A pang of guilt hit her has she stepped out of the buidling prescription in hand but at the same time she felt relieved , relief to have gone to another doctor one that had no affiliation what so ever to the departement . All it took was for her to say she was tired couldnt sleep and she was stressed out and the doctor was writting her a prescription for sleeping pills , it wasnt anti-depressant like she hope but it was a start . She was out in 20 mnutes the guilt soon dissapearring she would sleep tonight and screw jake , screw the promises she made, screw her work or her friends it was her life and she was living it the way she wanted if they didnt accept it then they could butt out it wasnt like she cared much anyway .
Has she drove home she suddenly realised it didnt bother her much that she had been suspended , when Horatio had told her she didnt event hink twice didnt even ergue and walk away .A few years back she would have fought defended herself but she simply didnt care and it didnt bother her one bit .Her work wasnt her life anymore she learn that lesson the hard way .
With christmas rounding the corner Calleigh was in no mood what so ever with festivities driving back home she notice the many house decorated ,the families shopping , to her it was useless meaningless people surrounding themself with possesion they probably will never use .Holydays were supposed to be about spending time with families , friends and loves one know they were just about who had the best christmas tree who gave the best party the best gift .Not that she had cared much about them anyways , no the holydays in the Duquesne house hold were usually filed with who got drunk first who fought first and who would pass out first between her dad and her mom .
She never experience a real holyday not with Eric and not even with Jake , with eric they hadnt been dating that long for them to shared a holyday sure each years they exchange friendly gift but to share an hollyday with someone you loved was different , waking up in the morning still in your pj coffee in hands to open gifts , to see the look of happiness on his face , it was yet another thing that was taken from her .With jake she had at least came close to have someone for the holydays and each years she thought maybe this time they wouldnt get caught into their work or crazy family menbers , but nothing changed it always ended with dissapointement , Jake going undercover or having to go back home after yet a nother family drunken fight .
Now all of that was gone her mother was dead years ago her father last year and Eric had been taken away from her and Jake well jake told her that this time he would be here for her that he was done with undercover work but she heard those word before and found it hard to believe them .
Now all she wanted was go home sleep and for once she knew she would be able too and forget for a couples of hours that the world didnt exist .But has she parked her car and grabed her prescription anger got the best of her once she realised someone was waiting for her at the front door .
Slamming her car door she walked straight to the little man wearing a suit gulping has he saw her approaching him .
CAL; I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE !
''Please miss duquesnes ...just listen to me for five minute ...mr sharova his ...''
The lawyer tried to keep his calm but he was scared has hell of the women ever since she threw him out of the lab after that he had tried to reach her by phone calls , emails. letters anything for her to just see his client Alex Sharova but calleigh had never returned any of his calls , emails or letters .
And now that he stood in front of her for one last attmept to reach her wonder if his life would end in a moment .
CAL: I DONT CARE WHAT HE WANTS ... HE CAN ROT IN HELL FOR ALL I CARE AND IF I EVER HEAR FROM YOU EVER AGAIN ...
'' HE HIS IN HELL''' he interupted already regreting raising his voices he took a step back when her eyes turned red like a gruesome murder scene .
Hesitantly and stuttering he spoke quietly .
'' he...he...di...died...la...last night ''
Straightening back calleigh kept her composure her face showing no emotion other then anger she should care about the lost of human life no mather what she thought of Alex Sharova.
CAL: There is a god !she finnaly stated turning to open her front door carelessly dimissing the young lawyer .
''PLease miss Duquesne all i ask is for five minutes afte that you wont see me ever again ...well that is if you ever need a lawyer '' .
The lawyer attempt had a joke had pass Calleigh six feet over her head ,while he chuckle nervously and once again swallowed Calleigh glared at the nervous man in front of her .
CAL: fine you have one minute ! make it fast !
'' ohh ok ...right ...huh ..has you know mr Sharova suffered from lung cancer and over the last weeks his health has been deteriotating fast ''.
CAL: I suggest you get to the point the clock ticking !
'' he ...huh ...he kept asking for you ...has you already knew ..and since since you kept denying him '...
CAL: Are you trying to make me feel guilty ?
'' what no ...ma'am ...no ...im just trying to explain !...has i was saying his health deterioated and since he didnt have any family i went everyday to see him ''
Pinching the bridge of her nose calleigh rolled her finger in the air showing the young lawyer to hurry the hell up .
