One must know where their loyalties lie. One must know who to trust, and let themselves be trusted. When one knows their destiny, they must know how to lead. They must follow their instincts, and the instincts of their team.
Those are the words I was taught to live by. I would not dare forget them.
Although I look back at my father with disgust for leaving my mother with nothing but her house and her children, I still see that he had wisdom in areas other than where he was lacking. Even if he couldn't lead his family, he could doubtlessly lead an army to victory. He was looked up to as the spitting image of what the Imperials take pride in. Thus, I feel like I am the only person left standing that knew him for who he really was.
I don't know why, but I have always had trouble putting things in the past. There are certain parts of my life that I just cannot dig from my memory because of my new hectic lifestyle, but when it comes to memories that leave more scathing burns, I find myself haunted ceaselessly. This ties in, however, to one of the few reasons I'm thankful for my divine purpose. This reason is that I have been wrapped up in my duties as the Dragonborn, leaving me little time to dwell on the insignificant corners of my past.
Another reason I have in mind is barely complicated, but I enjoy writing. Maybe I write in my journal too much. Reason two is that I had been able to surround myself with new acquaintances that – some more than others – were willing to overlook my faults, and that I have seen many places that a mundane existence in an alchemy shack in Cyrodiil would not be able to take me to. Even if said places often try to get me killed, I appreciate the experience.
There are events that I would have liked to be a part of, but missed out on. While I was out on a raid, the Imperials staged an assault to take Dawnstar and, with it, the Pale. This made us at the Dragon-blood Manor feel at least a bit more secure about our location. The victory, as much of a cause for celebration as it was, didn't change the fact that we were near the halfway point between Whiterun and Windhelm.
Speaking of the celebration, this event brought on a new rush of positive emotion. We gathered at the main dining hall, conversing with jovial attitude and teasing each other as we often did. The table was blanketed with food and beverages. Black-Briar mead, apple pie, assorted fruit and steamed mudcrab legs are all that I could remember from that night. Lydia, knowing Ri'saad, insisted that we hide the Juniper berries. Ri'saad excused himself to the kitchen, leaving the four of us to discuss.
Rodryck was the first to pass a few words. "So, I went to wake up Ri'saad this morning, and he wasn't there," he directed at me suspiciously.
The sharpness of the remark unsettled me. "What do you make of that?"
"I think you actually managed to get some tail. Of a sort I wasn't expecting, though."
"You should probably shut up before you say something you'll regret."
"What? Damn it, I'm happy for you," he exclaimed in defense.
Helen showed a smirk of opportunity. "And jealous."
"The sister speaks!" Rodryck said with comical shock. "And how could I be jealous? Everyone wants me. They just know I'm too much for them."
"Or perhaps too little."
"Size doesn't matter, sis," he said as he shrunk into his chair.
Just as Lydia tuned out of the conversation, she felt something small hit the back of her head. She looked down at the floor and found a Jazbay grape, which she promptly crushed in her fist.
Later, after a long day of slow sales, I headed up to the top of the library tower. The gentle breeze swept me carefully into thought. I was very content with my current situation, but well aware that the stability would soon fall to our greater duty. All the while, I had my friends at my side, and the comfort of Ri'saad to keep my sanity from slipping. The role Ri'saad played in my life was one that cannot be described with mere words. It transcended my own understanding of emotion and relationships. His presence was like a silent promise that he was watching my back, while also admiring my every move, no matter if it was foolish or clumsy. His face and his voice represented everything I had needed without ever knowing it. There was a mutual understanding in which we could see the perfection in each other's imperfection. I know that if he had a journal, he would be writing the same things about me.
When it was time to set out for our next mission, we boarded a carriage to take us to where our future waited. Nearing the proud city of Solitude, my bones were chilled by a gust from the sea. I glanced ahead towards the iconic windmill. I had only heard stories of the capital city of the Imperials, and the windmill was the most often-heard, despite the more notable feature of the city spreading across a natural arch over the river. The outer walls of the city cast shadows that even the largest of mammoths could hide within.
