Chapter 16 – Broken Allayment

"Draco?" Harry says with concern in his voice. I can't help but stare in the distance, thinking about who could have just died. It would only make sense for it to be Pansy considering what happened last night. She could have only covered for me for so long until Goyle might have gotten suspicious. I want to run and find the body, but the hovercraft probably picked it up by now, and going back the way I came just to find a dead body isn't very smart. I might run into Goyle, plus Harry won't let me go alone and will probably follow me. I can't put his life at risk for my own stupidity. It's going to kill me inside, but I'll just have to wait a few more hours until night fall to see who the fallen Tribute is.

"Draco!" Harry says more loudly. I blink and turn him blankly. His eyes are full of worry, and he's leaning in like he was just about to shake me out of my thoughts. "You okay? You looked panicked."

I nod, trying to get Pansy out of my mind, but it's almost impossible. "I'm fine…" I say emotionlessly, swallowing hard and looking away from him.

"You think it's her, don't you?"

I nod.

"Well, then… why did you come looking for me if she means that much to you?" He asks me, but something in his tone sounds hurt, like he thinks I choose Pansy over him and the thought of that alone upsets him. My head shoots up, but before I say anything harsh I stop myself and sigh, "Because…" Now – tell him now. I might not ever get another chance like this again.

"Because…?" He echoes, waiting for an explanation, tilting his head slightly.

I look away, only for him to tilt my head back up. "You've been trying to tell me something ever since this whole thing started…" I don't answer him, but my eyes shift away.

"Draco." He says. "Talk to me. What's wrong?" His voice is reassuring and full of concern, but I'm still afraid of what he might think.

I pause and swallow nervously, "Every feeling I have for you." I answer softly. This seems to shock him in a way and he pulls back.

"What do you mean?"

I look down at my bandaged hand only because I'm too afraid to look into his eyes, "Harry…" Just tell him! My heart is starting to pound in my chest and I shift against the boulder uncomfortably.

"You mean more to me than anything." I start, "And I know it's wrong to feel like this toward you…"

"Draco-"

I don't let him finish. "I know you probably can't stand me now. You want the honest truth?" I take a shaky sounding breath and finally pick my head up to face him. "I love you. And all this time, I've been too terrified to admit it."

He doesn't answer, but instead, he just blinks at me with shock. By now, I feel like I've completely ruined everything and look away again, not being able to bear the astonishment in his eyes. But suddenly, I see his hand over mine. It's dry and soft against my skin – he seems a lot calmer than I am right now. Bracing myself, I pick my head up to meet his gaze again. He has a somewhat nervous but adorable smile on his face and his eyes have softened to comfort. "You don't have to be afraid." He says, a bit raspy sounding as he whispers. His tone sends a chill up my spine.

"But… isn't it wrong? Harry, we're meant to hate each other-" I can hear the hurt and fear in my voice.

"And you think that should stop us?" I look at him nervously, waiting for him to continue. "You don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say those three words, Draco." My hurt jumps and my breath hitches softly with it. I shake my head and look back down until I feel his hand on the side of my face. My gray eyes meet his green ones and he pulls me in closer, brushing some dirt off of my cheek bone with his thumb. "I love you, Draco. And whatever happens, you're not alone. We'll figure this out together."

I look at him with worry, "How?" I breathe against his mouth, inching in closer until our foreheads are touching.

"We'll just have to find out." He whispers. I feel his warm breath against my skin as his lips brush against mine. His hand slides down to the side of my neck and finally, we're locked together in a kiss that I've been dying for.

Shutting my eyes, I lace my fingers into his black hair, and press him closer, hiss him more passionately. The only sound I can hear is the sound of my heart hammering in my chest. I know for a fact that the cameras are on us now, and I try to put my father's reaction to this out of my mind.

Harry moves his hands to my shoulders and presses me against the boulder behind me. I shift slightly from under him and grip onto the collar of his jacket, not wanting to stop. I don't even think kissing Pansy ever felt this good – this feels right – too right.

"You know you're perfect, right?" He pants softly as he pulls away, still breathing against my lips.

I look into his green eyes and smile weakly, "I don't know about that." I touch the side of his face. "I never realized how pretty your eyes are. I'm not use to seeing you without glasses."