'' and everyday he asked of you ...and every day i gave him the same answer ...no...and each time ..he mumbled a name i ask him who that man was and he told he would only tell you ''
CAL: you done now ?
'' Dont you want to know what was the man name ''
CAL: No i dont really care about what ever that man wanted so now go before i throw you out.
'' he said it would give you answer '' he tried again taking a step back sweating furiously under his suit the heat rising every second he spend with her .
CAL; READ MY LIPS LITTLE MAN ...I DONT CARE ...NOW GO .
Stepping closer Calleigh gave him no choice but to stumble backward the three step leading to her front porch shaking like a leaf he reached inside his jacket retrieving a small folded piece of paper .
With a shaky hand he extended his arms toward Calleigh handing her the paper with his eyes closed , he promised Sharova he would do this god forgive if it was the last thing he would do.
CAL: what is this ? she asked with an annoyed tone staring at the piece of paper in his hand.
'' he ...he wrotte this before he died ,please take it and i'll be on my way ''
Feeling the paper slip from his finger the young brave lawyer finnaly opened his eyes unable to face Calleigh angry stared she didnt bother looking at the paper , she held in her hand has he backed away and finnaly turned away loosing up his tie and walking away from her.
without second though she turned around and unlocked her front door and walk in , the paper still clutch in her hand .
She didnt check for message didnt open the blind she made her usual routine heading straight for the fridge and pouring herself a glass of her prescription and the paper on her kitchen counter
MAking her way back to her bedroom she grabed her prescription bag almost leaving the paper but double back and took it
Sitting on her bed she took a sip of her wine throwing her prescription next to her on the got the best of her , without much care she unfloded the piece of paper and read the scramble hand writting.
Just as promised there was only one name on it '' ATF agent Mark Coleman ''
That was it nothing else not much for her to go by but it wasnt like she wanted anything to go by with anyway .Scrunching the paper in her hand she threw it on the floor not giving it second thought .
She then took her prescription bag and retrieved the bottle she looked at the prescription the label said take 2 before going to bed ,so she took 4 with a gulp of wine and then went to do the last thing she still enjoy , a hot long steaming bath .
Resting her head back agaisnt the bath she sighted the stress of the day releasing itself sipping her wine she closed her eyes wishing she could always be this at peace this relax
Lately Calleigh had enough , enough of the pain the constant reminding of what she didnt have the happiness she never experience it had to end. For three years things had never been the same and it would never be again .
Soon enough the mixing of the sleeping pills and alcohol did its work ,her eyes lids feeling heavy she didnt figth the slumber that hit her , her body going limp, her head slowly sinking down under the water ,her mind and body drifting into a place where the pain didnt exist .
Cleaning the remainder of their diner she couldnt quite grasp the idea of her and eric together , as in really together , with butterflies in her stomach she pour herself a glass of wine and open a brand new beer for him , knowing he would rather drink the manly stuff instead of what she once heard him say to Ryan ''wine is for chick and beer for men but if you want to impress the ladies order the most expensive bottle ''. He didnt know it but she heard loud and clear while Eric gave Ryan pointers on dating . Standing in another part of the locker room she had bit her lips stopping herself from laughing picturing the look on Ryan face while eric tried to get the young csi to get a girlfriend , but Calleigh had to admit that Ryan was totally clueless when it came to dating.
Walking into the living room smilling at the memory she caught eric gazing at the family picture she had on display .
CAL: here! she said hadning him a bottle of beer .
ERIC: Thanks but you didnt have to open one ,i could have continue with wine
CAL: Really because i though , wine was for chick and beer for men ! she said with a hint of teasing taking a tiny sip of her wine .
For a second he looked a deer caught in headlight but then he chuckle shaking his head at her teasing.
ERIC: It is but when a beautifull women cook you diner you drink what ever shes offering .
CAL: and of course you' ve told Ryan that .
ERIC: sure but clearly he didnt listen to any advice i gave him because hes still single .
CAL : I also remenber you told him to compliment her on diner ...she teased once more
ERIC: Ok how much of it did you actuallly listen ...and did compliment you on diner ...3 times actually ..he teased back
CAL :Thats for me to know and for you to find out mister .
ERIC: is that so ? you do know that eaves droping is not really nice .
