(Thought I'd update a little sooner, enjoy, and happy holidays! ~RavensMind~)
Chapter 22: Truth and Trust
Pacing in his room, Robin thought of what he wanted to say. The problem was that he didn't know how Raven would act when she walked in. If she acted angrily, he could handle it, or if she hid her emotions to discuss things he could deal with it. He could go from there, but it definitely would take some time before he found what he wanted to say. Where was she? Did she want to make him wait? Maybe she didn't know what to say either. That was a stretch, she always had some insight. Hearing the door open, he stopped pacing and faced the doorway. Raven stood in her leotard, one hand still on the door handle. Robin looked at her face, expecting to see her usual indifferent expression, or some sign of anger, but instead – she looked hurt. Closing the door behind her, Raven stepped into his room, and walked past him to sit on his bed. He turned to her, still standing, and noticed a streak of dried blood that ran from her left ear to her neck. Taking off his mask, Robin walked closer to her.
"What happened there?" Robin asked, indicating her ear.
"You moved too far away from me…it hurt," Raven said, not looking at him.
"Oh, sorry," he said, looking down.
"No, I'm sorry…I can't control everything, sometimes…Sometimes I let myself open up and…other people get hurt or dragged along with me and I didn't want you to feel trapped in- sorry…I thought I could do this," Raven said, holding back tears, "give me a minute…"
"You're apologizing to me?" Robin asked, surprised.
"Just…let me get this out first," Raven said.
"You don't need to-," he started.
"Yes, I do… I want to control my emotions, I want to be mad at you, but that wouldn't be me. This is how I feel… You said I was ruining the people around me, you're right – I thought if I died, it would help, but I can't do that, so maybe I can just live by myself… There is a way I can undo the ritual, I found the spell in the book Wraih gave me. You don't deserve any of this… I'm sorry I gave into my feelings for you. I just…knew what would happen when the rest of you were gone – I would be completely alone. I didn't want…" she said, trying to stop tearing up, "why do I keep doing this? I should be able to hold back tears or...anything, it wasn't like this before..."
"Maybe I'm different to you, or you trust me more - you didn't used to... I feel so much worse about all of this now," he said.
"What do you mean?" she asked, looking up at him.
"I didn't trust you fully, even after we left the tower. And...I wasn't ready to be honest with you. From what I learned about you over the years, I...explained to the others that we needed to avoid getting attached to you - and how we might have to deal with you if you..." he said, avoiding looking into her eyes.
"Perfect. After all of your shit to me about not giving up on myself, pushing me to deal with any little problem I had, and getting me to socialize more...You didn't believe I could ultimately succeed, and separate from my father's plan...And you all just watched and waited for any sign, so you could get rid of me. No wonder my father's mind games worked so damn well, you were already suspicious of me - it wouldn't take much to push that to paranoia..." she said, feeling more hurt.
"I'm sorry...I didn't know what would happen...but, I do now. No matter what your father, or some criminal, some idiot, or even I, might do - you'll survive it. From what we've been dealing with, I believe that there's more between us than I can see," he said.
"Now you say that? That's perfect timing. Where was this insight hours ago when you needed it? And why was Starfire here? Checking your options?" she asked.
"Starfire still didn't accept the fact that I had left for good, she was trying-," he started.
"To ruin what little hope I had left, because I'm such a lost cause? She's-," she started.
"An idiot," he said.
"...You've never called her that - even after you two stopped going out. Are you trying to convince me that she doesn't mean anything to you?" she asked.
"Don't do that. You're pretending to be jealous so it's easier to be mad at me. This isn't you," he said.
"And you know what I am?" she asked.
"Stop trying to fight and talk to me," he said.
"I would, but...I don't want to feel like this anymore," she said, tearing up again.
"Hey," Robin said, sitting down beside Raven on the bed and putting his arm around her, "I'm so sorry about what I said to you earlier...I wasn't thinking straight...I didn't mean it."
"Some-...I shouldn't be acting like this...I should be-," she said.
"In your room, right? Well, I should be waiting in front of some monitors for Batman to respond...but I'm not. We've changed..." he said.
"Have we? No. Some measure of trust is building. What I can't tell is if the strengthened bond is causing it, or if it is just us. Either way, you meant part of what you had said," she said.
"No, I was wrong, and I knew it... I had no idea it would hurt you like this," he said.
"It's not your fault, if my mind had been stronger, I could have dealt with it..." she said.
"No. It was my fault, if I hadn't said it - you wouldn't have had to deal with it...I'm sorry for what I said, and I'm sorry for not trusting you - I'm going to change that. And...I'll get it if you're still upset with me, but I want to stay with you tonight - so I'll know you're okay," he said.
"Don't be an idiot, of course you can stay," she said.
"I thought you'd want me to leave you alone," he said, confused.
"I need you right now...and you need me...apparently being alone won't help either of us," she said.
"Aren't you still upset?" he asked.
