A/N

Hi guys, I'm updating early to celebrate the fact that The Search is up for TLS Fic of the Week! I would be so, so grateful for your votes (web address below). MASSIVE thanks to twilover76 for nominating me, her fic Fated Love is up too so I'd love for you to show her some love as well.

www. tehlemonadestand. blogspot. com

Thanks to my lovely readers for your continued encouragement. Thanks to Trip for her awesome beta skills. And I owe two more huge thankyous too this time.

Firstly, to Credorosa for her lovely review of The Search on Fandom Fanatic. And secondly to the incredible bornonhalloween who apparently decided that giving me advice, encouragement, introducing me to all her Patch ladies AND sharing the joy of her own stories wasn't enough, she has now included The Search in a brilliant guest rec she has done over at TwiSlash Unveiled. I'm honoured to see my name among the other writers she has mentioned. You can find links to both reviews in my profile.

I don't own Twilight, I just own a thousand blushes after writing this chapter!

EPOV

I wasn't always so cocky and self-assured. My track record with women can be very clearly categorised into two distinct time periods.

At school my body filled out late, meaning I spent the majority of my teenage years carrying a giant mop of uncontrollable hair atop the skinniest, weediest frame ever seen in the history of adolescence. Kids are cruel and I was known for several years as Lollypop Head.

By the time I began to resemble a normal lad the damage had already been done. Girls were basically aliens to me; aliens I wanted to touch and smell and taste quite fervently but who would continue to elude me until I grasped the concept of actually speaking to them.

But that was before.

Before uni, before London, before money.

Before Tanya.

After Tanya I was so fucking angry that women were no longer intimidating but instead were traitorous bitches, mine for the taking. It didn't hurt that suddenly I was someone they wanted; good-looking, confident, successful. Knickers were dropping at a rate of knots and what's a fella to do but indulge in what's there?

These two Edwards, Before and After, have never met before. Never merged, never crossed over. Tanya got loving, sensitive and caring while every other woman got arrogant, distant and aloof. They never combined as one bloke.

Until now.

Bella Swan has captured the man-whore and reintroduced him to Lollypop Head, and as I lie with her now on my bed I'm torn between devouring every inch of her with my confident, experienced, and somewhat desperate, hands and mouth, or turning into a blushing, stumbling, incompetent boy.

Of course, I'm also slightly afraid that she'll have a panic attack at any moment.

But, my god, she's gorgeous. I break our fevered kiss for a moment to stare at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her breathing heavy and her hair is wild from where my hands have been buried in it.

I roll her gently onto her back and find her mouth again. I can't help pushing my jean-clad lower body against hers but she pushes back just as eagerly.

One thing that neither Edward can really control is his mouth.

"Fuck, Bella, I'm so hard right now, you know that?"

And I am. Neither of us have removed a single item of clothing yet but my cock is already leaking with my need for her. Need that can't necessarily be fulfilled right now, I remind myself.

She doesn't say anything but her hum of agreement turns into a breathy moan that makes my jeans even tighter.

I've already made a deal with myself; tonight I want to give her nothing but pleasure. No pressure, no pain. There can be all the time in the world for "experimenting"; all I can think about right now is hearing my name on her lips when she comes.

She warned me earlier that it might not be that simple, that Jacob couldn't always get her there. That sometimes she would "fake it so that it would be over." She must not know me very well, or perhaps she knows me too well, because that sentence was like a red rag to a bull. I will have my baby shuddering and crying out tonight if it's the last thing I do.

Her accelerated breathing and stifled moans reassure me that this really won't be a problem.

I run my mouth along her throat, tasting her skin. Her hand in my hair grips tighter, she already seems to know how much I like that, and she pushes her hips up against me again, looking for friction. She is wearing a thin sundress today, which has now become bunched up around her waist, and when I move myself against her I can feel the heat from between her legs.

I slip one of her straps down and trail kisses along her shoulder and collarbone.

"Your skin is so soft, Bella, so beautiful. I want to taste every inch of it."

"Yes," she gasps out.

Her hands move down to my arse and begin to guide my thrusting into a more regular motion.

How the fuck did her husband call her frigid? She's driving me insane. This may be the most fun I have ever had with my clothes on. Speaking of...

I go to move back slightly to pull off my shirt but she grips me to her with a whimper.

