Disclaimer – All things Twilight belong to the fantastic Stephenie Meyer. But I own this Britishward. We gave America Rob so I'm taking back Edward ;-)
A/N – Thank you to Trip for whipping my writing into shape.
I'm touched that there are so many new people following this story – thanks to all and especially to those who have reviewed. I'm glad you are still enjoying it. More from Eddie C below.
EPOV
The whole floor is in darkness except for my office. I hear a sound from the doorway and look up from my work to see her. Grey suit, tiny waist, eyes like endless dark pools and hair swept up, again. Tormenting me.
"Hi." She whispers, biting her lip and causing my cock to stir. "I'm going home, I just came in to say goodnight."
"Come in here for a sec." I command and she slips inside, closing the door behind her. My heart is pounding, as it always is for her, and I move around in front of my desk so we are standing eye to eye.
"Don't go yet." I whisper.
"I have to." She says.
"Not yet. I have something to tell you."
"What?" She murmurs, eyes round and bright and innocent.
But I have no words. My mind is completely blank.
Instead, I reach up and pull the slide from her hair, watching the dark waves tumble softly to her shoulders, even more beautiful than I imagined. I can't help the satisfied sigh that escapes my lips.
I put my hands gently on her waist and pull her towards me.
"Edward...?" My name sounds incredible on her lips.
I tilt her chin and gaze down at her. She stares back, silent and breathless.
"Kiss me then." Her voice is so quiet I can't be entirely sure that is even what she said but I'm not going to argue.
I press my lips to hers and she lets out a gasp that makes me hungry and hard. I slip my tongue into her soft, warm mouth and I can't help but groan at her taste - sweet and perfect.
She slides her hand to the back of my head and grasps my hair, eliciting another groan from me. I turn her around and lift her onto my desk, pushing papers and equipment aside. I'm greedy now and urgent. She wraps her legs around my waist as I bring my mouth back to hers and push myself against her warmth.
There is a noise, loud and blaring, and the logical part of my mind tells me it's the fire alarm but she has me too mesmerised to care. But it's louder and louder and -
I jolt awake with a gasp, face down on the mattress, breathing hard.
"Fuck." I groan, palming one of the most painfully hard erections I've ever had. I reach across and turn off the alarm clock but even awake I can't get her out of my mind - her face, her hair, her taste...
My hand is back on my cock and I know there is no point denying myself, no cold shower is going to fix this. Slipping inside my boxers I notice with surprise there is already moisture at the tip.
"Fuck." What sort of dream was that? If my alarm hadn't gone off would I have shot my load in my sleep like a teenager?
I take a few slow, firm strokes and close my eyes. We're back in my office and she's on my desk with her fingers slowly undoing my tie and shirt buttons. She slides her tiny hands inside and breaks our kiss to move her mouth to my chest, running her tongue over my nipple. I make light work of her suit jacket and rip her shirt open, sending buttons spinning everywhere. I push both my hands inside her bra and squeeze her breasts gently, marvelling at how perfectly they fit in my palms.
She reaches for the fly on my trousers and in bed I quicken my hand. I need to come. Now.
She pushes my trousers down and glances up at me. She slides her hand inside my boxers and I imagine how that first touch would feel.
On the bed I'm writhing and groaning and already close, so fucking close. She strokes me, gently at first and then harder and harder. When she takes me in her mouth I can barely think, can only watch her in my mind and stroke and pump and faster and more and -
"Shit!" I come, hard, spilling against the sheets.
I lie back and try to catch my breath. I can't think of a time I've ever felt so satisfied from just a wank. I can't help but imagine how intense it would be if it were real...
And then it hits me, right in the centre of my chest. Last night. Real life, last night.
I suddenly feel a little sickened with myself. She doesn't want you, Fuckhead, remember? You practically forced yourself on her and she told you where to stick it. And instead you're fucking tossing yourself off over her!
As details from last night trickle back to me I realise that my head is also pounding; bloody girly cocktails. I'm still not entirely sure what happened. One minute we were laughing and talking, and the next I had my mouth on her.
