Itsy-Bitsy-Kidsy

WARNING! Chapter contains: an assload of OOCness, medical inaccuracy, the usual shit. DISCLAIMER! One Piece is not mine.

OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY IT'S BEEN A YEAR I AM GOING TO CRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG I HAVE NO EXCUSE THIS IS THE FINAL BIT I GIVE UP.

THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO REVIEWED AND WAITED SO PATIENTLY WHILE I WAS A SUPREME DICKHEAD. YOU ALL DESERVE CANON OTPS.

NOW READ AND EXECUTE ME!

"What in the hell are you two doing?!"

Killer had awoken to Trafalgar Law sitting his now fully-grown captain's lap, kissing him passionately and rubbing his back. The blonde's angry voice snapped the two men back into reality. They had been caught swapping spit by Kid's super-protective nakama, and, though Law hadn't noticed it, Kid was pushing the back of his shirt up.

The phrase "Worst Case Scenario," pretty much summed everything up.

"Uh, well, we-" Law stammered uncharacteristically, frozen in embarrassment and shock. Killer was standing firmly, and was across the bed gap in one stride. His eyes flared with rage as he stared them both down with his strong arms folded across his partially-exposed chest. Kid, keeping his head, pulled his hands away and carefully removed Law from his legs. He stood up to his full height, not even shaking on his newly-resized appendages.

"Killer, calm down. You trusted him to watch over me, so what's the big deal of me being in a relationship with him?" the redhead questioned with a harsh glare. Killer hung his head and sighed.

"Fine… I just-!" Killer jerked his head up to meet Kid's eyes, but a shock of pain coursed through him, causing him to collapse. Kid caught him just in time, worry in his eyes.

"What happened?!" The South Blue captain hissed, suddenly defensive over his injured nakama. He felt guilty about not noticing the injury in the first place, but the thick, wild bangs kept everything from his nose up covered. Kid didn't wait for an answer before he laid Killer down on his bed, hovering over him fervently.

"Jewelry-ya kicked him in the head during her escape," Law began as he tried to put his leg over the bed. The older captain's nostrils flared in anger at the thought of the pink-haired bitch. Before Kid could explode, the tattooed man reacted, "Everyone has some explaining to do. It's been two weeks, and there have been more than a few complications. Once everything has calmed down, we can have a sit-down."

Kid sighed angrily, but didn't flip his shit. He did jump backwards when Law practically climbed over him to get to Killer, and didn't know whether to be aroused or revolted when he half-straddled the unconscious blond. "What are you doing…?"

"He shouldn't sleep with a concussion, mild or not. It was stupid of me to let him sleep earlier, but I had no choice," the raven-haired captain replied in a monotone, like it was completely normal occurrence. Kid completely recoiled at the sight of Law tapping Killer on the face, then slapping him so hard his head jolted to the side. The scarred man quickly woke up, miffed.

"The fuck was that for?!" he snarled, rubbing his reddened cheek. Kid still stood there, a little surprised and annoyed. Killer wasn't one to be babied (ha-ha), but he thought that he didn't deserve to be smacked into consciousness and find a grown man crushing his ribs. Which, of course, was handled in a mere second; with Kid around, he was already feeling better, allowing him to toss Law off like a blanket. Fortunately, Kid caught the skinny prick before he could fall onto the hard metal floor.

"You can't sleep with a head injury," Law said through his teeth. He was being held in Kid's right arm, allowing his leg to dangle.

"You were fine with it earlier!" the scarred Kid Pirate growled, annoyed with the hypocrisy.

"Well, I'm not now, so deal with it. Will you please put me down, Eustass-ya?" his last sentence was hinting sarcasm, but Kid ignored it and continued to hold his new partner. In fact, he clutched him tighter against his chest and out his legs in his other hand. Christ, he was pure muscle! Law was a smidgen embarrassed, having being held like this by another man for the second time and hearing the redhead's slow, almost precise breathing. Why did his face feel so hot all of a sudden…?

