(Sorry for the late update, the holiday week was a busy one. Luckily, it didn't spoil my writing in the slightest - I hope you enjoy the longer chapter, and I hope the past few days were as fun for you as it was for me. :) ~RavensMind~)
Chapter 20: Waking Nightmare
Walking out the front door of Wayne Manor, Robin made his way across the front lawn. He felt that he needed a long walk, to think, and maybe relax. Was this real? Or was he still sitting in the chair across from Raven? He wasn't sure, but he pressed on – if it wasn't real, he was going to try and relax in the illusion if he could. Robin wondered how much had been true, how long had he been insane, if he really was? Maybe he hadn't actually wanted to be with Raven at all. The feelings might not have been real…and he was pushed away from his team on the whim of some demon.
As Robin moved further away across the grounds, he suddenly felt a sharp stabbing pain in his legs and head. Stopping, he slowly lowered himself to the grass, sitting with his legs stretched out. The world around him faded from view. What he saw now was Wraih's symbol burning in the center of some blackness. Looking around, he saw only that blackness, and the symbol moved as he moved his eyes or head.
"Now that I have your attention…" Wraih began, her voice emanating from the symbol.
"What do you want? I'm in enough trouble because of you," Robin said.
"Are you truly this weak, or do you honestly desire your world to end? You would leave us nothing because of some nonsense that you believe?" she asked.
"You-," he began.
"No. I did nothing to your mind beyond the ritual. You acted as I suspected you might, believing in a phantom insanity and acting out – wandering beyond the safety of your connection to Raven, allowing this intrusion into your mind," she said.
"Do you expect me to believe you, much less listen? You're the 'demon of madness' aren't you?" he asked. When he finished the question, he felt a stunning pain in his gut, which faded.
"Utter that title again, and that will be more painful. Wrong. Those are Trigon's words, his…branding... I caused the revolt against Trigon in an effort to stop him, to prevent madness. If anything, I should be associated with order…but this is not about me. This is about restoring order once more," she said.
"How does messing with my mind restore order?" he asked.
"The path you are choosing to walk is destructive, false, and exactly the one Trigon wants you to take. He wants Raven to be alone, weak, and without hope," she said.
"If you're here to help, why didn't you fully fix the minds of the other Titans?" he asked.
"Because they were…threats that had to be dealt with. Any one of them had enough potential to cause her pain, be it physical or mental, and it would have driven her to a deeper isolation," she said.
"But not me?" he asked.
"Correct…Until now. Our enemy has let his weakness fly into our grasp, and I do not intend to allow our asset to degrade. But 'our'…is not permanent. Understand that I would let you all burn in Trigon's fire if it would guarantee her survival – because that…guarantees our survival," she explained.
"So, what exactly did you cause the others to do?" he asked.
"I caused the changeling to attack Raven in the pool, I gave Raven the hint of my symbol in the other girl's eye as a warning, and I gave both of them the means to help themselves… Both had to forgive Raven and they would be sane once again. Every other insane act was caused by Trigon. The alien and the machine were immune to the insanity and my interference. Allowing the insanity to continue helped to make them do what we needed them to, and gave you more time to help Raven make the decisions she needed to," she said.
"Wait, you let Beast Boy hurt her, how does that help her?" he asked.
"As I said: it helped her decide to leave, before any more damage was done. Yes, I manipulated her. I manipulated you, the changeling, the alien, the machine, the other girl, and your old partner as well. Whatever it takes to keep her, and this world, from falling into oblivion…Don't you agree? You would – if you were not acting so incomprehensibly stupid… You were going to leave her side, because you believed the illusion of an illusion. You never truly trusted her, perhaps now you will…" she said.
"Maybe you're right…but that doesn't mean I trust you, especially after what you've done," he said.
"Wisdom at last. But ask yourself just how harmful my manipulations were…Your team's wounds were minor, they will heal. Now Raven will as well, as she should have years ago. Can you find it within yourself to forgive me, or will you obsessively pursue me until time itself breaks? As much as I'd like to leave you on that question…we are not yet finished, because you are not yet convinced that your feelings are true. Let us see if you can find the truth, or continue on your path to the precipice," she said.
"What do I have to do?" he asked.
"Explore, explain, and…The alien is about to land before you, decide for yourself what additional step is needed to deal with her. My interference with your mind ends here, enjoy what future you shape from this moment – live in love, or die in despair. Know that Raven can exist without you; I can tie her to myself instead of you, but she may not be so pleased with it," she said.
The symbol burned up in smoke and it, along with the blackness, dissolved from his vision – replaced by the night sky. Getting up off of the grass, Robin stood up, seeing Starfire walking towards him. "Here we go, why is she here anyway? And what do I have to do?" Robin thought. She smiled at him and moved to hug him, but he backed away from her. She looked tired, determined, and…strangely calm. He figured that during her flight, she would be a wreck in her mind, if she wasn't – why fly here if nothing was wrong?
"Hello Robin, is there something wrong?" Starfire asked.
"I was going to ask you the same thing, why are you here?" Robin asked.
