Chapter 20 – Awakening

I groan and grit my teeth in pain, shivering like my bones are frozen as I feel needles on the side of my neck. I'm still staring at a black abyss, but then I realize my eyes are closed – or am I dead…?

Moaning in agony, I feel the sharp, prickly like feeling on my neck increases, making my eyes shoot open with a gasp, causing my heart to practically jump out of my chest when I realize what happened before I passed out – or at least what I think happened. My hand immediately goes to the side of my neck where I still feel like someone is stabbing me.

I bolt my body up, wanting to scream, but I stop myself. I can only remember a bit of what happened before I saw black, but not much. Suddenly I feel hands on my shoulders and my whole body jolts at the touch. But when I see it's Harry, I slightly calm down… but only slightly.

"Draco, it's okay! It's just me…"

My whole body is trembling and my eyes are so wide open I feel like I can see the entire arena from where I'm sitting. I breathe heavily and look down, gripping my head in terror in my hands, as I stare at the rock beneath me in torment, trying to remember what happened. "H-How long… w-was I out?" I can hardly speak. My voice sounds like someone stuck a knife down my throat and is forcing me to talk.

"A few days…" Harry says, "You almost bleed out. If I waited any longer, I would have lost you."

Suddenly, my head picks up in heartbeat when I remember Pansy, "PANY!" I yell, scrambling to get to my feet, only to have Harry keep me down by holding my shoulders tightly. It's like he's trying to keep my body tamed ahead of time in case I start having a panic attack. I remember she was with us when I was awake, but then we got separated… somehow…

Harry looks at me with sympathy and I grip onto his arms, almost digging my nails into his skin. I look into his green eyes, tears running down my face, "What happened?" I rasp.

He shakes his head slightly. I can see the pain rising in his eyes and it's scaring me. "Harry…" I say in panic, begging him to tell me something – anything.

He tries not to look away from me, but I know whatever he's about to tell me pains him enough that he can't stand to look me in the eyes. "She's gone, Draco…" He says at last.

My heart sinks to my stomach and I drop my eyes, putting the pieces together in my head. Every memory, every vision of Pansy's death is flooding back into me in one shot. I can hear her screaming in my head – screaming my name for me to help her. But I'm just standing there in Harry's arms, being dragged away – held back from helping her as she dies right in front of me. All I can do is beg Goyle for him to stop, but his evil eyes just glare up at me with a huge smirk on his blood dripping face. All that blood. Was there really that much blood? Goyle couldn't have done that – he wouldn't. He's inhumane and sick but… Oh, God tell me this didn't happen.

I grip my head hard, as if trying to pull out every flashback that just sank back into my brain.

"No…." I say shaking.

The image of Goyle tearing her heart out from her chest sends a painful shock up my spine like I just got the Cruciatus curse and I shut my eyes in torture. "STOP!" I scream forgetting that I'm re-imagining everything and it's as if I'm yelling at Goyle like he's in front of me. The memory just hurts – feeling so real. I can feel the tears running heavily down my face when I imagine Goyle's last words about her death. "She said you'd always have her heart, pretty boy. Now it's yours to keep."

Harry wraps his arms around me and I press my head to his chest, hugging him and gripping the back of his shirt, shaking against him like an abused puppy. I know there's nothing he can say or do to help me, and I don't need him to. Just the fact that he's here assures me that I'm not left in the dark.

And now, I can't hold it in anymore. I break down and cry into his chest, holding him close to me, like he might run off and get himself killed too. That's the last thing I need right now. But I still feel like I could have prevented most of this from happening. If I just went with her when she left the boulder I could have protected her from that monster, even if it meant protecting her with my life. I've said it before, I'll say it again: I don't care if I die.

We're both quiet for a while once I calm down. My body is still aching and trembling with shock, but I don't move away from Harry and just remain in his secure embrace.

"Why, Harry…?" I say at last.