But as I remember the texture of her skin, the smell of her neck, I can feel my dick beginning to harden again. Christ, I haven't had recovery time this short since I was 21.
The memory of her pushing me away has me cringing. God, Cullen, you are some sort of predator boss. But she liked me too, right? At least I thought she did. All night I kept catching her staring at me, and when she knew I caught her she would blush that delicious shade that made me want to hug her and lick her at the same time. There was definite tension between us, I didn't imagine that surely?
Then I remember the rest - her words, her anger - and everything suddenly makes sense. Of course someone as refined and adorable and fucking beautiful as Bella Swan would shy away from the office scoundrel, the moody bastard, the commitment-shy bachelor. And she is right, isn't she; I am all of those things. What was I really aiming for with that kiss on her neck - I did want to fuck her. And then what? Return to work, awkward and uncomfortable. There was certainly nothing else, I had nothing else to give and everyone at Volturi clearly knows that. Apparently, including Bella.
Rolling up the ruined sheets I stumble out of bed on unsteady legs, guilt rolling over me. She is new to the country, shy, friendless as far as I can tell, and instead of being a friend, or indeed a boss, I just tried to take advantage. I deserve everything she said. As I get in the shower and wash off the remnants of my dream, my fantasy, I force myself to realise it is just that. She is just my PA and not someone I can fuck and forget about like usual, and I need to remember that. So why are her hair and scent and eyes all I can think about?
As I take the short walk from the tube to the office I start to feel more nervous. After what was said and done, the idea of facing Bella makes my heart race uncomfortably and my palms sweaty. It is so rare for me to feel anything for a woman, besides lust or irritation, that it's a strangely novel experience. For some reason Bella Swan has the ability to reduce me to a schoolboy, a feeling I haven't been exposed to in so many years I had almost forgotten it entirely.
I enter the building, press the button for the lift and wonder what the hell I will say to her. Will she pretend nothing happened? Will she confront me again?
Technically she could report me but something tells me she won't. Will she even be here? That thought is easily the worst; the idea that my actions could drive away such a delicate person make makes me feel like a villain. Please let her at least be here.
I exit the lift and as I near my office I unexpectedly hear Bella's quiet and distinct American laughter. I round the corner and see Jasper standing next to her desk and Bella giggling as if he is doing stand-up at The Comedy Store. Her face is bright, happy and evidently free of any of the anxiety plaguing mine.
Suddenly raging I practically jog the last few steps to stand behind them, waiting for either to notice me. I note the exact second Bella senses my presence because her expression instantly transforms from carefree to uncomfortable. My heart sinks to the grey office carpet and my fists clench in jealousy. What the hell is J even doing here?
"Good Morning, Edward." Bella says in a quiet voice, looking down. I long to see her eyes to try to know what she is thinking.
Jasper turns around at Bella's words and grins at me.
"Ed! Alright, mate, how's it going?"
Why is he so fucking cheery?
"Fine. You?" I ask through gritted teeth. Jesus, Ed, get a grip of yourself.
Jasper frowns at my tone and raises a questioning eyebrow.
"Perhaps better than you," he mutters.
I take a deep breath and try to steady my heart. "Shall we just go through to my office?" I ask. Jasper nods, confused, and follows me.
"Tea please, Bella." I call out without looking at her.
Jasper closes the door behind him and studies me carefully.
"Mate, what the fuck is up with you?" He finally asks.
I sit at my desk and Jasper follows suit. I feel a little ridiculous but still I can't shake off my irritation. I'm walking along agonising about a potentially awkward situation between Bella and I, fretting that the poor, shy little thing would be feeling so uncomfortable that she wouldn't even show up and meanwhile she is sitting there right as rain cackling her fucking head off with my best mate who, to the best of my knowledge, she hadn't even met until today.
Jasper is still staring at me, waiting for my response.
"What were you and my PA chatting about that was so bloody funny?" I eventually ask, narrowing my eyes at him.