He laughs softly as he presses closer, making our lips brush together as lightly as a feather. The feel of him being even remotely this close to make just gives me the strong urge to kiss him again. "Neither am I." He whispers against me.

"Contacts?" I ask.

"Unfortunately. Since I'm pretty much blind without them."

I smirk lightly and move my hand to his forehead, gently brushing his jet black bangs out of the way to get a look at his lightning scar. "It doesn't hurt anymore?" I say as I gently touch it as if he might yell in pain if I'm not careful. He shakes his head, "Hasn't been bugging me since he died."

I pull my hand away and lean back to the boulder so there's more space between us, "Not even when you're with me?"

"What?" He looks at me with confusion. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"I'm a Death Eater... slave of Voldemort? Even though he's dead, Death Eaters are still around…"

"But he's not here – that connection isn't here anymore."

"So, basically, when he was alive and whenever you were around me, you're scar would hurt?"

"Not too bad. Where is this coming from, Draco?" I break eye contact. For some reason, I feel like he's in pain right now with just the sight of me, but won't tell me.

I clutch my left arm to my chest, as if I'm trying to cover it up more, like too much exposure of this mark can kill him. I pull away from him, thinking his scar is burning like fire – the more distance there is between us the better. So, all this time, I've been hurting him? I just wish this mark would disappear. But to my surprise, he smiles lightly and grabs my wrist, making me jump a bit. I blink and look up at him.

"I don't feel anything…" He says. "You don't need to be scared."

I swallow hard, "But I am scared… aren't you?"

He lets me go and looks down. I don't bother to press the question anymore.

The arena is beginning to get dark with night fall and I can't help but stare up at the sky, feeling the anticipation building as the exposure of the fallen Tribute gets closer and closer. Harry splits the last piece of bread he has for the both of us. I try to salvage it, but I'm so hungry that I finish my half before he does. "I've never seen you eat so fast…" He says with a slight laugh, "Actually, I never see you eat."

I laugh nervously, feeling my face flush up, "I'm starving. At least these Games are good way to lose weight."

"Only you have no weight to lose." He says. I smile in amusement only to have our brief little moment ruined by the sound of the anthem overhead. Okay, finally. Now, I can see who died earlier. Both Harry and I stare up at the hovercraft in unison. I wonder if he's worried about Ron…

Heart in my mouth and breathing picking up speed I stare up at the sky impatiently.

Finally I see the Tribute's picture and part of me relaxes when I see it's not Pansy. But the other part of me only fills up with more worry and horror when it turns out to Crabbe. This can only mean Goyle broke the allayment. I know Pansy is in trouble, but hopefully she got away and she's managing on her own. I haven't heard the cannon in a while which is both a good thing and bad thing. It's bad because every time I hear the cannon, I'll think it's Pansy. But it's good because Goyle has more people against him now and has a better chance of losing. With him out of the way it would be easier to help Harry win. But Crabbe – he was my friend once and now, part of me feels hurt and upset just thinking that I'll never see him again. Finally his picture disappears with a flicker and the sky goes back to its ominous black.

"Well, good thing it's not Pansy." Harry says. "But, Crabbe… I'm sorry, Draco…"

"I'm not." I say with a bit of hurt to my tone, but to be honest, I just don't want to talk about it. I'm still hungry, so I take a peek in Harry's back pack while he's drinking from his water bottle, "We're completely out of food."

"We'll hunt tomorrow." Harry says.

"But… I'm still without a weapon. Do you know how to hunt? I can just pick stuff."

"Sure. Just stay away from berries. Look for any edible leaves, roots… stuff like that."

"Okay…" I say tiredly. "How's your back?"

"A bit sore, but nothing like it was."

I smile lightly. "Good." The anthem finally stops playing and I shift against the boulder to get more comfortable. "We should get some sleep."

Harry nods and uses his back pack as a pillow when he lays down, back facing me. I stay awake and I guess he can tell I'm not going to sleep because he turns his head over his shoulder to look at me, suspicion in his green, tired eyes. "You need rest too, Draco."

I shake my head. "I just… need time to think for a bit. Get some rest, don't worry about me."

