After thinking for quite some time, Severus made his decision. He knew Lily did not care for him now, and likely would never again, so what did he have to loose?

Nothing.

A part of him did feel guilty for doing this. After all he was betraying her trust in some way. But for the first time in his life, that part was not big enough to take over his curiosity for the book. He normally would never do something like this, something that could - would possibly make Lily hate him even more. But oddly he could not stop. Even offering him a high rank in the Death Eaters would not even suppress his curiosity or make him change his mind. He needed to see what was in that book.

It was almost as if someone had cast a spell upon Severus. A spell that enhanced his need to see what lie beneath the cover. But he figured that was unlikely as it was a book. And it was Lily's book after all.

Severus swore on his magic that whatever he read would never leave his mouth little lone his mind. Which, in general, would be difficult as his Occlumency was still far from reliable, but was better than most would ever be able to accomplish. He would be able to keep out most, but not all. And by most he meant any prying students around him and Lily. So he considered it was safe.

But did that make anything better? Was it acceptable because he knew Lily and was not doing this for anything evil, but for an insight into the life of the girl he always loved?

He sighed and pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind. He knew the answer to that question and did not like it. But with his shields up on that part of his mind - the caring part, his heart again began to pump a mile a minute with excitement. He swore it was louder than the chugging of the Hogwarts Express. And in some sense it was...To him at least.

He pulled up his right arm that held his black wand. It visibly shook with adrenaline but he could manage a few tiny simple flicks. Severus unlatched the first part of the lock and undid the golden latch. He fumbled with the muggle contraption for a moment - examining it's detailed features before placing it down on the mahogany nightstand beside him. He exhaled as he ran a cold, sweaty hand through his overgrown raven black hair.

Again he pulled up his right arm. He carefully moved his wand around the rough black edge. It appeared to be made from a cheep leather - if not faux. But none the wiser, Severus thought it looked... nice. Like something he would choose for himself... minus the white part; preferring all black.

Severus also checked for wards. If there was any, and knowing Lily quite well, he knew there would be some, they needed to be dismantled properly before he got any further. Breaching one could be a dangerous event, and depending on the ward, could result in him being painfully shocked to death or breaking out into a thousand boils.

With all the small security wards lifted, Severus flipped open the black and white cover and was presented with a simple first page that contained moving flowers and a single line of writing that read :

Lily Evans

Severus became intrigued as he saw her name written in ink. As always, his heart began to pound with a burning desire for her, for anything Lily. Unknowably, he ran his hands over her name and became momentarily lost in his thoughts, and a rare but small smile crept across his face.

He turned over the page and his eyes grew wide. He automatically lost himself within it's handwritten text...

oOInseparable DesireOo

Lily was seated down at the Gryffindor table along with her friends Mary and Laura. It was quarter to five and dinner was coming to an end. There was less than a dozen students left at each table, but there was much more food placed upon them- enough to feed the entire school over, yet again. Lily's plate was filled with chicken, rice, steamed vegetables and a dinner roll.

Her friends, Mary and Laura (Mary being a brunette and Laura having blonde hair - both with brown eyes) were in deep discussion about the Quidditch match that was to follow the next day. They were advocate fans of the game but Lily knew it was likely because of all the fit guys that were on the teams, and the chance of seeing the Slytherin team be defeated - something Lily too had to admit she enjoyed witnessing.

It was the first game of the year against Ravenclaw, and everyone could predict what the outcome would be.

"So are you coming with us tomorrow?" Laura asked as Lily took a bite of her food, "James will be there."

She rolled her eyes and placed her fork down. Lily loathed Quidditch. But no matter how much she protested on not going, her friends would still somehow manage to drag her to each and every one. How they did this, she did not know. But sometimes it was the only time she could spend time with them as her four NEWT classes were taking most of her time. So she always seemed to cave in for that reason.

But that was not going to happen this time as she had other plans. Plans that would not be broken. Could not be broken. Since September, Lily had not had a free day to herself. She had not had the chance to use the large tub in the prefects bathroom(as she had settled for showers). Lily shook her head and both Mary and Laura frowned disapprovingly.

