I fell asleep in his arms, but I woke up without them.

I lift from a puddle of saliva on the carpet, and I admit that I'm a messy snoozer, but I swear on a purple peanut that I fell asleep beside him. In fact, my thoughts are scattered, and my cheek holds a carpet imprint and was somehow rubbed raw. Ouch!

Every room and closet in the Crib is searched, and I check the bathroom. Twice! Everything is just the way he left it: clean and tidy, but his scent lingers and I lie down on the mat, roll on it, and then sprawl on the floor, wondering if Leonardo Hamato stepped outside to talk to himself or to those tools. Speaking to objects or ghosts will get you raised looks in this land, but I believe in him and I believe those tools speak. They didn't talk to me when I tried yesterday, but that's because I'm not important to them; I don't think my rattling the telephone or slamming the tools against the tree helped either.

I knew his departure would come eventually, but I thought I would have more time to say goodbye. I don't know how to feel now. Maybe I'm like a balloon with too much air and slowly being deflated. There's enough time to think but it's all so scattered and sometimes irrelevant.

I slink back to the bedroom and curl on the floor, glancing under the bed and seeing nothing at first, but I remember as a youngling when I giggled and chatted with a comrade on the opposite sides of the bed. It was the beginning of my quirky nature, thanks to her. I wonder if Leonardo would appreciate the same activity.

….Talking under a bed? Would he dumb himself down for something that stupid? Really?

Reminiscing over our last few days together, it saddens me more and more that I, of all residents, was paired with him. The others were far stronger, more intelligent, and faster than I will ever be. When a new Rook enters Anavrin, various aspects change depending on the Rook himself. Nipal and I were rushed off to fight the Lucaracs before the vile beasts reached the new Rook. I didn't have time to breathe or blink before we were hauled away, and I certainly didn't know who I was looking for or if anything would work in my favor. I was scared, and when I'm frightened, I feel numb and cold. It's the way I was taught and the only thing I know.

Nipal was the first to see the Rook fighting the Litto under the murky waters. The numbskull creature could be useful in some situations, and one was his ability to see through water, even the deepest, darkest kinds. I'm not afraid of water or diving into it but of what's in it. Nipal wouldn't dare go so I was the only choice; I couldn't let the Rook drown or get eaten.

He was a heavy Rook and tried fighting me. I had to knock him out with Sinai, regrettably, and drag him to the surface. Much time passed before he awakened. The other Retainers checked on our progress and laughed at the new Rook. I suppose they saw him as weak, almost having drowned in what they consider a shallow body of water, so I exercised pity and banded with him in his coma state. I knew he was incredibly strong inside, but that on the way to Anavrin, he lost a lot of his... something special. I admit that my attitude was severe and unwavering at first, but it molded who we are at this very moment. And I like where it all went.

The entire StockCrib is empty of any Leonardo Hamatos so it's time to check outside. I haven't informed him yet but I have a fear of stepping out there without him and am still ashamed of being captured by the Rasta Ducks. They had threatened to return for us and the last thing I want is to be held against my will and place Leonardo in danger again. What kind of Retainer – no, what kind of Familiar - am I if I present danger to myself and get captured all the time? If he enjoyed that sort of thing, I suppose we could make arrangements, but I don't find him as that type. Many horrific Rook stories have traveled down the Retainer pipeline, and I prayed on the Moon Tree that the new Rook I saved wouldn't do such nasty things. I had a plan of action in case the Rook was a beast, and I was prepared to face the worst against my peers. Yes, I do feel guilty that a wonderful Rook was sent to me and I thought about smothering him while he slumbered, poisoned his food, or perhaps guiding the Lucs to him slowly and watch as they fed on his intestines.

"Forgive me, Leonardo Hamato!" I scream from the longest branch, holding my hands to the sky. "Just say that you will forgive me and I will go on my way!" The birds and Thicket animals all howl for my silence, but I focus intently on the melting blue sky and drumming up the courage to climb down the tree.

"Hey, Guilty Lady! Look what I found!" His voice? Coming from where? I curiously look across the sky and the thicket. He continues with a teasing sigh from who knows where, "Down below you! It's your old friend."

I scamper around the branch and hug it tightly as I peer down below. Seeing him makes me happy, but seeing the pathetic, sniffling Nipal does not. Oh, boy...

