Big My Secret

Chapter 4 – Sacred Ground

A/N: This is my take on what happens when Dean returns from Hell at the start of Season 4. The story takes place shortly after Dean and Bobby show up at Sam's motel room.

The title comes from a song from the soundtrack of the movie 'The Piano'. No copyright infringement intended.

I don't own anything related to Supernatural. All I can claim are the errors, grammatical or otherwise.

Thank you to all the reviewers, followers and readers.

This fic is for entertainment purposes only. Enjoy.

"Who was it?" Bobby demanded.

Sam fidgeted with Dean's phone and stared down at the screen once more before he rubbed his temple and closed his eyes.

"Who was it?" Bobby questioned once again and wondered whether Sam knew more than he was letting on. The experienced hunter decided to push his suspicions aside and instead placed a consoling hand on the young man's shoulder. Bobby felt the tension easing slightly in the youngest Winchester and knew he had taken the right approach.

"I don't know. It was some kid asking for Dean." Sam's voice sounded hoarse like he had been screaming on the inside.

Bobby's forehead creased questioningly, "Kid? What did he say?"

"Nothing," Sam fretted, "he just wanted me to tell Dean he called."

Bobby squeezed Sam's shoulder urging him to continue but the tension returned and Sam's face melted into guilt and worry as he turned and stared at his brother.

"We can't tell him, Bobby. He can't know about this." Sam began to tear around the room picking up his things and flinging them into his bag. Everything inside of Sam was screaming for them to get out of this room, hit the road and find a safe place to lay low. "We need to go." Sam huffed without looking at the older man and Bobby knew the kid was right. Everything felt off, even the air seemed heavy, wrong, cursed. That was it, cursed. Bobby nodded and they gathered their things, managed to haul Dean out to the Impala and hit the road.

Sam drove and Bobby sat in the back with Dean cushioned against him. The only sound was the tires hissing over the black top. Bobby stared at Dean and looked up at Sam who was clenching the hell out of the steering wheel. Poor kid was clearly worried and scared and Bobby wished there was something he could do to make it better but he was in no better shape himself. Bobby couldn't imagine what had happened between the time Dean showed up at this house and the reunion in the motel room that turned sour. Dean had seemed fine, his old self until...

A barely audible moan made its way up to Bobby.

"Dean." The older hunter murmured soothingly and lightly pushed back the young man's not so spiky hair. There was nothing but concern in the Bobby's heart for this man he thought of as his own.

Dean felt calloused fingers scraping lightly over his forehead. He struggled to recall the meaning behind this sensation. Bobby watched intently as Dean's eyes fluttered and his lips twitched and frowned deeply as if he was trying to figure something out.

Something about this was so familiar to Dean but his mind was still mired in mud and fog and it took a while for a memory to surface. A memory that was faded and distant like a dream you can hardly recall. It was a disjointed remembrance, made up of snippets of images and impressions. Of early morning car rides, of a leather coat, of eyes heavy for sleep, of warmth and safety and feeling grounded by a large hand resting protectively on his head, of the smell of engine oil and lighter fluid, of the Impala and his Dad and home and more than anything else, Dean wanted this to be real and he tried to call out to his father.

"Da," was all he could manage to rasp out from the back of his throat and over his sluggish tongue. He tried to swallow and was rewarded with the taste of metal, the taste of his own blood, the taste of there. What? No more blood pudding pup?

And the feeling of safety was obliterated from the young hunter's mind and his body jackknifed, one hand clamped defensively around Bobby's wrist and the other gripping the back of the seat in front of him.

Sam jumped at the sudden movement and veered the car sharply to a stop on the shoulder of the highway. Dean's eyes flitted unfocused and disoriented and Bobby tried to calm the frightened man even though his own heart was racing.

"Sh...sh...Dean, it's okay. You're okay, son. You're safe. I'm with you. Sam's here too." And Bobby looked up at the youngest Winchester and saw the horrified look in his face. Dean's breathing hitched and he turned in the direction of Bobby's voice, his fingers curling around the older man's wrist like he was trying hang on to something familiar. Bobby took this as a signal that Dean was coming out of whatever nightmare he was caught in and tentatively placed his hand on the young man's shoulder, unknowingly over the imprint.

The heat from Bobby's hand permeated through the fabric of Dean's shirt and into his raised skin and it awakened the dizzying sense of soaring up from a bottomless pit. The young man closed his eyes tightly, tilted his head back and took a huge gulping breath then covered Bobby's hand with his own and the older man instinctively understood and pressed down hard until he heard Dean's breathing deepen.

"I gotcha," Bobby murmured and Dean slumped back against the seat, holding Bobby's hand securely against his shoulder.

"That's it." Bobby instructed. "Slow deep breaths, nice 'n easy." Bobby exaggerated his own breathing until Dean was able to follow his cadence.

"Bobby," Dean rasped.

"You with me boy?" Bobby asked, trying to hide the fear in his voice and continued to grip Dean's shoulder. Whether Dean flinched or tried to nod Bobby couldn't say but he saw the movement as a sign that Dean was aware of his surroundings.

"Don't let go…" Dean inhaled nervously.

"I won't," he tried to reassure Dean. "I won't let go." The older hunter's features lined with worry and then looked to Sam for help but the youngest Winchester was plastered against the car door, hand at the ready on the door handle unable or unwilling to come closer.

"I…don't…" Dean stuttered and his head tipped forward, eyes closed against the world. "Don't," he inhaled shakily, "don't let...me fall," he finished in a mere whisper, fingers locked onto Bobby's wrist.