"I realized that you and Raven were trying to help me learn that I have to take it upon myself to figure things out, it was a nice lesson, so you can both return to the tower because I have figured it out," Starfire said.
"This…wasn't a test for you Star, this was a decision that Raven and I had made – because we needed to move on, we needed more time to ourselves, and we wanted more. I already told you why we were leaving. Raven told you why we were leaving," he said.
"It really is a nice lesson, but I said that you do not have to keep pretending, or did I get the lesson wrong?" she asked.
"We're not pretending, Starfire, and there is no lesson," he said.
"Maybe it's that I have to not trust so much? Is that the lesson?" she asked.
"There is no lesson!" he said, now in a frustrated and firm tone.
"Perhaps you want me to challenge you," she said.
"No," he said.
"Or, maybe the others need to be with me," she said.
"No," he said, more firmly.
"Or should I?" she started.
"No!For the last time, this is not about what you need, or what I think you need…it isn't about you, period. I want you to stop, I've told you why I left – you need to accept it," he said.
"What? You wouldn't leave, you care-," she said, confused.
"I don't love you. I don't want you here… I want…I need Raven, talking to her makes me feel better – you don't. I'm sick of teaching you every little thing; I want someone I can learn with, someone who won't annoy me when we need to work, and someone who can understand me...that has never been you. I'm not sorry and I know – I love her. Go back to the tower, I need to go in and talk to her," he said, wholeheartedly.
"But I-," she started.
Robin heard a voice on the wind, almost in his ear say: "Explore, explain, and." Finding his will, Robin turned and headed back towards Wayne Manor. Heading across the lawn, he heard Starfire crying behind him. "…exit," he thought he heard again from the air.
"Robin…"she called.
"Go home, Starfire," he answered back, numb to her wailing.
Approaching the door, he reached out and pulled it open. Walking into the main hall, he headed from there towards the bat cave. Going in through the secret entrance, he walked into the cavern and looked around. Raven wasn't anywhere in sight. On the chair she had been sitting in, there was a photo of the two of them. Picking it up, he looked at it closely. He was standing with her on the roof, watching the sunset with his arm around her – their backs to the camera. It had been taken by Cyborg, the day after the fiasco with Trigon and Slade. Studying the sunset in front of them in the photo, he remembered what was said before the photo was taken.
~ "I didn't think I would get to see it again, did you?" Raven had asked.
"Yeah – I knew we would both see it again," Robin had answered.
"You were full of it," she had said.
"Hey, we're here aren't we?" he said.
"We beat some long odds, and you know it," she said.
"No, I don't," he said.
"Sure you don't, all of that worrying beforehand was just practice for a real crisis," she said dryly.
"Well – you bought it," he said, smiling.
"You don't have to hide your relief, or emotions from me; you know I won't use it to embarrass you like the others might," she said.
"Thanks…that means a lot," he said.
"…and thank you," she had said, after a long pause.
"For what?" he asked.
"Not giving up on me, you never had a doubt, not one," she said.
"And I won't," he had said, placing his arm around her, "if you need someone to talk to after all of this, I'm here – Starfire will understand if I spend some time with you."
"…No, she would want to be with you," she had said, sounding as though she regretted saying it.
"She doesn't need me right now," he said.
"But…what do you need?" she asked.
"That's not important right now," he had said.
"Yes, it is…is there something you want to talk to me about?" she asked.
"Later…Can I ask you something though?" he asked.
"Of course," she had said.
"I was wondering if – if you ever thought, um-," he had started to say, interrupted by the flash of Cyborg's camera.
If Cyborg hadn't interrupted them, Robin would have asked Raven about the possibility of a relationship. They never got back to that conversation, another criminal was at large, and it demanded their full attention. The fact that Raven had kept the photo and left it for him, told him that she knew what he had been thinking before they had been interrupted. He turned the photo over and saw that Raven had written him a note. It read: "Robin – I'm sorry for what's happened. I never wanted to hurt you. If you want to talk, please go to your room. I love you – Raven." Taking the photo, Robin left the bat cave, and headed for his room.
Outside, Starfire stood, staring at Wayne Manor, and trying to decide what to do. Something was pleading with her to fly back to the tower, but she didn't believe she could move. What Robin had said struck something in her, shattering it, and prevented her from making a choice. Was this real? Maybe she had gone insane. No, she felt fine. At that moment, a fireball came screaming towards her face. She dropped to the ground and covered her head. When she looked up, she saw a shrouded figure standing over her.
"Ah…so you can move after all," Wraih said.
"Yes – I can. Tell me why you attacked me!" Starfire demanded.
"My, so old – and yet so very young. Do you feel entitled to everything you desire? Perhaps I should act in a similar fashion – but wait, I just did…good reflexes, by the way. Think before you take, what you desire may already have an owner," Wraih said.
"You have not told me why you attacked me!" Starfire said.
"Are you deaf, or merely a fool?" Wraih asked.
"Tell me now!" Starfire said.