"Zera, you're going to scrape the skin off his bones!"

I scrub harder and faster; Nipal whines and flops in the Imboo. I could just kick him in the face!

"Lady Zera! I am sorry! Please! Pleeeeassee!" he cries, hiding behind his ears and whimpering like mad. For good measure, I bop him on the head and hiss at him. Nuisance!

Weary of my abuse, Leonardo gently tugs both of my ears and arches my head back so that he can look at me with his disciplinary eyes. "Zera, enough. Why do you torture this little guy?"

I defiantly cross my arms and explain, "He's a coward and lies to me! Why is he here!"

"Ask him then," Leonardo sighs and releases my ears.

I point at Nipal floating in the water, "Why are you here? No lies or I'll sit on your head!"

The anxious rabbit fetches his huge, bifocal glasses swimming in the water and shivers, glancing back and forth between Leonardo and me. The glasses make his dopey eyes appear five times bigger and more pathetic. My hot glare only succeeded in making him quiver more.

"Hopeless!" I stand on my feet and walk around the pool; Nipal follows me, leaving millions of weak ripples and patches of fur in his wake.

"Don't be angry with me! I came to help you! Honest feelings!" He clings on the bank, peering up at me, and his teeth chatter. Leonardo gives me a pitiful look over the matter. Nipal is a failure with all things in life, and the coward knows this but he does nothing to overcome his challenges. For years, I have helped him despite the reputation of his kind, the Reformers, and he only got in my way, caused me grief and hardship, and almost had me exiled from my home. One needs a pack to survive in Anavrin, and without it, you are good as dead. My pack may not be much, but at least I'm not dead.

"What is your plan, Reformer?" I coldly stare down at his wet, matted body and put the fear of the Sky into him. I'm very sick of his own messy waves of destruction when we have a mission to accomplish! So many years. So much time wasted.

Nipal, in all of his yellow glory, blinks through the drops of water falling off his head and nods at me, "You need transportation to see the Littos so that the Ymoh can go home? I can provide you with the best transport in the land."

Ymoh... I glance at Leonardo, and I smile. He's not a ymoh anymore.

Turning back to Nipal, his fears subside seeing me smile, but I quickly revert back to business. "We do, and this is your last chance. I left you before, and I had no intention of returning."

"But if we're not together, we won't be allowed into the -"

"I don't care," I solemnly reveal, leaning over the bank and he swims backwards from me. "I'll take what comes at me and so will you, if you decide to join our party. No negotiations."

Nipal is usually quick to agree with me, or anybody, but I believe he has grown more backbone during my absence, just by looking at this eyes and watching his brain tick over the demands. I almost feel sorry for him, but a Rook needs our help.

I relax my shoulders and kneel before Nipal, who seems a little less likely to poop in the water now, "He's a special Rook and it's important to me that he goes back to his home. With your help, it can be fulfilled. Can you do it?"

Two sniffles later, Nipal approaches me, head a little high, and declares, "Yes. I'll help my friend Zera. I'm not worthy of your compassion but I will do my best."

"Come." I reach across the water and wait for his head to swim under my hand. He hunkers down, thinking I'm going to strike at him, but I have no plans to do that. I pat his head softly and even smile at him. His gigantic eyes peer at me and he almost sheds a tear, although it could be water, I'm not sure. He's still dopey and beginning to smell.

Leonardo kneels next to me and tosses out his hand for Nipal, too. "I'll give you a few lessons on defense and critical thinking. It's the least I could do to help and to earn my keep."

As Nipal launches out of the pool and bits of his fur sail on the surface, I'm reminded of my gift to Leonardo. I completely forgot about it! It would be good for me to spend as less time as possible around Nipal, and Leonardo has infinite patience. I turn to sneak back to the Crib when a small voice asks me, "You don't want to join us?"

It didn't sound like Leonardo, but it surely was. He wants me to stay and watch, and I'm sure I would enjoy it, especially Nipal's blubbering, but I feel we don't have a lot of time left.

"I need to finish something. Do your best." I'm sure he can tell that something is a little off with me, but he nods and walks away with Nipal trotting behind him.

