Part thirteen:

Penelope tried not to be nervous as she waited for Derek to join her at the coffee shop. She'd chosen it thinking that, sure, they needed some time together every day now. Her fingers twitched uncontrollably around her coffee cup and she closed her eyes, willing it to stop so she could be normal for just a few damn minutes. It wasn't going to happen; she was too far gone already. The test results she'd gotten back were all ominous, but she was fighting like hell to remain positive.

She looked down into her latte mug and wondered if she should have another cup, since he was running later than he'd thought he'd be – and brushed away the thought that he'd stand her up. He wouldn't. They'd already come too far for that. But he might have second thoughts, and that scared her more than dying. That he could possibly think that it would be preferable to go back to the way things had been rather than to push forward even though she might just lose this battle.

"You're a sight for sore eyes," Derek commented with a tired smile as he dropped into the seat opposite her in the booth with a tall glass of some crazy iced coffee and sugar mess – and a plate with two scones on it. Her stomach rumbled; she hadn't really realized she was hungry.

"That good of a day?" she asked.

He rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk about it – what about you? How did your tests go?"

"I feel like a human pincushion," she said, smiling a little. "But at least they were willing to be nice and give me Minnie Mouse band-aids. They're my favorites – they make it not so hard to deal with."

He took a long gulp of his coffee, then grinned at her. "Only you, Baby Girl."

"I'm glad you came," she said softly, finishing her coffee and looking longingly at the scones. But the muscles in her right arm were ticking, making her fingers jump, and she didn't want him to know how badly affected she was at the moment. The medicine wasn't working, the muscle relaxants weren't helping, and the pain pills only took the barest edge off of the pain of constant, uncontrollable motion. "I was beginning to worry that you'd changed your mind." She hesitated a moment, then murmured, "About us, I mean."

"Hell no, silly girl," he said with a fond smile. "You want another one?"

He reached for her cup but she didn't let it go – she couldn't. "No, I'm okay," she said very quickly. "You've had a rough day, then?"

"I said I don't want to talk about it," he reminded her, grabbing one of the scones and pulling it apart. He popped a piece into his mouth and chewed for a moment before he said, "I was thinking we could go out with the kids tomorrow night –"

Penelope said, "I can't. I…" She sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm – damn it."

"What do you mean you can't –"

She frowned and opened her eyes. "I'm going to be in the hospital for a few days."

He stared at her. "What? Why?"

She swallowed hard, debating whether or not to tell him the truth. "Because I'm having surgery at lunchtime tomorrow and it's going to take a couple of days of monitoring afterward," she said. "And if that goes according to plan, I'll be starting some new drugs before they give me the radiation treatment in the hopes that it will do less damage." She finally met his worried gaze. "Because I changed my mind."

He was absolutely, deathly silent for almost a minute. She was beginning to worry that she'd made the wrong choice in telling him – but then his hands came around hers and the mug and he said very quietly, "Are you sure? You're not going to take it back when things get bad and say that you made a mistake?"

She nodded. "I'm sure," she whispered. "I mean, it's not a guarantee that things are going to be okay, or that I'm going to get better, but… if it means I get even a few more hours with you, I'd do anything."

"Penelope," he said, "I don't want to say that you've made the right decision, but you've made a good decision."

"Of course, that just means I probably should find an apartment out here or something," she sighed. "Because they'll want to do my treatments here in Chicago, I'm sure and – and it's not fair to you or the kids for me to crash on your couch like a drugged zombie."

"Don't be silly," he said, smiling. Derek let a hint of a smile ghost across his lips, and he said, "Besides, you'll sleep in my bed, not on the couch. World of difference right there."

"It's really sweet of you to think that, but I know what's going to happen," she said softly, "and your kids don't need to see it. My kids didn't need to see it once – let alone three times. I just… don't want you to worry about me. You have other things you need to worry about, like work."

"Penelope, you say I shouldn't be worried about you like if I held my breath, I wouldn't pass out," he scolded soundly. "Never going to happen."

She sighed. "Okay, fine – we'll see what happens, okay? Who knows – I could do the first few treatments here and then go home to finish them. In which case, what are you going to do? I'll hire a home nurse and be done. No big deal."

"Do you want more coffee?" he asked again. "Or something to eat?"

She frowned. "I can't eat anything else now," she said. "I finished my coffee right at the start of fasting time."

"Baby, you should've said something – I wouldn't have just eaten in front of you like that if…"

"Hush," she said firmly. "I'm going to go back to the hotel and rest tonight, okay? No use wearing you out, too. Old bodies aren't made for sex anymore."

He rolled his eyes. "Oh, this old body is going to be ready and rarin' to go when I get some of those little blue pills –"

She smiled and replied, "There's more to us than sex."