"Apparently both, or perhaps I need to use only two-syllable words… I attacked you to teach you," Wraih said.
"Teach me what?" Starfire asked.
"That you will not get what you want because you yell the loudest, talk the most, or ignore the least. You are practically an infant – it is time you stopped thinking like one," Wraih said.
"I do not understand," Starfire said.
"Oh, I am painfully aware of that. Live off of your own ideas for a change; stop relying on others to tell you what you should think. Turn around, go back to your tower, and leave Robin and Raven alone. If you remain and pursue Robin, I shall use every resource I possess to torment you – until you leave, or perish. I promise certain despair for you and it is…avoidable, all you must do is leave," Wraih said.
"I can't," Starfire said.
"Perhaps a preview?"Wraih asked.
The shrouded figure then multiplied and five now stood over Starfire. Slowly, the shroud faded, and Starfire was now looking at Robin, Raven, Terra, Beast Boy, and Cyborg.
"You're selfish," Terra stated.
"You're impossible," Cyborg stated.
"You're annoying," Beast Boy stated.
"You're jealous," Raven stated.
"You're deaf," Robin stated.
"You're a kid," Terra stated.
"You're a nut," Cyborg stated.
"You're an ant," Beast Boy stated.
"You're a moron," Raven stated.
"You're a wound," Robin stated.
"Why are you saying this? I'm not any of those things – I am your friend, you know me," Starfire said, frantically trying to focus.
"You're our problem," Terra stated.
"You're our insanity," Cyborg stated.
"You're our animal," Beast Boy stated.
"You're our tool," Raven stated.
"You're our enemy," Robin stated.
"I am not! Stop this!" Starfire protested.
"You're why I miss," Terra stated.
"You're why I lose," Cyborg stated.
"You're why I hurt," Beast Boy stated.
"You're why I hate," Raven stated.
"You're why I break," Robin stated.
"Quit it! I'm Starfire, I don't need this," Starfire said.
"Are you ready to define yourself and move on from this place? Or shall I continue?" Wraih asked.
"I can't," Starfire said.
"Your call…" Wraih said.
A split second later, Terra, Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Raven disappeared – leaving Robin standing over her.
"You don't know. You never know. You can't learn. You won't resign. You make me want to jump off a cliff. You cause me pain. You want, you don't care. You wish, you don't want others to wish. You want me to bolt myself to you, deny what I want – you are a prison. You can't accept me, so I'll deny you. You won't listen to me, so I won't talk to you. You're a difficult, whiny, needy, childish, little freak who can't understand this planet, or your own brain," Robin said, now standing on her ankle, preventing her movement, and hurting her.
"Robin, no…I-I'm not like that, I can learn, and I listen," Starfire said.
"So prove your assertion," Wraih said.
"I…don't think I can," Starfire said.
"Then, this shall continue," Wraih said.
Another shroud appeared beside Robin and as it faded, Raven came into view, and stood on Starfire'sarm – a spike on the bottom of Raven's shoe dug into Starfire's wrist, drawing blood. The pain was worse than it should have been, somehow amplified.
"Why won't you let us be happy?" Robin asked.
"You like me, I want-," Starfire started.
"Wrong," Raven said, twisting her foot and causing Starfire more pain.
"Why won't you listen?" Robin asked.
"I listen, but I want-," Starfire began again.
"Wrong," Raven said, repeating the motion.
"Why can't Raven and I be together?" Robin asked.
"Because I don't-," Starfire started again.
"Wrong," Raven said, digging further with the spike.
"Why can't I love her?" Robin asked.
"B-…You can…and I can accept that…" Starfire said.
"Progress…have you had enough of this yet, or do you need a more painful lesson?" Wraih asked.
"I...can move, I'll leave, and I accept them," Starfire said.
The shrouds of Robin and Raven dissolved, and Starfire looked to her wrist – which was openly bleeding at a rapid pace. The original shrouded figure appeared once more before her.
"Let that wound, and the subsequent scar remind you of what you have learned. Now, return to your tower, or that will not be the only wound you return with," Wraih threatened.
"Yes…Why did you do all of this?" Starfire asked.
"To assist Raven; it was not for your benefit. In truth, if Robin was not bound to her – and was instead with someone else instead of her, I would not be here, and you would probably not be leaving," Wraih said.
"So, who are you, her mother?" Starfire asked.
"No…not exactly. You would not understand as it involves various rituals and parties you would not be familiar with…it is a rather complicated answer," Wraih said.
"Does she know?" Starfire asked.
"Perhaps… she's just having a difficult time figuring out how something is possible," Wraih said.
"Okay…" Starfire said.
"Leave and remember," Wraih said, her shrouded figure dissolving from sight.
Finding her strength, Starfire flew up into the sky and started her long trip back to the tower. She held her wrist, bleeding the whole way back. There was no thought to turn around, or stop. No doubt, the others would be busy trying to solve the whole insanity problem. She hoped that Terra and Beast Boy would be okay and that things could get back to normal soon.
(The next chapter will be up 2 weeks from the 23rd of November. ~RavensMind~)