With her head down she unlocked her locker , the report had been delivered to Rick she thank god he had been gone for the day , so she could simply put the report on his desk for him to see the momnet he step in the next day . Now there was nothing left for her to do but go home , she didnt want to but Horatio again had push her to leave , everybody had long gone and the nigth shift was already taking control of the lab ,Maxine ,Natalia ,Ryan along with everyone who work the day shift were long gone appart from Horatio who still had people to save .
Opening her locker with one hand the other still holding eric files she reach for her purse with sight she wrap the strap around her shoulder , closing the door back she stop midway her attention being drawn to the top shelf of her locker , where 3 small square plastic box rested with a note attach to it .
Unfolding the note she immediatly recognised ryan hand writting .
'' you might want to kill me after this , but i thought it might make you feel better , if not then tonight i'll do my will ''
Folding back the note she reach for the small plastic box , she immediatly recognised them , along with the name on them ''Eric delko''.She knew where they came from , everyone dirty secrets were on them .
Everyone in the lab knew those tape existed , but before anyone could hear everyone dirty secret the tape had been collected , sealed and the box never to be open again , unless it was absolutly necessary.
3 tapes of eric most intimate thougth thats what she had she put the tapes in her bags along with eric files and made her way out .
Outside she was hit by the cold air of the night once she hadnt realised how late it was until she stepped out , the sun already gone with only the moon shinning she made her way to her car .
Driving home she took her time has usual not eager to get to an empty house , cold and quiet.
Stopping at a red light she rested her head back against the head rest waiting for the light to change , a young couple took advantage of the green on their side and ran to the other side the young man holding the young girl hand has they rushed , even though they didnt need too , to the other side , Calleigh followed them with her eyes ,the young mand arms around the young girls waist has he pull her in for a passionnate kiss has if nothing else the light changed she drove off screching her tires frustated with herself .
She wonder sometimes if she would ever be able to move on walking the threshold of her house she threw her purse on the couch,she did her usual routine , threw a tasteless lean cuisine in the microwave and while that cooked she poured herslef a glass of wine almost to the rim.
Behind her the microwave bip indicating the end of the cooking time , reaching for a plate and a fork she put the box container that contain some sort of food she barely recognised onto her plate , glass in the other hand she made her way to the living room .
Ten minutes later she rested her head agaisnt the couch her half eaten lean cuisine on the coffee table and her second glass of wine in her hand , wacthing some boring made for tv movie on the hallmark that obviously had a former soap opera actor who couldnt get another job and a girl that calleigh remenbered use to sing
It was such a cliche movie boys fall for girl want to swoop her in so he does those ridicculous lovey goey little things to win her over
Her eyes closed remenbering a time where her and eric had been that free and in love , being unable to show their loves at work and always being afraid to get caught when they went out had been tensed between them so one friday night eric surprised her , she came home to find him packing her overnight bag .
He barely gave her a chance to breath and she was sititng in his car driving god knows where , if that had been anyone else who had tried to surprised her this way she would have objected and stay home , but this was her eric and the way he was overly excited about the weekened he had plan made butterflies jump in her stomach .
he took her to a lovely bed and breakfast outside of town run by a lovely retired couple , they spend they weekend exploring the rustic little town hand in hand unafraid to show their feeling , eric had even let her drag him to a flea market where she feel in love with a cat lamp , eric had deemed it ugly but bought it for her anyway on the pormises that it would stay on her side of the bed .
They spend little to no time in the bedroom like it was expected for new couples , but to them it was more then that , to be able to show their feeling in public without fear meant more then some loving between the sheets , they could do that any time at home , but holding hand and kissing in public that was a rare moment they could now share .
For a moment she smiled to herself remenbering they had promises each to go back the next year , to that eric , she remenbered , had smile widely to the fact that she was making long futur project with him .She remenbered has they drove him feeling light hearted and free and so in love that she could fight the world by herself .
But all that had been shattered the next few weeks , the rainbow was gone replaced by a dark gray cloud , they fought over his father constantly .He wouldnt give up on him no mather how much she pleaded for him to do so and then her worst fear had come true .
Opening her eyes at the sound of a loud commercial coming up on her tv screen she slightly jump runbbing her eyes .Her eyes then drifted to her purse that had been casually throw on her couch moment earlier .
Extending her amrs she reach for her purse taking out eric files along with his therapist tape , has they rested on her lap she contempleted wether or not she should .
'' you really think reading my files will help you'' came a voice next to her .
His voices startled her for a second but she avoided looking at him , closing her eyes she told herself that it wasnt real that he wasnt there .
'' you can try to avoid me but im right here ''
With a sigth she tilted her head to face him and there he was casually sitting on her couch with a smile .
CAL: It's official im crazy ! she told to no one in particular , although technicly she wasnt .
'' no your not ...but i dont think the reading those will help you '' he said pointing to the files resting on her lap .
CAL: Your afraid of what i might find out on you ?
'' no i have no secret from you , you know that , be my guest read it , but if your even more depressed after this i will definitly go slap wolverine for '' trying '' to help you ''
CAL: At least Ryan here to help at least he's real and not a figment of my imagination .
'' Calleigh ...come on ...''