"Please Edward," she cries. "Don't...don't stop moving."

Holy. Fuck.

I stare down at her face but don't cease the motion of my hips against hers.

"You think you can come...like this?" I ask her. Cocky Edward is grinning in my mind like a madman.

"Yes!" She gasps. "I think so...I just...don't stop okay? God..." She closes her eyes and her head falls back on the pillow. I can hardly think straight.

I press harder against her and fuck that feels good. All I can think about is ripping off these jeans, pushing her underwear to one side and getting inside her but I know that's not an option right now. I pull her hips up towards me and grind against her.

"Yes! Oh god, there. Please, Edward, please..." she whimpers.

I feel like a teenager and a god all at once. I'm so tempted to reach down and touch her to get her there faster but this is a challenge now and Ed Cullen does not back down from a challenge. Plus, I think my cock would protest at this point because moving with her feels so amazing.

Still, a few words in her ear might help her along.

I breathlessly kiss her jaw and whisper.

"Are you close, baby? Are you gonna come for me soon?"

She nods and takes a shaky breath.

"Do you have any idea how beautiful you are right now? Flushed, hot, writhing against me. I want you so fucking much..."

"You too, Edward," she pants out. "So much..."

"I want you to come for me, baby. I want you to come hard against my cock. Can you do that? Like this? From just this?"

"So close..." she whispers.

She bites her lower lip and pushes harder and quicker against the seam of my jeans.

"Do you want my fingers, Bella? Do you need me to touch you?"

She shakes her head, and freezes and I know I've got her. I expect her to close her eyes again, toss back her head, but instead her eyes flash wide and she stares at me. Her mouth drops open and she cries out quietly. She looks so incredibly hot and for a horrible, humiliating, wonderful moment I wonder if I'm going to come too. Thankfully, I manage to hold it together and just grip her tight while she trembles and jerks against me.

She whispers my name over and over until she eventually stills and takes a deep shaky breath. I fall back onto my side beside her and my cock protests at the lack of contact. Wait your turn.

She stares at me, breathless and looking a little embarrassed. "So...I'm sorry about that."

Is she insane?

"Why on earth are you apologising?"

She shrugs. "I wasn't expecting to, you know, so easily. It isn't usually like that. All of a sudden, when you went to stop, I just, I just knew that I could."

"That was so fucking hot." I mumble against her neck, slipping my arm around her waist.

"And your words, Jesus..." She pulls back to grin at me. "It seems Edward Cullen has a really filthy mouth."

I smirk. "Oh, Sweetheart, you really have no idea."

I pull her towards me for a kiss and roll on my back so she is straddling me. I slide my tongue into her waiting mouth and bring my hands to her incredible arse. I graze my fingers down her backside and between her legs and she gasps, the material of her underwear is hot and damp.

"Mmm...I need to see you. All of you." I tell her.

She sits back on my thighs and pulls her dress over her head without hesitation. This girl is so caught between shy and sassy that I just can't keep up.

She stares at me and slowly removes her pale blue bra and I hold my breath. I saw her breasts last night but it was dark and I was half-drunk, now I can see clearly. They are perfect and I instantly lean up to capture her right nipple in my mouth. She let's out a gasp that goes straight to my needy cock. I gently hold her by the waist and shift her slightly so her heated pussy is over my crotch again as I continue to worship her breasts. Her skins tastes incredible but I want more; I need to taste more of her.

I roll us back until she is beneath me. I rest my weight on my arm and gently cover every inch of her with my mouth - her throat, her collarbone, the valley between her breast, and those two pink peaks that are begging to be sucked. Every gasp, every moan, every sound she makes just increases my need for her.

When she reaches between us for my jeans and her small hand brushes my hardness I can't help but groan in anticipation.

Yes, baby, yes. Please touch me.

She unfastens my jeans and pulls them down my hips, I quickly pull them off. She kisses me and rubs her hand over my cock through my boxers. I groan into her mouth and thrust into her touch.

I know with all this rubbing and thrusting I won't last long when she finally gets her bare hands on me and I want to taste her first.

"I'm not finished with you yet, baby," I whisper across her skin and slide down the bed, away from her touch.

I place open-mouthed kisses across her beautiful flat stomach and grip her hips in my hands. Slowly, carefully I part her thighs and settle myself between them. I put my mouth on her inner thigh, as close as possible to her pussy, and suck gently.

