Part four:

Derek watched Penelope from across the room. He couldn't help but feel the dismal pang of jealousy and anger again, knowing that time didn't heal all wounds. No, sometimes, all that the passage of time did was make it all that much worse.

She didn't look anything like she had the last time he'd seen her. Her curves were gone – if anything, she was bordering on too thin for his tastes now. Her breasts were still large and perfect – too perfect. They had to be fake. No one her age had a right to have perfect breasts anymore. Her legs were still shapely, but he couldn't look at them long before he remembered how good they felt around his waist – and that was a problem he needed alcohol, and lots of it, to deal with.

Time hadn't been kind to her – her hair was stark white, aside from a bit of it which she'd died black. When she put it up, like it was now in a bun, it looked like a swirl. Her clothes were conservative, her makeup simple. Penelope Rossi was not the same woman he'd been in love with twenty years ago. His Baby Girl was well and truly gone, replaced by a stranger who would not be happy to see him.

The hate ran both ways with them.

He had just about steeled his nerves to go talk to her when Reid clapped his hand down on Derek's shoulder. "Hey," he said. "I didn't think we'd see you here."

Derek sighed and looked at his old friend. "How's London?" he asked.

"Same as always," Reid replied. "I saw your kids – they're really growing up, aren't they?"

"You and Emily ever regret not having any?" Derek asked.

Reid shook his head. "Nah. Passing on the predisposition to mental illness is not my idea of responsible parenting. Emily's fine with that – but we are looking into maybe adopting."

Derek nodded, his eyes following Penelope as she moved through the room, talking to everyone in turn. Damn it, why did she still have to be so damn beautiful? Twenty years should've made it easier, but it only made it worse. "Good on you, man," he said to Reid. "Or you could just take one of mine – I doubt they'd complain. I'm the worst dad that ever lived, according to Wanda."

Reid laughed. "She's a spitfire, I'll give you that," he commented wryly. "I wonder where she got that from."

Derek laughed, the sound sudden and harsh. "Yeah, I wouldn't know anything at all about that," he said. "I'm completely innocent of any and all wrong-doing…"

Christina came out of nowhere and said, "Uncle Spencer, I don't mean to interrupt – but Mom asked if you and Auntie Em would like to come by the house later."

"Of course," Reid said.

Christina looked Derek up and down, then said, "You're in some of my parents' photos – but they never talk about you. I don't even know your name."

"Morgan," he said. "Derek Morgan."

There was a hint of something in her eyes that he couldn't get a good read on, then it was gone. "Mr. Morgan, I'm Christina Rossi," she said, extending her hand. "And for being here for the food, you've eaten surprisingly little of it."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Oh, no, at least you were honest," Christina said, a smile returning to her lips. "He kind of was a bastard at times – but aren't we all?"

Derek stared at her hand for a moment longer, then he reached out to shake it. "That we are," he agreed.

"I noticed you haven't gone in to see him," Christina said. "Either of you."

"Ah, yeah, I don't want to see Rossi corpsified and gross," Reid said. "I'd rather he remain intact like my memories of him." He tapped the side of his head and shuddered slightly.

"And your excuse is that you hate my dad," Christina supplied for Derek. "Trust me – if Mama hadn't dragged me in there, I wouldn't have been able to look in the coffin. I watch too many horror movies – I almost expected him to jump up and grab me." Her laugh was sad, and Derek found himself putting an arm around her shoulders. She looked up at him in surprise.

"Dealing with death is never easy," was all he said.

"Death of any kind," Christina said, and Derek caught her looking over at Jack Hotchner and his girlfriend. "But, anyway, I was going to say that there are sandwiches downstairs, if you're hungry. I need to go. Mama needs her meds soon – with everything going on today, she'll forget." She pulled away from him and left without another word, good or bad.

"She's not like I thought she'd be," Derek commented.

"Hotch always made her out to be to blame for the marriage – and the divorce," Reid said. "But I don't think all of it was her fault." He shrugged and sighed. "These things happen, I guess – I mean, we all thought you and Garcia would be inseparable. Look how wrong we were." He said, "Excuse me, I'm going to go make sure Emily knows we're going to the house later."

Derek turned and saw the reason for Reid's hasty departure. Penelope in all of her tarnished glory had finally come to a stop near him, and looked like she was having trouble reconciling what she was seeing.

"JJ said you were here," she said very quietly, wringing her hands nervously. "And I've been busy –"

He forced a smile. "Yeah, I know."

She looked him straight in the eye and murmured, "Thank you for coming – I know it can't be easy for you or your kids to just drop everything like this."

"Did your daughter make you take your pills?" Derek asked.

Penelope raised her chin and said, "She told you –"

"That you'd forget your meds if she didn't remind you."

