Disclaimer - Twilight belongs to the fantastic Stephenie Meyer, I just like to mess with it.
A/N - Thank you so much to everyone who took the time to read and review the first chapter, I really appreciate it. Now for a little Britishward - we gave America Rob so I'm taking Edward ;-)
Please note that for kicks I'll probably be throwing in some national and regional colloquialism at some point in this story so if you need a hand with any "Thames' Estuary English" let me know.
Massive thanks to my fantastic beta, Trip. She is a Grammar Goddess.
EPOV
I just discovered the absolute worst smell to wake up to. You'd think sewage or gas or rotting food would be high up there, but nothing has made me more nauseous than the overpowering scent of vanilla that is assaulting me this morning. Of course, the fact that I know the source of such a smell - the naked girl beside me and the (I can only assume many) vanilla air fresheners dotted around her tiny flat doesn't help to make it any easier to stand. There's no way her perfume was this strong last night, I would have noticed; although admittedly, the smell of whisky may have masked it slightly.
Opening my eyes further and moving gingerly across the bed so as not to wake - Kimberley? Kelly? Kelsey? - I give my surroundings a more thorough inspection. It is a typical single girl's London flat. Old, battered furniture that I would imagine she considers "shabby chic" but is more just "charity shop reject", at least five wind chimes, countless photos and collages on every wall depicting various Mediterranean holidays and hen parties on the South coast. Ah, there's the bloody thing. Nestled on the windowsill, between a used mug with a photo of a kitten on it and a snow globe containing the words "Brighton 2010", is the cheap and cloying air freshener that has me gagging.
I look back towards the bed at the sleeping girl and it's actually not too much of a disaster. She looks almost as appealing as she did last night, petite and dark - as is my preference. The lilac sheet is caught up around her waist revealing a beautiful pair of tits. Not bad at all. Is a smirk still a smirk if nobody is around to witness it?
As if sensing my scrutiny, she stirs and rolls over onto her front. I freeze for a second, wanting to kick myself. Good one, Cullen. What the fuck is the point of trying to make a stealthy getaway if you are going to spend so long admiring your conquest she wakes up and spots you halfway to the Walk of Shame!
Fortunately, she falls back into a peaceful slumber and I use the opportunity to locate my clothes, wallet, phone and keys. I also note, with some relief, the used condom tossed on the floor next to the bed. I debate disposing of it in the hope that if I remove absolutely all evidence she might not remember bringing me back here at all. I decide against this when I realise firstly, the flush of the toilet might wake her and, secondly, that train of thought makes me even more of a bastard than I already definitely am.
Dressed, I creep to the front door and the sanctuary of the street below. Thankfully I wasn't so drunk last night that I don't know where I am. This is Clapham. The downside is I'm a half-hour tube journey from my home in Camden Town, but I reckon sometimes you've got to put up and shut up.
I locate the tube station with ease, and I'm home by 8am feeling quite impressed with myself. I shower, dress in my favourite suit (charcoal grey, subtle pinstripe, great cut) and attempt to tame my hair. As is the case every morning this is futile. I'm back on the tube and at my desk for 9am. I'm a smug bastard at times.
"Morning, Ed!" my PA, Kate, greets in a singsong voice. I look up to find her holding a mug of tea and two freshly typed assignment briefs, and bearing the most knowing of knowing looks.
"Good night last night?" she grins.
The way this girl reads me like a book is truly embarrassing. Oh well, no use denying it.
I grin back "Not bad, not bad. Had worse, had better."
She rolls her eyes but I can tell she's fighting a chuckle.
"Oh Eddie, what are you going to do without me eh? That's what I want to know. Who is gonna rush your shirt to the dry cleaners when you stay out all night and don't have a spare? Who's gonna pick you up from Generic Suburbia when you end up having a few too many and getting stranded?"
I laugh at her appraisal a little guiltily.
She then leans closer and whispers "But most importantly, who will warn you about the lipstick mark on your jaw that you must have missed during your hasty shower?"
I gape at her, she tosses me a small mirror and I quickly scrub at the offending mark. She laughs heartily, sauntering smugly out of my office.
"Will you never learn, Eddie?" she calls out behind her, giggling.
She has a point though. I have been spoilt. I've gotten used to having a PA who isn't offended by my work hard/play hard attitude. Kate is a godsend as she'll cover my arse when needed but is equally equipped, and willing, to put in the extra hours when required on an important project. Her final day at Volturi Executive Search is this Friday, the traitorous little madam, and I've yet to meet her replacement. Rumour has it they are bringing in some little upstart from Head Office and I'm not best pleased. Dealing with the US office has never been my favourite pastime and now I have one of them working for me.
Kate buzzes a call through and interrupts my internal whinging.
"Michael Coleman from Coleman & Son" she announces.
Right that's enough childishness, duty calls. I pitched for this project two weeks ago and word hasn't been as forthcoming as I would have hoped. I hold my breath and brace myself. Aro will have my guts if this hasn't gone well.
"Hello Michael, how are you?" I do my best to disguise my estuary accent as I do with all new clients. I find it best that they don't know about my humble Essex roots until they know and trust me a little better; or until the ink has dried on the signed proposal.
"Edward. Good thanks, you?"
We small talk for a few minutes and then his tone dictates that we're getting to the point of the call.
"I've discussed your proposal with HR and we've decided after comparing your fee schedule with the two other search firms..."
Come on, mate, spit it out...
"...that we would really like to work with Volturi on these roles."
Yes yes yes YES!
"Fantastic, Michael, excellent news." I attempt to keep the overbearing excitement out of my voice. "We'll begin work on the briefs and job descriptions right away and will have drafts to you early next week."