"Umm...no. I feel drained, and...sad, but I'm not angry," she said.
"You should be," he said.
"Maybe I should...but I don't want to feel angry," she said.
"That's...smart," he said.
"Yeah...but somehow, I'm so 'smart' right now that I can't convince myself to deny my emotions," she said.
"No, that's why you're smart. You're not yelling at me, because you aren't mad - you feel sad, so you're talking with me...and it helps both of us," he said.
"You sound like you want to talk about something specific," Raven said, looking at him.
" That picture you left for me... why did you keep it?" Robin asked, meeting her gaze.
"Well...You helped me so much during the entire mess with my father and that was a... moment for us," she said.
"So, do you remember what we were talking about when it was taken?" he asked.
"...If I didn't, do you think I would have held onto it for this long?" she asked.
"Right...I never got to ask you that question. Cyborg interrupted us by taking the picture, you went back inside, and then we had to stop some criminal. We were distracted for a while, before I even remembered...but it seemed like you tried to avoid me... Did you know what I wanted to ask?" he asked.
"Not fully...I only knew what you were feeling, so I guessed. I didn't want to bring it up because if I was wrong, or right...It might not have gone well for us. But now...I want to know..." she said.
"I would have asked you if you had ever thought about the two of us, together," he said.
"Oh..." she said.
"What would you have said?" he asked.
"Hmm...I'm fairly sure I would have said yes to that, but...I don't think we could have had the rest of that conversation," she said.
"Why not?" he asked.
"You were still with Starfire, I wouldn't have wanted to get in the middle of that, and I think you knew I would say something similar to that...So why did you even try to ask that question?" she asked.
"I was curious..." he said.
"No, that's not all...Because not long after those few distractions you mentioned, you talked to me...about problems you were having with Starfire. I gave you some advice...and you two started fighting a lot. Were you thinking about being with me while you were fighting with her?" she asked.
"Maybe..." he said.
"And you never told me, after I had said you could always be honest with me. We could have dealt with it or...acted on it earlier," she said.
"I didn't know how you would act...I didn't want you to avoid me again," he said.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because when we spent time together, I felt like I could relax...because someone was actually listening, and helping me for once. You cared more than Starfire, you always gave me your attention. I didn't need to explain 'how people work' to you, I didn't have to tell you what I needed you to do... I also learned what you needed. After I knew what that was...I guess I decided that I had to give it to you, because you were...more than a friend to me," he explained.
"You...needed to tell me that a long time ago," Raven said.
"I know, I was an idiot; I didn't know how much I really cared about you," Robin said.
"But. You still don't fully trust me," she said.
"It's...just not what I was taught to do...and it will take a while to put it aside...even for you. I didn't even take my mask off for Starfire...And...I just want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to convince you that I trust you," he said.
"That means a lot to me...thank you, Robin," she said.
"Anything for you," he said, smiling at her.
"You don't have to do that," she said.
"Do what?" he asked.
"Say any of that kind of disingenuous...even describing it makes me want to puke," she said.
"You didn't have a problem with me saying anything else like that before," he said.
"It wasn't as noticeable," she said.
"So, what should I have said?" he asked.
"Um...'you're welcome'?" she asked.
"Are you trying to pick a fight again?" he asked.
"No, I'm trying to get you to be honest with me," she said.
"What about you? You know as well as I do that you wouldn't have said 'yes' to the question I wanted to ask you when that picture was taken," he said.
"Shut up, you can't know that," she said.
"...You would have kissed me," he said.
"How...could you know that?" she asked, surprised.
"I actually heard some of your thoughts then...that's another reason why I tried to talk to you," he said.
"…We need to trust each other more than we do," she said.
"Yeah. We'll work on it," he said,
"Could you get me something to clean this blood off?" she asked.
"Sure," he said.
Robin got up and went into his bathroom, emerging a few moments later with a damp cloth. Returning to the bed, Robin sat down next to Raven, and she reached over to take the cloth, but he shook his head and said that he would do it. She gently pulled her hair back and held it behind her ear as he wiped away the blood.
"Do you think the others are alright?" Robin asked.
"Yes. They've survived worse, and I believe that Batman knows what he's doing," Raven replied.
"We left at a bad time," he said.
"I know...but we needed to," she said.
"Wraih will have a lot to answer for," he said.
"Don't put this on her, she has helped us a lot...that book she gave me has a lot of useful magic. And without that ritual, I wouldn't have had a future," she said.
"True, but she's not innocent," he said.
"Neither are we," she said.
"Maybe you're right," he said.
"Maybe?" she asked.
"I'm not sure, I don't want to focus on that right now," he said.
"Fair enough...I love it when you get yourself to relax, I don't feel quite as tense," she said.
"You really want to relax?" he asked.
"Yes," she said.
Wiping away the last of the blood along Raven's neck, Robin tossed the cloth into the bathroom and kissed her neck.
