I don't own Phineas and Ferb. Sorry for the delay and for the shortness of this chapter. I hope you like it.

Ch. 2: Doof Etiquette

Perry didn't take too long to get to Dr. Doofenshmirtz's apartment. He kicked down Dr. Doofenshmirtz's front door and leaped into the mad scientist's lab. Dr. Doofenshmirtz was sitting in a chair in front of a long, fancy table prepared for a meal.

"Ahhh, Perry the Platypus how nice of you to violate the sanctity of my home. Please have a seat." Offered Dr. Doofenshmirtz. Perry politely accepted and sat in one of the chairs.

"Now before we start, shouldn't you have your napkin in your lap?" Dr. Doofenshmirtz asked.

Perry realized that he was right and quickly put the napkin in his lap. Suddenly, the napkin unraveled itself and wrapped around Perry's legs.

"HA! That's what you get for being courteous. " mocked Dr. Doofenshmirtz. "So, you know how I hate basically every single holiday? Well Danville's Annual Silverware Appreciation Day is no exception. You see back in Gimmelshtump, my father was a very proud, boastful man. Whether it would be his dog show awards or Poke the Goozum with a Stick prizes, he loved showing off to people. In fact he would even host parties just to brag to people, which most people knew but hey it was a free meal. Well unfortunately, when Roger and I were old enough, he let us come to those parties in hopes of impressing his friends, but there was one problem: the silverware."

"You see, back in Gimmelshtump, we didn't just have salad forks and steak knives, we had more complicated and harder to remember things like the prungle hoffler and the tizzler sipper. It was too much for me to remember and embarrassed my father, but Roger somehow made it look easy. He made me look like a dummkoph. After that, he made me hide in the basement everytime he had a party and the only time I was ever allowed to go to my father's parties was when they all left and I had to clean up after them."

Dr. Doofenshmirtz ended his backstory with a tear in his eye. He quickly wiped it away and said, "So anyway, Roger is hosting a fancy party at his new fancy, expensive, mansion-like house to impress some family called the Bleublods and their friends with his dinner etiquette, but he won't be able to impress them so easily. Behold, the Silverware-Attract-inator!"

Dr. Doofenshmirtz walked to a large device that looked like a giant tuning fork. "With this, I will attract all the silverware in the Tri-State Area, especially my brother's, and leave everyone silverware-less. Without silverware, my brother and his guests won't be able to eat their fancy meals without looking like complete slobs. Hee heee ha ha ha!" laughed Dr. Doofenshmirtz. "Of course, I have to wait for the party to start and the actual meal to start, but it will be worth it. I hope."

"Ladies, Jenny, and man, I give you the ultimate solution to eating vegetables over meat." Announced Phineas to Jenny, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet while next to Ferb. The Atomic Natural Taste Spray, or ANTS for short."

Ferb showed everyone one a small bottle labeled 'ANTS' on it.

"I still prefer beef." Said Buford.

"Not after you get a taste of this." Said Phineas as Ferb brought out two plates of salad. Ferb sprayed one of the salads with the ANTS while the other wasn't. He presented the two to Buford.

"Buford, if you would?" asked Phineas.

"No way, nuh uh, no way, no how." Refused Buford.

"Alright then, Baljeet?"

"Gladly." Baljeet said. Before he could even grab a fork Buford stole it and started eating.

"HEY! You didn't even want it."

"So what? I'm on the clock." Said Buford as he swallowed the food in his mouth. "Terrible."

"Try the other one." Phineas suggested.

Buford shrugged and took a bite. His eyes dilated as he was overcome by a shocking flavor.

"Hey, this takes like a steak." He said.

"Exactly." Phineas said. "ANTS is made up of a chemical mixture Ferb and I concocted out of chemicals that have the same taste as meat, but made out of natural, vegan ingredients. So although it tastes like meat, it's completely organic and animal-free."

"You lost me after 'same taste as meat'." Buford said as he finished the salad.

"This is perfect. Finally, I can enjoy Danville Silverware Appreciation Day without Neil ruining it with slaughtered meat." Jenny said. "You're sure that this is organic?"

"Positive." Phineas replied. "Is it just me, or does it feel like something's missing?"

Everyone thought hard a couple of seconds before Ferb said, "Phineas and Ferb, you are so busted."

"There it is. Thanks Ferb." Phineas said.

Speaking of Candace, she was back at the park finishing up the stand while watching Jeremy put some free samples on a platter for later. She was so busy ogling Jeremy she didn't noticed Suzy walk up to her.

"Hello Candace." Suzy said.

"Oh hi Suzy." Said Candace. It took her a second to stop a realize what she said. She looked at Suzy and screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh relax Candace, I'm not here to hurt you. I just want to give you a present." Said Suzy innocently.

"It's not another squirrel is it?" Candace asked.

"Nope. It's a bottle of perfume." She said as she showed Candace a bottle of perfume.

"Really? Oh thank you Suzy." Said Candace.

"Here, let me spray some on." Said Suzy. She sprayed Candace with it, but due to her shortness she ended up spraying Candace's skirt. "Whoops. Sorry."

"Well, I guess it's okay. It was just an acci-" Candace stopped and sniffed something. "Why do I smell hot dogs?"

"Because this bottle is full of hot dog water." Suzy said evilly.

"Ewww, gross." Said Candace.

"Don't worry, I know someone who likes it." Suzy said. She brought three fingers to her mouth and whistled. Her little black poodle came charging towards Candace hungrily and pounced.

"AHHHHHH! Get it off of me!" screamed Candace.

RRRRRRRRRRIIP!

Candace quickly covered herself when Suzy's poodle tore her shirt off. She grabbed a handful of napkins and used them to cover herself.

"Nice Ducky Momo undies." Mocked Suzy.

"You are an evil little monster." Candace said.

"I've heard worse." She said. "But I might have a solution to your problem."

"What?" Candace asked even though she knew she would regret it. Suzy grinned evilly as she pointed to a Slushy Dog hot dog costume that was used by the person handing out free samples.

"There is no way that I am wearing-" Candace started.

"Oh Jeremy!" called Suzy.

"No wait!" Candace said. She groaned as she put on the costume while Suzy chuckled evilly. Candace got her head through the head hole and moaned.

"I think you dropped something." Suzy said.

"What?" Candace asked miserably.

Candace groaned as she saw Suzy holding the perfume bottle full of hot dog water that she dropped. Suzy sprayed the entire bottle of perfume on Candace in one big squirt.

"Please tell me you're done." Candace said.

"Not yet." Suzy said. She pointed to where a dog-walker was walking several dogs. They caught Candace's scent and when they saw her in the costume they charged right at her.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Candace as she ran for her life.

"Happy Danville Silverware Appreciation Day." Said Suzy as Jeremy approached her.

"Suzy have you seen Candace?" Jeremy asked.

Suzy put on her sweet and innocent act and said, "I think she said something about 'changing her clothes'. Hee hee hee."

"Really? Well then I guess it's just you and me for now." Jeremy said.

"Bubbles."

End of Ch. 2

Poor, poor Candace. Will she survive before Suzy turns her into mincemeat? Will Perry foil Dr. Doofenshmirtz's beef with his brother? Can Phineas and Feb Try-tip to win everyone over with ANTS? Am I running out of meat puns? Find out in Ch. 3: And the Wiener Is…. I'm sorry that I haven't been updating in a while it's just that I've been focusing on my Heroes of Light story. I hope you check that out because the heroes are about go into the Danny Phantom world.