"No, I think I'll keep you like this. Killer, I'm gonna go talk to everyone; I suggest you come with me." The redhead grabbed his coat from the chair it resided on and began to walk out of the sick bay, his blond friend following him. Kid had long-since learned how to navigate the submarine, so it was easy for him to find his way to the top deck where most of both crews were anxiously waiting for their appearance. The tension from the rival crews melted away as the waterproof door creaked open.

"They're both conscious," Law declared as they stepped through the door, tempted to smack Kid into putting him down. Waves of relief crashed over Eddie and Bat-chan as they saw their superiors back to normal—for the most part, in Killer's case. The blond looked utterly exhausted without his mask on, just as he had for the excruciatingly long time he was ill. With a withering glare, he motioned to the Kid Pirate ship.

"See you all later. Kid, I expect this will remain strictly business," he emphasized the final word, much to the remaining crew's confusion. The redhead smirked and shook his head.

"You're the bastard that left me with him! Remember that!" Kid called after him. Smiling faintly, the fist that nailed him in the chin took him completely by surprise. The force was enough to make him release Law, who carefully landed on his good leg. "What the fuck was that for?!" the South Blue native growled, rubbing his smarting jaw angrily.

"I wanted down," Law answered like it was the most obvious reason for punching Kid, who grabbed his hoodie collar and pressed their foreheads together. The smaller man still smirked casually as the ginger glared at him. Both Eddie and Bat felt a potentially explosive situation in the making, but were too stunned to do anything about it. When they two captains began to French kiss and really enjoy it, they felt like slamming their heads into the railings.

"We'll be heading back now, Captain…" Bat-chan muttered, shuffling away, followed by Eddie.

"Fine, whatever," Kid broke the kiss long enough to speak. He eventually pulled Law back into his arms, but this time there was no protest. Yet again, they savored each other's flavors in what was, most likely, the second most intimate way possible. Fortunately for the new lovers, the metal deck of Law's ship had been vacated by all other crew members; nobody saw Kid trail a hand down Law's back and settle on his rear, squeezing gently. He had the most perfect ass.

"Mmmm," Law groaned, his mouth too preoccupied to form words. He too was groping, but with much more force. He wasn't one to give up and in easily; however, the massive cast he wore got in the way, making things much more difficult, too.

"Oh, I just remembered," Kid declared after finally taking a literal breather, "we still need to pay you." Law stared at him, confused. He had forgotten about that part of the deal—Killer had already given them the two million Beli, and promised another two million after Kid was back to normal.

"Ah, about that… I don't want the rest of the money," Law was being perfectly honest. He saw no need for it; the baby supplies he had purchased for Kid only cost about half of what he was given. As many headaches as Kid had given him, he enjoyed the redhead's stay. It gave him a chance to finally be a big brother!

"Are you sure? It was a part of the deal," Kid began, surprised by the refusal of payment.

"Yeah, it just doesn't seem right to take it," the grey-eyed captain shrugged. Was it just from staring at Kid's mane of hair, or was he starting to feel lightheaded…?

"Alright, whatever you want. Hey, are you okay?" Kid noticed that Law was going a little spacy and gave him a tiny shake. The smaller man rested his forehead on the very solid chest in front of him, blinking some of the blurriness away.

"Nngh…m'fine. Just shouldn't be on my feet to long with my wounds…" he muttered tiredly. Without hesitation, Kid swung Law back into his arms, making sure to keep his injured leg elevated. He had broken enough bones in his time to know that they needed elevation. Hell, he should've been in bed, preferably sleeping! "Thanks, Eustass-ya."

"No problem," Kid strode back inside the submarine, feeling Law's body heat seep into the bare skin on his chest.

"By the way," Law murmured, eyes closed, "what do you want to do with all the baby stuff?"

There was a pause and a snicker. Law could hear Kid grinning like a maniac.

"We're going to burn it. Duh."

