could manage.
"Because I just saved you from dying of asphyxiation," Law argued as he held the redhead up to eye-level. That got Kid.
"Fime. I mef Bonnee im a baw, wide oo figh hew bu' she go' de swip ow meh, may meh wike dis, an' weff meh dewe. Hapee?" (Fine. I met Bonney in a bar, tried to fight her but she got the slip on me, made me like this, and left me there. Happy?) Kid recalled reluctantly.
"Delighted. What time did you leave your ship?" the Heart captain continued the interrogation as he carried the little one outside.
"Fo owe fiv im deh mouwig… Oh shif! Kiwe's pwobawe fwippig ou' wigh mow! Wha 'ime is if?" (Four or five in the morning… Oh shit! Killer's probably flipping out right now! What time is it?) Kid's head snapped around, searching for a clock.
"Calm down. It's about seven in the morning, and we're already on our way to your crew. By the way, I think Bonney stole your weapons and that sash of yours. And the gold bracelets," Law pointed out, much to Kid's dismay. A voice suddenly came over the ship's intercom.
"The Kid Pirates are within sight." Unfortunately, the newly infant-ized captain realized something horrifically embarrassing.
"How am I supoosed oo face mah crew wike dis?" he cried, freaking out once again.
"That's not my problem, Chibi-Eustass-ya," Law stated, smirking a little.
"YOO BASAWD!"
After another hour of wearing a rut into the deck, Killer began to relax and sat down next to the figurehead, as he normally did. He was about to stop worrying altogether, when someone in the crow's nest screamed that they saw an incoming ship.
"Marines?" the first mate called back.
"No, it's not them. Wait a minute…" the voice trailed for a moment.
"Well, who is it?" Killer was slowly becoming anxious again, as well as annoyed.
"Holy shit! It's the Heart Pirates, and they're captain's on the deck with something in his arms!"
Killer could've wept in frustration; his captain had disappeared, and now these weirdoes had arrived! But, rather than cry, Killer prepared his scythes and began to bark orders to the rest of the crew. However, when the yellow sub was finally within range, something deep within the blonde told him not to attack.
Or maybe it was Law holding up his left hand up in the universal sign for peace—flip a coin. Soon, the North Blue pirate was signaling for Killer to come onto his ship, and he obliged.
"If something goes wrong, you know what to do," Killer instructed his blue-haired, zombie-like crewmate, Eddie, who nodded silently. Using his super agility, the masked man effortlessly jumped to Law's side in one try.
"Thank you for not attacking," the dark-eyed man stated as he slightly rocked the bundle of blankets in his right arm. Killer soon noticed that it was a baby, which just pissed him off further.
"Congrats on your kid and all, but if you came all the way here just to tell us, you're a jackass," Law noticed Kid tense up in frustration. He turned so the two nakama could face one another, and grinned smugly.
"Mowom! If's meh, dumbash!"(Moron! It's me, dumbass!) The redheaded baby shrieked angrily. Law's smirk stretched from ear to ear as he witnessed Killer's eyes pop out of his mask, then fall over. Fortunately, he stood up before Eddie could initiate an assault.
"Um, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?" the blonde screamed as loudly as frightened woman, hurting Kid's sensitive ears.
"Oi, foo wowd!" (Oi, too loud!) He scolded, pressing his miniature hands against his ears. Kid sensed the vibe that Killer couldn't understand him as easily as Law could, and tugged on his shirt.
"What?" the doctor asked, rather impatiently.
"Wanswafe fow Kiwe, he cam umdewsand meh," (Translate for Killer, he can't understand me) Kid demanded.
"Fine," he looked at the masked man. "Eustass-ya says you're femininely screeching too loudly." Killer blushed behind his mask.
"Sorry, but how did this happen?"
"Bonnee, dipshif." Law happily rendered that phrase. The South Blue pirate felt a vein throb as he asked for details. The doctor repeated Kid's short story, and Killer felt like facepalming.
"Wew, yoo cam give meh bach oo mah machama mow. Fanks fo evwefing, Waw." (Well, you can give me back to my nakama now. Thanks for everything, Law) Kid stated expectantly.
"He wants to go back with you now," Law explained as Killer carefully removed the redhead from his arms.
"Will you get Kid's things?" Bepo nodded and dashed inside, and the "Massacre Soldier" began to turn back.
"Wait, Killer-ya," the masked man stopped. " I'm not Eustass-ya's favorite person in the world, but I need to make a deal with you."
"Hm? What kind of deal?" Killer's attention was suddenly grabbed.
"It's obvious that your crew has no idea how to care for a child at Eustass-ya's age, and that I'm a doctor-"
"Where are you going with this?" the first mate's eyes narrowed slightly from behind his mask.
"Yea, wha awe yoo 'alking aobou?" (Yeah, what are you talking about?) Kid felt dread seep into system.