I feel his hand on the back of my head, stroking my messy hair gently. "He's sick, Draco…"

I swallow hard and take a quivery breath as I shift slightly in his arms.

"She loved you." He says.

I bite my lip trying to fight back another urge to cry. "I know…" I say shakily.

Harry pulls back to look at me and holds my face gently in his hands, whipping my tears away. "I really hate seeing you like this…"

"Like… broken?" He blinks and tilts his head slightly.

"You're not broken, Draco."

"I mind as well be. I hope Goyle's happy now. He's finally done it…"

"Draco-"

"I don't care what you say, Harry. I'm making you win this thing, whether you like it or not."

Shockingly he doesn't have a bit of anger on his face. I look at him, keeping my eyes locked on his as he pulls back, "So that's it then? You're just gonna give up?" He doesn't even sound mad, but there's something about his tone that makes me feel guilty.

"Harry… When will I make you understand?" I shake my head slightly, feeling more tears blur my vision, "I just want to die. How can you think I'll be able to go on like this?" I hold my right arm tightly, secretly scratching my elbow, but remembering what's under my sleeve.

"Harry, you're brave – braver than anybody I've ever met. If anyone here is destined to win these Games it's you, not me… It was never me."

"I don't want to win either…" He says in a small voice.

I blink, "What? Why?"

"…Because I'm tired of fighting too. I've been fighting ever since I was born…"

"So…" I say, looking into his eyes, "When the time comes… We go together?"

He nods, smiling nervously, "Together."

"But… Why don't we just kill ourselves now, then? Why wait for Goyle to finish the job?"

He puts his hand on the side of my face, leaning in slightly, "I want to make up for lost time." His voice drops to a husky kind of whisper that makes the sides of mouth twitch into a half smile.

"I love you, you know." I say.

"And I love you." He says and presses his lips to mine.

This kiss doesn't feel like our past ones. Yes, there's that spark, but knowing we're both going to die in the end gives me a sort of sickening feeling in my stomach, causing this kiss to feel tight with tension. Although, I feel like this may be our last one, and it hurts to realize that. I grab the back of his head at the thought, pulling him closer.

His hand moves to the side of my neck and I pull away in pain. Memories of the mutt fight snap back at me. Harry quickly pulls back, looking at his slightly bloody hand.

"Draco! I'm sorry, I forgot-"

"Ow… it's fine…" I say, pressing my hand over the scratch marks that run across my neck.

Harry gently moves my hand to take a look and I jolt slightly at his touch, "Easy. I won't hurt you… Just stay still."

I strain my head sideways so he can have a better look and my teeth grind together as the pain increases. When my neck stretches, it's like the wounds are opening for the first time and the fresh air is like poison to them. "How's it look?" I ask him.

I feel his fingers gently glaze the cuts and I groan softly, fighting the urge to yell. "Not good. I tried using the rest of the medicine while you were passed out, but you're running low. I could only use so much. Plus I'm not a doctor. I wasn't sure what herbs to use without killing you."

I sigh, "Figures."

"How bad does it hurt?"

"Bad enough… What's it look like?"

His index finger gently touches my jaw line where I'm guessing he's trying to indicate where one of the cuts are.

"They run horizontally from your jaw to your shoulder. The ones on your neck are the worst, thought. Don't ever freeze up in front of a mutt like that! If you didn't get out of the way in time it could have took off your head, or possibly slit you open."

"It had Blaise's eyes…" I mumble, ignoring him and remembering the scar on the bear's face as it stared down at me.

"What?" Harry asked, clearly unable to hear me as he takes his hands off of my neck. I turn to look at him.

"The mutt. When it had me pined to the ground I noticed its eyes looked exactly like Blaise's. And when I hit him in the face with my axe a few nights ago" – the memory gives me a pang of nausea – "he had a scar in the center of his face – angled in the exact why I had hit him."

"Blaise had dark eyes right? So do bears… the scar could have just been from a recent fight." He makes it sound like I'm making this up, but I know what happened, and I know what I saw – I didn't imagine any of it.