Eddie really didn't want to go back to the Heart Pirate ship. It was a weird-ass place—so dark and cold and sharp-smelling. But, his captain needed him for some strange reason, and he wasn't one to disobey. The one with the stupid hat, Penguin, watched him from the top deck and motioned for him to jump up when he was close enough. He landed easily, but almost fell back at the sight he was greeted with. Kid lounged against the sleeping polar bear; Law nestled comfortably in his lap.

"You needed me, Master Kid?" he noticed the shattered baby crib and ripped-up clothes; the remains of stuffed animals were just almost a little cruel in his eyes. He completely ignored the scraps of strawberry-print fabric, really not wanting to know what they were once.

"Sorry to be petty, but I need you to torch this shit," Kid answered, motioning towards the pile of ruined infant necessities. Eddie shrugged, stepped back and opened his mouth to its added width. There was a faint hiss, and a jet of flame sprayed out onto the flammable mound. He closed his mouth before anything else caught.

"Anything else?" he didn't mind the pyromaniacs, but he wanted to go back to his own ship. Also, not see his ruthless, murdering captain cuddle with the enemy.

"Just that," the redhead pointed to the plastic highchair. "Need to blast it midair; don't want to melt and ruin Trafalgar's decks." Jean Bart gripped the lightweight stool in one hand and threw it up and over the side. With great reflexes, Eddie nailed it with a stream of heat, watching it melt as it fell to the sea.

"If that's it, I'm going back," Eddie declared, not even waiting for an answer. Immediately after he left, Shachi came out with marshmallows, chocolate, and sweet crackers. S'mores, what else? More crewmembers trickled out, but not all; some had more sweets and sticks to roast with, but all had alcohol of some kind.

"Excellent~" Law called out to nobody as the bag of squishy sugar was passed around. Being too lazy to sit up and roast it like a normal person, he equipped his Devil Fruit powers to help him out. "Room…" he engulfed the fire with a dome, "Shambles!" marshmallows suddenly appeared in the blaze. Kid couldn't help but laugh.

"Nice, Trafalgar. Real nice," he chuckled. The Heart captain rolled his eyes, broke the barrier, and began to smash a S'more together. The redhead snickered even more as the melted white candy smeared on his friend's face. Law blushed slightly, knowing what it had to look like; his face burned more when Kid licked some of the marshmallow off the side of his mouth. He heard some of his men laugh like schoolgirls, starting to get drunk once again.

"Hey, pass it around!" the injured captain barked at his subordinates. They obeyed, and the same liquor Kid had seen being packed away just a few days before head to them. Law grabbed the first one, taking an oversized swig and starting to giggle. "Second time in a month, I'll die young at this rate!"

"Don't mind if I do," Kid declared as he swiped the bottle and drank. Law pouted exaggeratedly, wanting Kid's attention more than anything. He was already starting to get a little tipsy, but he could still take more. "Want another?" the paler male inquired, a nail appearing out of nowhere in particular.

"Hell yeah," Law replied, shifting himself in a more snuggly position against Kid's side. He crossed his legs, the bad one resting on top to keep the blood flowing properly. Another puffy treat was speared and heated to perfection—slightly charred, but not ruined. It zipped back at the redhead, who held it still in the air; Law carefully grabbed it with two crackers with chocolate in between them. The nail itself was cool, but he didn't want to take any chances.

As the crewmates enjoyed themselves, Law sucked down even more booze. Sooner, rather than later, Kid had to confiscate his drink; it was their last night together for what was probably going to be a long time. He didn't want to spend it cleaning puke off himself and his new partner. It was sad—it took being turned into an infant and left with Law for him to realize how much he liked the man. Worse, it was their first date, and they were going to be separated, again.

"What's the matter, Kid?" Law asked, poking the larger man in the ribs.

"Hrm?" he looked down from the horizon he had been staring at. "Oh, nothing. Just thinking-" the raven cut him off with a quick, hard kiss.

"You should really do less of that," he teased, planting another on his cheek. "It could get you and many others hurt," he continued, playfully climbing Kid's broad chest as best he could with a leg made of lead.

