They've been lucky. The driver was too busy reassuring his own scared co-driver to take notice of the mess that had been taking place just behind his vehicle; then later Jamie distracted him talking about the insurance info to give Bonnie enough time to patch up Damon.

When the man walks up to them to check on their conditions he gets a scare watching the hole in the windshield and the poles on the ground, but Bonnie erased any trace of blood on them and so he calms himself down fast.

"Does your friend need help?" he asks when he sees the bloody, tore shirt.

She bites the inside of her mouth realizing she forgot to fix that too but Damon reassures him with a grin "Just a scratch caused by the glass, nothing serious. I don't even need stitches," he says, shrugging.

The wound has almost healed and he hopes he'll not ask to check for himself because he doesn't know if he's strong enough to compel him right now, so he tries to redirect his attention elsewhere.

"My lovely friend here wounded her hand, though" he says, taking Bonnie's hand with both of his. She cannot pull away without causing an unnecessary scene so she just stays still, settling for a dirty look.

"I've got a first aid kit on my camion," the man just jumps at the occasion to be useful, probably feeling guilty over what happened, and rapidly walks away.

"What are you doing?" she probes keeping her voice low.

"Sitting?" he asks back, avoiding a serious answer. What really can he say after all? I'm following you around to save your life hoping that in a few years from now I'll get to gain at least a pat on the head?

"You know what I mean!" she insists but the driver is running back to them before they can finish their conversation, holding the open kit box. Damon gets out of the car, taking an unsteady step. Bonnie is instinctively beside him to support him and he grins down at her as he takes a piece of cotton lint, and leaning back against the hood, uses it to tampon her wound as his other hand keeps her palm open towards the sky.

He's so slow and careful in his action that she wants to scream in frustration. The light touch he uses feels too tender and she can't stand it.

She's almost jubilant when the driver offers to bandage her hand, so that Damon won't have to; even more so when Stefan arrives to take Damon away.

He looks at her through the glass window as he sits in the passenger seat, and she turns her eyes on Jamie, fruitlessly trying to break the connection. A part of her can feel the blue stare on her skin even long after he's gone.

As she lets herself fall on her bed, she swears at her bad luck, remembering the look Jamie had on his face when they parted that night.

Like he was expecting for it to be all over between them. She didn't say the words, and he mostly spoke about her needing to take her time to absorb that night's events, but it was obvious he was the one who could not wrap his head around it.

Probably not the part where a pole almost ran through them like a skewer, but the part where a supernatural creature shields them with his own body and then walks away like nothing happened. He probably felt out of place, embarrassed by his humanity, which can feel like a limit sometimes. He should know he doesn't need to prove himself, that Damon is not competing for her heart, and she should have told him. But it's not easy to say to the boy you're dating, that hardly anybody knows you're even alive; that she is a magical tool devoted to the safety of her best friend and anyone who may need her.

So are you turning around your mind,
do you think the sun won't shine this time
are you breathing only half of the air
are you giving only half of a chance

What's worse about this is that thinking about not seeing him anymore doesn't hurt her that much, not the way it should. She's sorry they're not going to talk about their routine anymore, sorry that she's not going to keep one section of her life insanity-free, sorry to not have any more dates to wait for during the week. But that's all, and it seems too little.

Elena seemed to walk around unbalanced when she decided to stop seeing Stefan once she found out he was a vampire. Bonnie's only reason of sorrow is her complete lack of sorrow.

She's deluded herself and deceived Jamie and she doesn't know what is worse.

Bonnie takes a shower, changes into her shorts and t-shirt and slips under the sheets huddling up like she could hide from the world.

When she opens her eyes again the sheets are gone and she straightens her legs to see if they're at least still on the bed. Nope. Just her luck.

Jeremy's voice arrives from behind her door and when he opens it she's relieved, because someone cared enough to check on her. It doesn't matter if he practically broke into her house, that's a detail she can close an eye on.

"Hey there, stranger," he greets her gently, sitting next to her and then lying on the side, so that they can look in each other's eyes.

"Hey yourself," she greets him back, with a lazy smile. She's tempted to hold her arms around her broad shoulders and hide her face into his chest, like a baby or a fine temptress.

"I was worried, but I see you're alright," he says, almost clumsy, "Sorry about the interruption."

"What inter-"

Her smile falls as she hears a moan and she rolls on the bed to face the other side, which is occupied by Damon and herself. He's sitting with his back against the pillows, she has her back against his chest, and they're both naked as he hugs her from behind using one arm. They're playing.