CAL: dont ...dont Calleigh me ...you expect me to sit here and have a conversation with man that died 3 years ago , left me alone by myself after promising me he would never leave , that he would never lie to me and yet he did all those thing .
'' Your not being fair , i wanted to give you all of those things , wanted to marry you , have kids the house everything ''
CAL: Promises again ...
'' promises i would have kept if i wasnt ...
CAL :''IF WHAT ERIC ...''She interrupted turning to face him she screamed her lungs out ''IF WHAT IF I HADNT KILLED YOU ...JUST SAY IT ...NO YOU KNOW WHAT DONT ...JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ..STOP HAUNTING ME LEAVE ME ALONE ...JUST STAY DEAD LIKE YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE ''
Opening her eyes her chest eaving up and down with heavy bretah she stared at emptyness next to her appart from the sound of the tv blaring .Pushing herself on her feet she threw his files and tapes on her coffee tables , picking up her half empty lean cuisine ,determined to tell herself her mind was playing trick on her she made her way to the fridge filling her third glass of wine again almost to the rim , has she turned around she jumped slightly at the sigh in front of her , leaning agaisnt the counter arms and legs crossed in that way that made his bicep pop up .
CAL: JESUS CHRIST...she yelled the content of her glass almost spilling on the floor .
''' ahh thougth you got rid of me '' he grinned playfully as she tried to ignore him
CAL: GO AWAY..she yelled passing next him.
'' i cant go away im not real remenber im just a figment of your imagination ''
CAL: GREAT THEN IM GOING CRAZY ...
'' your not crazy i told you ''
Making her way to her bedroom Calleigh took her jacket off she wasnt surprised to find him leaning agaisnt the doorway .
CAL: THEN HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU EXPLAIN ME TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW ...
'' You barely sleep , dont eat much your overwork ...want me to keep going ''
sighting she stopped in front of her dresser rubbing her forehead of the headache that was throbbing .
CAL: God im crazy ! she mumbled to herself .
'' stop saying that !''
His voices was closer then she expected making her slightly jumped looking through the mirror she could see him standing close his arms crossed over his chest with that smile that always melted her heart .
CAL: why did you have to go away ? she asked softly .
'' i cant explain that , because honestly i have no answer ''
CAL: Then why are you here ?
'' You need to let me go ''
CAL: i tried ! she said her voice barely above a whisper .
'' really ? Calleigh your living in the past ,just you talking to me right now is ...
CAL: Insane! believe me i know .
She longed for him to touch her to feel him agaisnt her , his body agaisnt her skin to skin his kisses his touch that always knew the soft spot .
''i know your angry at me , at the world but it's not a way to live your life , i dont think that reading my files or listening to my session with my therapist will help you .''
CAL: it's ...it's all i have left of you .
Her voices breaking again calleigh covered her mouth with the palm of her hand fighting her won tears that threatened to fall .
'' it's not true you have my heart Calleigh you have the memories of what we have but dont let them control your life .''
The tears slowly falling down her cheek she closed her eyes unable to see him anymore .
CAL: Thats easy for you to say ,your not waking up in the morning with a pain in you heart , you dont wish to ...you dont wish to be death every single day of your life .
She didnt felt the repercussion of her own words until they left her mouth ,hating life was one thing , wishing to be dead was another and even she was shock at her own words ,
She kept her eyes closed , unable to bare his deep brown eyes on her ,pleading with her to keep fighting.
She expected him to fight for her to argue but when nothing came she opened her eyes to see that he was gone , scanning the room to find him she found nothing but furniture .
CAL : Eric ...eric ...she called out quietly searching through the house , when she couldnt find him she began to panic searching through all the rooms of her house even going through them twice .
CAL: Eric ...eric ...eric ... ERIC !
She called out shooting out of her bed panting hand over her heart it took her minute to gather where she was , her half empty glass of red wine on her coffee table along with her antidepressant .
The sound of the tv blaring in her ears she reach for the remote to lower the sound she ran her hand through her hair , reliving the event of her night , she'd came home pour herself a glass of drink heat a lean cuisine has usual , took the medication Alexx gave her , and then sat in front of the tv wathing a bad movie and through all this she remenber clearly she didnt talk to Eric . It kind of please her that it was just a dream that she wasnt crazy at least not yet .
Her knees brougth up agaisnt her chest she sighted in relief , it wasnt the first time she dreamed of him but this was different and it kind of scared her .Closing the tv she put the tv remote next to eric files her hand hovering above it for a second , she thought twice about it but then changed her mind , leaving them to be where they rested , for now .Turning off all the light she got herself ready for bed .
Resting back on her bed she stared at the ceilling trying to comprehend her dream, but everything she ran over and over to tried to understand didnt make sense .
Frustated with herself she tossed and turned into bed her mind running a hundred miles a minute , eric , the files , the dreams, the tape , ryan , everyone.
She wasnt ready to read his files or hear the tape yet , she wasn even sure why she took them reading or hearing everything eric held close to his heaert made her feel like she was prying on his personnal , she'd always made sure to respect everyone right to privacy and even if eric was gone his rigth to privacy still hold .
After several hours to attempt to sleep she reach for her bottle of prescription took one tablet out and gulp it down with the remainder of her wine , it did it's trick she felt asleep like a log free of the dreams that haunted her.