Being born into the Imperial Legion, I had seen the White-Gold city, and know the feeling of being in the middle of such a powerful and belittling atmosphere. Lydia had probably been to Solitude countless times, as this trip seemed no less than routine to her. Ri'saad, having spent much of his life on one road, was breath-taken by the natural display.
"Such a beautiful arch," he remarked. "Even without the settlement, this one would be impressed."
"They enjoy making a show of themselves," Rodryck responded.
"Is that why you admire them so much? Or would it be their success with tall structures that you envy?"
"Cool it, princess," Lydia ordered, lounging back in her seat. "You can have your dick-waving contest later."
After a moment, Ri'saad mumbled, "...he started it," and leaned to rest on my side.
We approached the doors to the city square with haste. Most of us were visibly anxious about setting foot in the center of Skyrim's politics, and were expecting an eventful introduction. Surely enough, we got one. In the square, surrounded by a crowd of jeering citizens, was the scene of an execution. The five of us pushed through the crowd to the front.
To the sides of the bound criminal stood an official and an executioner. The guilty party had a contorted face of red skin. He clearly had a lot to say, but the official needed to speak first. "Roggvir. You helped Ulfric Stormcloak escape this city after he murdered the High King. By opening that gate for Ulfric, you betrayed the people of Solitude. What do you have to say for your actions?"
Just then, a man in the crowd shouted, "He doesn't deserve to speak!", and the remainder of the crowd echoed him with cursing and insult.
"There was no murder," Roggvir directed at the people. "Ulfric challenged Torygg. He beat the High King in fair combat. Such is our way! Such is the ancient custom of Skyrim, and all Nords!" His announcement incited another wave of yelling and protest from the crowd. The official pushed Roggvir onto the block. The traitor had one final statement. "On this day, I go to Sovngarde."
The executioner chopped his head of to punctuate his last words. Most of the crowd expressed relief that the cockroach was out of their lives. Lydia shook her head.
"I can't believe they let this happen," said Lydia.
"What're you talking about? What he did?", Rodryck said, confused.
"The fact that they executed him was fucking stupid. He couldn't have known what Ulfric did."
"Did you miss the part where he defended the asshole with his dying breaths!? Even if he didn't know, the Legion is better safe than sorry."
Helen interrupted them, anxious to get something done. "We have better things to do than debate this. He's dead now. We need to find this Malborn person."
Delphine had given us orders to visit the inn in Solitude, The Winking Skeever, to find Malborn. The plan was to infiltrate a prestigious event at the Thalmor Embassy to the west of Solitude. I already had an invitation, but I needed to sneak "backstage", where Malborn would smuggle in any supplies I would need.
We entered the inn and rented a room. Malborn, a dark elf, followed us upstairs and asked me for my supplies. "What do you have? We need to get this over with."
"I'll need my steel plate armor, a health potion and my sword."
"But," he paused. "You're wearing your armor."
Remembering that, I had everyone but Ri'saad leave the room. He wasn't wearing armor, because he found it unnecessary.
I guess I'll have him help me remove my armor. Just... because, I guess.
As I began to remove my arm guards, Ri'saad unstrapped my cuirass from behind me.
"I can't shake the feeling that something's wrong here."
"What makes you say that?" Ri'saad said, reaching around to my front.
"I don't really know," I said. "Something about Delphine and Malborn is kind of setting off warning bells."
As Ri'saad crouched to pull off the lower parts of my armor, he responded with a grin, "This one thinks you'll do fine with defending yourself. You are pretty strong."
"Heh, thanks," I said. Ri'saad stood back up, turned me around, and handed me my dress clothes. I gingerly retrieved them. "If things get boring, I'll try to think of you."
His face immediately glowed in response. "We will be in Solitude while you're gone," he said. He slowly moved to embrace me, and held me tight in his arms. My sand-colored hands ran through the soft, brown fur on his back. His muscles eased at my touch. "Please stay safe."
I nuzzled my nose into the corner of his neck and shoulder before letting go and reassuring my safety with a gaze into his emerald eyes. I got dressed with little haste as Ri'saad tried not to look, with little success. After I was ready, I left with the dark elf for the Solitude stables, reminding Lydia to keep a log of the events that would occur without me.