"God, Edward, please..." she breathes.

I hover my mouth over her, and blow gently through her underwear, teasing her. She pushes her hips up and I smile. But my god she smells amazing and I need to taste her. The patch of wetness seeping through the thin material covering her is driving me crazy.

I graze her hip bones with my fingertips and take hold of the edge of her underwear, looking up to meet her eyes.

"I won't hurt you, Bella. I promise."

She looks back at me with her soft brown eyes and gives me a small smile.

"I know. I trust you."

My chest tightens with her words, knowing how much it must cost her to trust someone after everything she has been through. For the briefest moment I have an urge to tell her I trust her too, that I want to let her in, that I want her to see parts of me that I have held back from everyone. But the words catch in my throat. I'm not ready.

But I am ready to show her.

She lifts her hips to allow me to draw her underwear down her legs. I toss it aside and slip my arms under her knees, drawing her closer to me. Then I look up.

Fuck, it's beautiful.

Neat dark curls above perfect pink lips, glistening with her desire for me. I lick my lips and try to get control of myself.

All I can think about is getting my cock free and pushing deep inside her, I can't help but imagine her tight grip and the silky texture of her fluids surrounding me. I let out a strangled moan at just the thought.

Hold it, Cullen; calm the fuck down. Take care of her. Don't get carried away.

I'm caught between my need to just bury my mouth in her pussy and my desire to tease her to distraction. I trail my tongue along her inner thigh again, bringing my face close enough so that I can smell her. Again I blow cold air over her sex and my breath catches when she pushes her hips up towards me.

"Jesus, Edward, please..." her cry sounds a little desperate and I can't help but feel a little smug.

"What, baby?" I tease. "I'm just enjoying the view."

I look up at her and the look she gives me is almost angry and I laugh out loud.

I lower my gaze and brush two fingers very lightly through her curls, and towards her opening, grazing her clit on the way down. I hear her breath catch and can't resist glancing up at her face again, her head thrown back.

What can I say? I'm a cruel bastard.

"Tell me what you want, baby?"

Her small growl of frustration may just be the cutest sound I've ever heard.

"Do you want me to touch you?" I whisper, millimetres from where she wants me to be. "Do you want my fingers, my mouth, my tongue...?

"Yes," she gasps. "All of it. Please, Edward..."

"Since you asked so nicely..."

I quickly and firmly put my mouth on her, flicking my tongue over her clit rapidly. She cries out, loudly, and thrusts her pussy up to my eager mouth. I bring one hand to her bottom and hold her up tightly to me. I trail my tongue down lower, lapping at the juices that have gathered there.

"Fuck," I gasp, pulling back breathless and shamelessly grinding myself into the bed. "You taste so fucking good, Bella."

"Ugh," is her only response as I go back for more. Over and over I move my tongue from her clit to her opening and back again, eventually settling on her clit with rapid motions.

"Jesus, Edward!" Hearing her cry my name out makes my forgotten cock throb. Her hands find my head and pull tightly on my hair. I groan against her and she cries out louder.

"Please. So good, so good..."

But I'm not done teasing. I pull back my mouth, enjoy the whimper she releases, and bring my hand between her legs. I run my fingers gently between her folds.

"You're so wet."

"Yes," she whispers, breathing heavy. "That has, ah, never been the problem."

I put my mouth back on her clit and continue to gently probe with my fingers, careful not to push too far. I don't want to panic her, or hurt her. But then she breathes one word.

"Inside."

"You want my finger inside you?" I want her to clarify; I want it to be her choice. I don't want to be like Jacob, taking what wasn't given freely.

"Yes. Please."

Slowly and gently I push inside, holding my breath. I notice her thighs clench a little and I stroke my hand over the skin of her leg, reassuringly.

"Shhh, baby, relax. I'm going to go so gently, okay?"

I look up to see her eyes and she nods, biting her lip.

I have one finger fully inside now and I can't lie, it is tight. So fucking tight. I can move it back and forth but it isn't as easy as it should be. When I brush my thumb over her clit she lets out a moan and I feel her relax a little but not much.

Suddenly the reality of this situation becomes clear. I had listened to everything Bella told me last night but I don't think I really understood until now. Being inside her, as she is right now, just wouldn't be possible. And that is one fucking depressing, terrifying thought.

