"Ahh America" America jumped as the sound of a familiar voice met is ears. "This will be enjoyable, da?"
"Russia" America gritted out. "No it won't be. The only reason I'm coming along is to stop you from killing England."
"Yes" Russia nodded, smiling pleasantly. His pipe was slung over his shoulder. "But you want answers too, da?"
"Yeah, whatever" America scowled at his enemy. "Let's just get going, okay?"
Russia glanced at America curiously. "Why did you ask me to meet you here?"
"Because" America replied. "It's where I keep my plane, duh!"
Russia stared at him for a long moment. "...We will not be going to the airport?" he asked at last.
America let out a loud, barking laugh. "Are you kidding me?!" he snorted. "Why would I want to sit in one of those cramped, uncomfortable little planes, having people kick my seat and snore in my ear? Besides, its not like we'd ever get a seat in such short notice, especially with the Christmas rush and all."
Russia stared at him. "...You will be flying us to England?"
America nodded. "Yeah, I said that, didn't I?"
More staring. "...Where is the bathroom?"
"The...bathroom?" America stared at him, not quite sure how to answer such a...normal question coming out of Russia's mouth. Finally he pointed in the general direction of it.
"It's over that way" he replied. Russia nodded and walked off, dragging his pipe along with him. America watched as he disappeared into the distance, his shoulders slumping when the other nation was out of sight.
This was going to suck.
...
This was going to suck.
America was pretty sure he had mentioned this before but, even if he had, it didn't matter. It just showed how extremely suck-y this was going to be.
'At least it'll give me a chance to take my baby out for a quick ride' he thought, smiling fondly at his plane. 'Haven't done that in a while.'
"America?"
"What?" he stopped smiling and glared viciously in Russia's direction. The larger man smiled at him, a curious look in his eyes.
"Are you crazy?"
"What?" America stared at him in confusion. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"
"You are smiling at nothing."
America scoffed. "Oh like you're one to talk!" he snapped. "And anyway, I wasn't smiling at nothing. I was smiling at my baby." He patted the plane fondly.
"...I wasn't aware that you are children" Russia stated. "Will they be willing to become one with Russia?"
"Oh for godsake, I was talking about my plane!" America snapped. "You can't really be that dense. I mean -"
And then he really saw the plane,
He screamed.
...
Ten minutes later he was still screaming.
Russia stood to the side, patiently waiting for him to finish. When it didn't look like the other nation would be done anytime soon, he lifted his pipe and brought it down on the Americans head.
"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" howled America. "YOU - YOU- what the hell was that for?!"
Russia shrugged. "You would not stop."
"You destroyed my baby!" howled America.
"...Do you mean your plane?" Russia lifted one eyebrow. "You should really refer to it by it's given name. That way, people would not get the wrong idea."
"I don't give a fuck!" spat America. "You still destroyed her!"
"...Her?"
"Oh shut up!" America's face was quickly turning red. "You commie-bastard -"
"Calm down" Russia sighed. "I only took the wheels off."
"Yeah, and the way you did it, they're probably never going to go back on!" America let out another frustrated howl. "Why the fuck would you do something like that?!"
"I will not sit in a plane that you are flying" Russia stated, calmly. "I am much too young to die...again."
"You asshole, I'm an excellent pilot!" snarled America. "I've been flying for years. You...oh for fucks sake, I should have never agreed to come with you!"
"Shall we make our way to the airport, then?" Russia questioned. America's face turned red.
"No!" he snapped. "We might as well just go home now. You think we'll be able to get a flight in this short notice? It's nearly Christmas, for fucks sake!"
"We will get a flight" Russia replied, calmly.
America let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah right."
...
Hours later they were sitting on a flight, waiting impatiently to reach England.
"I hate you, you know that?" America muttered, scowling in Russia's direction. Russia smiled back with his usual creepy-pleasant expression.
It had taken them quite a bit of time, along with a few threats (some directed at them), cries of "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!" along with a few pleas with his boss. In the end they had finally managed to get themselves boarded onto a plane and now could only sit, waiting for the hell to begin.
Well America was anyway...Russia seemed to be looking forward to it.
"Someones kicking my seat" America stated, dully.
"Da" Russia nodded. "You mentioned that."
"...Someone's snoring in my ear."
"Da...that too."
America sighed and slumped back in his seat, closing his eyes. "I should be a psychic" America mumbled. "I said all this would happen, didn't I?"
"Da."
A small giggle caught both of their attention. The two Nations turned their heads to glance at a girl sitting beside Russia; she looked embarrassed when she realized that she had caught their attention.
"Sorry" she mumbled, her face red. She hesitated, before adding quickly; "You two make a cute couple, by the way."
There was a moment of silence.
"Da" Russia said, nodding his head.
"What - NO!" America's eyes widened. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean? We aren't a couple!"
The girl looked even more embarrassed than before. "I'm sorry" she stuttered, her face red. "It's just...he kept, uh, smiling at you and -"
"- He smiles at everyone!" America wailed. "It's what all commie-freaks like him do!"
"Yeah, uh..." the girl kept glancing between them, her eyes wide. "I mean, I just assumed...god I'm sorry..."
"You should be! I mean, I'd rather kiss Iggy than this commie-bastard, and that's practically incest -"
" - He is in denial" Russia told the girl, softly. The girl, who looked like she wanted to die on the spot, turned away and stared at the window with wide eyes. She didn't look at them again for the rest of the plane ride.
...
"...Never again" America cursed, as he and Russia left the English airport. "I will never ever travel on a plane with anyone let alone you ever again for as long as I live!"
"...Americans are quite strange, da?" Russia waved to his right. America looked up to see the girl from the plane staring at them with wide eyes. She turned red and hurried off in the other direction.
"Stop acting like a creep!" he snapped. "...Also I don't know how the hell you managed to get that pipe out of there..."
"I hid it" replied the Russian. America stared at him.
"...Yes but...how -?" he blinked, shaking his head. "You know what, never mind."
"Da" Russia stared at America for a moment. America shuffled, feeling uncomfortable.
"What?" he muttered.
"You will be taking us to Hogwarts" Russia reminded him.
"Oh yeah..." America muttered. Well...that would be a problem, wouldn't it. America stared at the wide stretch of area in front of him, wondering where the hell he should start.
"America?"
"Right!" America pointed in a random direction. "It's that way!"
"...You do not know where it is, do you?" Russia sighed. America shrugged.
"Let's just...walk around. I'm sure we'll bump into it sooner or later."
Russia stared at him.
"...Or we could ask around or something. Someone must have heard of it, right?" America laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.
Russia continued to stare at him. Then he sighed and began to walk; America quickly followed him.
AN:
Review please! :D