"No. I would know my best friend's eyes, Harry. Besides, when I said his name the mutt kind of pulled off of me, like it understood."

"That's impossible."

"Is it? You said it yourself that the mutts are made by the Game Keepers. Maybe they used Blaise's body to genetically enhance him into a mutt."

He looks at me like I'm psycho. "…You've been passed out for too long…"

"Then explain why it didn't crush me into the ground when it could have with one more push. As soon as I said his name, the bear pulled away."

"Okay, but a few nights ago, Blaise seemed so focused on killing you. He almost did too. So why would that suddenly change while he's a mutt?"

I bite my lip and look away. "Whatever. I'm just telling you what happened." I look back up at him. "So what went on while I was out?"

"Nothing. It was kind of boring actually."

"Good. Although it would have nice if you said Goyle got killed. By the way, what happened to him during the mutt fight?"

"I saw him run off when Blaise attacked you."

I don't know what makes him think I made this entire story up and it's kind of getting on my nerves. Even still, I keep my mouth shut. I only have a few more hours with him and I don't want to fight.

"We need more food. Can you stand? I won't leave you here by yourself while I go out hunting." Harry says, standing up and taking his spear off against the boulder.

"I'm still a bit shaky, but I can try." I reach over to grab my axe that's resting near our backpacks and use the boulder to help me stand. I stagger slightly at the pain in my neck and feel Harry grab my waist from behind to help me. I immediately feel my face flush up and I freeze, especially when his fingers graze my hips to support me. He laughs softly and I can feel his hot breath on the good side of my neck. It sends a chill up my spin. "You okay? You're suddenly tense."

I clear my throat before speaking so I don't squeak out of embarrassment. "I'm fine." I say, finding the small amount of strength and sanity I have left to stand on my feet fully. Gently, Harry lets me go as if I might fall over so he can catch me and bends down to pick up our backpacks.

"Alright, so I'm guessing the mutts are still roaming around the arena. The Games are getting close to end so they'll be trying to draw us together. Just stay alert." Harry says.

I look at him and gently pull the straps of my backpack up to my shoulders. "And Goyle, Marcus and Ron. Don't forget them." I almost forgot about Ron. I'm surprised that ginger is still alive. But as soon as I say his name, Harry's face goes straight with seriousness. "Right…" He says dully.

I say nothing more about it as if pressing the subject further will hurt him even more. Instead, I just follow him slowly into the woods trying to forget about the cuts on my neck. I almost forgot about Hermione and that memory is coming back to haunt me. If Harry and I are going to die I'd at least like him to know I didn't kill her intentionally. I try to force back a laugh at the thought. Like he'd actually believe that. I could tell myself I wouldn't kill anyone, but I did. I killed two people so far: one of them was forced on me and the other was an accident – a terrible accident. I groan and hold my head, picturing my axe in Blaise's face – then the mutt with the scar…

"You alright?" I hear Harry say. I look at him and move my hand away from my head.

"I've been better." I say in a hurt tone. We won't be around for much longer, so I shouldn't feel this down… but I do… every death I've seen keeps replaying over and over and over again in my head; It's makes me sick.

I let Harry walk father ahead of me as I suddenly feel dizzy, holding my head in pain and leaning against a tree to support my now trembling legs. I shudder, trying to force back the vomit in my throat.

Then I look down at my axe held in my right hand. What if I killed myself now? I have a weapon and I'm as good as dead anyway. I shake my head. Harry… I have to stay strong for Harry. However this is going to end I want to be there with him.

"Draco?" I hear Harry call me in the distance. I can kind of see him through a few trees. He must have kept walking and just realized I stopped.

I push away from the tree, trying to stand firmly, "Coming." I say dully, but I don't think he heard me.

I'm about to take a step forward when something makes me stop. My natural instinct tells me to stand my ground and fight, but right now I just want to break into a run. Something's moving quickly nearby but I can't pinpoint where. Suddenly I feel my back being thrashed against the tree I was just leaning on and I gasp so hard I feel like I might hack up a lung.