She has one hand open and he touches her palm with the tip of his finger while she must try and trap it in her tiny hand.

Don't you wanna shake because you love
cry because you care
feel 'cause you're alive
sleep because you're tired

He's too fast and she can't win, and she makes a childish noise, stirring against him but never trying to free herself from his hold.

"Stop!" Bonnie says watching herself, so shameless in Damon's arms but she can't hear her. He's the one to answer, but to her other self.

"You stop," he says, "You're trying to distract me with this low and very effective tactic of yours," he explains kissing her earlobe and then her shoulder. Her other self giggles and her eyelashes tremble from pleasure.

"Damon, please," Bonnie is almost panicking.

"What, song bird?" Damon asks, huskily, as her other self turns her head towards him.

Bonnie turns to Jeremy, holding to his shirt like she's about to fall down a cliff. She can hear Damon's voice behind her and she tries her best to shut him off.

"Help me!" she almost screams to the boy's face "Jer, help me."

"Sure, do you want me to carry your books?" he asks nicely, like everything is normal.

"I don't want this to happen. I don't, please, I don't," she begs but Jeremy is so calm and just looks over her shoulder.

"it's happening already," he says and she turns to see Damon and herself kissing and smiling against each other's mouth as he cups her breast with one hand, holding her chin up withthe other, and she leans into his touch, caressing his thighs with her palms in long strokes.

Make heaven, heaven out of hell now...

"It's been happening for a while now," Jeremy adds.

She covers her mouth with both hands but her voice comes out from the other's mouth. And the sounds she makes are so happy.

The kind of happiness that she never knew. And it scares her terribly.

#

In the morning, the memory of her dream is fuzzy, and her instinct tells her to not poke at it, to let it go.

She's not one to run away and yet she wants to enjoy that warm feeling she got when she opened her eyes without taking the risk to shatter a perfectly good moment just because she went digging into something, robbing it of any sense of magic.

"Hey there, stranger," Jeremy's voice startles her and bits of images come back to her in a rush.

She smiles tentatively to him and takes his arm walking through the school's hallway. His voice can't drown out her own happy laughter or Damon's voice when he's calling her song bird and murmuring to her can I kiss you if I let you win?

"Is this guy that good?" Jeremy asks her waving his hand in front of her.

"What?" she asks, nervously.

"I was talking to you but you didn't listen to a single word," he says, trying to keep disappointment out of his voice, "You must really like Jamie a lot."

"It's not-" she's confused, because she found herself into this conversation and she can't guess why he's asking about that, "We kind of... broke up," she adds, when he stares at her like he cares more than he lets on.

"I'm sorry for him," he says, "In just a few days he'll realize what he really lost and he will regret it for the rest of his life," he adds making her heart speed up.

It's like he's telling her she can still have everything she wants. Maybe it's not completely right, but it's not like she's jumping from one bed to another. She barely exchanged a few tepid kisses with Jamie, whereas she has history with Jeremy. And he feels so safe, so normal. And he wants her back - this means she's not wrong, she does have something to offer and he realizes that. She can smile all she wants and tell everybody that she's fine but the truth is, she's always doubted her own value and her attractiveness because if a ghost could please her boyfriend better than she can maybe it wasn't entirely his fault. Maybe something was wrong with her; maybe she was too cold, too boring, and not pretty enough and now that weight is being lifted off her.

Bonnie smiles up at him, and he takes her books from her hands to walk her to class.

"Maybe tonight we can make a toast to the poor guy, wish him luck, you know," he suggests, not-so-subtly asking her out, "What do you say?"

"Why not," she answers with a nod and a flattered smile.

#

She's brushing her long curls when, looking at herself in the mirror, she decides to change her clothes. She wore a shirt she knows Jeremy likes, because that's her; she's eager to please, eager to feel worth of someone's love, but she needs to change now. She doesn't want to try this hard, she wants someone who will love her in her worst state, whom will be attracted to her while she wears some worn old thing and she's not even wearing makeup. Bonnie thinks she needs to demand this for herself, before she even forgets how to.

She can do this; she's not even nervous about the date. It's not their first, after all, so it's quite understandable. All she knows right now is that Jeremy asking her out made her feel good about herself once again and that the fact that they didn't work out the first time doesn't mean they won't now.