CAL: its not eaves dropping when your in the locker and 2 alpha male are having a conversation they probably would never have in front of a women .
ERIC: ohh believe me i know i grew up in a household full of women so i know! he laughed taking a sip of his beer .
With a giggle she drank her wine and eric had to stare he couldnt help it , the moon shinning on her the blush on her face from the wine and the sparkle in her eyes from they playfull teasing ,eric coudlnt help himself settling his bottle on the coffee table he took her glass of wine and settle it next to his bottle .
For a second she wondered why he had taken her precious wine from her but then he gazed into her eyes and saw the look she still wasnt use to , his deep brown chocolate eyes piercing her green one .
The blush on her cheek darkened from his gazed tilting her head low fromt he embarrasement he wasnt having any of it with a tiny step closer he reached for one hand tentivly finding her hips the other sliding into her hair fixing them behind her ear just the way he liked .
Lifting her eyes to his bitting her bottom lips , smilling nervously his thumb stroking her cheek in that adorable way that made her all giddly inside , he seemed to sense her nervousness so he didnt move .In her head she berated herself , why was she suddenly nervous , she kissed him outside the detention center only a few hours ago .But now that they were alone in her house the light dims , a bit tipsy , late at night after a very emotional day , anything could happen .She thought about it , he thought about it,she was sure they were both on the same page that he would definitly spend the night but again Eric wouldnt do anything to make her why on earth was she nervous like a virgin on prom night .
Agian he seemed to sense her nervousness so he grinned nervously stepping closer she gripped his shirt between her finger to busy herself .
ERIC: i really want to kiss you right now ! he whispered between the short space between them .
CAL: you ..you dont need to ask ! she responded with a shy smile .
ERIC: I wouldnt want you to shoot me !he teased lighlty threading his finger into her hair until he cupped the back of her head.
CAL: I will if you dont !
Tugging at his shirt she caught his smug rigth before she closed her eyes feeling his lips on hers . brushing at first hesitant her arms snaking around his neck gave him the go ahead , pressing a little more firmly .
Her arms around his neck , his hands on the small of her back they clung to each other in a long lingering kiss .His lips continuing to brush agaisnt hers, tantalizing , as if she needed any more coaxing and her eyes opened brielfy to meet his gaze in what felt like an intimate sharing a mutual breakthrough as half -hearted attempts to stop gave way to the need for just one more taste ,one more affirmation.
They separated with a sight of content that neither of them tried to hide .He pressed a kiss to her forehead then puling her against him she rested her head on his chest his arms securely around her .
ERIC: thanks for being here for me today !
CAL: just returning the favor !
ERIC: i was wondering if ..if you would show me something .
Looking up at him she arched a questionning eyebrow at Eric who simple grinned .
CAL: excuse me !
Distangling himself from her Eric reached for the higher shelf of her bookcase retrieving an photo album that obvioulsy had been put there a while ago judging by the amount of dust on the cover .
CAL: ohh that ! she said with a light blush .
ERIC: yes that ! what did you think i was talking about ?
CAL: ohh nothing nothing .
Eric held the album agaisnt his chest grinning from the corner of his mouth , slightly embarrassed Calleigh had to look away to hide the shade of red staining her cheek .
ERIC: and they say i have a dirty mind !
CAL: Eric ...i ...well can you blame you ask me to show you something .
Eric : and you thought...well now that embarrassing ! he said bursting into a laugh .
Frowning she punch his arms and tried to reach for the album but eric evaded her his laughter growing louder .
CAL: Stop making fun of me and give me my album .
ERIC; ohh no i wont! he teased lifting the album over his head..
CAL: eric ...please ..i ...
ERIC: come on Calleigh ...i promised i wont laugh at the odd look you had in the eighties .
CAL: it's not that ...i...eric please .
Eric seemed completly unphased by her desparation , there was a reason that album was put on the top shelf , and stay there forgotten for god knows how long .People put picture in them that reminded them of good times but for calleigh they only brough heartache and bad memories .
ERIC: Surely it cant be that bad
Looking up at her he saw the look of pure terror on her face it hadnt even croos his mind that with her difficult past it would be hard for her to even share childhood memories with him..