On the other hand, she certainly responds to me. She is so wet for me. And she is capable of orgasm so I need to count my blessings too. She said it's an involuntary muscle spasm, meaning there is nothing physically there to prevent it. Meaning it's controllable, fixable. I hope.

For now, I remember my promise, my plan for tonight. Bring her pleasure.

I move my mouth back to her clit and begin the gentlest of motions with my finger. Her hand goes back to my head and her legs relax open a little. I work my mouth and finger on her until she is crying out again and I can tell she is close. I note with relief that the closer she gets the looser her grip on my finger becomes.

I pull my mouth back, desperate to watch her, and move my thumb over her clit instead, continuing the gentle motion of my finger.

"Edward. Edward. God, I'm so close..."

"I know, baby, I know. I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to get you there." I murmur, pressing more firmly with my thumb.

"Yes! Yes, that's it. You're right there..."

I watch her face, feverishly alternating between throwing her head back and lifting back up to watch me.

She meets my eyes. "Please, Edward. Your mouth, I need your mouth..."

I cover her again with my lips, flicking my tongue as fast as I can. I feel her beginning to twitch around me and I suck her clit hard into my mouth.

Come on, baby. That's it. Give it to me.

"Edward, I'm coming, I'm coming! Ughh!"

I groan loudly as I feel her flesh quivering against my mouth, the muscles clamping down on my finger. I don't stop, helping her ride out every moment of her orgasm as her fists clench tightly in my hair. I can't really breathe but I don't care, because nothing matters; nothing but feeling her orgasm against my tongue. Feeling her give in and let go and fall apart for me. Because of me.

I gently stroke my tongue over her until she flinches from sensitivity.

I crawl up her body to collapse next to her and I take huge pleasure in watching her flushed and breathless expression. She turns her eyes to me and I want to kiss her so much but I don't know if tasting herself will freak her out.

I needn't have worried as she soon pulls my mouth towards hers and kisses me deeply and thoroughly. She breaks apart and stares at me. She looks a little awed and I feel a tiny bit smug.

"Edward, that was...you are...it's.." Eventually she seems to give up on adjectives and just smiles and says "Thank you."

"My pleasure," I grin back at her "Believe me."

She runs her eyes hungrily over my body and my cock twitches a little in response. He's pretty mad at me right now for not being allowed in on the action.

"I think actually we do need to do something about your pleasure, don't you?"

"Bella, it's fine, just relax for a minute." Sensitive Edward says while Cocky Edward growls in frustration at him.

"Oh, baby," she purrs and my heart leaps at her calling me that. "I'm not going to be able to relax until I've finally seen what's inside those boxers."

She pushes me flat on my back and leans over me propping her head up on her hand while slowly trailing the other down my chest and across my stomach. My breath hitches when she reaches the waistband of my underwear.

"Not until I've seen it," she whispers, placing a kiss on my chest.

"Touched it." she grazes her palm over my bulge and I can't help the embarrassingly loud moan that escapes my lips.

She brings her lips to my ear.

"And tasted it..."

"Fuck," I mutter, closing my eyes.

"What's the matter, Edward?" She says in a soft singsong voice, palming me again. "Did you think you were the only one who could use your filthy mouth?"

I open my eyes to watch her playful expression fixed on my face. She watches me carefully while she slips her fingers inside my pants and slowly wraps her incredibly soft hand around me. It is sheer relief.

I curse again and shut my eyes as she rewards me with several slow, strong strokes.

"Yes, god yes." I groan.

No other woman's touch has ever felt like this.

"Does that feel good?" She says, running her thumb over the tip and the moisture already gathered there.

"Yes," I croak. "So good, baby."

She lifts her hand away and I stifle my groan of protest but then she sucks her thumb into her mouth, tasting my pre-cum.

Jesus.

"How do I taste?" I can't help asking.

"Good," she whispers.

She slides herself down my body and I wonder if I'll even last 30 seconds if she takes me in her mouth.

She giggles when I hastily lift my hips to allow her to remove my underwear.

"Eager?"

"Like you wouldn't believe." I reply, unapologetic.

She pulls them down my legs and my cock springs free. I don't think I've ever been this hard.

She stares at me with a slightly awed expression and I actually see her swallow. Is she trying to kill me?