"Yeah," the South Blue captain muttered as Law winded his arms around his neck and shoulders. More and more kisses were planted as Law settled in Kid's lap, those grey eyes becoming more and more seductive. He pressed against Kid's pale, muscular neck with his lips. "Whoa, easy there!" the redhead suddenly yelled; Law had begun to suck and chew at the spot, trying to leave a hickey. Law released the sore spot and chuckled in Kid's ear.

"Sensitive now, are we?" he mocked. Kid glared at him with little bite and squeezed him around the middle.

"Now's not the time for that…" his words had a bitter, longing tone to them. He really wanted to fuck Law into that soft, circular bed of his, but knew that it would be damn near impossible while he was laid up like that. Plus, it was still their first date—as frisky as Law was getting, Kid wasn't risking some drunken "You took advantage of me!" drama. The raven-haired man shrugged and rubbed against Kid, wiggling down in his lap.

They stayed like that for hours; laughing, talking, and drinking. Kid, despite his disdain for sweets, had some chocolate—licked and kissed from Law's face, of course. Faster than they realized, the sun began to set, and tipsy crewmembers began to wander back inside the submarine. Law was suddenly exhausted, and started to doze in Kid's arms, completely trusting of his muscular friend. As Kid watched the sky turn from pink-orange to dark blue, Shachi came outside with a bag filled with his belongings. He handed them to Kid without a word, intimidated by the rival Supernova.

"Thanks," he muttered as the Heart nakama strode back in, tense. Removing his signature lipstick and rolling it on with a practiced hand, Kid smiled at the darkening sky. It was slowly becoming the color of Law's beautiful hair, which he stroked gently with one hand. Unfortunately, it woke him up.

"Mmmrph…what time is it?" he mumbled, rubbing his bleary eyes.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. Hardly over an hour since you went out," Kid answered, rubbing Law's bony shoulder to warm him up. The air was starting to cool, but Law hardly noticed, having grown up in the North Blue. "I think it's about time to go in."

"Has everyone else left?" Law asked, wrapping his arms around Kid's midsection and squeezing playfully. His face was flushed from the alcohol, but he was far from the level of smashed he was at the other night.

"Everyone but the bear," the redhead pointed with his thumb to the furry, snoring lump. Law sighed, knowing that the fun was over.

"Bepo, time to get up," he called halfheartedly, and the bear shot right up, fully aware and in a defensive stance.

"Captain, what is it?" Bepo demanded, turning to his master. Kid chuckled aloud and Law smiled at his animal friend's dedication.

"Nothing, Bepo. It's just time to head inside," he waved towards the door. The anthropomorphic creature bowed and mumbled sorry, but sprinted inside with the speed of an animal much smaller than he. "Always enthusiastic…" Law smiled, warm-hearted. Bepo would always be cute in his eyes, never outgrowing that helpless little fur ball he took in years ago.

"Come on," Kid laughed, slinging Law into his arms bridal style for the second time that day. With the smaller man cuddling his new lover, they marched inside, heading straight for the captain's quarters. After stripping him down, the redhead lovingly laid the still tipsy Law down on his bed, making sure that his bad leg was elevated. With the sheets up to his chest, Law snuggled against Kid when he laid down next to him, making sure to remove his monstrous coat first.

Feeling strangely gentle, Kid planted light kisses on Law's face, starting at his forehead and traveling down to his cheeks. Faint traces of lipstick were left, but they barely stood out against Law's complexion. Cheeky as always, he nudged the larger man's inner thigh with his knee, grinning.

"You of all people should know we can't," Kid breathed. He gasped slightly when Law rubbed his groin, smirking expectantly. A vein in Kid's forehead protruded from his anger and mild arousal. "Stop that," he growled firmly, clutching Law's hand to his chest. It took an enormous amount of self-restraint to keep the redhead from completely devouring his bedmate.

