Bonnie looks at her reflection in the mirror while two girls leave the restroom chatting cheerfully about nail polish, girls' nights and dates. She sighs and forces a smile, trying to not miss the time of her life when she could let herself be bothered about such things - even if she was never really aware of the new trend of nail polish and had to depend on Caroline's omniscience on such matters; even if she never really felt like she fitted in during girls' nights; even if the date was never her own.
But it's no use to mourn things that will never come back. That's why she never mourned the way her mother had abandoned her, never got upset on Mother's Day or during school interviews when none of her parents showed up. She never even paid attention to her own birthday so that she have to notice that there was no one at home to celebrate with. It was perfectly pointless to do otherwise, and if things couldn't change then she needed to, she needed make herself not care. That's her motto, or, one of them, anyway.
She managed pretty well, all considered, she thinks. The hand reapplying her nude lipstick trembled a little and she holds her breath lowering her arm. Sometimes, like now, for a brief moment, she feels like she is about to implode. It would be funny, though, because the school would just blow up and even then people would never guess who did it. They would never think of her; because she's Bonnie Bennett; reliable Bonnie, punctual Bonnie, of-course-you-can-count-on-me, Bonnie.
Invisible Bonnie.
Elena is her best friend, she's had to endure a lot in her life and Bonnie loves her so much, and yet, sometimes she can't help but envy her, just a tiny little bit; because Elena can be ill-fated but, when she's not around, people notice. When she's in danger, people throw away caution for her, and when she smiles, people have to pick up pieces of their heart from the ground.
Bonnie is missed only when there's a new villain in town and they need her to do some witchy mojo, and Bonnie does not smile that often anymore because she's always watching, always waiting, always worrying.
Bonnie is no fun; not like Caroline.
Caroline is all rainbows, all lights, even as her un-dead version she's more alive then Bonnie's ever felt in her life. Caroline let herself love, let herself hope for tomorrow- maybe because she has a never-ending supply of tomorrows. Caroline's been brave and she's not second best anymore; people notice her now in a different way than before. She's Matt's eternal flame, Stefan's secret best friend, Tyler's saving grace, and Klaus' lady. Just like Elena is Elijah's mirage, Matt's first love, Stefan's soul mate and Damon's obsession.
Bonnie has never been second best; in fact, she's not even classified, actually. But who cares about such things right now? She doesn't have the time. She needs to go grocery shopping; she needs to study for the next trigonometry test, all while needing to stop the usual random vampire from drinking from Elena's swan-like neck.
Bonnie needs to increase her powers, practice her off-guard psychic abilities, keep safe the people she loves and vampires she hates- or at least one she likes to think she hates. And so there's no time for unsteady hands, restless nights or doubts. Much less, she has no time for nail polish, girls' nights and dates.
She pinches her cheeks and she smiles at the mirror before leaving the restroom to join Elena at the table.
The brown haired girl has her gaze lost somewhere in front of her and she's playing with her necklace. Bonnie sits in front of her but she still doesn't notice her; lately, it means nothing new for the witch. She doesn't resent her for it; in fact, being under the radar is usually a good way to increase her possibilities of staying alive.
"Is it Stefan?" she asks, curious to know if it's him whom is occupying her thoughts, since it's his gift she's playing with right now.
Elena is a bit startled and just gasps without answering.
"Or Damon?" Bonnie asks again, because lately things have changed and it's pointless to pretend otherwise.
When she says Damon's name she feels like her greatest shame is about to be discovered, because when she saw him chained, wounded and helpless, she felt the suffocating need to help him out and that's something she can't admit to herself, let alone someone else know about it. Not to mention that she was such a fool to go to him, venting about she-still-doesn't-know-what only because she was exhausted and crazy and scared, and he saw her at her weakest even when she spends so much time and effort being the strong one.
"I'm just-" Elena shrugs, like she just doesn't know. She never knows, so Bonnie sighs and holds her the girl's on the table for comfort, which she squeezes back.
Bonnie gives her a ride home after school and they find themselves talking in her kitchen, picking a day to go shopping like they're normal girls, because maybe if they keep trying, they'll get it right for once.