Oh, she was so nervous, so thrilled the first time Jeremy kissed her. It was a giant leap of faith for her, and the fall that came after almost made her regret it in the first place. Almost. Still, she'd give anything to have that feeling back, that short and yet amazing shiver that ran through her.

Jeremy is kind, attentive and quite handsome. His shoulders and arms got much more muscular lately, and he looks as hard as nails. He's got the kind of body that fits a dirty dream.

And in this mess, which she simply calls her life, she needs love and hope and fun, and maybe this thing with Jeremy can provide it. She can do this and live in the moment with him without letting that dreamy part of her wish for anything more than what this is; a simple date with someone who used to make her insecure heart speed up.

But first she needs to call off her appointment with Stefan. She could easily do both things but she doesn't feel like it. A part of her - which she's careful not to listen to - fears that if she goes to the Salvatore's boarding house, Damon will find a way to screw this up for her again, that he will say or do something to make her question her reasons, or that she'll feel that shiver she's so hungry for. Or maybe worse, maybe he won't be around and a tiny, bitter part of her will be disappointed by his absence and his indifference to her.

#

Stefan sees his brother's expression falter as he opens the front door before he can, and he sees Elena instead of Bonnie. It's a sight he's still not completely used to, because he worshipped the ground Elena walked upon. He was ready to wait around for his first wrong move, like a hyena ready to attack a carcass, and now he can barely hide his disappointment because she is there and Bonnie is not.

"Hi Damon," she says with a smile.

Damon smiles back, gritting his teeth, "Come in," he says, grateful when Stefan walks past him to kiss her.

It takes him a moment to accept the fact that Bonnie is not in sight and closes the door and Elena notices it.

"Were you waiting for someone?" she asks, curious.

"Glinda was supposed to pass by to spend some quality time with your boyfriend," he says, "how fortunate that you're not jealous that a beautiful girl, who happens to be a witch, spends her afternoons using your boyfriend's body to try her moves."

Elena gives him a dirty look - well, she at least tries.

"Why do you feel the need to make everything into something dirty?"

"Because it's fun."

It escapes her that Damon called Bonnie beautiful and is implying her to be sexy. However, in her subconscious something nags at her all the same; a general feeling of uneasiness, which she can push back when she feels Stefan's hand in hers.

"Well, you'll have to find another way to have your fun," she replies, "I trust them."

"About that," Stefan says, cutting in with a grave tone, "Bonnie is not coming today. She called me to cancel."

"I think she's nervous," Elena says with a conspiratorial smile turning towards Stefan.

"About what?" Damon inquires.

"She has a date tonight. With my brother," she sounds almost giddy about that, even if there was a time when she was not all that happy about it.

"What happened to Jerry?" he asks confused and irritated.

"They broke up yesterday,"

"Really?" he asks, biting back his question, was she that eager to go back to Lover boy? "Such a lovely couple," Damon lies casually.

Jamie was an obstruction, a bothersome dummy, and even if she liked him, he could still count on a certain amount of time to surpass him in her affections, but with Jeremy it's a different story. She loved Jeremy, maybe she still does, and if he kills him, the boy will not even have the decency to stay dead.

Damon can't help but remember how preoccupied with his love life she was when she lived under his roof, that the night they made love he had proposed that fake date just to lift her spirit because Jeremy was probably going out with another girl that night and she felt left behind. He had wanted to bite off his hand just a few days before Bonnie's death because he kept on patting her knee and he hated the sight of it.

It's like they're on a race to win Bonnie's heart and Jeremy is allowed to start three steps behind the finish line while he's at the starting point.

All the hope he had because the moments they shared after the accident seem to come home to roost, mocking him. Jeremy is good to the bone, a pretty boy with large shouldersthat girls notice, while he himself is tainted and troublesome, and she's the one girl in the world who won't fall for the bad boy charm.

#

Damon is the type of person who throws themselves into things; acts before thinking. So Stefan is not going to tell him that he thinks he was able to ignite something within Bonnie, because he'd ruin everything and it'll lead up to some reckless impulse that would end with him being roasted. But when Damon tells him he wants to buy him a drink at the Mystic Grill he accepts even if there's no doubt whatsoever that he only wants to hamper her date with his sole presence; he's going to go there all the same, so it's better if he's there to put some sense into him when the moment calls for it. Maybe he can even observe Bonnie to guess her feelings.