The alarm in her eyes subsided a little and she nodded stiffly. "Yeah, I got my pills," she said, forcing a smile much like he was. "I'm glad you're here, Derek. I am. I know we haven't been on good terms in a long time, but I never meant for us to get this out of control –"

He felt a muscle in his cheek twitch. "Yeah, well…"

"I met your kids," she said, cutting him off when he would've said something he might regret later. "You've done a good job with them – it can't be easy raising a disabled child."

"Yeah, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" Derek asked. "Your kids are perfect – the future doctor and the football star…"

She looked at him like he'd slapped her. "You should be glad that you have them at all," she said, her voice cold and hard. All of the softness was gone in an instant, and she was ready to do battle. "You do realize that Dave and Hotch didn't have to risk their lives to go in that car, don't you? Or does the sun rise and set with your own fucking guilt?"

"Oh, don't even start with me about the guilt, woman – you never felt a damn thing –"

He wasn't expecting what happened next.

The room fell silent as the sound reverberated around the room. She'd slapped him hard enough to whip his neck to the side and leave a rising welt on his face.

"Don't ever – EVER – tell me what I felt," Penelope hissed. "Especially not now."

For just a moment, he saw his Penelope again before she vanished completely back into the shell of a woman she'd become. And he wanted her back so badly that he reached for her.

She took a step back and shook her head. "Don't," was all she said before she walked away.

"Penelope –"

She hesitated in her trek, then turned over her shoulder and said, "You made your bed, Morgan. Now you can fucking sleep in it."

With that, she was gone, Christina and JJ scrambling to keep up with her.

Hotch came over and said, "That wasn't overly dramatic or anything. Good job on being inconspicuous."

Derek shook his head and clenched his teeth. "I never thought she'd hit me –"

"Yeah, well, you'll never make that mistake again, will you?" Hotch countered. "Maybe you and the kids should go back to the hotel and get some rest. I'd like to think you can keep a civil tongue in your head tomorrow."

Derek's jaw clenched more, if that was possible. "I'll keep my mouth shut," he muttered, well aware of the gossip swirling in the room now that she was gone.

If anything, it made him feel sadder that he hadn't been able to let go.

Penelope waited till everyone was done eating and sharing happy memories with lots of laughter before she passed around the tray of cookies and Bailey's coffee. "So," she said, "I have something I need to tell all of you." She looked around the room, at her children and the last of her friends – baby-faced Spencer Reid, Emily Reid and her saucy, inappropriate love for her husband, and kind, sweet JJ – and hesitated. "Thank you for coming. I couldn't do this without all of you."

Luca rolled his eyes. "Mom, really?" he asked, blushing a little.

Penelope felt her composure starting to crumble. "Which is why it's so hard for me to… to say this," she said, her voice breaking.

"Mama, what's wrong?" Christina said, immediately abandoning her snack and rushing to steady Penelope. "Mama –"

"They found a new tumor," Penelope finally managed to say, "it's attached to the lymph nodes in my right armpit. There are a couple of smaller growths that they're monitoring, but it looks like my cancer is recurring, and more aggressively than ever."

Luca got up and wrapped his mother and sister in a bear hug. "Mom, it's okay," he said. "It's going to be okay – you can beat it again."

Penelope stared at JJ, who was sitting in Dave's recliner, crying. And then the shocked, horrified, faces of Emily and Reid. And she felt a horrible, twisting feeling in her stomach. "Yeah," she whispered, kissing Luca's forehead and Christina's cheek. "I can beat it again – but it's going to be hard."

"I'll talk to one of my professors," Christina said quietly. "He's an oncologist – he can give you another opinion, but you'll have to come to Chicago for the tests."

Penelope nodded, not trusting her voice. She couldn't tell them that she'd already decided not to seek treatment. She couldn't tell them that she would be leaving them just as abruptly as their father had.

She wouldn't put them through hell again.

"Please don't tell anyone," she pleaded quietly. "I don't want – I don't want anyone to think I'm saying this just to get more sympathy for Dave's death. He knew before he died."

"How long have you known?" Reid asked.

Penelope looked at him, her gaze cold. "A few weeks," she said.

The look on his face shifted suddenly into an unreadable mask. He knew her intentions and wouldn't interfere in front of the kids; that much she knew. But she was going to have to explain everything to him, and she knew it would be one of the worst conversations of her life.

"Please, especially don't tell Hotch or Morgan," Penelope said firmly. "I can live with everyone else in the world pitying me, but those two? No. Never."

"I know why Hotch is mad at you," Christina said, "but why is Morgan? What did you do that was so bad that you guys hate each other so much?"

Penelope smiled sadly. "Never you mind, sweetheart – just… remember that when you really love someone and they don't love you back, it hurts like hell. And you'll do stupid things to make them see you again, but by then… it's too late." She stroked her daughter's cheek and murmured, "I'm going to bed. You can leave the dishes and I'll clean up in the morning."

She went up to bed, her heart finally going numb.