He looks at me for a moment and I try to look convincing, "Really, Harry… I'm okay…" He looks worried, but eventually gives up and turns back over, shifting lightly against the rock beneath him to get comfortable. I watch him before pressing the back of my head to the boulder, looking out to forest before me, just thinking about Pansy, Goyle… Blaise. I shift uncomfortably at the thought of him. I still can't believe he turned bad – he said he never would – he promised me. Back at the parade he told me we'd always be friends. Now, he's closer to Goyle than me. Part of me wants to hate to his guts, but I know I can't do that. I could never hate him even though I want to. Goyle, however; he's easy to despise.

"Or maybe you'll meet your true friends in Slytherin." The Sorting Hat said… Bullshit, all my "true friends" stabbed me in the back and twisted the knife into the bone. Except for Pansy. She's the only one who's ever stayed loyal to me, even now, when things got so bad, and I'm worried sick about her.

I'd die for her, but I can't let her die for me. Letting her go last night was probably the hardest thing for me to do and I'm still not over it. I'm just sitting here wondering where she is, how she's doing, if she's hurt, if she's dying, or even if she's looking for me… I want her to be okay, but I know she never will be. Not being there to protect her really does hurt.

Sighing softly, I hear a soft painful squeak escape from Harry. I look down at him and he's shivering in his sleep. I don't recall him having any more nightmares of Voldemort, but the Games could also be doing this to him. His legs twitch, making his boots scrape the rock beneath him, like he's trying to fight something in his head or run away. I look down at him with worry in my eyes and gently run my fingers through his hair, pushing some of his bangs out of his shut eyes. He moans in his sleep and shifts uncomfortably. "It's okay, Harry." I whisper. "Nothing will hurt you."

Suddenly he starts mumbling something, but I can't make it out. "Draco…" He says more clearly. I blink.

Me? He's dreaming about me? I can't help but smile lightly. "I'm right here." I say calmly, trying to ease the nightmare. "I'm not going anywhere." I lean down near his ear. "I love you." I whisper and kiss his cheek. He seems to calm down a bit and I pull my hand back, leaning against the boulder again. But I don't take my eyes off of him.

Now, I'm starting to feel exhausted. I haven't actually slept a full night, and I should probably catch up on some rest.

I get up quietly and move over in front of Harry so I can lay down with him. I use my own back pack as a pillow and press my forehead to his once we're face to face. Smiling lightly, I shut my eyes. But suddenly I feel something warm against my left hand that makes my eyes blink back open.

Harry's hand is right on top of mine, clutching onto it for dear life, as if I might hurry up and leave him for good. I stay close to him and finally shut my eyes, longing for some sleep.

I must have turned over in my sleep because when I open my eyes Harry isn't next to me anymore. Lazily, I turn over to where I was when I first fell asleep and stretch my arm out to the spot where he should be, only to have the palm of my hand meet nothing but hard, cold rock. My long fingers search for his body, but still, nothing. My heart jumps with worry making my eyes shoot open. I bolt upright to look for him. "Harry!?" No response. I look around frantically but don't see him anywhere. But just as I'm about to jump to my feet I begin to hear the faint sound of footsteps padding the grassy floor near the boulder. I turn my head in panic and see him walking over towards me with a dead rabbit struck to his spear. He stops shirt, I guess seeing the agitation on my face. "Whoa, calm down! Sorry, I just went hunting." He says defensively. I get to my feet and shove him against the boulder, digging my fingers into his shoulders.

"You scared me half to death! Why would you just leave without telling me!?"

He blinks and looks panicked. "I'm sorry!"

I grab him, and pull him into a hug, gripping the back of his jacket. I can feel my heart thumping against his chest. "Don't ever disappear like that again – ever!"

He hesitates but eventually wraps his arms around me. His shoulders shake faintly as his hot breath brushes against my ear and neck with soft laughter, "You're cute when you're mad." He says in a somewhat of a husky tone that makes me shiver with slight pleaser.

I roll my eyes and pull pack, eyeing the dead animal on his spear. "I thought we weren't going hunting until later?"

"Thought I'd get a jump on it while everyone was asleep. Sorry… I just didn't want to run into Goyle."

"I can make a fire." I say. "It's day time, so no one will see."

"Keep it light." Harry says. "It can still throw off smoke and people will see and smell that."

