Itsy-Bitsy-Kidsy
WARNING! Chapter contains: Minimal OOCness, maybe a few too many author notes, and plenty of baby Kid cuteness. DISCLAIMER: I don't own One Piece! I only do this shit for the reviews!
AHAHAHAHA! I had a few of you going with the threat of killing Law off. Don't worry, I would never do such a thing (it would throw the whole damn story off)! I just wanted to see who was paying attention. Also, I think I can update once a week, but school's starting again soon. Just got my Tdap and HPV shots. Hurt like hell for days!
Now, special thanks to Yuri17, sarani sayonara, trunksfan002, Me, Vampire Revan, Ebony-Ivory-and-Rachelle, and a random Law Fangirl for reviewing. It warms my heart so! ON WITH THE FICTION!
Killer was in that mood again. He was in that mood because nothing was going his way, and it just so happened for him to be on his monthly when he surrendered Kid to Law. Yes, it had only been a few hours since he sold his captain, but Jewelry Bonney had completely disappeared, gone without a trace. The "Massacre Soldier" feared that she had escaped to the New World already, and traveling there without Kid, no matter what body he may be in, was out of the question.
Therefore, the excess stress was causing Killer to act as a PMSing woman would, and the rest of the crew was not yet used to it. Well, they weren't used to it because the blonde was doing a damn good job of hiding his new, hopefully temporary, personality trait, and occupied himself by creating capture, tailing, and attack strategies. When he eventually left his room at least a week later, all hell broke loose, but since we're not that far into this story, we'll just leave Killer alone for now. Unlike his foolish crewmates, who came by his dead bolted every 20 minutes to see if something was wrong…
Kid thought that baby-clothing stores were just aisles and aisles of regular clothing, only shrunk down to infant size. Boy, was he wrong! Upon entering the fairly small facility, Kid sweatdropped at the sight of cute animal-, baby supplies-, and flower-prints on everything; only stuff for toddlers looked remotely normal. Large, lavender signs hung from the ceiling over different areas, and had the age groups on them in white. Law instantly gravitated to the "Eight Months—One Year" group of tables and racks, striking fear deep into Kid's soul.
"These ought to work," the doctor stated as he stepped over to a counter covered in folded sleepers. He put the redhead down on a clear spot and sifted through a pile of plain blue ones, not interested in any of them. After several boring, silent minutes, Kid laid down and flipped over, belly crawling through a canyon of soft, colorful fabric until he stumbled across something of interest.
"Oi, Fawga, wha bou' dis?" (Oi, Trafalgar, what about this?) He asked, holding up a simple, grey sleeper with no feet or hood. Translation: not super embarrassing! Law shrugged and was answer, when a woman with hair colored similarly to the outfit in Kid's hands came up to them. She seemed kind; the kind of older lady who could walk up to anyone, give him or her a hug and be called "Granma," and it would feel right. Which was good, given what she was going to do in a matter of moments.
"Need some help shopping for your little one, Sweetheart?" She approached him in a calm manner, not raising any alarms. The nametag on her pink shirt said Ruth in curly letters, which the doctor read in a flash.
"Actually, yes. I'm looking for something that will fit him, but have no idea on what will look good on him. Will you give me a hand?" Law sounded like a confused father- NO! Older brother! (A/N: Jeez, Kid! Sorry if that grossed you out, but it's what he sounded like!) Ruth answered with a nod and a warm smile, and scooped Kid off the table, much to his surprise.
"Hmm…" she held him out in front, hands under his armpits. The redhead squirmed, but her grip was too strong, unwavering but not painfully tight. "He's fussy, for one, so something with a zipper in the back… Go for lighter colors, blues, greens, maybe even pink. We have plenty of baby pants and shirts; socks and booties are necessities. Try this," Ruth had Kid in one arm as she pulled a baby blue one from a nearby pile. It had a panda theme; paw designs on the feet and mittens, a white belly, and a zipper in the back, making it a virtual straight jacket.
"Perfect," Law took both the pajamas and baby in his arms, smiling at the future humiliation he was about to bring upon his rival. She also gave him a dark pink one with a matching hat, and a plain, cream-colored one. All of them had the grip feet, in case Kid wanted to walk—or at least try. "Where are the day clothes?"