He continues to look baffled. "Nothing much, just general office banter." He eyes me carefully. "Why? What's the problem?"
"Were you talking about me?"
Jasper barks out a short laugh. "Jesus, of course not. Seriously, what is up with you Ed? You're acting like a bit of paranoid loony right now you know."
Before I have a chance to respond the door opens and Bella walks in with a tray of tea. She places it in front of me and her perfume fills my nostrils, suddenly transporting me back to last night. She is leaning around me to put down the tray and her throat is once again inches from my mouth. Her skin felt so soft...
"Thanks," I mutter and she glances my way, turning crimson.
"You're welcome," she murmurs and dashes back out.
When I look back at Jasper is looking decidedly less confused and more smug.
"Ah, right, I see," he says, grinning wickedly. "You're having a piece of Bella."
"Don't be fucking ridiculous, J."
He laughs a little and I really want to wipe the smirk off his face. He lowers his voice, grinning. "Have you already shagged her?"
I clench my fists. "Bloody hell, of course I haven't! She's my Assistant."
J snorts. "Like that would stop you..."
He is really getting on my nerves now. "Nothing is going on with Bella and I and nor will it. I just didn't like the idea of you talking to her about me. It seems she has already heard quite enough rumours from those bastards out there." I gesture outside my office.
Jasper holds up his hands. "Hey, whatever you say, Ed. I believe you." I know he doesn't. "And if you must know I was filling her in on Aro's escapades at the dinner after the conference last week and she clearly found it amusing."
"Oh," I reply, feeling like an idiot and desperate for a subject change. "What are you doing here, anyway?"
"I was passing so I figured I'd drop over the signed proposal." Jasper says, reaching into his laptop bag and handing me the document.
I sigh. "Thanks, mate; and sorry...about that. Got out the wrong side of bed that's all."
"Hey, no worries," he smiles. "So, do you wanna go for a drink tonight? I could do with an evening out of the house, to be honest."
I think of crazy Maria and that makes a lot of sense.
"Sure," I say. "Agenda at 6.30?"
"Sounds good." He gets up and grabs his stuff. "See you then."
He steps outside my office and says his goodbyes to Bella and Jess.
"It was great to meet you, Bella," he says, smiling, and I don't miss the quick glance he shoots in my direction. I scowl at him and close my office door. Jasper's ability to read my feelings like a book has always been bloody irritating.
I return to my desk and log on. I have work coming out of my ears, a lot of which demands my urgent attention and yet my mind keeps drifting back to the dark haired girl sitting a few feet away on the other side of the wall. Is she still angry with me? She seemed calm enough but who knows what she is thinking. She could be planning a trip to HR as I sit here. Strangely the thought doesn't even panic me; all I want to know is how she feels this morning.
"Get. A. Grip." I mutter to myself quietly, shaking my head. This is fucking ridiculous. I met her a week ago, I barely know her and it was just a drunken error in judgement.
I begin going through my emails. I start finalising the Coleman brief because now Bella has fixed my Caius problem Jess can get started properly. How did she do that, anyway? Why did he listen to her? She must have something over him. Or maybe they have a history or -
STOP IT! It's like every train of thought leads back to Bella today. Who cares what history she has with anyone! I'm starting to think this is just about my ego. I'm not used to being rejected by women, it sounds awfully conceited but I know how I look, I get affirmations from women all the time. I don't struggle to pull birds and I never have. Keeping them is a different matter but these days I have no interest in keeping them so what does it matter? What I'm not used to, however, is women rejecting my advances and yelling at me on the street (at least not before sex!). Bella bruised my ego last night and now I'm obsessing over it.
Pleased that I've managed to explain my feelings to myself I manage to focus on work. If I can get the urgent stuff done I can get down to the pub to meet J and maybe later pick up a woman. Everything will feel better when both my dick and my ego are sated. I'll just put Bella Swan down to experience.
The knock on my office door makes me jump. I look up and it's her. My body instantly reacts and I hate myself for it.