I roll my eyes again, "Know-it-all." I mutter as I go off to look for firewood. "And wait until I'm gone before you start gutting and skinning that thing."

Harry smirks and eyes the rabbit, "Just don't look!" He shouts after me. I wave my hand in the air, too lazy to answer. I keep walking until I'm out of sight from him to pick up some sticks for our fire. Suddenly, I stop in the middle of the clearing when I hear a soft screech, like the one I heard when I got my medicine from Snape. Looking around for the owl, I finally spot it. It's got something clutched in its talons, but I can't make it out until the bird flies closer. My heart lurches. Someone sent me an axe.

The owl drops it by my foot and flies off, disappearing somewhere behind me. I lean down to pick up the weapon, and notice that it's the same one I used to kill the snake at the parade. There's a note attached to it like there was to the last one. Only this isn't from Snape.

"Keep on fighting, Dragon. I'm proud of you.

-Juniper"

I smile and stuff the note in my jacket pocket, pick up my firewood and make my way back to Harry.

"Hey, you're back." Harry says. He's still skinning the rabbit, but I try not to look since this kind of stuff sickens me.

I place the firewood on the ground and hold up my axe, throwing it in the air so it does a full rotation before the hilt lands perfectly in my palm. "Look! I finally got a weapon."

"About time! Who sent it to you?"

"My stylist…"

"Wow. Usually stylist never sent tributes anything."

I shrug, "She's different." I say, smiling down at the axe. I miss Juniper… and Sasha too. At least they gave me a little stroke of hope for these Games. What I wouldn't give to see them again. I don't usually like people when I meet them at first, but Juniper was very different. She just had that vibe.

"So, do you know how to start a fire?" Harry says, breaking me from my thoughts.

My eyes shift questionably. "I hope you're not taking this Dragon thing literally."

"No." He says with a laugh.

"Good." I sit down beside him and watch as he slides the skinned and gutted rabbit onto his spear. I swallow down my vomit and turn away, trying to set up the fire, which isn't easy for me. I hate doing things the Muggle way. Harry laughs softly at my failed attempt and puts his spear down before taking some sticks in his hands. "I'll do it." He says with a smirk. I lean back, a bit embarrassed. "Sorry…" I say as I watch him rub the sticks together. "I'm gonna go see if your shirt's dry." I almost completely forgot I left it out to dry overnight.

I stand up and go back over to the river, where I left his shirt stretched out to dry on a nearby rock. Picking up the ripped thing in my hand, it feels rather dry so I bring it back over to Harry, and by now he already has a small flame going. "Well… that was fast." I say in slight astonishment. I hand him his shirt back. "It's all done."

"Oh, good! This jacket is starting to feel strange without anything under it, anyway."

"Do you still want to keep the bandages on?"

He nods. "Only because I'm still sore and I don't want it to get infected again."

He hands me his spear so I can hold the raw rabbit over the fire to cook, while he puts his shirt back on. Only, again, I'm distracted by him. He turns his back to me, and I watch as he gently strips off his jacket, as if the quickest movement would hurt his back. I blink, unable to take my eyes off of him. Even the way his shoulder blades move under his tan skin is perfect. I swallow the hard knot in my throat, wiling to just reach my hand out to touch him. It's like the whole world has stopped spinning, pausing this particular moment for me, so that I can take every last bit of him in sight. And although the bandages cover up most of his bear back, I still think he looks amazing. Then I blink my eyes away when he pulls his shirt over his head, covering his perfect body from sight.

"Whoa!" He says in shock when he turns back around, looking down at the fire. "Draco…"

"Whaa – oh!" I look down at the spear and the rabbit's head caught fire. I really wasn't paying any attention to what I should have been doing. I hold the dead animal up by Harry's weapon so that it's out of the flame. "Well, at least the head is cooked." I hold the spear out to him as it to take the animal, but not actually intending him to. "Like brains?" He laughs inaudibly in amusement, "Very funny." It's only a tiny flame since our fire wasn't too big to begin with. A quick blow of air puts it out and I continue turning it over the fire.

"So far the morning's quiet…" Harry says as he watches the rabbit cook, leaning back on his elbows.

"Mm-mmm. For now." I say dully.