She was clearly affected the night before, when she called him so that he could take Damon away. He saw her avoid his brother's gaze like it could burn her - she, who's never afraid of anything, was not able to meet his eyes. He could see it in her body language, in her forced calm expression. He doesn't exactly know what happened the afternoon he left them alone in the house, but when he got back, Damon was almost amiable towards him so he's sure he made some progress. If his conclusion was correct, then the fact that she didn't show up anymore from that day could mean that she was scared of the change in their relationship, in her feelings. He had cautiously taken that for a good sign, even if he didn't share his impression with Damon to not raise his hopes.

Now she's going back to Jeremy. And that could be because she still loves him, or because she doesn't.

#

One second before her eyes meet his silhouette walking into the Grill she can feel the shift in the air. It's so heavy that her stomach drops, like gravity hits her body but her heart was untouched by it, and she feels a brief, yet, intense pull. He even has the nerve to smile at her, the jerk. Bonnie smiles to Jeremy to cover up the fact that she couldn't listen to his words, and her mouth feels so dry she must call for the waitress to order another drink.

She wishes so much she was twenty-one already so that she could drink alcohol. She needs it badly.

Damon and Stefan sit at the counter, so all she can see of them is their back, and yet she can feel Damon's eyes on her. She tries to ignore the feeling but it gets on her nerves so much that it sometimes distracts her. She wonders if he's looking at her through the mirror behind the counter and why.

Maybe Elena disappointed him again and he needs to take it out on her; she won't let him drag her down.

Maybe he's offended that she didn't bother to thank him for kind of saving her life the previous night; well, which still doesn't make things even.

Maybe he's thinking about the night of the 1920's dance, when they kissed in the chemistry classroom and his mouth was hard and demanding and made her feel concupiscent and warm between her thighs. Maybe he's thinking he should have found a moment to do that again and just keep it going until it was too late to think or regret.

She blinks, unable to completely free herself from that thought, from the warm feeling that radiates through her body.

Bonnie crosses her legs casually, and tries not to flinch when Jeremy leans into her to whisper, "I'm getting redundant, I know, but you're so beautiful tonight."

She holds her breath and thanks him with as much sincerity as she can master. It would be easier if he could be her only thought, but part of her knows he's not. Damon's eyes on her feels almost heavy and she openly turns towards him to see if he's looking at her. His head is turned over his shoulder and his look is hard, like an accusation. She's outraged by his attitude, but above all, by her ease at being affected.

Leaving the Grill, one hour later, is a relief. Her steps are hurried, almost like she's running from something.

Jeremy holds her to his side as they walk to the car and she breathes in his smell, looking for a reassurance, and waiting for the spark to ignite. She didn't think it'll end this way but when he parks the car in front of her house, their parting words are broken by kisses and traveling hands.

They make out in the half-light of the car's compartment and even if it's fun and kind of hot there's something still missing. Like a part of her, deep into her core, is still asleep and Jeremy's mouth won't wake it up. And she thinks that maybe she's not ready to trust him yet again. That she's not ready to jump into this.

She's grateful that he stops just before she's about to ask him; she's grateful for the way he smiles at her, for the way he says her name and for the turns in circles he makes to ask her out again, like he wants her to say yes so badly and he's so scared that she won't that he can't bring himself to stop talking long enough for her to give him her answer.

Bonnie says yes. Yes, I'd like to.

When she changes into her night clothes she's glad she gave this another chance. She thinks it's worth it, and when she slips under the sheets and closes her eyes she thinks everything is like it was supposed to be. It's so fast the way she falls into sleep and into his arms.

He keeps one arm around her waist so that their bodies are pressed together; his forehead is against hers as he murmurs "Come on, Bonnie" while one of his hands is between her legs. His fingers work in and out of her skillfully that she can't concentrate enough to keep her breath from breaking. She needs to move, to take part in the rhythm and sounds he produces playing with her nerves like she's a fine instrument but her muscles are frozen.

Damon kisses her softly, brushing his lips against her and she's so overcome that she bites his lower lip. His fingers lose their tempo for a moment and it's even more erotic.

"Little bird," he whispers against her mouth, "Let go." And she wants to, so badly. She feels like she's on the verge of a cliff, ready to explode and shine, ready to be enveloped into the climax that's burning every inch of her. She's almost there, almost there, but cannot reach it.

"Let go."

The effort her body makes to have an orgasm wakes her up.

For a moment, when she opens her eyes, every part of her is completely awake and she can still hear Damon's voice in the back of head, begging: Little bird, let go.

#

Note: the song used in this chapter is "Heaven out of hell" by Elisa.