"Hi Bella," I say lightly. "Do you want me?"
As soon as the words are out of my mouth I feel the double meaning and cringe.
"Er, I mean, what can I do for you?" I stutter. Seriously, a schoolboy. What the fuck?
"I need your signature please." She requests quietly, placing three invoice letters in front of me. I hastily sign them and hope she doesn't notice my unsteady hand.
"Thanks," she says coldly and goes to leave.
This isn't right. We have to work together and I don't want every interaction we have to be like this one. I like my life to be simple, straightforward. Work is a big part of my life and I don't want to feel uncomfortable the entire time. Plus, she's a great girl. We were having a fun evening before I...ruined it. Maybe we can be mates or something. Alice keeps telling me I could use a female friend as she is tired of carrying the burden of "repressing my inner dickheadedness" all alone. Plus, even I will admit that I'd love to know more about Bella, if only to satisfy my curiosity.
"Bella, wait."
She turns to face me but keeps her eyes cast slightly away from mine. I gesture towards the chair and she sits back down.
I take a deep breath.
"Bella, I really need to apologise. About last night."
This would be so much easier if she would just look at me but her eyes are in her lap, her hands clasped.
I clear my throat and attempt to steady my heartbeat.
"I feel terrible. I obviously...misunderstood the situation." I notice her face twitch slightly and the slight blush begins high on her cheeks.
I continue. "I was pretty battered, but I know that is no excuse. It was inappropriate for me to touch you and I'm really sorry."
Please just say something.
"Not to mention the fact that I'm your superior. I mean, you would have every right to report me to HR and -"
At once her head jerks up and her eyes lock onto mine. "Edward, I would never do that!"
She seems surprised that I would even think of such a thing, which I find surprising in itself. If she really was rebuffing my advances, which her actions and anger definitely implied, then why would she not be angry enough to consider reporting me?
She is still looking at me and now I've forgotten my train of thought.
"Edward, I wouldn't report you for something like that. It was just a silly...misunderstanding, as you say."
She lowers her eyes again and her blush returns.
"I'm sorry too, for yelling at you and for, erm, giving you the wrong idea. It wasn't my intention."
I think back to last night and her blushes and playful banter and casual touches. I know I wasn't imagining that. But if she says she isn't interested then she isn't interested. I'm thankful that she isn't still angry with me at least.
"Good." I say, relieved. "Well I'm really glad we've had this chat, cleared the air etc."
I consider the other reason I brought her in here.
"Before, well, what happened, I was having a really fun evening."
She smiles, glancing at me again. "I was too," she admits.
"So I was thinking," I continue. "Maybe we can go for a drink again at some point? As friends I mean, obviously."
She looks conflicted. "You want to be friends with me?"
"Well yeah. Why not?"
She doesn't say anything for a moment and when she does her expression is guarded.
"Edward, I don't think that is a good idea. You are my boss and I think we should just keep it that way. Working relationship only."
I feel like she has picked up my water glass and thrown the contents in my face.
For some reason this hurts even more than her pushing me away last night.
"Oh okay. Well yes of course. That's fine too." I say.
She stares at me for a second and this time I'm the one avoiding eye contact.
Finally she says. "Okay, thanks. On that note, I'm going to get on with typing your reports."
By the time I look up from my desk she has left the room.
When Jasper arrives at Agenda he looks distinctly harassed and it wouldn't take a genius to guess why.
"For fucks sake!" he exclaims in place of a greeting, and collapses at the bar next to me.
I give him a cautious smile "Alright, mate?"
"No I'm not bloody alright! I swear I could actually kill that woman sometimes!"
He doesn't need to explain who "that woman" is to me. If the government were ever recruiting a poster boy for some anti-marriage propaganda then Jasper would definitely be the top candidate on my shortlist.
"What happened?" I ask, swigging from my beer and gesturing to the barmaid to bring another for J.
"What happened is that two years ago I married a paranoid, co-dependent, neurotic psychopath!"