"Awww, you're no fun!" Law pouted, sticking his lower lip out, melting the frown off of Kid's face. He sighed and held Law to his broad chest; wiry arms wrapped around his neck in response. Soft lips pressed against his collarbone, humming into his bone.

"Law…" Kid murmured, cradling the back of the other man's head, coming down to kiss his hairline. "Damn it…" his unoccupied hand clenched in frustration. Things were guaranteed to get worse from there—being wanted pirates never made real relationships possible.

"Don't get so upset; everything will be fine, I promise," Law consoled, knowing what Kid had been thinking about.

He sighed, "If you say so," untangling himself just enough to hold the smaller man and escape with minimal disturbance when finally fell asleep. Spooning was always the best way to sleep, in his opinion. "I'll always love you."

"I know. I love you, too."

In Killer's own not-so-humble opinion, Kid returned heavily drunk on something. Upon further inspection of his smeared lipstick, forming hickeys and satisfied grin, it was Law. Stewed to his eyeballs on medication for his head, he wasn't afraid to speak his mind, not that he ever was.

"You know I don't approve," he declared as Kid passed him by to head to his bedroom.

"I'm well aware of that," Kid noted, not worried at all while he instructed his crew to sail away. The blond sighed angrily as the heavy coat of his captain came to rest on his shoulders. The pair quietly filed below deck to Kid's lavish accommodations, Killer wanting to keep the rest of the conversation private.

"You're just going to leave him? After all that? He was shot by a Celestial Dragon, for fuck's sake!" he hissed, shrugging the beast of a jacket to the floor. "Things are going to get worse from here on out, and I know you know that."

"I thought you didn't care what happened to him," Kid smirked when he felt Killer's intense glare attempt to bore a few holes in his own egoistical head. He plopped down on the satiny, out-of-place couch and propped his booted feet up on the equally alien coffee table, sack of belongings spilling out next to him. Furniture so elegant didn't belong on a ship of men at their levels of sanity and ruthlessness.

"Him? No. You? Yes. He's likely to have an even higher bounty because of this insane shit that happened while you were with him!" Killer was near hysterics. "They'll find out that you like him and they'll use it against you!"

Kid stood up, frowning, and held his shaking first mate by his shoulders and met his gorgeous eyes. "Our bounties are bound to skyrocket after the incident at the Human Auction House. What happened the other day will barely affect his at all. Besides, that's not what's upsetting you," he articulated carefully as Killer's lip trembled slightly.

"I jus' don' wan' anytin' t' happe' t' ya cos a 'im!" the scarred man sobbed, all composure lost as the medicines made him vulnerable to his own emotions. Kid gave a pitying smile and ruffled Killer's hair as he rubbed his eyes childishly. Leave to the one man he'd known since he was knee-high to a grasshopper to worry about him.

"I'll be okay, you don't have to worry. We've made it this far, nothing's gonna stop us now," he muttered as he scooped up his coat and draped it over his friend, who pulled it close. "Get to bed, Killer. You need the rest," he ordered gently, placing a small kiss on the bang-smothered forehead. Killer sniffed and nodded, shuffling off to his own quarters. Brushing the stray hair away from his face, Kid meandered back to his own bedroom.

He really had no idea how much he missed that creaky four-poster until he sprawled out on it, tensing and relaxing his muscles with his eyes closed. The last few weeks had been the strangest of his life, beating the time he found out he had Devil Fruit powers of his own by a landslide. Honestly, despite the humiliation and frustration he had experienced, he would never take it back because of Law.

"But next time, we'll meet on better terms…" Kid promised himself, tucking a hand behind his pillow as he felt the ship rock, setting sail to who knows where.

YES THAT WAS A BAD ENDING I DON'T CARE I GIVE UP IT WAS ALL JUST BAD.

I'M NOT GOING TO ASK FOR REVIEWS BECAUSE I DON'T DESERVE THEM.

I AM JUST GLAD TO FINISH THIS PIECE OF CRAP AND I'M SORRY IF I EVER LET YOU DOWN.