Part nineteen:

"Here we go," Derek said, making sure she was tucked up in bed. "You need anything else? Another pillow? The remote for the tv? A different hat?" He kissed her forehead and smiled. "A glass of water?"

"Another kiss," Penelope replied sweetly.

"Ah, now, that I can definitely do," he replied, his smile turning into a saucy grin. He gave her a gentle, lingering kiss on the lips, then pulled away and murmured, "Now, I need to go help JJ and the kids empty the moving van – they're almost done."

"Are your kids mad?" she asked worriedly.

"Probably," he sighed. "Wanda isn't speaking to me or JJ, and Mick is being Mick – he's answering everything in sign language… rudely."

She sighed. "Well, the least I can do while I'm cooped up in here is get them enrolled for school," she commented dryly. "If someone would be so kind as to get me my computer."

"Penelope, you don't need to take care of things for me," Derek scolded.

She scowled at him. "Bring me my computer," she ordered. "If I have to lie on my back and do nothing all day, I'd like to think that I'm doing something useful. And your kids need to go to school."

"None of your fancy private schools," he said, shaking a finger at her.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "The private schools are the only decent option around here at the moment," she said. "Luca goes to St. Mary's –"

"We aren't Catholic," Derek said automatically.

"I was going to say, before I was so rudely interrupted, that Hillside College Preparatory Academy is the other best private school system in the region," she said with a less than amused smile. "They run grades 6-12, and grades 11-12 are basically college courses. That's where Christina graduated from," she added helpfully.

"And who exactly is footing the bill for this?" he inquired, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

She raised her hand. "It's the least I can do after you dropped everything and moved out here."

"You can't just pay my way, Penelope."

"And why not?" she challenged. "You're here in the capacity of my full-time care-giver, so why shouldn't I pay you a fair wage for it?"

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "Penelope – I'm responsible for my children."

"And I'm just trying to help, dear," she replied. "So give me the computer and hush. We'll need to order uniforms, too – so I'll need their sizes."

"You do realize Wanda is going to have a thousand fits at a school uniform, right?" he asked.

She shrugged. "It's unavoidable."

"Okay," he said, holding his hands up in surrender. "You pick the school. I'll buy the uniforms and try to negotiate with the kids to make the transition as painless as possible. Right now, they're just…"

"Angry that their lives have been disrupted. I know," Penelope said with a sigh.

"And their grandparents are just as pissed," Derek commented with a frown. "But I'm not going to worry you about it, okay?" He gave her another kiss, then retrieved her computer from the desk on the other side of the room. "At least try to get some rest, okay?"

She nodded; she didn't really have any intention of resting or relaxing – there was too much to be done.

Derek and JJ were in the process of pulling a dresser up the main stairs when Christina and Sam arrived. "Hey, don't mind us," Christina said with a smile. "Where's Luca – shouldn't he be helping you move the heavy stuff?"

Derek didn't even try to reply till they had the dresser up on the landing. He wiped his forehead on his sleeve and said, "He's spending the weekend with his girlfriend's family."

Christina's smile turned to a frown. "Oh – well – do you guys need some help?"

Mick stomped out of one of the rooms, signing furiously, his face contorted in anger. Derek's shoulders slumped and he signed back in resigned tones, then JJ interrupted, signing more. Mick sighed and pushed past them, going downstairs in a huff. He only spared Christina and Sam a cursory glance before he went into the kitchen.

"He wanted to know what was for lunch," JJ said. "I told him we'd go out and get something once we've finished moving the big furniture."

"Why?" Sam asked. "I can make something –"

"There isn't much in the house," Derek said, pushing the dresser down the hall. Once he and JJ had guided it into another room, they appeared at the railing again. "But you're welcome to try – I'm sure no one would mind."

"Derek, Aunt JJ, this is Sam Halder," Christina said by way of introduction.

JJ waved. "I know your show – my son has one of your cookbooks," she said with a friendly smile. "Glad to meet you."

Derek appraised him for a long moment, then headed down the stairs without a word. "JJ, we've got a futon and two more bed frames to move," was all he said. "We should get a move-on."

Christina sighed and looked at Sam. "I'm going to go see Mama – why don't you go see what, if anything, you can find in the kitchen. If we need to, we'll go to the store," she said, giving him a quick kiss before she dashed up the stairs as JJ came down.

"Derek's just having a long day," JJ tried to explain.

"Doesn't matter much to me," Christina replied as she turned left – the opposite direction of where Derek's family was now going to be living – toward the master suite and her old room… and Luca's room. She paused and knocked on the door.

"Yeah?" Penelope called.

Christina opened the door and smiled as she walked in. "Hi, Mama," she greeted with a smile. "It's good to see you not hooked up to all the machines –"

"I feel much, much better," Penelope said with a huge smile. "What on earth are you doing here?" she asked, accepting her daughter's hug. "Don't you have work to be doing or –"

"Derek asked if I'd be up for coming out for the weekend to see you," Christina said with a smile that hurt her cheeks, it was so wide. "Are you surprised?"