"Right this way, Sweetheart," Ruth lead him to another section of the age group. Infant-sized sweaters and coats lined small racks; cotton pants and T-shirts came in premade outfits. Kid wondered how Law was going to carry it all, then noticed that Bepo and Penguin had stayed outside the store. Just imagining how awkward it must've been for the Heart Pirate crew to shop for baby supplies made the redhead laugh aloud. It came out as an adorable baby giggle, and both Law and Ruth found it irresistible. "Quite a happy baby… He's not yours."
It wasn't a question.
"You're right, he's not mine. I'm taking care of him while his parents are away, and he needs new clothes." Ruth seemed to buy it, and was delighted to share every bit of advice she had on children, all while picking out garments for Kid. Half an hour later, Law had spent a good chunk o' change on (this is the exact list, people!) two pairs of booties, twelve pairs of socks, five pairs of pants, ten shirts, long and short sleeved, three sleepers, a hat (separate), and a pullover coat. Not to mention the extra "goodies" the doctor had bought while Kid wasn't looking.
"Captain!" Bepo was shocked to see the sheer amount of bags Law was attempting to carry in one arm. Before you could say "Shopaholic," the jumpsuit-clad crewmates were lugging sacks of Kid's new clothing, and they were strolling down the grassy street at a steady pace. However, the tourists and locals alike took an interest in the baby redhead, either double taking or pointing as subtly as they cared. In one instance, a pack of teenage girls with their boyfriends stopped dead in their tracks, eyes turned to hearts, cooing and mewling at the sight of Law with Kid clinging to his chest. Normally, Kid would've ignored the overly maternal group of females, maybe shot a death glare, but it wasn't a frequent occurrence.
Law stopping to grin at the skimpily dressed teenagers and giving a small wave didn't help, nor did the former's hands' pressed against Kid's ass and back. When the howls and cries of "HE'S SO FREAKING HAWT!" and "TOO DAMN CUTE!" increased in volume, the redhead attempted an extremely defiant stare. It made them shriek even louder, if that was possible, so Kid was left with only one option—blushing like a virgin and hiding his face in Law's hoodie.
Only the super jealous boyfriends stood between Kid and his immanent abduction.
"Cam we pwease ge' ou' of hewe? 'Ow?" (Can we please get out of here? Now?) He muttered, sarcasm surprisingly mild. The doctor sighed, gave a weak salute to his fangirls, causing them to fight against their men even harder, much to the males' disdain, and started walking again. This time, he sped up when people began to lean over and whisper, but only enough to start ringing their "Fuck, He's On To Us" bells. Kid thought that the nonchalant faces they tried to pull out of their asses were rather humorous, making him giggle from time to time.
"We're nearing the ship. We'll be there in less than three minutes, Eustass-ya," Law informed the perpetually bored captain-turned-baby. A dramatic sigh was the only answer he got, really nothing less than what he expected. Three minutes passed by like three minutes would in any situation, and the sub was nestled in a small cove when it came into sight. The Surgeon of Death suddenly busted into a full-throttle sprint, then leapt into the air.
"WHAAAA~!" Kid cried out in fear as they arced onto the deck, Law's heels clacking as he landed rather gracefully. Smirking, the tattooed male lifted the shaking redhead up, his eyes wide with fright.
"I hope I didn't scare you, Eustass-ya. The last thing we need is for you to go into cardiac arrest on your first day with us." Law mocked him as a few members of the crew came out to see the source of the horrible noise. "Was it really that terrifying?"
"Shadap! If feews weiwd fwom dis angwe, das aw!" (Shut-up! It feels weird from this angle, that's all!) Kid angrily squealed. At that moment, Penguin and Bepo materialized behind them, panting slightly from the unexpected burst of energy. Shachi was in the small welcome group and instantly gravitated to his long-time partner in perversion and friend, Penguin. He gasped aloud when he was informed of the day's earlier occurrences.
"I'm so jealous," he whispered as Law strode inside. "That Eustass fellow is a babe magnet… Well, Sencho is by himself, but not like that." Too bad their beloved captain was straight as a circle and Kid's reverted infancy was, hopefully, not permanent. Honestly, they all had a feeling, but didn't give a shit; aside from Bepo, who just believed that Law still thought girls were icky. Yeah, the bear was a little slow when it came to the concepts of "puberty" and "hormonal changes." Or how Law lacked them.
Eh, it was for the best he didn't know. For the time being.
The Heart captain was pleased to see that his subordinates had followed the list he'd made exactly. In the kitchen, a simple, plastic highchair had been assembled, and a large wire basket had been filled with baby bottles, spoons, plates, etc., sat on the table. Canisters of powdered formula and foods safe for infants, as well as soon-to-be-mashed produce, were spread across a kitchen counter, making Kid hungry again.