"Jasper's here!" Kate calls out as I'm wrapping up the call. Jasper Whitlock, long-term client and sometime confidant, strides in like he owns the place and settles on the chair opposite my desk.
"Alright, Dirty Stop-out?" he greets with a smug grin, once I've hung up. "Miss Katie has just been filling me in."
"Kate, you're fired!" I yell.
"Already leaving, Eddie C," she pokes her head round the doorframe. "So bite me".
"'Bite me'?"
"I'm working on some American colloquialism to prepare you for my successor."
I roll my eyes as she leaves the room.
"What's that all about?" Jasper looks baffled.
"Kate leaves this week and my new PA is coming over from our Seattle office on a transfer."
Jasper grins devilishly "Excellent news. Blonde, tan and fantastic big knockers coming your way then."
"J, not all Americans look like Baywatch extras, you racist prick." He might be my client but he is also my best friend so insults are commonplace.
"Well, you never know," he shrugs. "Not that is it seems you need any more distractions. So who was this bird last night then?"
I shift uncomfortably. I don't enjoy talking about this shit, even with J.
"Oh just a girl I met in Agenda. She's an HR Assistant at Knox or something." I clear my throat and lower my voice. "It was just a one-time thing, you know?"
Jasper does know. He knows me too well.
"Is there any other type of "thing" with you? And Knox, aren't they a client? Sure you want to be dipping your nib in the company ink?"
He is joking around but I can see a little genuine concern in his eyes too.
"When are you gonna find a proper, permanent girl anyway? You're pushing 30, you old git."
My collar suddenly feels a little tight and I'm desperate to change the subject. So I hit him where it hurts.
"Oh because married life is working out so well for you, huh?" I offer a sympathetic smile so he knows I'm not being a total bastard about it.
"Touché, Ed." He smiles sadly. "Maria started on at me again this morning."
He glances at the window like he wishes he could jump out of it. "Seriously, mate, I just don't know what more than woman wants from me. Well, I do I guess, more money." He grimaces.
I wander round the front of my desk and clap my hand on his shoulder. "Thought any more about, you know," I lower my voice to a whisper "getting out?"
He suddenly looks a bit frightened. "Well, let's, er, not be hasty eh? I mean, we were good together once right? Maybe it's just a rough patch?"
I sigh. "Don't look at me, mate, what do I know about it?" I feel the need to change the subject. "Anyway, shall I get Jess in here and we can crack on?"
J is here to give a briefing on the latest assignment we've taken on for him - a Marketing Director for his computer security software company, Wit/Lock. Yes, I still roll my eyes at that company name too. I go and grab the Researcher, Jessica, and we begin discussing the role in more depth so Jess can go out and start sourcing potential candidates.
We're just about finished when Kate buzzes to tell me my sister is here. Usually I'd make her wait outside to appear professional but my gaze slides to Jasper and I can't help my devious thoughts and sly grin.
"Thanks, Kate, send her in please".
My pixie of a little sister glides through the door and her enthusiastic "Hey bro!" turns into a choked cough when she claps eyes on Jasper. "Oh, erm, hi Jasper." she glances down and I can almost see her mentally checking the attractiveness of her outfit. "I didn't see you there. Sorry to interrupt you guys".
Equally unnerved, J jumps from his seat as if realising he has sat on a drawing pin. He clears his throat. "Hi Alice...how's it going?" he stutters, raking his eyes quickly over her, clearly thinking I don't notice.
I roll my eyes, Jess grins at me and begs a hasty retreat.
"So, erm, what you been up to?" Jasper asks. It amuses me no end to see my confident, king-of-small-talk best mate reduced to a babbling fucking idiot every time he is in Alice's presence.
"Oh you know, not much." Alice studies her nails. Equally, my chatty, irritatingly upbeat sister regresses to a shy teenager when Jasper is around.
Torn between amusement and a need to put them both out of their misery, I reluctantly step in to greet Alice with a kiss on the cheek and shake Jasper's hand in farewell. I don't miss the quick glance they shoot each other before J leaves.
Once he is out of earshot I can't help chuckling and Alice punches me on the shoulder with her tiny, but surprisingly lethal, little fist.
"Jesus, Ed, you are such a dick! Why do you always set me up like that when he is here?" she pouts.
"Because it is just too easy, Sis. I am powerless to resist." I'm feeling kind though so I add seriously "He likes you too, you know."
It's Alice's turn for eye rolling. "He's fucking married, Edward," she grumbles. She is being light about it but I know she really likes him. I sling my arm around her shoulder and gently shove her towards the door.
"I'm working on it, Ali. He isn't happy with Maria, that passive aggressive bitch. Not even a little bit."
"That's not the point and you know it." Alice replies sadly. Then with forced brightness she asks. "So where are you taking me for lunch anyway? Somewhere posh I trust, and you're paying obviously."
"Kate, where am I taking my sister for lunch today?" I ask as we pass her desk.
"Murphy's, the table is booked for about ten minutes time. I've set up drafts for Jasper's briefs and typed up both candidate reports for the FD search. Also, the Belleview proposal is ready for amending when you get back."
I really will miss her. "You are an absolute star, Kate. Your replacement has some big shoes to fill."
"I'm only a five," she quips.
"Seriously though, I hope she can handle it, this Yank."
Kate smiles at me reassuringly. "Ed, I'm sure she'll be totally perfect for you."
A/N - So there you have it; some Edward, Jasper and Alice all crammed in there. Would love to hear your thoughts, every single review makes me so happy.
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Thanks, A x