"I am!" Penelope cried. "Especially since your brother isn't here…"

"He's at Megan's," Christina replied.

Penelope frowned. "I guess he's still pissed about the power of attorney thing."

"Well, think about it from his side," Christina said with a sigh as she sat down on the bed. "Wouldn't you be a little upset?"

"He didn't even tell you what was going on," Penelope reminded her.

"No, he didn't," Christina said, "but that's just Luca – he thinks he can handle things and doesn't like it when the rest of us know he can't."

Penelope sighed. "He was irresponsible –"

"Mama, stop," Christina said gently. "He called JJ to help. That makes it a little bit better, right?" She sighed. "He doesn't like you thinking of him as a disappointment. And he's upset because you didn't give him a second chance; you just stripped him of the right to try and gave it to Derek Morgan."

"Who has already shown more capability for handling my medical decisions than –"

"Mama, that's not the fucking point," Christina snapped. "Dad died, what, seven months ago? And all of a sudden, you've just shut your kids out in favor of some guy you're having a fling with. It hurts, Mama – I've tried to avoid saying anything that will make it all worse, but I agree with Luca. Derek Morgan isn't doing you any favors. And having him move in with his kids isn't going to help anything. But you aren't even thinking about anyone else – just you and what's going to make you happy till you fall over and croak. So, I don't even want to hear why you think it's okay to just… capsize our family."

Penelope just stared at her, not saying a word.

"Well, say something," Christina said sharply. "Deny anything that I'm saying. Or tell me it's true – hell, tell me you weren't thinking clearly. Something – anything – just don't sit there, looking at me like I've lost my mind, Mama!"

"I love Derek very much," Penelope said, her voice low and quiet. "It's not a fling. And, yes, okay, I'm a very selfish person right now – haven't I earned the right to be?"

Christina shook her head. "No," she said very quietly. "You have not."

Penelope sighed. "Okay, fine – then we're stalled here. You hate Derek, Luca hates Derek –"

"I don't hate him, but I hate what he's doing to our family," Christina said sharply. "And I miss my daddy, okay? Don't even try to make me pretend that Derek fucking Morgan is my father – because he's not."

"No, he's not," Penelope agreed. "He's your biological father – but he's not the one who was there when you took your first steps or stayed up with you when you were teething. And he didn't make you breakfast and kiss your boo-boos…"

"Just because you're sick doesn't mean you have to make the rest of us miserable!" Christina exclaimed. "Okay? I don't want Derek Morgan to replace Dad."

"He is never going to replace your father," Penelope whispered, choking up. "Not ever."

"Why did you start seeing him again?" Christina demanded. "Why, Mama? Twenty years apart wasn't enough? Why?"

"Because something changed," Penelope said, her voice breaking. "And we couldn't keep going like we were – it wasn't fair."

"What changed? Dad died?"

"Your father told Derek about you," Penelope said softly. "And… things happen."

"'Things happen' is what you say when the condom breaks," Christina said scathingly. "Or when you sign divorce papers. Relationships don't just change on a dime like that."

"Don't they?" Penelope asked, frowning. "You and Jack –"

"Oh no, don't even bring him up," Christina muttered. "Don't think you can just drag me through the mud again, okay? He's gone – history. My ex is exed out of my life. Sayonara, motherfucker."

Penelope sighed. "Yes, well, Derek and I –"

Christina tossed her head and scowled at her mother. "Did you ever love Daddy or did you just settle for him because you couldn't have your precious Derek Morgan?" she asked.

Penelope recoiled as if she'd been slapped. "How can you even ask that question?" she exhaled shakily.

"I think it's a pretty straightforward question," Christina said. "So answer it."

"I love your father very much," Penelope whispered. "And if I had the choice to have Derek or Dave – I would pick David Rossi again. I chose to be with your father – there was no settling. He swept me off my feet when I was pregnant with you and made me feel loved – truly loved and wanted and valued. It wasn't just sex and it sure as hell wasn't comfortable for either of us."

"You could've called it quits any time –"

"He had three divorces under his belt," Penelope murmured. "And you and Luca were enough to smooth out all of our troubles. We were happy because we wanted to be together and we wanted to be happy together – not because either of us was 'settling'."

"You're just saying that because I'm putting you on the spot –"

"No," Penelope whispered. "No, believe me – I would do anything to bring Dave back for our family. For you and your brother – for me. Because he was everything to all of us. Derek… I love Derek. But not the same way I loved your father. Derek and I – we're like a fire. We burn and burn and burn. But your dad and I? We were like the ground in the garden. We didn't look like much, but we grew some of the best things – and we grew together. And I miss him every day." She pulled Christina into her arms and whispered, "And it breaks my heart that you and your brother are hurting. God, it breaks my heart."