I've heard this sort of outburst from him many a time. The first few times I was hopeful that it meant he was finally going to do something about it but they then became so commonplace that I realised there was no point assuming it would come to anything as by the next day he was back to defending her and playing the doting husband.
"But what actually happened though?" I ask, carefully.
He takes a deep breath and appears to calm himself, gratefully taking a gulp from the beer I've put in front of him.
"The usual" he mutters. "I tell her I'm going to the pub and she decides to interrogate me to a level anti-terrorism police wouldn't even stoop to. Who with? How long will you be out? Why didn't you tell me earlier? Am I meeting another woman? Etc. etc…."
He puts his head in his hands and let's out a frustrated groan.
"God!" he lifts his weary gaze to mine. "Ed, what the fuck do I do?"
Now here is the part I hate. Maria Whitlock is one of the most selfish, self-involved, obsessive, controlling and truly frightening women I have ever had the misfortune of knowing. Jasper met her five years ago when they both worked for a large IT company in the City. She was always a little insecure but I thought it was quite sweet and she seemed to make J happy so that was good enough for me.
Then he married her.
After that with every passing week she became more and more insecure. She would fly into a jealous rage if he returned home even five minutes later than he said he would. When he started his own company Jasper began with three staff, one of which was a woman. Maria became obsessed with the idea that he was cheating of her with his employee to the point that she would turn up unannounced at the office practically daily to try to catch them out. J wasn't cheating and he never would (although how he resisted when all he had at home was heartache and a cold bed was beyond me). As far as I can tell he is as attentive, loving and as understanding as any bloke can be but it isn't enough for her. She clearly has issues but, despite Jasper's numerous pleas, she refuses to speak to a professional. So he just puts up with it. And occasionally vents like this.
But here is my problem. I could advise him to get out, I happily would and have done in the past, but he doesn't listen. For some reason he feels obligated to her and just will not break those ties. So anything derogatory I say against Maria in this moment just means a huge feeling of awkwardness when he makes it up with her. Again.
Additionally, I have the added complication of knowing that my little sister is entirely in love with him. And that he feels something for her too, not that he would admit it. But that's irrelevant. Jasper is my best mate, but best friend or not he is not getting anywhere near Alice with that wedding band still on his finger, no matter how many lingering glances they give each other.
Finally, I simply say, "Are you happy, J?"
He shrugs. "What do you reckon?"
"Is Maria even happy?"
I regret these words when his face falls and I can see him mentally berating himself for being a bad husband.
"I don't see how she can be" he replies sadly.
I think carefully. Okay, one last try.
"So maybe you need to give her an ultimatum."
He looks up interestedly. "In what way?"
"Tell her that things can't go on as they are and if she wants to stay married she needs to speak to a therapist. If not, you're out."
He actually looks like he is considering it. Then he smiles wryly and shakes his head.
"I can't believe I'm considering marriage advice from a bloke who is shagging his Assistant." He grins.
"For fucks sake, J, I'm not shagging Bella!" I exclaim.
"So what has happened then?" He asks, and I sense he is just trying to distract himself.
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you. I saw the way you looked at each other when she brought in the tea."
I scoff. "I don't give a shit if you believe me or not. It's the truth."
I realise I'm not even lying. As per our earlier conversation, Bella and I are nothing but work colleagues.
Jasper continues to look sceptical.
"She's just your type, Ed, you know she is. Dark, petite and plus she's got this innocent thing going on that must be driving you insane."
For fucks sake, how did I let this guy get to know me so well?
"Sounds like you wouldn't mind a go yourself, J?" I retort.
J rolls his eyes. "No way, Eddie C, you know I only have eyes for one woman."
I eye him steadily. "Yes. I do know that." I say the words seriously and slowly and make sure he knows we're both talking about Alice.
He squirms in his seat under my scrutiny and tries to change the subject back to me. I feel like we're in an unpleasant conversation tug-of-war tonight.
"You have to admit you've thought about it, Ed? With Bella?" he says.