"Excellent. We should have enough food for the next week and a half," Law pointed out as they glided into the entertainment room. A large screen covered one wall while beanbag chairs, recliners, and cushions of all kinds covered the floor. It was fairly dark, but Kid could just make out what looked like a rising stage. He wondered what it was for, and came up with a few dirty fantasies, but they sped out of the room before he saw anything else.
"Whaevew hap'ims, Fawga, I wefuse oo shawe a bed wif yoo. I dum cawe if yoo wam oo, I wiw absowu'wee ma!" (Whatever happens, Trafalgar, I refuse to share a bed with you. I don't care if you want to, I will absolutely not!) The redhead ordered as they approached their divided quarters. Law was a little depressed by the statement, but answered in his expected tone.
"No need to worry, Eustass-ya. I had my crew purchase you a bed of your own." The way he said it made Kid feel like a spoiled brat. Upon entry, Penguin and Bepo deposited their luggage next to Law's bed and dashed out as quickly as they could, knowing they would only make it awkward if they stayed. Which was a smart move, considering what was waiting for them in the Surgeon of Death's bedroom.
A changing table resided beneath a window, fully stocked with diapers, wipes, blankets—you know what? FORGET THE LIST. You people should know what goes on a baby changer! Anyway, along with the table, what can only be described as "an undersized crib" was set up on legs and secured just feet away from Law's bed. There was plenty of room for Kid while still being compact enough for the room, and was already padded comfortably. Inside were the redhead's goggles, a stuffed bear, and a few small toys.
"They followed my instructions perfectly," the grey-eyed man observed as he placed Kid inside his new bed. He then dumped most of the clothing bags onto his own bed and folded the miniature garments into neat, little shapes.
"Wha da fuch is da'?" (What the fuck is that?) The hotheaded baby shrieked and pointed at something on the bottom shelf of the changer. Law, who was putting the clothes away in an unused drawer, walked over and pulled the item out.
"It's a sling," he stated as he stretched it out to its full size. The fact that Law had the nerve to get such a ridiculous device annoyed Kid to no end, but the baby-rattle pattern on it was the icing on the embarrassment cake. The doctor put it back and returned to the task at hand, easily tuning Kid's infuriated rant about honor and deception out. Soon, a very pissed Eustass Kid settled down and began to suck on his fingers.
"Why am I do'ig dis?" (Why am I doing this?) He inquired as Law cut the tag off of the beige sleeper.
"You're probably hungry. That, and you will have strong infantile urges—wanting to be cuddled, becoming irritated when you're tired—stuff that all babies do."
"How do yoo 'ow da fow shuwe?" Kid was suddenly skeptical, giving the doctor a narrow-eyed stare.
"I've seen Bonney's handiwork before; Marines turned to toddlers, simultaneously snotting themselves and screaming curses. In fact, your willpower and pride are the only things keeping you from crying at me for food," Law elaborated as he lifted Kid from his crib. He didn't struggle until he saw what the Surgeon of Death had planned for him: the tan pajamas.
"Wai'! Wha bou' dose panss yoo bough? Is onwy, wike, fow o'cwock!" (Wait! What about those pants you bought? It's only, like four o'clock!) Kid kicked and writhed as soon as he was laid down on the changing mat, not going down without a fight. His battle was short-lived, since Law overpowered him with just one hand and soon wrestled him into the least humiliating sleepwear. At first, the enraged redhead tried to undo the zipper, but it was too small and went too high up the nape of his neck for him to grasp it.
He settled for scowling and crossing his arms.
"Is it so bad that you've resorted to pouting, Eustass-ya?" the North Blue native chided playfully.
"I'm aw'te pou'ig! Shadap!" (I'm not pouting! Shut-up!) Law chuckled and scooped Kid up into his arm, grinning like an idiot, in Kid's humble opinion. As they exited the bedroom and travelled to the kitchen/dinning room, the chibi captain continued to bitch about everything going on at that moment. It was really quite funny to hear him complain with his severe lisping. He shut up as soon as Law strapped him into his chair, but not without even more complaining.
"In the mood for anything particular, Eustass-ya?" the capped man inquired as he carried the basket of supplies into the kitchen.