"Lily," Mary began in a soft but assertive tone. She had, in some ways, always reminded Lily a lot about her sister Petunia. There confidence was equally high as well as there noses - as they did share the same standers on the 'perfect life' - with only the magic separating there views. "You're going to have to put yourself out there if you want James to think you're interested."

"Yeah, I mean, he's in a school full of girls, he's not going to wait forever for you." Laura added. "I've seen his eyes dart towards McLorn a few times."

Lily again rolled her eyes, took another bite of her food and a loud gulp of pumpkin juice. Her temper was slowly flaring but she managed to keep in at bay with only her eyes showing. She glared at them both, "how many times do I have to say I'm not interested in Potter!"

Mary put down her fork which hit her metal plate and sent a loud noise across the room. She leaned across the table, "How many times will it take for you to realize that he can give you everything!"

Lily did not reply. Her mind did occasionally pounder with her friends' reasoning, and at times, she agreed she was right...In some way.

There was an ongoing wizard war that had made money become extreamly tight. Even Lily herself did not have much, as did many other students. She knew it would be sensible to be with someone like Potter at times like these. It would be a safe and secure route to take. Not having to worry about money, even having enough to enjoy a few nice things. It was tempting to say the least. But with everything he had done, she could not do it. And she could not face a marriage without loving the person in return. And that was surly not to happen anytime soon with Potter.

"See even Laura agrees with me, right?" Mary looked over to the blonde for support in which she gave a slight nod as if she was scared to answer this.

Lily sighed, "Is that all you ever care about? How much money he has?" Mary shrugged and opened her mouth to reply but was cut off, "Well honestly I'm surprised there."

Mary face turned a light shade of red. Laura gaped at Lily for being quite inconsiderate and rude, but Lily did not care. That was something Mary had needed to hear for some time and only now had Lily bothered to tell her. Probably because she was tired about hearing about the Toe Rag.

"Why would you say that?" Mary said slowly, her voice filled with hurt.

"Because that's all you every go on about! That and how good looking he is." Lily sighed, "I'm tired about hearing about him. I'm not interested in James Potter so can we all let it go? Please?"

Mary bit her lip as if she was weighing the pros and cons to Lily words. "Fine but if I ask him out, don't become all jealous and stuff. You would have had your chance."

With the silence between them, Lily reached into her bag to retrieve a book to read. And suddenly, her heart sank into her stomach.

Oh no!

Her hand fumbled around the insides of the brown bag she carried everyday. The light brown and white owl feather quill was there, her notes and a scroll of parchment were there as well as her school books but one thing was missing. Probably the most important thing of all...

My Diary.

Lily's heart was now pumping a mile a minute with noting but fear. She thought she might have a heart attack there and then. She picked up her bag and dumped the entire contents onto the table and frantically searched. Her green eyes were wide with panic as she knew she had put what seemed like her entire life into that book. Things no on else were to ever see.

Just as she was doing this, someone from behind her came up and snatched the quill that was in her hands.

With a sharp turn, Lily spun around and glared at a smirking Toe Rag who was flipping her quill in the air.

"Give. That. Back!" She said furiously and his smirk grew even wider. He moved closer a few more inches and shoved a hand in his black trousers pocket.

"Hey Evans." He grinned.

Potter was becoming very close to six feet. Which in all, made his crude activities even worse as he towered over most of the school. His hair was far more shabby as the years went on but it coordinated well with his rugged - but expensive looking clothing. Every time Lily had seen him, he was like this. She called it the 'fight look' and knowing how he was, was probably not far from the truth.

He whipped up his hand with the quill in it and stroked it along Lily's face. She squinted at the sensation and pushed it away from her. Potter let out a small chuckle as he saw Lily was now infuriated with him. His goal was complete.

"Oh come on, have some fun," He teased and Mary and Laura laughed idiotically, "You don't laugh enough you know. It's not going to kill anyone." Her friends laughed once more.

"Give me that!" She snatched her quill and quickly packed up her bag. She did not have time for this. Her diary was missing and anyone could have it, heck anyone could have read it by now...

"Have somewheres' better to be?" He teased. "Would have thought you'd like to be seen around me... like most girls do around here." He looked over to Mary and Laura who were inwardly batting there eyelashes at him.

Lily sighed, Why does every girl like him? Even my friends are starstruck by him.