"I won't…I gotcha." Bobby tried to pull Dean towards him but the young hunter resisted and his eyes shot open at the movement.

"Don't…let me fall." Dean huffed breathlessly.

And, Bobby noticed the darkness in the young man's eyes, as if the green had been leeched out by something vastly evil and he finally understood why Sam had been so shook up earlier.

"Christo," Bobby barked, eyes narrowed and observing Dean's every nuance.

At the sound of the word, Dean's gaze shifted to Sam and his younger brother stared back mortified. Bobby could have sworn a whole conversation took place in the few seconds that the boy's eyes were locked on each other and then Sam ended it by looking away.

The car fell silent and Dean seemed faintly relieved at Sam's lack of reaction. He slouched back against the seat and licked his lips to try and wipe the taste of blood out of his mouth. Not to worry pup, there's lots more where that came from.

"Holy water," Dean croaked as his chest began to heave anxiously.

Bobby looked back at Sam but the younger brother was transfixed, his face mashing into worry and shame. Dean began to fidget like an addict, hands simultaneously pushing and then pulling at Bobby. The experienced hunter impatiently waved his hand at Sam to get him what Dean needed because he felt the tremors emanating from the young man's frame and he could tell a nuclear meltdown was threatening to erupt beneath his fingers.

Sam finally presented Bobby with a small flask and it took all of the older man's dexterity to open it without letting go of Dean`s shoulder. Bobby placed the container in Dean's jerky fingers and watched as the young man brought it to his lips and clumsily poured as much of the water down his throat as possible. Bobby could have sworn he was trying to drown in it. Hah, there isn't enough holy water in the world to cleanse you, pup.

"I need more," Dean sputtered wetly as the empty vial fell away and the darkness in his eyes lingered and Bobby didn't know whether Dean meant he needed more holy water or more, as in something else.

"We'll get some," Bobby replied tentatively and Dean shuddered, fearful this assurance may never come to pass.

The ring of the Dean's cell phone caused all three of them to jump. Dean's eyes flicked from Sam to Bobby and then back again. Sam kept his eyes on his brother and then calmly turned off the phone before he shoved it deep into his pocket. "We need to go," he stated to no one in particular.

Dean turned to Bobby, his eyes begged for some sort of reassurance and guidance and someone to trust and Bobby felt a crushing pain at seeing the young man looking so alone and vulnerable.

The older hunter forced a half-hearted smile and nodded to Dean, "We should go," and although it was said as a statement, Bobby held his breath waiting for the young man's reaction.

Dean swallowed and looked back at Sam. What are you gonna do Deano? Little brother's in cahoots with your buddies from Hell. And Dean started to shiver.

"Easy, boy," Bobby murmured softly and felt the fear rising in Dean. "We'll figure this out, okay?" He didn't expect an answer he just hoped his words would calm the tremulous man. "Let's get somewhere safe."

Where do you think you're going, Deano? Alastair hissed angrily in Dean's head and a small sound like a growl caught in the back of Dean's throat and escaped his lips. Bobby froze, his insides turning to ice and his hunter's instincts kicking in to verify if something was in the car.

Dean started to breathe heavily, started to lose control of his fear and his mind was screaming at him to run.

Bobby eyed Sam, silently questioning him on what to do before Dean lost it completely. Sam felt his own chest tightening at the thought of Dean's terror resurfacing and after a moment of indecision he leaned forward, hands up in a sign of surrender.

"Dean? Sam tried to get his brother's attention. "Dean, listen to me."

Dean pulled away pressing himself as far back as possible from Sam. He turned and tried to wrench Bobby's hand off his shoulder.

"Sh…sh…" Bobby hushed, slowly removing his touch from Dean. "We're not gonna hurt you, kiddo." And Bobby backed off trying to make Dean understand that he was not going to hold him down or trap him.

"Don't call me that," Dean said remembering how he had used that name. And Dean closed his eyes and pressed himself into the door, away from Bobby.

"We just wanna talk, ok?" Bobby whispered and hoped Sam would follow his lead.

"Dean, tell us what you need." Sam asked and hoped for a response from his brother..

Dean's face contorted in confusion because although he understood the words he couldn't remember the last time what he needed mattered. Stupid, stupid boy. How many times do I have to show you that you belong to me and you don't get a say in anything? And a stabbing pain ripped at Dean's insides and the young man grimaced and folded over gasping and clutching at his abdomen.

"Dean?" Sam yelled worriedly and reached out to his brother but stopped short of touching him. He looked at Bobby helplessly, unsure what to do next.

Bobby had seen enough. "Dean, can you hear me?" He grabbed the young man's shoulder and pulled him up to look in his face. If Dean heard him, he showed no signs of being able to respond. Bobby wrapped his arms around the young hunter's shoulder and tried to pull him to a sitting position. Dean was unable to straighten up, his mind focused solely on trying to breathe through the pain cutting him in half.

"Sam. Drive, now." Bobby barked and Sam jumped into action, put the car in gear and sped off.

"Do we need a hospital?" Sam asked.

Dean's eyes were tightly clenched and his breathing was ragged. Bobby could feel the young hunter's heart racing like the wings of a wild bird. Bobby looked up at Sam via the rear view mirror but didn't have an answer,

"N-no," Dean rasped between moans. "No, no hospitals...take me," Dean could barely get the words out, "take me, t-t-to sacred gr-ground," and the young hunter coughed and gagged and Bobby saw red staining his teeth and tried to comfort the young man as best he could.

Sam understood and steered the car towards the nearest town but no matter how fast he drove, he couldn't block out the sound of his brother begging for someone to make this stop.

TBC...