I manage to shake the blur from my eyes just for a second to see who just attacked me. It's Ron… My whole body feels like needles. He's holding his arm against my throat, taking my breath away from screaming Harry's name for help. I grip his arm, trying to yank him off, but freeze when he uses his other hand to hold a knife up to my cheekbone. I have the strangest feeling he wants to cut out my eyes and I gag as he presses his arm harder.

He's a total mess. His jacket is ripped in several places – like claw marks. I'm guessing the mutts got him. The side of his face has a three ribbon scratch running down vertically, blood covering half of his face.

"You killed her!" He yells. At first I have no idea what he's talking about then Hermione's death comes back to me. My heart's hammering harder and harder in my chest as he only gets angrier.

I try to say no but I can only manage a squeak.

"I heard Zabini talking to you before he died! You killed her, Malfoy! What did you do to her!?"

He heard him? What did he hear? Then I remember: "Why should I take advice from a filthy little pure blood Death Eater? Have you forgotten that it was you who killed Hermione Granger?!" My heart leaps at the memory. Weasley heard all of that. He was there that night, somewhere in the woods, watching and listening. If Harry hadn't found me after Blaise's death Ron would have surly killed me. This is bad – very bad.

My feet scrape the ground in agony, completely unable to breathe.

"TALK!" He yells. Well if you let me go, I'll tell you what happened. How does he expect me to answer him while he's choking me to death?

"G-Goyle…" I say breathlessly, straining my shaking fingers around his arm to give me air to speak.

Ron's teeth grit in anger and he press on me harder. I try to gasp but I can't even inhale. I feel my heart slowing down and I only dig my boots into the dirt in harder.

"LIAR!" He cuts my cheekbone gently and I shut my eyes in pain, "I'll kill you for what you did."

"Ron! No!" I hear Harry yell and suddenly the presser on my throat is gone. I drop to my knees, too weak to stand properly on my feet, gasping for air as I stare at the ground wide eyed in terror.

When I turn my head I see Harry standing in front of me, like he's protecting me. Weasley stands a few feet apart from him, eyes glued on Harry this time. "Harry?" He asks, making it sound like Harry betrayed him due to the shock in his tone. Ron's eyes narrow down at me. "Move. So I can kill him!" He tries to start towards me and I back up until I feel a tree pressing to my back.

Harry tries to block me more, aiming the point of his spear at Ron's chest making him stop in his tracks, knowing if he walks any farther the weapon will pierce right through him. He's looking at Harry with shock – petrified that Harry would ever aim a weapon at his best friend and even more surprised that he's doing it to protect a Death Eater. "Harry, what are you doing?! That's Malfoy you know!"

"I know exactly who I'm saving here, Ron. If you hurt him-"

"Hurt him!? I'll rip his insides out through his mouth after what he did!"

Harry turns his head over his shoulder to look at me. I jolt as I look up at him, pressing my back to the trunk of the tree harder. No, Ron, don't bring this up, please. What if Harry turns on me, now? He could do it – he could stab that spear right through me and right, now I fear that he will. I never thought I'd be afraid of someone I love, but right now the suspicion in Harry's eyes is terrifying me.

"Did?" Harry echoes, "Draco, what did you do?"

"I'll tell ya what he did! He killed Hermione, that's what!"

I shake my head slowly; wanting to scream the truth but for some reason my voice won't let me. I'm more concerned about the sudden fire in Harry's eyes. "What?" He says in a small voice, shock over taking him as he lowers his weapon.

"No…" I manage to say. "It wasn't-"

"He's a filthy liar!" Ron screams, pointing his knife at me. "This must have been a great opportunity for you, Malfoy! You finally got to take her life, did you!? After all these years-"

Harry snaps his head back to him "Ron, stop!" He cuts him off before turning his body around to face me. "Let him talk." But I can't stand up to face them properly – I'm terrified of Ron right now – of both of them – and I can hardly get my vocal cords to work.