"...I was wondering when you would get to that," she said, leaning into him.
"I wasn't sure if you'd let me," he said.
She turned and put her arms around him, kissing him back. He put one arm around her and gently pushed her down as he fell with her onto the bed. Sliding his hand along her back, he rested it on her hip, and placed his other hand on the side of her face.
"This isn't exactly...relaxing, though," she said.
"No, but it feels better," he said.
"Yes...and there's something that will be even better," she said.
"You're sure you want to-," he started.
"Trust me. After everything that's happened, I'm starting to feel that we have to..." she said.
"We don't have to...but, I...would like to get a better look at that tattoo," he said, grinning slightly.
"As long as that isn't the only thing you pay attention to," she said, returning his grin.
"Of course not," he said.
"I'm not...familiar with all of this, so if you need-," she began.
"Wait, you think I'm not new to this?" he asked.
"You were with Starfire for a while, I just assumed...I can't believe she didn't," she said.
"I told you I didn't. She just wasn't what I needed...or even really what I wanted. Forget about her. And don't worry...we'll just...see," he said.
"Smart," she said, frowning slightly.
"Relax, Raven, we're not stupid," he said.
"So you have a-?" she started.
"Yeah. Like I said, not stupid. Don't worry, just...feel," he said.
"Oh, that won't be a problem..."she said, a grin returning to her face.
"I love that smile," he said.
"Just the smile?" she asked.
"No...I love you," he said.
"And I love you," she said.
"You don't sound like you do," he teased.
"Can't you just shut up?" Raven asked.
"Why don't you try and make me," Robin said, still teasing.
"No, I want to hear you scream...,"she said with wicked eyes.
"Not before you," he said.
Guiding his hand up her back, Robin reached the zipper and began pulling it down as Raven kissed him. She unclasped his cape with one hand and started un-hooking his belt with the other. When the zipper was down, he then removed her belt as she handed him his; dropping both off the side of the bed. Sitting up together, Robin took off his gloves as Raven started pulling at his shirt. Easing out of their kiss for a moment, Raven opened her eyes and looked at Robin's chest as he pulled off his shirt.
"Stop," she said.
"What is it?" he asked.
"...The inscriptions from the ritual, they've re-appeared," she said, indicating his chest.
Looking down, Robin saw the red markings across his chest, and there were more on his arms. Touching the markings on his chest, he didn't feel them, and they didn't hurt. He returned his gaze to Raven.
"They're on your face…and your hands too. What does this mean?" he asked.
"I'm not sure..." she said.
Getting up, Raven went into the bathroom and turned on the light. Looking at herself in the mirror, she fought off the will to punch it immediately. She hadn't seen the markings since she fought off her father, and they only reminded her of him. Twisting around, so she could see her back in the mirror, she saw more. She didn't feel any different. As she looked, she noticed that they were starting to fade from sight. They were gone within a few moments. Why? She wondered. Robin walked in behind her and put his arms around her.
"You okay?" Robin asked.
"Yeah…I don't know why that happened," Raven said.
"Maybe it means your father isn't near anymore," he said.
"Then, the others were successful…but I don't know if that is what it means," she said.
"I don't see the markings anymore, so can we get back to the bed?" he asked.
"Very subtle," she said dryly.
"Well, there's nothing we can really do about it and you wanted me to be honest, didn't you?" he asked.
"…I guess that's true. Sure, let's get back to the bed," she said.
"You don't sound like you want to," he said to her as she twisted around to face him.
"I'm just a little shaken, it'll pass," she said.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
As he finished the question, she kissed him and put her hands on his hips, and began pulling at the waistline of his pants.
"You're not being very fair," he said.
"Hmm?" she asked.
"You still have this on," he said, indicating her leotard by tugging at it. She let her hands drop to her sides as he slid her leotard off of her. As it fell around her ankles and she stepped out of it, taking off her shoes as well, and he grinned as he looked at her.
"You left the swim suit on underneath?" he asked.
"I thought we'd get to this soon," she said.
"Come here," he said, taking her by the arm and leading her out of the bathroom and back to the bed. Robin gently pushed her onto the bed, but stopped as he noticed her wrapped foot.
"Wait, what happened to your foot?" he asked.
"When you walked out of range…it hurt my mind and…I had to find a way to distract myself from that pain – so, I…did that," she said.
"Does it hurt? You should've said something, we need to-," he started.
"Stop worrying. I can handle it. It doesn't hurt very much and it can wait," she said.
"Does your side hurt at all?" he asked, looking at the bandage on the side of her stomach.
"No," she said, sitting up.
"You need-," Robin started.
"Shut up, and show me you love me," Raven said, grabbing his arm and pulling him down on top of her.
(Thanks for the input on the question of a sequel to this. Since some of you wanted one, I've decided to write it after all. It may not be up for a while after this one is done. There is one more chapter left for 'Mentors', though, and so far it has plenty of hints for the next story. ~RavensMind~)