"Bonney's no where to be found-"
"You want to babysit Kid?" the South Blue captain's jaw dropped.
"Yes, and if you consider it logically, it's the only solution that benefit's his well being." Was Kid hearing that right?
"Well, I suppose you're right, but there will be terms of agreement," Killer struggled to keep hold of his trashing captain.
"After you explain the situation to the rest of your crew, return here," Law concluded. The blonde nodded his head, gripped Kid even tighter, and took off to his ship.
"YOO SOM OF A BIKCH!" Kid screeched at the top of his lungs upon landing. "HOW DE HEW CUWD YOO DO DAT TO MEH? I'M DEH CAPAM AN' YOO WIW WESPEK MAH AUFOROTAY!" (You son of a bitch! How the hell could you do that to me? I'm the captain and you will respect my authority!)
"How the hell can I respect a man who managed to get himself turned into a baby?" Killer growled. "Besides, he had a point; none of us here know how to care for you while you're n this state and-"
"I DUM GIVE A FWYIG FUCH!" (I don't give a flying fuck!) He continued to scream. "YOO-!"
"We have no idea how long you'll be like this, or where Jewelry is!" Killer snarled harshly, effectively shutting Kid up. That was when the first mate noticed the looks he was getting.
"Master Kid!" Eddie cried out in surprise. Quickly, Killer explained the situation at hand, which didn't really help at all.
"Look, it's the only real option we have, and it is not permanent. Just until we find the bitch, at least," he waited for any objections.
"Oi, wha abou' da suff she sole fum meh?" (Oi, what about the stuff she stole from me?) Kid piped up.
"Don't worry, Master Kid. We'll get it back when we find her," Eddie answered, barely consoling his captain. Killer stared at his blue-haired nakama.
"How the hell can you understand him so easily?" Eddie shrugged and Kid gave a cute baby smirk.
Hell, he was all around adorable!
"Well, if you're going to stay with Trafalgar until we find Jewelry, I think you might want your makeup," Killer stated.
"If's aw'te machup!" (It's not makeup!)
With everything sorted out with the Kid Pirates, the time had come for Law and Killer to set their terms about Kid's temporary residency.
"Befowe yoo ashholes 'alk abou' meh wike I'm aw'te hewe, le' meh ask wu' fig; why do yoo wam oo cawe fo' meh?" (Before you assholes talk about me like I'm not here, let me ask one thing; why do you want to care for me?) Kid inquired from the safety of Killer's lap. Jean Bart had brought two of Law's easy chairs out, in which, the two adult pirates were relaxing in.
"Mostly because you promised Luffy that you'd meet him in the New World, and he'd never drop the matter if he found out I let you stay a baby when I could help. For personal gain," Law clarified, casual as ever. Kid nodded his head, content with the answer given.
"Okay, first thing's first—do you have a Den Den Mushi?" Killer started.
"Of course."
"Good. As soon as we find Jewelry, we'll contact you. If something happens here, you can call us. We'll go out and search for her while you stick around here, assuming that's not an issue."
"It's not."
"Since raising a child is expensive, and I doubt you have the necessary supplies on hand already, we'll give you two million Beli now for any expenses, and another two million later for your services. Anything you need to get across?" Killer asked.
"One thing: when you find Bonney, what are you going to do with her?" Law seemed honestly concerned with the matter.
"No idea, but we're likely to ambush her and bring her back. We're going to cross that bridge when we reach it, I suppose," the Massacre Soldier replied as he stood up, as did the doctor. "This is all of Kid's creature comforts, please don't let him do anything stupid."
"I assure you, he will be well taken care of," Law said as he took Kid in his arms. Penguin took the small backpack filled with cash and the redhead's stuff and went inside.
"Trafalgar," Killer warned, his voice suddenly lethal. "If any harm whatsoever comes to my captain while you're watching him, I won't give you the chance to regret it. Our entire crew is trusting you to protect Kid, and you'd better not break it."
"I swear on my life, no harm will come to him." Law had just made the deal of a lifetime.
"Oi, Kiwe," Kid finally spoke up. "Siss whe have yoo be' mah mofew?" Killer's head cocked to the side, ever so slightly.
"He says, 'Since when have you been my mother?'" For the umpteenth time that day, the blonde felt a vein throb on his forehead. He sighed.
"Just stay out of trouble, okay? I plan on having a fully-grown captain when I'm in the New World."
And with that, Killer back flipped onto his ship, and Law carried Kid inside, wondering what color of onesie would look good on him.
Yeah, Kid was so screwed.
Sorry if I'm wrong about Killer being the first mate. In the next chapter, it's going to get even better, I swear.
You now that sense of pride and self-satisfaction you get when you see that your story has received more reviews? I happen to enjoy it, so PLEASE REVIEW! (I've got nothing else to live for...)