Lily could not believe him at times. He had also become more self absorbed as the years went on, when he should have been getting better. Lily had far more important things to do than to deal with Potter. "See you girls later."

"What? I don't get a goodbye?"

Meanwhile at the same time, Severus was seated across the hall over at the Slytherin table reading her book while finishing off his meal. He had changed the cover to look like a Dark Magic one so no one would ask questions... especially Avery.

He was shell shock by some of the things Lily had written. He had read some entries that were about her friends and school, some that were about her personal life and others that were about him.

And he was not shocked at the ones that were about him. What shocked him was what Lily wrote about her personal life. He in general, knew a lot about Lily - he would admit that. But some of these things were personal. Very personal. He did not know what he was expecting when he read her diary. But surly it was not this.

Severus knew the things girls wrote in them, that was a given for any guy, popular or not. But he never did think she of all girls would write these things. He did not know why.

Maybe it was because he was her friend and did not think of those things when around her. Sure he loved her and wanted her in his life romantically, but he never did think of her past being anything but sweet and innocent. Severus briefly remembered what she had written four entries ago. It was only one line of writing, but it made his jaw drop wide open, and made him realize that girls too had those thoughts and dreams as well...

Severus being a quick reader, had managed to make his way through a quarter of the book. It was not as thick and wide as one of his Potions text books as it was more close to one of his Dark Arts books; a personal size. He knew all of the pages had yet to be filled and knew there were only a few entries left to go. Severus continued...

October 4th, 1976; Another Severus entry.

This is the first entry I've written in awhile... and about him.

This year so far has been a hard one, more so than I expected. With being a prefect and studying for my NEWTS, I don't have much time to myself. But the time I have had, I've been able to think things over in my head - properly. And this will sound different to everything I've written in past entries, but I need to let it out.

To start off with it, I want to give Severus another chance. Lately I've been thinking about him and I realize that him not being in my life has left a huge gap there. But I know that another chance will be another one that fails. He's had more chances than I can count and every time he fails. Sometimes I wonder if he ever did mean that he would try. Because it surly did not seem like it...

...

...The Severus that he is now scares me. Him and his friends are always getting up to no good and I fear about what he does, what he will do. There are many stories around that they kill people like me, people who are muggleborn and are considered mudbloods. Would that mean he would kill me? If You-Know-Who told him to do it? I just don't know. And it scares me. He's gone too far in and will never be able to get out. It's only months now before he's one forever.

Severus was quite aware he was gaping at her soft writing yet again. How could Lily think that little of him? Did there years of friendship prove nothing to her? It was now obvious to Severus that she had no clue just how much she meant to him. If she did, she surly would never think those things. He grumbled in annoyance. If she only knew...

Severus never did want to scare Lily. Was that why she ended there friendship?

Possibly. But I don't ever remember doing any Dark Magic around her since third year... What is she talking about? What has she seen?!

He did not know what took him aback more; That(Him scaring her and thinking he would kill her if The Dark Lord told him to)or the fact that she was willing to give him another chance. Something Severus never thought in a million years he would get.

"Are you coming to the game tomorrow? I can get you good seats." Severus herd his least favorite voice fill the great hall. He looked up and saw a livd Lily glaring at the Great Hall doors. She did not reply. Many of the students watched as his voice could be heard from afar. "Might even be able to get you a personal meet and greet with the Gryffindor seeker!"

Lily expression changed. She trampled over to Potter with a faint smile on her face. Oh just great, she's thinking about it!

She whispered something to him in his ear which made Severus cringe. She was close; very close. How he wished that was his ear.

She giggled, pulled back and left the room with Potter stunned still. There was a look of confusion upon his face. Or maybe it was a look of shock as she might just have accepted his offer after all these years.

No! Lily would never do that! She hates him as much as me!

Does she Snape? He does have quite a few things up on you... He grumbled at the voice in his head, which was sadly right. If Severus had any chance at renewing there friendship, he would have to make a few changes in his life. Changes so that he did not scare the love of his life away from him forever.

And maybe, if he was lucky, he would someday become more...

A/N: Thank you for the reviews and follows. They mean a lot to me. Another chapter should be soon. I will try for one more before the new year.