ERIC: hey Cal it's alright , plus you saw a picture of me when i was a baby so ...he trailed off hoping it would make her smile and slowly it did has she remenbered how speed had email everyone at the lab a picture of a one year old eric naked has a bird in his bathtub bunch of curly hair full of shampoo playing with a rubber ducky .
CAL: you look so cute with your little ...
ERIC: Hey i was one year old ok ! he interupted before she could finish.
CAL: I was about to say with your rubber ducky ! she laugh sitting next to him pulling the album on her thigh .
ERIC: yeah well anyway i still dont know how he got that picture .
CAL: Speed had mysterious way .
ERIC: More then you know ! he chuckle remenbering his friend.
Looking up at him she smiled , it was nice change for them , after many years of speed name being a sore subject between them they had no come to a point where they could talk about him and remenber the good time without a deep sadness hitting them .
ERIC ; So can i ? or your going to shoot me ?
With a mischevious smile eric ran his hand on the leather cover , she could never resist that smile that made her all giddly on the inside .
CAL: if you laugh even one time i will shoot you .
ERIC: promises promises ! he smiled turning the first page .
The first one where of her has a baby not much to see there until eric stumble onto one where her mother was holdingher , he spend a few second eyeing it carefully .
ERIC: you have your mothers eyes !
Unconciously Calleigh bend her knees onto her chest resting her chin onto her knees she only gave a humm for answer and eric saw the gesture has a way to shield herself from the bad memories her mother often produce .He didnt know how her mother died only knew she passed away when Calleigh was away at college and that it was sudden.
For the moment he ignored it didnt push anything further they had enough family drama between them to last them years But tonight was about them and eric was intent on finding a picture int here that would make her smile .
After a few pages being turned with Eric watching every picture with attention he stumble upon one that made him chuckle.A picture of Calleigh who couldnt be more then 10 years old all dressed ready to go hunting a reminton riflle on her shoulder all smile with a front teeth missing .
CAL: hey you said you werent going to laugh .
Playfully swatting his belly eric continue to smile at the picture .
ERIC: i cant help it its too cute , thats just how i picture your childhood .
CAL: yeah that was the first time my dad took me hunting , he had me practice shooting the riffle in the back yard shooting cans for years and always promised me we would go hunting one day .
ERIC: did you shoot anything .
CAL: No ...i almost did but when i saw the poor rabbit i balled cried and didnt want to shoot the poor thing .
Laughing eric kissed the top of her head shaking his head afterward , calleigh could be tough has nail when it came too criminals but she could aslo be the sweetest when it came to innocent being , such has a rabbit .
ERIC: Some how i knew you would say something like that .
CAL: He was way too cute eric ...i just couldnt shoot him so my dad could make a stew ! she laughed shaking her head and cuddling closer to Eric .
ERIC: what did your dad say about it .
again feeling a bit uneasy about her family past Calleigh shifted uncomfortable next to him and answer him with out making eyecontact.
CAL: I think ..i think he knew i wouldnt be able to kill it , i dont think he was dissapointed but when we got back my mom ..she ...
ERIC: You dont have to tell me .
CAL: no it's alright ...when we came back she was drunk and she scoffed at me saying i was weak and to soft that i had to toughen up in this world ...
ERIC: ohh calleigh ...
Circling his arm around her shoulder he draw her too him transfering some of his strenght to her .
CAL: hey it's alright ...she shrugged carelessly .
Eric didnt say anything and eyed her for a second he wodner silently how manys time she had to build herself a carapace over her parents struggle with alcohol .
CAL: I dont thinks he knew she was doing it ...you have to understand my mom was social drinker , there nothing wrong with that , but when you socialized everyday ...
ERIC: you dont have to explain it to me Calleigh ...but if you want to tell me about it im here .
He sealed the deal with a lingering kiss agaisnt her temple giving her tiny frame a tigh squeezed.
CAL: i think we had enough family drama for a while , what you think ? she answer with a smile and cuddling back agaisnt him .
Eric once again let it go and kep turning the pages asking a few question here and there until he stumble into a picture of Calleigh in her teenage years , holding a ribbon that show she had won a competition of some sort. she had a smile on her face but eric would know that fake smile everywhere .
CAL: i won first place in a shooting competition in our county .
ERIC:Yeah ! he said proudly looking closer at the picture she couldnt have been more then 17 ,18 years old .
ERIC: Your dad must have been proud .
