"So I spoke to England's boss" Canada listened to his brothers voice over the phone. His glanced around the hotel room he was in; he couldn't wait for the World Conference meetings to be over so that he could go back to his cosy home in Canada and forget about all the insanity that his twin brother brought with him.

"Yeah?" Canada muttered. "How did that go for you?"

"Great!" America said, cheerfully. "It turns out that Russia didn't find and kill him. His boss said; "He told me that he's going to be teaching at some school for the rest of the year. And do you know what that means?"

"What?"

"HOGWARTS!" Canada held the phone away from his ear, wincing at the loud volume.

"Hogwarts?" his brow furrowed. "You mean that magic school that England took us to when we were kids?"

"Yuuuuuup!" America said. "Whenever he goes to 'teach' at 'some school' its always Hogwarts. This is just brilliant - I still have a few howlers left from that batch France got me for my birthday!"

Canada's eyes widened. "You can't send England a howler!" he cried. "He'll kill you!"

"Not if Russia kills him first" America replied. "Which is why I really need to get in contact with him - to tell him about the upcoming war."

"There is no upcoming war!" Canada cried.

America 'tsked' on the phone. "Still in denial? I'm ashamed of you Mattie."

"But there isn't -"

"Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that incase you were wondering. Also, do you have a message you want to pass along to England?"

"No" Canada said, exasperation creeping through him. "I don't. But Alfred -"

The phone was promptly hung up.

...

"I'm sorry" Snape gritted his teeth as Kirkland's annoying voice filled his ears. "Why did you say Dumbledore asked you to take me off school grounds?"

"To collect potion supplies for the school" Snape replied, trying to keep his cool.

"...So why exactly do I, the History of Magic Professor, need to come along?" Kirkland asked, in that annoying know-it-all voice of his that reminded Snape of Hermione Granger every time he heard it. It was enough to make him want to throttle the man.

"Because" Snape gritted out. "You are an idiot who knows nothing about anything that matters in the world."

Kirkland stared at him.

"...So" the younger (at least in Snape's mind) professor said, after a moment. "Potion supplies, huh?"

"Yes" Snape stared at him, coldly.

"Well then..." Kirkland glanced up at him. "Let's go visit Voldemort then."

Snape's eyes flew open and his mind went momentarily blank, most of his perfect composure vanishing.

'That's impossible!' Snape thought. 'How on Earth could he know?!'

Kirkland reached out to grasp his arm; and then, next thing he knew, the two of them had left the previous position and were apparating to...to...

...to the Dark Lords lair.

What little amount of his former composure he had left went flying out the window.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW OF THIS PLACE?!" Snape howled. "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW THE LOCATION OF THE DARK LORDS LAIR? EVEN I DO NOT KNOW IT!"

"Are you going to take me to him or not?" Kirkland asked, sounding bored.

"THERE IS NO EXPLANATION FOR THIS!" Snape howled.

"Severus!" called out a familar voice; Snape stopped screaming, his eyes growing wide with alarm. Oh Sweet Merlin, that was the Dark Lord. Snape glanced with panic between Kirkland and the direction of where the voice had come from. What was he supposed to do?

Kirkland seemed to have made the decision for him; without even glancing in his direction, the other man began walking towards the voice. Snape quickly caught up with him.

"I don't know how you know of this place" he snarled. "You aren't a Death Eater...even if you were, you wouldn't be able to apparate here without the use of a Dark Mark. The Dark Lord would never tell the location of this place to anyone..."

"I'm not an idiot you know" Kirkland said, rolling his eyes. "Besides, Dumbledore told me."

Snape's eyes flew open. "What?" he demanded. "The location?" How on earth had the old man known?

"No" Kirkland replied. "That you were planning on bringing me here...don't look so alarmed though, I know you're a spy."

Snape's face flushed. "Don't say that here!" he snarled.

"As for the location..." Kirkland gazed at him thoughtfully and then smirked. Annoying git. "I thought it was common knowledge."

"SEVERUS!" The Dark Lord screamed. Oh Merlin...he was going to get crucio'd for sure...

The two Professors walked through a set of doors that led to the Dark Lord's chambers. Snape glanced at him, wondering how Kirkland could look so confident and calm in a situation like this.

Kirkland seemed to understand his look because soon after he said; "I deal with that annoying Yank and that perverted Frog on a daily basis. This is nothing."

Snape had no idea what that meant and he wasn't sure he wanted to know...not if Kirkland thought these people were worse than the Dark Lord.

The Dark Lord sat on his throne-like-chair, gazing down at the two with a blank face. A menacing look sparkled in his eyes, making Snape shudder.

"My Lord" he said, bowing. Beside him, Kirkland snorted, making Snape grit his teeth.

"And...I see you have brought me a guest" Voldemort leaned close, studying Kirkland with interest.

"Bloody hell" Kirkland muttered. "Not another bloody pervert."

Snape glanced at him with disbelief.

Voldemort leaned back in his chair. He turned his attention away from Kirkland and settled his gaze on Snape.

"Severus" he said, his voice cold. "You certainly took your time to get here, didn't you?"

"I am sorry, my Lord" Snape apologized. "Kirkland was...difficult."

Voldemort stared at him; then he pointed his wand at him. "Crucio" he said, calmly.

Snape screamed.

"My God" Kirkland murmured, shaking his head. "You certainly don't offer second chances, do you?"

Voldemort's cold red eyes snapped up towards him. He stared at him for a moment.

"Dumbledore values you" he noted. "He trusts you...and yet I find you to be completely annoying. So this will make me happy...and it will annoy the old fool. Perfect."

Snape pulled himself up just in time to hear Voldemort's cry of "Avada Kedavra!" and see that familiar green light hit Kirkland square on the chest.

And then the man who had been nearing the top of his people-to-hate-list since he had entered the school...toppled to the floor, dead.

...

AN:

So...England's dead.

But don't worry (and don't kill me xD) because he's England...and that makes him way better than Voldemort and his dumb killing curse xD

Hope this chapter was alright. Thanks to everyone who reviewed :D