"Why didn't you say that?" Christina asked, holding onto her mother for dear life. "Why haven't you said any of that to me – or to Luca? Why are you making it look like you don't care?"

"Because," Penelope whispered, "when you hurt so much, all you want is for the pain to stop. And Derek makes the pain stop for a while – I don't want him to replace your father. I just… I want to feel loved again."

"How did you know Daddy was the real deal?" Christina asked, tucking her head into her mother's shoulder.

Penelope hugged her tighter. "The team went to Arizona and came back on a Monday at lunchtime," she murmured. "And I'd had a doctor's appointment that morning, and all your dad wanted to talk about was you and how much you'd grown and was I feeling okay and would I like Chinese for lunch and there was a late-night showing of Arsenic and Old Lace and would I like to come with him." She smiled sadly. "And while we were watching the movie, he put a ring on my finger and asked if I'd marry him and let him be a daddy to my little girl."

"And you said yes?"

Penelope laughed. "Are you kidding? I told him hell no."

"What? Why?"

"Because we hadn't even slept together yet," Penelope said with a smile. "Not sex – actually sleeping together in the same bed. Until you sleep with someone, you don't know if it's going to work."

"Really?" Christina asked.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Penelope asked.

Christina cleared her throat. "I kind of have a boyfriend," she said. "Well… more of a fiancé."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa – back up that truck, miss thang," Penelope said firmly. "When did this happen?"

Christina sighed. "Okay, well, we've known each other –"

"When?"

"I don't think you get to lecture me on my track record, Mama."

"Excuse me for being concerned after I had to pick up the pieces after Jack –"

"Sam isn't anything like Jack," Christina snapped. "He's a good man, Mama. He's going to be a good father and a good husband and –"

"You couldn't have come to me and told me you were seeing someone?" Penelope asked.

"Not when you're sick – almost dead – and Mr. Neanderthal is in the way," Christina muttered. "Besides, you would've gotten upset."

"I'm… I'm upset now," Penelope sighed. "Are you crazy or just stupid? After what happened before –"

"It's not the same," Christina argued. "No part of my relationship with Sam is even remotely the same as my relationship with Jack."

"It's too much, too fast –"

"And you and Derek aren't?" Christina challenged. "What would Dad say to both of us right now? What would he say to you?"

Penelope rolled her eyes and sighed. "He'd just ask if I'd lost my mind," she muttered.

"Yeah, and he'd tell me to be careful because marriage is a huge step –"

"He knew that better than anyone," Penelope said, smiling sadly. "My Italian Stallion… I finally broke him."

Christina made a face. "Mama, ew, thanks, no," she said quickly. "Mental image – scarred for life. My point being that you completely missed my point in the first place. Daddy would just want us both to stop and take stock and make sure this is what we want and need. And, well… when you know, you know. And I know Sam is a good man."

"I don't have to approve right now, do I?" Penelope sighed.

"Well, just so you know, I brought Sam with me," Christina said. "He's downstairs with Mick, trying to make lunch. So, really –"

She was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Come in," Penelope called.

Sam stuck his head in the door and smiled. "Hi, Mrs. Rossi – Babe, can you run to the store and get a couple of things? Mick and I are going to make soup."

Penelope looked at Christina with wide eyes. "That's your Sam?" she asked.

Christina blushed. "Yes, Mama, that's my Sam."

"Well, then – I take back everything else I was going to say," Penelope said. "And we'll talk more about this later."

"What, just like that?" Christina asked.

"You want to keep fighting?" Penelope shot back.

"No –"

"Then go," Penelope replied, nodding and pointing in the direction of the door. "Besides, I'm tired. It's naptime. Shoo. Go on, get outta here."

Christina sighed and left with Sam. Penelope waited till she knew for sure they were gone, then she grabbed the phone. "Hey," she said when she got Luca's message system, "it's Mom. I'm home from the hospital and we need to talk. Preferably before you move to Nebraska for school. But, you know, if time and distance make It better, then so be it. But we do need to talk. I love you, honey. Please call me back or, you know, come see me." She hung up and closed her eyes.

Was it too late to change her mind? Yes. Was everything always going to be this raw ball of hurt and anger and grief? No. Or at least, she didn't think so…

But she was just trying – trying so hard – to do what Dave had wanted her to do. They had fought about just this in his last few hours. She had clung to the idea of being the grieving widow and he'd told her that she was not that woman – not ever. Not since she had been Penelope Garcia and mourning the break-up between her and Derek. And he'd told her that some fences could be repaired, even when they were broken beyond all recognition.

His last wish for her was that she'd be happy – and he'd been determined in thinking that Morgan would make her happy again when he couldn't anymore.

Penelope huffed and punched the pillow. Yeah.

David Rossi was a consummate bastard.