"Sumfig wif mowe fwavow da' eawiew. I'w tach amyfig da' ace good." (Something with more flavor than earlier. I'll take anything that tastes good.) Kid concluded while Law prepared formula. He instructed his cook to make one meal now, and puree a quarter of the fruit for later use; he himself would handle any meats or dairy. While the doctor made Kid's liquid lunch, the redhead chose to occupy himself by studying the highchair he resided in. It was simple, white plastic with a rather comfy seat cushion, a large, removable tray, a footrest, and a seatbelt.
Not really different from that cage Trafalgar calls a bed… Oh, whatever entity I have offended to deserve this, fuck you. Not a single being in this world is fit for such an unjust punishment! Was Kid exaggerating? Duh. Yes, the bars on his crib were very close together, but the sides were low enough to allow Law to pick Kid up without moving them. Then again, he hadn't been given the chance to fully test his legs; crawling had mostly been the work of his forearms and hips.
"Mealtime." Kid was pulled out of his self-pity by his temporary daddy—SICK BITCH!—plopping a plastic kiddy plate of food on the tray in front of him. On it were two types of mash and plain rice, and in the cup holder, a bottle of formula. He was about to start eating when that asshole Law grabbed the spoon, YET AFRIGGINGAIN. "Here." It materialized right in front of his mouth and entered when he attempted a protest. With no other option, he swallowed.
Turned out, that burnt-orange, runny paste wasn't half bad… It was sweet potatoes, after all.
"Dam yoo!" the redhead squeaked after two more mouthfuls. Law shrugged, face in hand, legs crossed, and acting as though it was an all-around normal occurrence. He knew Kid was willing to eat, but his pride forbade him from being spoon fed unless it was forced.
Was it wrong that Law enjoyed it? Fuck, he was cuter than anything the dark-haired Supernova had seen since Bepo was a cub! (A/N: Imagine this situation as best you can and try not to squeal!) By the time the plate was finished, Law had eased up and was substantially gentler with the utensil, but it was time for the bottle.
"I cam feed mah sewf." (I can feed myself.) Kid declared when the doctor approached him with the baby formula. Law decided to humor him, helping him by holding the bottom of it. However, the bottle was full, and Kid lacked the finger strength, ultimately leading it to slip from his grasp. Law sighed and put the clear, plastic tube on the metal table, quickly undoing the straps on Kid's chest and hoisting him into a reclined position in his arm and lap.
"Don't fret, Eustass-ya. Most infants can't hold dense or heavy objects until they're toddlers. You're only nine months," the Heart captain explained as he slipped the rubber nipple between Kid's lips. The redhead begged to differ, forcing the artificial teat out of his mouth and trying to speak.
"I'm aw'te weach, amd yoo sai' I was 'em momfs! Ge' yow fuch'ig sowwy swaigh!" (I'm not weak, and you said I was ten months! Get your fucking story straight!) Kid, erm, 'barked' before he pulled the bottle back to his face.
"My apologies, Eustass-ya. My initial calculation may have been off, because you are rather small." Kid rolled his eyes and continued to drink until he was totally full, sucking it down in record time. Just like with the mush, the creamy-white solution was tasty, but had the annoying side effect of making him drowsy, and his stomach was bothering him. "Is something wrong? You appear to be in pain, Eustass-ya." It must've shown on his face.
"Mah somach feews weiwd." (My stomach feels weird.) Kid pressed his belly for emphasis; it felt like it was in knots.
"You ate too fast and you need to release gas. No muscle control, remember?" Law carefully laid Kid on his shoulder, supporting him with one hand. "Please refrain from vomiting on me, just this once." He lightly thumped the chibi psychopath's upper back, making him burp and feel much better.
"Fanchs, Waw," Kid mumbled and fell asleep, unconcerned by Law's sudden movement.
He called me by my first name. And he appreciated my help… The usually lax Surgeon of Death was uptight and blushing harder than Kid's hair. Even though it was a lisp and probably a fluke, it still meant something to Law. Never before had Kid said his name in such a manner—not sarcastic or taunting, but happy. Before he could do something stupid, Law carried the little one back to bed, worried over another matter altogether.
What's going to come over the next few days? Do we really know anything for sure?
Wow, that is the longest I've ever dragged one day's worth of time out. Three frickin' chapters! Yes, more women and such, but it makes the most sense to me. I've got lots of great ideas for this fic that will be used, and I always want to know what you think. Yes, I had Kid read this chapter and he was yelling at me for using all the parental references. He knows what's to come...
"Pwease weview so dis cwazee bich dosem do amyfing supid wa'er!" (Please review so this crazy bitch doesn't do anything stupid later!) Kid pleaded with the readers.