…...We really don't have a lot of time left. It settles uneasily at the bottom of my conscience, and I chew on those thoughts so much that I almost slip off the tree ladder. I don't want to disturb Minky and her friends by landing on a few of them.

Starting from the front door, my intention is to go to the bedroom and start on the project, but instead, I stroll through every room, my mind full of static. It's an abstract feel, like I'm not a part of my body and that I should be somewhere else. I can hear someone, a tiny voice but I can't understand it through the static. Physically, I return to the bedroom and stand in the middle of the space. It doesn't feel like I'm here; I feel so far away from my body, and every movement, even wiggling my fingers, feels excessive. The mental drone flushes out my normal hearing and …. the voice is a little more clear... is it female? Almost.

"Hello?" Voice is kilometers away from me. I'm not entirely sure but the room seems to be floating. Has the StockCrib turned into an aquarium? I suppose it could if the Blue Sung Thicket wills it so.

Too drowsy. Everything's too loud. Strobbing vision. I crawl to the closet, shut myself inside, curl up tightly, and wait for the madness to die. This is too soon. I don't want to start over again...

An oasis of lily pads

in a bed of water and fog

Little froggie, plop plop plop

I'm here and you never come

Drop drop drop

Born of gentle eyes and red tog,

loyal, to you, the One who sees me,

not to Those who don't.

A lady who grows up up up

and floats in the pool of lilies

but leaves when the Froggie smiles

and says, 'That's a good pup'

The natural world returns, and I meditate in the darkness, still entwined and a lukewarm sensation passes over me. The lily pads. I remember them. The color red stands out in my mind. Did I wear something red? Was it a red frog hopping on the platforms? It was just existing; nothing tragic or of substantial happiness and I was none the wiser. I stepped out of the womb and began my journey. There is no certain destination, and accomplishments are like crunchy bits of delicious goldfish: good with each passing one. And my entire life is in every one of those pads. The other Retainers, my preservers, comrades, strangers, enemies, Leonardo the Rook, and even Nipal are froggies who plop on the water. Some make bigger splashes than others.

The madness lifted, I shuffle out of the closet and work on his necklace in the room's light. Special froggies deserve appreciation.

As I tie the last knot and comb over the finished necklace, Nipal crawls past the door, like his back is broken.

"Hot ….. shower... Lady Zera...hello... Help, I'm... dying!" He huffs and puffs into the bathroom and his whines echo through the house. I scream for his silence!

"Give him a break," Leonardo appears, not a single sweat on his green body, "It really was a tough workout. I'm used to my well-trained brothers."

He brushes past me and sits on the bed, overlooking my messy work area with fur, beads, leaves, feathers, and pebbles everywhere. "Did you finish? I stepped on a sharp rock, you know."

I huff, just like Nipal, and scoop up all of the materials in a manic pile. "I'm sorry about your foot, and yes, I did finish. Do you want me to doctor your foot first?"

"Nooooo. You do need to be a little more organized."

"Do you want your gift or not? I can give it to Nipal but he'll lose it as soon as he steps out of the house." I dangle the necklace in front of him.

He carefully takes it, tickles his chubby fingers over each material, and smiles, "So creative and intimate. I love it. It came from your heart, and that makes it beautiful."

I didn't expect that reaction at all so I freeze and watch him study the necklace. I suppose a thank you would work or a smug response that I AM talented in some areas or-

"You can stop gawking now or I might have to kiss you."

What a TEASE! Retainers do NOT kiss their Rooks and if there's any hint of it, a Retainer must evade the situation.

"Zera!" he laughs, "Why are you – ! I didn't mean to! Come out from under the bed!"

I didn't know what else to do! Don't judge me!

His sweet, puffy face pokes at me under the bed. "I forgot that it makes you uncomfortable. I'm a big tease, I'm sorry. It's a wonderful gift and I am honored to have it. Please don't stay under the bed."

I accidentally pull my right ear, radiating a sharp pain and I yelp. Dumb move. I am extremely pathetic, but he looks nice from here. Under the bed. In my safe zone.

"If you don't come out, I'm coming in there after you!"

I scoot back as far as I can so that he join me because I'm not going out there. Too risky. He squeezes under the bed with such ease and grace and rests his hands under his chin. His stare is too …. nice. Too endearing. He should be looking at me like I'm a psycho and ready to attack his face.