"I let her go." I try to say. "Goyle… he forced me into the allayment to track down Harry and-"

"Harry too?!" Ron growls, "You were with the other Slytherins to kill Harry?!"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH WEASLEBEE!" I yell, jumping to my feet when I feel the sudden rush of fire hit me. I don't care what he wants to believe but never – never – will I let him get away with the thought that I wanted to kill Harry. Ever.

I walk past Harry, going face to face with Ron. The shock on his face from my anger is priceless. "WHERE DO YOU GET THE GAWL TO TELL ME I'M A KILLER!?"

He stammers to speak. "If only you knew, Weasley… If only you knew what Goyle tried to put me through." I don't want him to feel sorry for me, and that's not the point I'm trying to prove. Honestly, I don't even want to feel sorry for myself. I feel like my problems are nothing compared to what Harry faced in his life. All I've come up against was losing my friends. Harry lost his whole family and to me that's greater than any of my issues.

Harry grabs my shoulder and I turn my head to face him. "What happened, Draco?" I can't ignore the anger and suspicion in his tone.

I sigh, "Goyle used me." I say, shooting an evil glare at Ron hoping he'd choke on his last words he lashed out at me. God I hate him. "I was on my own until he and the other Slytherins found me. I tried to get away from him but he was going to kill Pansy if I didn't stay."

"Well, your heroic skills matched up perfectly for Parkinson, didn't they, blondie?" Ron sneers.

"Excuse me?" I say angrily.

"I saw her picture on the hovercraft the other night. You did a great job in saving her. Bravo for failure."

I blink my eyes open, the anger replaced with pain and I break eye contact. "Ron!" Harry growls. "That's enough!"

"Anyway…" I say dully, shaking the sound of Pansy's desperate cry for help out of my head. "That night Hermione found us while the others were asleep. I stayed look out so I was the only one who knew she was there. I tried to let her go before Goyle would wake up to catch her. She tried to get me to go with her but I refused, not wanting to leave Pansy."

Ron looks like he's about to object but Harry shoots him his green fire burnt eyes, and Ron shuts his mouth. "Goyle woke up and I told Hermione to run. Now everyone was after her and when Goyle had her surrounded he forced me to take her life."

"So you did murder her?!" Ron shouts, proving he was right.

I nod weakly and look down, "Yes…" I can't lie to him. He really does deserve to know. Forced to or not, I still killed her.

"You little-"

"Hold on," Harry says, holding his hand up to keep Ron quiet. "You said Goyle forced you into killing her, right?"

I nod without speaking.

"You're not actually taking his side, are you, Harry?!" Weasley says.

"I'm trying to get this story straight, Ron! It does seem like something Goyle would

make him do, and Draco is not a killer!"

"Harry… Our best friend for seven years was just murdered by this monster. And you're siding with the Death Eater?!"

I say nothing even though it hurts. I just shift uncomfortably. "He's not a monster, Ron! Don't you ever-"

"Just get out of my way so I can rip his stomach open!" Ron growls, trying to push Harry aside to get to me, but Harry shoves him back roughly. Ron blinks and looks at him in shock.

"Harry-"

"You stay away from him…"

Ron says nothing, completely silenced by his own shock.

All this time I've been wondering how much Harry would hate me when he found out about Hermione's death. But even when his own best friend is standing in front of him heart broken, he still sticks by my side. I can't even help but be slightly alarmed by this.

"Ever since he found me I've had to watch him suffer by Goyle's torment. I'm not letting you hurt him too."

He presses his back against me, and I put my hand on his shoulder to reassure him that I'm there.

"If you want to kill him… you'll have to kill me too."

AN: Well, Ron made his apperence, finally. Anywho, I hope this is good. I thought this one would need more editing, but to me it seemed fine, so I figured I'd just leave it here. So enjoy! Now, back to the Walking Dead Marathon :D New season premiere tonight, YAY!