Elena starts making coffee and Bonnie sees her taking three mugs out. One brown eyebrow arches and the girl informs her that "Damon told me he would come by," so Bonnie stands, her hands brushing her jeans and gives a faint smile while coming up with the first excuse she can find.
"I really should go now, I have to buy some herbs before I go back home."
"Oh."
"I'm trying to be prepared for any eventuality," Bonnie adds, trying to sound cheerful and set on her task.
"And what would that eventuality be?" Damon's voice is a purr, and Bonnie's smile falls.
So much for her escape plan.
"You know, in case I need a salad on the side with your fried brain," she says, sternly without turning to him. "Even if I doubt it tastes better then how it works."
Damon fakes a smile, holding his hands, bending a little toward her and then batting his lashes. She feels the mocking blue eyes trying to pin her down. Bonnie rolls her eyes, refusing to meet his, all while trying to not let on the fact that he is actually affecting her somehow.
Bonnie feels the air become heavier when she suddenly remembers waking up in his bed, between his sheets, drowned in his smell. Like he was safe, familiar, and other things he's really not.
"All this unreleased sexual tension is bad for your health," he says in his best angel-voice. "You should let someone rock your world, Bon-Bon," he mocks, feeling a sudden, light rush of blood in her body. It's a pity her mocha skin rarely blushes; he should really put his mind to the task sometime, he thinks.
"Damon, leave her alone," Elena tries to step in, but that's it; Bonnie shakes her head and is already at the door. She calls a goodbye to Elena, ignoring Damon.
"I'll be a gentleman and open the door for her," the vampire says, taking a bow and turning to follow Bonnie out.
When she approaches her car he's already there, leaning on it, the door still closed.
"How are we going to name it?" he asks looking at her, whom stubbornly refuses to raise her eyes to him.
It's been two weeks since the morning she woke up in his bed, fully clothed - god, is he loosing his touch? Is he becoming... Stefan? She won't be in his presence for more then ten seconds, she won't even look at him and it just bothers the hell out of him.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she asks, still not looking at him.
"You know, the elephant in the room," he explains, leaning into her to add, "Odd choice of pet, I must say. I figured you for a cat person. Always scratching. I'm more a doggy-style person," he says, and there's really no way he can be more explicit.
She's not able to stop herself.
"You're disgusting!" she burst out, finally meeting his eyes to look at him with an outraged expression, and then she sees him. He raises his eyebrows because he won, because she finally looked at him.
"Passionately primeval is a more accurate description," he suggests, opening the door for her.
Bonnie grins, and he gets what's happening just one second before it actually happens.
"Primeval, uh?" she asks, "Do you even growl?" And then it comes, the pretty part where he tosses around on the ground while she grills his brain.
When she stops he can hear the music coming from the car stereo; she'd turned it on so she wouldn't have to hear him- but he hears her; her released breath under the voice singing, 'You can take it all away and I'll miss. There's a little bit of you in all this, and you can say you only think you know, yeah. Please, there's a better bit of me to see yet, 'cause you haven't seen any of my best.'
It would seem masochistic to push Bonnie's patience to the limit so she'll snap at him and stop being so damn indifferent, but the point is that no one ignores Damon. No one. It's a matter of image. Public relationships are very important; one day people start ignoring you for a stupid reason like, you know, letting their guard down in front of you for a brief second because they're too damn tired to put up the usual show so they think it's the end of the world and stop talking to you, or fighting with you, or calling you out on your presumed shit. Then suddenly you have no respect, you scare no one, and you're the most ridiculed vampire in town. And he can't have that, can he?
So the aneurysm he gets is for a greater purpose, that's why it's okay with him. He can even play the wounded hero with Elena, aside from the fact that Elena only looks at him like, 'it's all your fault.' Which it is, but that's beside the point.
Anyway, he gets to whine to her, and look at her, and breathe in her scent. Elena always smells like vervaine and all his mistakes, but to him, it's sweet all the same.
Elena gives purpose to all of his wasted years. To the feelings Katherine discarded so easily. She's the turning point of a story he though he couldn't write an ending to.
And she kisses him.
Note: The song in this chapter is "Say anything" by Marianas Trench.