Ali: I'm on a roll!

Asuma: I was told that you needed to be forced to say the disclaimer.

Ali: I'm offended! But yes, it is true.

Asuma: So, say the disclaimer.

Ali: If I say it will you give up smoking?

Asuma: No.

Ali: Will you hug the reviewers?

Asuma: N-

ALi: He'll hug you! I own nothing, review!~

Naruto went about his life with relatively nothing wrong. Sure, the last mission he was seriously injured (his arms completely broken) , but it was pretty good. Naruto was soon admitted into the hospital, but finally a familiar yell drifted into the room.

"Naruto did what?"

"Lady Tsunade please, he's resting," Yamato said, trying to slow her down and buy Naruto some more time.

"He'll get a rude awakening!" Tsunade declared before bursting open the door.

"H-hey Grandma Tsunade," the blond said nervously.

Got anything to smooth this over with her?

Whatever I use would only lead to further injury, the fox admitted.

Damn.

"Don't hey me," Tsunade growled. "What did you think you were doing fighting someone who obviously could crush you easily?"

Naruto was going to play the "you see, what had happened was..." card, but he knew that if he did the Hokage before him would send him through the wall and out the window to the ground (he was on the second story) and he would end up with broken, or at least more broken than he already was. "I'm sorry, I was stupid and reckless. I'll try to be better."

She blinked. Obviously she didn't expect that type of answer. "Well, good."

Suddenly she got a look on her face that Naruto really didn't like. "Wh-what's that look for Tsunade?"

"I've got the perfect punishment in mind," Tsunade said before walking out the door.

Naruto sank deep into his pillow and covered, frightened about what Tsunade had in store for him. Fifteen minutes later, after thinking about immense possibilities Tsunade walked into the room with Sakura, Shizune, and Jiraiya (who was scolding him silently). Naruto put on a grin when really he was ready to use his remaining strength to run out.

Tsunade cleared her throat. "Since you can't wash yourself, Jiraiya's going to clean you."

"WHAT?!" Naruto, been naked in a room with the guy in a hot spring, completely different than a bathroom and hands weren't touching Naruto unless it was to drag him out (by the hair, sadly). "Grandma Tsunade, please! I'll do anything, heal my arms!"

"No, no, and if the Kyuubi heals them before they naturally heal, I'll break them again."

Sorry kid, the fox said.

Naruto kicked the covers off and tried to run away only to be apprehended by Sakura. Then Naruto decided to try something. "Pervy Sage, you don't want to wash me every time I need washing do you?"

"No, but I'm on punishment too," Jiraiya growled, glaring at Tsunade.

Naruto shared a glance with Sakura and sighed. "Then refuse her offer!"

"But he can't," Tsunade said.

Naruto admired this woman, her mind always had great ideas to torture the enemies and outwit almost everyone, but he didn't like it when it applied to him. Naruto tried again to run when this time Jiraiya picked him up.

"TIme for a bath."

"Bath? I refuse to take a bath."

"Why?"

A few reasons, one I'm not five, two I'm swimming in my own filth, and three I don't have to have a third reason!"

Naruto didn't like that idea. Besides, a bath sounded like he was a toddler instead of a sixteen year old. Jiraiya sighed. "Too bad."

Jiraiya picked him up like a rug and carried him into the bathroom. Naruto kicked at the Sannin, but obviously he dealt with kids more often than not and he expertly used his large hands to wrap his thumb and forefinger around one ankle and the other fingers to wrap around the other, pressing Naruto's other ankle to his forefinger. Naruto squirmed and wished desperately his arms weren't broken. Sadly the Kyuubi wasn't going to help.

Ha! I'm glad I didn't start healing you, this is too funny to miss, the fox barked, probably rolling in his cage since Naruto felt sharp pains in his head where the claws scrapped.

Thanks a lot, the Jinchuriki grumbled mentally.

Jiraiya ran the hot water and then partially turned on the cold to have some mercy on the blond. Naruto's cheeks already turned red from the humid heat and he tried using his teeth to open the door, and it surprisingly worked. He started to run out when he saw Tsunade.

"Hehe, hey Grandma Tsunade. I was going out for a nice stroll."

"Uh huh, get back in there."

Naruto turned with a sigh and walked inside. He was stripped to his underwear and almost thrown into the tub. Naruto's shoulders slumped forward and he felt his eye twitch. Jiraiya grabbed a few washcloths and sat on the toilet with a grunt. The sage put the washcloth on his shoulder and grabbed the shampoo, eyeing it for a second.

"You're not allergic to anything are you?"

Naruto shook his head. "Not that I know of."

Jiraiya nodded. "That's good."

Jiraiya rolled his sleeves up to his elbows before he squirt the shampoo into his hands and massaged Naruto's head. Naruto would never admit it, but it felt nice to have hands massaging his head. The sage made sure his hair was a different kind of wild before he dumped water on Naruto's head without warning. Naruto coughed and sputtered before clearing his eyes and glaring at his teacher.

"Warn someone?"

"Hm," Jiraiya wasn't paying attention to Naruto, just his hair. "Fine, I'm dunking you under real quick."

"What?!"

The blond was pushed into the water, his mouth and nose above the water, but not his eyes. Jiraiya massaged his finger's through the blond's hair, making sure all of the shampoo was out before helping the boy back up, his hair matted to his head. Naruto felt his eyes burning, shampoo in his eyes. Naruto hissed and closed his eyes, wishing it would come out. Jiraiya took a washcloth and pressed them against his student's eyes and gradually the burning went away.

"Rinsed, now repeat."

"Repeat?!"

Naruto went through almost the entire process again except for the water dumped on his head and the burning in his eyes. Then it was time for Naruto to get scrubbed down. Jiraiya pulled down one of the washcloths and dunked it in the water behind Naruto, ringing it out slightly. Jiraiya then squirted some of the body wash onto the wash cloth and rubbed it together. Without saying anything he scrubbed his student's back and moved to the shoulders, grumbling under his breath the entire time so Naruto couldn't understand anything except for 'damned' and 'can't believe' and 'Tsunade'. Naruto was confused and his broken arm was lifted gently and his sides were washed. After Naruto was cleaned (the Sannin refused to clean below the stomach and the small of the back and Naruto completely agreed with him) Jiraiya helped him out and unplugged the drain. He put Naruto in a robe and dried his hair, still grumbling with a growl.

"Alright, you're clean," Jiraiya said. "I'm done with my job, drying off and getting dressed is your job."

"You just washed me, drying isn't that hard and I need unbroken arms to do that!" Naruto argued, really not wanting to walk around in just his underwear and his robe.

"Fine," Jiraya said, quickly rubbing the towel on him and putting on shorts and a black t-shirt. "Better?"

"Thanks," Naruto said.

"Enjoy yourself?" Tsunade asked.

Naruto walked out and sent a glare at Tsunade before he got in bed. "Of course not."

"That's what you get. Alright, the Kyuubi can heal you now."

Naruto's eye twitched. "What... the... hell? This was for own twisted amusement?!"

"Pretty much."

Naruto had to admit, he would do the same thing if he had thought of it first, but he didn't like it. "That's wrong."

"Night Naruto, see you tomorrow," Tsunade said, bringing the others with her, Jiraiya brooding behind her.

Ali: Just an extra kick if you wanted to read it.

Asuma: Aren't people allergic to cigarette smoke?

Ali: They'll ignore it if they want to and not get a hug or get a hug anyway. It's their call if they accept it or not.

Asuma: *sighs* Alright, I'll give hugs.

Ali: You heard it! Review!~