CAL: wanst there , neither was my mom .
To Eric that explain the fake smile on her face he opened his mouth to say something but she turned the page herself , subject officially close .
A few more pages later came her college years that show Calleigh with her friends goofing around and a boy next to her his arms around her waist .
ERIC: whos the dude with the bad mullet ? he asked with a laugh .
CAL: Hey ...i would let you know that was very sexy back then .
ERIC:Yeah right i think if would have ever had one my sisters would cut it off themself .
CAL: nahh i like you with short hair anyway .
ERIC: yeah ! he asked with a glitter in his eyes ...how short exaclty like short short or just ...you know short .
A mischevious smile form on her lips before she looked up at him his smile matching hers .
CAL: Maybe just a bit tad long enough then what you have right now .
ERIC: Hey do you know how much im saving on shampoo and hair gel with that haircut .
CAL: Thats such a typical guy thing to say ,pratical before beauty !she laugh along with him .
ERIC: hey are you implying im not beauifull .
CAL: You would be if you let your hair grow .
Laughing at they playfull banter Eric shook his head before pecking her lips then the tip of her nose .
Has she stood to refill their glass Eric looked back at the picture and casually ask has she headed to the kitchen .
ERIC: so you never answer me whos the dude with the mullet ?
CAL: Thats Shane ...we dated for a while .
ERIC: what happened to him ?
CAL: found out he was two timing me with another girl , we both confronted him he ran for his life never saw him again i think he was afraid i'd shoot him .
laughing she came back into the living room and handed him a fresh cold beer before resuming her original position next to him .
ERIC: sorry!
CAL: Nahh it's ok he wasnt the love of my life anyway , just a distraction .
ERIC: He was a fool if you ask me ?
CAL: Thats sweet .
ERIC: it's the truth .
He shrugged casually has if to him it was nothing but to her everytime he would say those little comment made her feel special ,desired .Something she hadnt felt enough in her life .And the attention he gave to every single picture showed her he was indeed interested not only in her life but her past has well no mather how messed up it was .
Reaching for his hand she link her finger with his she got his attention lifting his eyes from the album .Quietly she closed the album resting on his lap and put it on her coffee table .
Much like he did earlier she took his beer and put it next to the album, she reached for his hand again their fingers intertwined , their eyes fixed on them silently has she rested her head on his shoulder .
Moving her thumb over his knuckles she was entrance by the difference , how well her tiny hand fitted in his tall one or her pale skin agaisnt his tan one .
She didnt know exactly how long they stay like this silent ,enjoying each other company , then she felt his lips on her brow when she looked up , she was slighty caught off guard by the intensity in his eyes completly focus on hers.
Running his finger downher cheek to move a lenght of hair behind her ear that was about to fall his fingers bruhsing her skin she felt the goosebump agaisnt the skin of her neck .His hand slid down her amrs slowly before going back and repeating over and over until she began to drift curling herself agaisnt him her head in the crook of his neck .
His hand drifting lower sliding agaisnt her backover her hips finding a gap between her shirt and pants he went a little more bolder sliding his palm up her hips slowly , down her back , her eyes drifted shut has she enjoyed a level of intimacy they had never shared until this moment .
She reopened her eyes moments later when his touch shifted to trace along her jaw her eyes met his and for the first time in her life Calleigh felt like she belong with someone , his genuine affection for her and mostly his patience they had a connection together that neither had never shared .
smilling down at her he swiped his thumb across her cheek before Eric finnaly leaned down and pressed his lips agaisnt hers gliding them once twice and a third time when he finnaly released her lips she wished he hadnt stop and kept going , but he didntt he gave her space the option to decide to where this would be going so on this for once in her life Calleigh had listened to her heart and pulled him donw for a more heated kissed her finger dwelling into the back of his head keeping him connected to her when she shfited and straddle his laps her fingers shaking has they pulled one every single button of his dress shirt eric pulled away breathless and obviously keeping himself reign in , quietly he had ask if she was sure and she responded with a faint nod .
Siently she had pulled back pulling at his arm before he stood following her has she lead them to her bedroom closing the door to the world behind them .
And that was the memroy Calleigh wanted to go with has the water filled her lungs slowly she didnt fight it nor has she intended for it to happen her heart beat slowing down , she felt oddly at peace , no more pain , heartache , soon she would join him .