Summary: Here is a complete copy on agent Tony's reports on the humans Alfred F. Jones and Arthur Kirkland as well as those surrounding them such as Matthew Williams. UsUk.
A/N: This is MagicInTheDark and BunnyOfMint's new collab account~!
DO NOT STEAL THIS IDEA PLEASE!
Warnings: Implied sex and weird alien views of Earth
Glabcon: Tony's planet. I made it up.
THIS IS GOING TO BE A MULTI-CHAPTER FIC. IT IS FAR FROM COMPLETION.
Disclaimer: We do not own Hetalia or any of the Characters
Wow, you can totally tell I copy and paste that crap.
To any of you still reading: Thank you so much. XD Please enjoy this hilarity.
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BEHAVIOR REPORT 2
AGENT TONY - STATIONED PLANET 1285 (EARTH) – HOME PLANET 24 (GLABCON)
TEST SUBJECT 287 - Arthur Kirkland (A.K.A. England/The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)
Test subject human. Test subject male. Test subject twenty-three (Planet 1285 (Earth) years).
Test subject is stationed in house habitat. Sleeps every night from 10:00 P.M. to 7:00 A.M. Pattern is only interrupted by sexual partner. Diet consists of human foods: scones, tea, fish and chips, briskets, etc. Test subject is sexually intimate with test subject 284 (Alfred F. Jones). During intimacy, for a peculiar reason, test subject is heard to be screaming out partner's name frequently. Reason for this is unknown. Test subjects are extremely sexually active-more so than is recommended for humans.
Test subject is prone to hallucinations and schizophrenia, a human disorder which allows humans to hear voices. Test subject's hallucinations consist of flying bunnies (mammal native to planet 1285 (Earth)), pirates, fairies, unicorns, and so forth. He gets them frequently and insists he does not need medication.
Test subject has inability for food. Cannot cook. Took tests upon test subject during sleeping hours: test subject had no taste buds. Insists, for some odd reason, that his cooking is good. This is false. Took tests on food and determined it is inedible.
Test subject spends much time reading books and caring for plant life.
Test subject's eyebrows appear to be dangerous. He denies this possibility but I still proceed with caution. They are large and beast-looking. They may just hop off his face at a certain point in time and attack the human race. Third class threat. Test subject 284 (Alfred F. Jones) finds them attractive.
Test subject has a chair in the bottom floor of his home habitat. He calls this chair haunted, and chair's code name follows: BUSBY'S CHAIR. Says anyone to sit in this chair will be cursed and die. Performed tests: this is true. All humans will die upon sitting on Busby's Chair, with one acceptation - Test subject 290 (Ivan Braginski).
Test subject has rival 269 (Francis Bonnefoy). Rivals land masses are only separated by body of water "English Channel". These two argue even more than test subjects 284 (Alfred F. Jones) and 287 (Arthur Kirkland). However there is no sex after the arguing. Although test subject 269 (Francis Bonnefoy) will often times try to initiate sex, test subject 287 (Arthur Kirkland) will immediately turn him down. Recently test subject 269 (Francis Bonnefoy) and test subject 283 (Matthew Williams) have become involved in a sexual relationship. It seems to be going well. He seems to have the ability to block test subject 283 (Matthew Williams) invisibility powers.
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A/N: Review please? I love feedback, bad or good. Let's me know people are actually reading. You can even put ideas for things Tony should research in your review.
We don't mind flames. Constructive criticism is always welcome.
~MagicalMintBunnyInTheDark~