"Wow." she murmurs and I can't help the bark of breathless, strained laughter that bursts out of me.

She smiles and blushes, before looking back down at me and licking her fucking lips.

She gently runs her fingertips over my balls.

"Uhh..."

She looks up at me with a slow smile. "So, what is it you want Edward?"

Payback's a bitch.

"Put your mouth on me. Please."

My cock twitches at my own words and more liquid leaks forth.

"Hmmm, your cock seems to like that idea too."

"Please, baby..." I realise I'm not above begging at this point.

She bends towards me, I hold my breath and she places one oddly gentle kiss on my shaft.

"Like this?" she asks, eyes innocent.

I stay silent, fist the duvet.

"Or like this?" she holds the base and runs her tongue along the underside while I let out a sharp hiss.

I wonder if it's possible to come with nothing touching you at all.

"Or could you mean...like this?"

At once she grips the base and takes me deeply into her mouth. She runs her tongue over the head before sucking me, hard. She moves her mouth along the length and I cry out, using every bit of will power I have not to buck my hips.

Her mouth is hot and tight and so fucking right. She strokes the base with one hand, sucks the rest of me as far back as she can. Her other hand cups my balls and I feel like screaming out, but the sound materialises as only a strangled yell.

I'm not going to last. I can already feel that tightening in my balls, my stomach. That feeling where literally nothing else on the planet matters. The walls could collapse around us and I still don't think I'd pull back from her incredible mouth.

She somehow takes even more of me in and then suddenly it's there and I'm falling.

"Bella, I'm gonna come, I'm coming baby..." I grit out as a desperate warning, but she doesn't pull back. She only takes me harder, deeper and I shoot down the back of her throat while shouting her name.

While I try to catch my breath she rests her head against my chest. I use my remaining strength to raise my hand and bury my fingers in her hair. I wonder if she can feel my heart thumping against my rib cage.

I want to say so much.

Thank you.

I need you.

You're everything.

We'll be fine because we're so incredible together there is no way for us not to be fine.

But the courage and confidence eludes me and instead I just lie there and hold her while she snuggles closer.

I'm in that delicious place, a hair's breadth from sleep, when I'm suddenly aware of a repetitive dull thud.

What the...?

"Edward," Bella mumbles, lifting her head with effort. "I think there's someone at your door."

With that a familiar voice yells out, "Ed? Ed! Open up!"

"For fuck's sake," I mutter, dragging myself upright.

"What?" Bella asks. "Who is it?"

"It's J."

She leaps up. "J? Jasper Whitlock?"

"Yep."

"Ed! Let me in, mate," he shouts.

I roll my eyes. Bella looks a little horrified.

"Shall I hide or something?"

"Hide? Why the hell would you hide?" I say, pulling on my trousers.

"Because he's a client!" she says in a whispered shriek. "And I had assumed we weren't going to be shouting about this from the rooftop at work!"

We weren't?

"Ah, well, I dunno." I stutter. "Anyway, it just J. He's my best mate, he's not going to out us."

I run my eyes over her and wink. "Maybe stick some clothes on though, eh? I'll try to get rid of him."

I stumble out of the bedroom and down the stairs to the front door.

"Ed! I know you're there coz the guy on the front desk said you were in," Jasper hisses.

"Alright, for fuck's sake!" I yell back, flinging open the door.

When he pushes his way hastily inside carrying a holdall and a sports bag my plan of getting rid of him seems less likely.

"What's going on, J?" I ask, tired and annoyed.

I examine his face for the first time and realise he looks terrible. Pale, tired and maybe like he could have been crying.

"I've done it, mate. I've finally fucking done it." His voice is a little hysterical.

"Done what?" I'll admit after the most killer blowjob of my life from a girl who has put my emotions in a blender I'm not exactly firing on all cylinders.

He grips my shoulder and his exhausted eyes are wild.

"I've finally left Maria."

A/N

Confession: at one point I was planning on having J arrive before Ed was, erm, finished. But in the end I just couldn't do it to the poor boy, or to you.

This is my first citrus attempt so I would love to hear your thoughts - too much? Not enough? It turns out writing lemons is nowhere near as easy as you'd think and I cannot tell you how many times I blushed, cringed and squinted at my screen in horror while writing this!

Thanks so much for reading.

Amber x