Charlotte.
I couldn't believe the look of devastation on his face, it felt like this was a dream. I rubbed my eyes to check. How could this happen, sweet Mason, the boy is ten years old for gods sake- shouldn't even know about things like this yet. "I want. I want to talk to him- soon."
"He still needs his rest, but as soon as I can, I will wheel him in here,"
"And I will knock some sense into that boy and remind him why he's here and that I love him. Go be with our son, I don't want him to be alone." I cried some more, being so helpless lying in this bed, it felt like crying was all I could do.
Addison.
Suicide has to be one of the saddest things ever, the fact that someone feels like they have not even enough value to keep themselves alive brings me to tears every time I think about it, and even sadder to think of a ten year old doing it, he's ten, ten is still the age for faeries and magic and toy planes and trains, climbing trees, race cars and sports, not feeling sad and lonely enough to go over the edge. I looked into his blue eyes and saw his remorse, his devastation, his loss of want to be in life. I sat on his bed. "Mason." I put my arms around him. "You're going to be o.k, you know that right?" He just sniffled. "Do you know how many people love you?" he shook his head no, "Well lets see, your momma, your dad, me, violet, Sheldon, Lucas, Jake and Amelia. And you know you were one of the first people to make Henry laugh, Henry loves you too. You have all these aunts and uncles and cousins that love you, that's seven people, and don't forget your Momma's family, so do you realize if you would have died there would be at least ten people that were very sad, maybe even sadder than you felt when you wanted to do this, so do you really want people to feel even sadder than you did? Because we all love you."
"Really? You all love me?" he wiped back tears.
"Even Sheldon was out there crying," which in my opinion is a little bit strange, but o.k I guess he feels close to us. "So everyone loves you, I'm not telling you this to make you sad, I don't want you to be sad, I just want you to know how much you are cared for."
"Thank you Addison," Mason looked at me, his soft wet eyes still melt my heart.
"Don't thank me, I will always be here for you, if you ever need to talk to me, or anyone at the practice for that matter we're always here for you."
(flashback- Sheldon 22 years younger.)
Sheldon.
"Daddy- push me more on the swings," How could I say no to that innocent little face just like mine, those curly brown locks of hair like her mothers. I pushed her higher and higher into the trees until the sunset. I gave her a piggyback ride home, we had hotdogs for dinner and I gave her a bath. We settled into her bed watching a princess movie and when she fell asleep I kissed her goodnight and put her night light on.
"See, you are a great father, that nervous breakdown you had five years ago when I told you I was pregnant was all for nothing," My wife said to me when she came into bed that night.
"You know Laura, you're right, I do really love that girl, so much. I will always protect her, nothing will ever bring her down,"
Amelia.
I had a hard childhood, my father died when I was little. I couldn't understand it then so I turned to drugs as I got older- seems like it happened earlier for Mason. "Hey Addie," I turn to Mason and put my hand on his shoulder, "How are you feeling bud?"
"Tired."
"That means you're getting better. It really does. Did you know when I was little my Daddy died?"
"How did he die?"
"He got shot. Just because some guys wanted his watch."
"Was it hard for you?"
"Yeah. Especially because I watched him die while the paramedics came, losing a parent is one of the hardest things you have to do, lucky for us- it's already half over." Maybe that joke was bad. "But you know, I thought I was fine, turns out I wasn't, I started taking pills, kind of like the ones you took."
"So you wanted to kill yourself too?"
"No. I really don't know what I wanted, I only took a few pills and then they made me do crazy and mean things."
"And it was really hard for me to watch, because Amelia was like my sister and I tried to help her but I just couldn't do it," Addison added.
"But with the help of my friends and family I got better, but then I got worse again, but then I got better. So anyways, I'm always going to be here to help you so it won't happen again, I love you kid." I was in tears at this point.
"I love you too Amelia. Was your family mad?"
"My brother Derek, Addie's ex-husband, was really upset, and so was my mother. They were scared more than anything though."
"Do you think you could talk to my momma, so she won't be too sad."
"Of course I will."
(flashback)
Sheldon.
"Kaylee dear, do you want some lunch?"
"No thanks Dad."
"But sweetie, you haven't eaten all day, I worry about you, you may be 15 but you're still a growing girl, you need your nutrition." Something was odd, I couldn't quite place my finger on it.
Cooper.
Charlotte is taking it a little better than I had imagined- maybe because she knows any early stress could cause the babies to come.
Cooper looks over at Sheldon as he passes him in the hallway.
What's his problem lately?
"Mase, they are bringing you dinner soon, is chicken fingers o.k?"
"Yeah, chicken fingers sound great Dad." He sat up and smiled as best as he could. Really where do I go from here? How do things pick up and move on?
Sheldon.
"suh suh suh suh, suicide? But but but I can't understand why how who?" I felt destroyed. The doctor kindly patted my shoulder.
"Suicide," He repeated "She took a knife to her heart, your wife found her in bed this evening." That was painful to hear. I remember getting sick and then returning.
"I'm a psychologist, my daughter killed herself." The doctor just looked at me. "How in the hell does this add up? Exactly. It doesn't. I can't help anyone, I'm useless." I slumped over crying, the doctor sat down but I told him to go save lives, go be a hero, be good at his job while he still can.
"You didn't notice?" Laura yelled at me that night.
"It adds up now, withdrawn, not eating, interested in death," I stutter.
"You suck at your job." She left in a storm. Filed for divorce a few months later.
Violet.
I sat there holding Sheldon as he cried. "Shel, what's wrong," I looked to him as you would look to a child.
"I have a daughter. In heaven and her name was Kaylee," Tears streamed down his face, I tried not to look shocked despite the fact Sheldon had hardly ever told him anything about himself except that he had an ex-wife, and he only told us that by accident. I patted his back and he continued. "She was the most beautiful princess ever."
"Wh-what happened to Kaylee?" I asked trying not to cry.
"Suicide, a few more years older than Mason is. She was depressed all the time, we really never knew why." You could tell he was trying to act like his daughter was just another patient, that normal, awkward, short monotone returned to his voice for that sentence and then he went back to crying. "I was a pyschologiest and I couldn't help my own child, I couldn't help someone else's child. I sat there and saved the life of a pedophile and many other people undeserving to experience the world, but I can't save anyone who is valuable." He stopped sobbing. "Maybe I oughtta quit, just take up working in an office, making copies, stapling papers, I can't mess that up right?" he chuckled. I was still in shock that Sheldon had so much on him and he always heard about everyone else and their problems but never once mentioned himself.
Sheldon.
I can't believe I just said all that. Now everyone is going to give me that hurt puppy look just like they did in New York. That's why I moved away from there. I wanted to go somewhere where people wouldn't feel sorry for me, they wouldn't think they needed to hug me when they see me and bring me coffee because they worry. I bet I'll have to move again with the rate that gossip travels through this practice. "Violet?" I'm back to normal again, done crying. I kind of feel like a weight has been lifted. This is nice. "Are you going to tell everyone?"