Instead, he just says, "My brothers and I used to camp under our beds and tell ghost stories. Mine went on forever and it put my brothers to sleep, which was okay in my book because that meant we went to bed on time and didn't get in trouble."

"Ghost stories? Ghosts aren't scary," I snort and shuffle a little closer to him. "Why would you and your brothers be frightened of ghosts?"

"In our world, ghosts are a rare occurrence, if they're real at all. We're not one hundred percent certain of what happens after death so the thought of the deceased returning.."

"...gives you the jeebies."

"Yes, that." Leonardo wiggles his nose and grins. "I like that word."

"You don't think this is stupid?"

"Hmm? Pardon?"

I lean my head to the right and fondly gaze at him. "This? Talking under the bed?"

"Is that what Zera wants?"

I acknowledge and shirk back, anticipating his response.

He leans his head to the right, also. "It's what Leo wants, too."

"Lady Zera!" Nipal's face snaps between us. "Is anything wrong? May I assist you, if so?"

"No." My eyes didn't leave Leonardo's watch. "We're just conversing. You can help yourself to the food, Nipal."

That little worm wastes no time barreling to the fridge and making all sorts of gawky noises. They fade once Leonardo talks about his past adventures with Utroms, Triceratons, some ooze that mutated his family, Fish people, cyborgs, mafia men, and a nasty joker in armor. I am completely fascinated and drawn into his memories. By the end of it all, we're holding hands, laughing, and poking at each other's cheeks. Nipal runs under the bed, asking if we want fish cream waffles. Leonardo looks disgusted, but I'm rather famished. Too bad our session is interrupted, though..

Nipal rambles while I'm eating, "And he swings his fist at me! Like this! And I utter WHOA! Then I successfully dodge, and only in time for another swing. My glasses go flying and I catch them! Like I'm in the circus! When RomRom and I were in the circus, I was always the catcher and always got compliments. I like those. So I caught my glasses but I stumbled and whacked my hand on his kneecap."

I am interested in Nipal's tiny brilliant adventure, but I briskly eat my sticky waffles, wash my hands, pet Nipal on the head, and return to the bedroom. I'm a little sad that Leonardo has moved above the bed, but he's still enthralled by the gift and I'm happy about that, too.

Laying at his feet on the floor, I grin at him. "May it provide you strength and my good humor."

He tickles me with his feet and chuckles, "Perfect package. And where are you sleeping tonight, O Queen of Under the Bed?"

I point where I'm sitting. "Here."

He clicks his tongue and pats the bed. "Nope. Up here."

"No, I-"

"Not a request." Suddenly, his TWO toes grip my shirt like he was using his hand! I can't escape!

"Nipal is sleeping with us. All of us will sleep together!"

I didn't give up without a fight! I almost made it under the bed, but he grabbed my tail and then apologized profusely when I yodeled with pain. He was sad, and I was sad, and Nipal came into the room sad. We were all sad, and I knew it was my fault so we all curled up together like a giant pathetic ball.

Finally, Leonardo flicks off the light and wraps his arms around my shoulder. "Sweet dreams, my lady Zera."

I'm overheating from all of the bodies mangled together so I kick out my leg and whack a slumbering Nipal in the head. He doesn't even stir.

"Will you miss me?" Leonardo asks, and I'm glad I can't see him in the dark. I already see his gloomy face in my mind.

"What kind of question is that? I'm insulted." I went with smugness this time.

His fingers squeeze my shoulder. "I always wonder if my family misses me."

I'm clueless on the advice front, but his family seemed like they cared to me. I snuggle closer to him, despite feeling like I'm on fire, and close my eyes. "I don't know about them, but I will miss you."

Nipal commences his infamous snoring festival, and I kick him again. It dies down to a whimper. Nothing more is said for a while, but suddenly Leonardo moves and I feel quick, warm lips on my cheek. He just...? Was that a...?

Now I'm sweating like the backside of an elephant after a workout, and my first instinct is to break loose and wreck havoc, but it's a simple, sweet gesture and he doesn't mean to go any further with it. The kiss comforted him, and if he's happy, I can live with it.

I fall asleep in his arms, and I wake up completely wrapped in them.