I shrug, trying my best to look nonchalant. "I guess. I think about it with most women. She's nothing new."
Shrewd bastard that he is, Jasper must notice something twitching in my face because his voice suddenly goes from teasing to incredulous.
"Jesus," he says, sounding ridiculously awed. "You actually like her."
I stay silent, and fiddle with my beer mat.
Jasper sits back in his chair and let's out a low whistle.
"Wow. How did that happen?"
Not for the first time that day I fight the urge to knock his block off.
"Nothing has happened, J! I don't even fucking know her. Stop sitting there all smug, pretending you know something. Nothing has happened and nothing will." I pause and think of her strange hot and cold attitude and her refusal to be friends.
"She isn't that sort of girl." I add.
Jasper looks thoughtful but oddly triumphant.
"No," he agrees. "And that, my friend, is the point. I was wrong; she isn't your usual type. She may have that look but she isn't an easy lay that you picked up in a bar. She's a permanent fixture in your life and Ed Cullen never allows himself the indulgence of an attraction with anyone he can't easily sneak away from the next morning. That is precisely how I know you like her."
I try to warn him with my eyes to back the fuck off but he clearly doesn't get the message.
He swigs from his bottle of beer. "Ed. I'm being serious here. When's it going to stop?"
"When's what going to stop?"
"The mindless, soulless fucking; the sneaking out of windows; the giving out of fake phone numbers." He pauses, looking at me carefully, guardedly.
"The revenge." He almost whispers.
I know where he is going with this and I want him to stop. My mouth is dry and my fingers are clenched tightly around my bottle.
"What the fuck are you talking about, Jasper?" I spit out through gritted teeth.
"Not what, Ed. who. When are you going to move on?"
I scoff and laugh humourlessly. "Don't you think I fucking have?"
"No." comes his serious reply.
I sense that this is not going to be one of those times where he lets me off. I sense he has wanted to say this for a while but I haven't wanted to hear it. I still don't.
He leans in closer, a dangerous move in my opinion. He speaks carefully, enunciating every word as if I were a child.
"You need to let it go, mate. Unless you wanna end up bitter and alone. You need find a way to move on properly and forget what Tanya and -"
"Fucking shut up!" I slam my bottle down on the bar and some of the other customers glance up at us. I don't care; my blood is on fire.
"Do not even THINK about saying her name to me. Saying their names. Or so help me, J, I will seriously LOSE MY SHIT with you." I'm practically growling and he knows he is pushing me too far.
He holds up his hands in defence. "Okay, okay fine. You don't want to talk about it. Whatever. But one day someone is going to get inside and you won't be able to keep her out. And my money is on this Bella."
I roll my eyes. Take a deep breath.
"Look. Nothing has happened with her, okay? And it won't either. She's hot as fuck, I tried to nail her last night and she knocked me back." I despise the language I'm using but it's as if I've forgotten how to speak about women in any other way. Clearly done with his infuriating lecture, Jasper now does this annoying thing where he stares and says nothing and if you are the sort of person who hates silences, you'll end up filling it with something you don't really want to reveal. He should have been a shrink rather than an IT guru.
I'm the sort of person who hates silences.
"I felt bad, like a pervert. I thought she might report me so I cleared the air with her this morning and apologised." I don't admit to the other reasons I said sorry. "I, erm, kind of asked if she wanted to be mates." I can practically feel Jasper's eyes widening. "The little mare said no. Said she wanted to keep it professional only so that's that. It's just an ego thing; and a frustration thing. I just need to get laid I reckon."
I pause to finally look at Jasper. His concerned face is much more annoying than his smug face.
"Happy now, J?" I practically spit out. "Now I've blabbed out my secrets?"
Jasper just shakes his head and smiles ruefully.
"Not really" he says. "I'm just suddenly grateful for my shitty marriage because you my friend, well, you're in real trouble."
I'm not entirely sure he is kidding.
A/N - would really love to hear your thoughts, every review alert makes my heart sing a little! :) Teasers for reviewers again of course.
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Thanks, as always
A x