"Of course you're right," he muttered, "but sex is so much fun." He grinned winningly at her and she rolled her eyes. His hands had never left hers and she knew he could feel the tremors and restlessness in her right hand and arm.

"I love you," she said suddenly. "And I'm doing this because I want as long a time as I can have so I can be with you – because I was stupid. I was so stupid, Derek."

"What's past is past," he reminded her.

"I should have called you and told you I was pregnant," she whispered. "But I was so hurt that you didn't want me anymore – I guess I thought that if I couldn't have you of my own merits, why would you want me just because I was incubating a kid?"

He sighed and frowned. "I have to tell you something, Baby."

"Oh no – that's never good," she said, feeling dread settle into the pit of her stomach. "Please just tell me you don't have cancer or something rare and stupid and –"

"No, nothing like that," he said. "Just that you weren't the only one who was stupid in our relationship." He took a deep breath and his frown deepened. "There was never anyone else. I was just scared that you'd get tired of waiting for me to get my act together and make us work for real instead of long distance and I thought if I let you be free for a while, you'd… I don't know. Maybe you'd come after me because you missed me. But then all of a sudden, I heard through the grapevine that you and Rossi were getting cozy and how the hell do I compare to a man that could buy you anything you wanted. I mean, what was the first thing he gave you when you started dating?"

She laughed, making his frown deeper. "A chocolate milkshake and a car seat."

He stared at her in disbelief. "A car seat," he repeated.

"I couldn't decide which one I wanted to get, so we went to the store and looked at them on lunch, then we went back to the office," she explained. "And then the next day, I had two car seats delivered to my office with a note that said that one was for my car and one for his. Forget diamonds – I was a goner right there. I cried a lot when I was pregnant with Chrissy."

Derek sighed. "Well… I couldn't have topped that," he admitted. "I just sat there and stewed and then all of a sudden, you were getting married and I showed up at the wedding and whatever. The past is past. We were both pretty stupid, weren't we?"

She nodded and whispered, "But as much as I love you, I loved Dave, too – just… differently. Does that make sense?"

"Oh, I know where you're coming from," he said. "But you're going to have to work to get rid of me now. I'm not just going to make stupid choices and do it for you."

"Good," she murmured, "because I'm going out on a limb right now and I'm scared to death of heights."

He pried the mug out of her hands. Before she could protest, he held her hands, squeezing them. "Well, I'm on the ground, waiting to catch you if you fall," he said very quietly. "So you do what you need to do, Baby Girl. You do what you need to do to get better because I kinda love you, Penelope Garcia."

"Only kinda?" she asked, smiling a little.

"More than kinda, but I don't want to scare you off," he teased.

"I'm not going to scare that easily," she replied. "Now, if you ran around naked with nothing but a tea cozy on your head, I'd call the men in white coats and run the other way, but…"

He laughed and squeezed her left hand gently. "Well, I won't be doing that any time soon," he assured her. "But you tell me what you want or need and I will do my damnedest to make it happen."

"Thank you," she murmured, "for everything, okay?"

"Everything?" he questioned.

She nodded. "Everything," she repeated. "Because of reasons."

He chuckled and stood up, leaning over the table and kissing her. "You sure you want to be by yourself tonight?" he asked.

She nodded. "I need to try to sleep. It's going to be a long, hard few days."

"Do you want me to come to the hospital or –"

She shook her head. "I'll be fine," she assured him. "You just worry about those kids and that job of yours, okay? Don't even worry your pretty head about me. I'm a tough broad – and I can call you if things are rotten, right?"

"You better call me if things are bad," he said firmly. "Understand? You call me. Don't get noble and on your damn high horse, okay? The kids can take care of themselves. My job can screw itself. You tell me you need me and I'll be there – I'm not making the same mistake twice."

She kissed him and whispered, "I will call you. If things get that bad, I will call you – I promise. Now go home and walk that dog of yours and kiss your kids, okay?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "You sure you'll be okay?"

"Absolutely," she murmured. "Some things you just have to face alone. It's okay."

He helped her up and out of the coffee shop. Rather than calling a cab, he put his arm around her and guided her to his car. "You're stuck with me a little longer," he teased.

"Baby, you should go home –"

"Not till I know you're tucked up and resting," he scolded.

She sighed. "Okay, fine, but no funny business," she muttered.

They ended up falling asleep in each others' arms, watching a movie. And woke up every time her alarm went off for her meds. He didn't leave her side till he'd dropped her off at the hospital and made sure that she was ready. She wasn't ready to let him see the misery that was going to come, but she was ready to give everything in order to try to secure that future she saw off in the distance.

"I love you," she breathed against his lips, hoping he understood everything she couldn't say.