I hear Harry take a soft breath. He looks concerned. Like he can see the fear on my face. "Draco… he won't find us…" I know he can tell I'm thinking about Goyle. Harry was always good with reading emotions, and It's sometimes hard for me to hide mine.

"He will eventually." I say. "He's evil and ruthless – the Games will end up with him being one of the last."

He's quiet again, probably not knowing what to say since he knows this is true. All I can hear is the clicking of the fire during this awkward silence. "We'll figure something out." He says at last.

I sigh and watch the rabbit cook as I turn it over above the fire. "We can't both win, Harry – there can't be two winners and they have to have their victor."

"Well, not always. Do they have to have their victor? What if they didn't?"

"What if they didn't?" I echo, looking up at him.

He shakes his head, "Never mind. It's a dumb thought."

"Well… either way, we can't let Goyle win."

"So then the Games will just come down to the two of us!? I'd never kill you, Draco. I slit my own throat instead."

"And I'd never kill you!"

"So than…. what if we both died?"

I shake my head and look down at the fire. "No. They won't let us get away with that."

"Draco, I can't kill you – I can't really kill anybody-"

"You killed Voldemort…" I say to the fire, not able to look at him right now. For some reason I feel… mad? I don't know why though. I think it might be the guilt of taking Hermione's life. Harry still doesn't know and all this talk about killing people just makes me feel more like a killer then what this mark stands for.

"….That was different…" He says with a hurt tone, shifting uncomfortably. "He killed everyone I ever cared about. Draco, you don't know what that feels like. And now these Games took Hermione away from me too."

I feel my heart sink to my stomach and for a second I can't breathe. My breath hitches and I look up at him with hurt in my eyes as if he's accusing me of her death even though he doesn't know it yet.

No, Harry, I killed her. I want to tell him so bad – just to be honest. But I can't bring myself to do it. If he ever finds out it was me – I'm terrified of the outcome. And he's right, maybe I don't know what sever loss feels like, but I've experienced other types of pain aside from loss. I never realized how similar Harry and I are until now – we've always been the same.

I wonder if he'll ever believe that Goyle forced me to kill Hermione. Harry knows I would never kill anyone intentionally – he saw me – he knew I couldn't kill Dumbledore on that Astronomy Tower.

Even when I met Harry looking for Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem in the Room of Requirement a year later, I, especially, couldn't bring myself to kill Harry then. Even though He was standing right in front of me that night, unarmed, I still couldn't pull myself though, whether or not I knew the spell. Because even then I was in love with him, and seeing him in front of me that night – seeing the fear in his eyes, even though he's as brave as lion, just broke my heart… I just couldn't. Being under presser with the thought of taking your lovers life is enough to make you go mad. I had my wand pointed at him and I even remember Goyle whispering in my ear for me to kill Harry that night, but I didn't. Being forced to murder, knowing you, yourself, or others around you can die if you don't… that feeling is scary. Goyle likes the rush and the thrill of seeing people suffer – he likes their blood and death stained on his hands. But once you take someone's life that stays with you forever. It scars you in different ways. Maybe not physically, but mentally. Sometimes people may look okay one the outside – like nothing is bothering them – but on the inside there's a broken boy wanting some escape from his life. Yeah, maybe at first it seems like no big deal, but once you're faced with that moment and the opportunity of killing someone is staring you in the face you just lose it – you lose your humanity, and that in itself is more terrifying then dying.

But killing a Mudblood… that's the worst thing I could have ever done… and I'll never forgive myself for it.

AN: So here's 16! This may be the last chapter for the weekend. I don't think I'll get to uploading 17 tonight, but I'll edit part of it and hopefully get it up tomorrow if my last class let's me out early enough - plus I gotta drive my ass home in the dark (Yes, I have school tomorrow dispite the holiday). College... ain't it fun?

Well, anyway, I spent a great deal of time editing this chapter and after I edited it I only skimed it to be sure it was all okay. It seems pretty good to me, but I'll leave that for you to decide. Also, listening to Linkin Park's new album while writing this story is pretty amazing. I love that band so much. OH, by the way! The next chapter may both shock you make you gross sob... It made me cry at least and I'm the one who wrote it. Only I know how this story will end my dears ;D. It's pretty intense so brace yourselves. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!