As Karal'e's housecarl, his security is (supposed to be) my chief concern. I suppose he's powerful. Not as much as people say he is, but I was sure he'd come back with just a few scratches.
Now, at first, I started this journal mostly to vent anger and other stuff that I'll never tell anyone else. Since Mr. Dragonborn was out, and he usually kept mission records, I had to cover whatever we did while he was gone. I was pretty damned sure it would be boring, but I tried to remember as best as I could.
Poor Ri'saad seemed downtrodden about having his cuddle-buddy out in milk-drinker territory. Can't blame him. I wasn't ready to have him come home in pieces, either. Without Karal'e, I wouldn't have any challenges. I like challenges. Thankfully, it didn't have to end that way, with him gone and the team disbanded. I would really miss having berries thrown at my head. So fucking fun.
Anyways, we were pretty lost, because we had no idea what we were supposed to do. Solitude is well-policed enough for us to be left sitting around, twiddling our thumbs. Rodryck liked sightseeing and Helen liked the shops, so we settled to check out a store called Bits and Pieces. The lady there was pretty pleasant, and had lots of cool stuff lying around to look at. Fetched a heavy price, in a lot of cases. The first thing Ri'saad noticed was not the prices, but a blanket hung from the wall. Something about the patterns and the image - a family of Khajiit - seemed eerily familiar to him.
"Excuse Ri'saad," he said with some apprehension. "What is this?"
"Oh!", the shopkeeper exclaimed. "A nice old lady from Elseweyr came by and sold it to me. She was very nice, you know, but she looked very lonely and poor. I think she sold that to buy food."
Ri'saad's expression dropped empty. Almost as if he had realized something important. "Did she say anything?"
"Not much, I'm afraid, but she said that she needed the money because she was going through a lot of hard times. She was all alone and homeless. She explained the image here." She indicated to the family of five on the blanket. "That's her, three children, and the father."
His eyes stuck on one of the three kids, the only one with brown fur. He literally couldn't believe what he had found. It's not something you expect to see, obviously. He brought his hand up to the blanket and felt the texture that seemed both familiar and foreign at the same time. He later told me that, at that moment, he could feel the blanket telling him something; That his mother was still there, in Solitude. He didn't buy the blanket, but sincerely thanked the shopkeeper, and led us out. We stopped outside the door.
"Do you want to find her?" I tread my words carefully, which I wasn't used to.
"Ri'saad should," he said with indecision. "But doesn't know if he can."
Then, I felt a sensation that almost embarrassed me. I felt a sort of compassion for him. I grew up with parents that loved me the way parents should, and was given everything I needed to have the best life a young girl could ask for - and receive. He, on the other hand, had no chance.
"You know what? We have nothing else to do. Let's ask around."
While Helen and Rodryck walked around on their own, I brought Ri'saad to guards and townspeople, asking if they'd seen someone like his mother. I wasted away hours upon hours. Was it a waste of time? I guess so. It didn't feel like it was, but everything about my upbringing told me it must've been.
Eventually, we arrived at the Blue Palace, the Jarl's building. We had spent three hours by this point asking. I was tired of it, but something inside of me made me want to continue. He looked so damned sad, and I couldn't deal with much more of that. We stopped looking when we reached the palace.
"Looks like she left," I said.
Ri'saad looked down at his feet in disappointment. "Ri'saad thinks she wasn't here to begin with," he said as he looked up me. "Thank you, regardless."
Moments after he said that, he hugged me. And I guess it felt nice.
It didn't take long to reach the Thalmor embassy by carriage. It was a long and steep road there. I was thankful it didn't tumble off a cliff, in some places. When I entered the large and foreboding manor, I was greeted by an odd assortment of wealthy people, ranging from business leaders to Jarls and stewards.
My instructions were fairly clear. Malborn was serving drinks off to the side, in the event hall. I needed to orchestrate a distraction and sneak away with Malborn, who would then guide me to my smuggled supplies. After that, it would be left to me to fight through the building to find evidence.
In the hall, I overheard some mumblings of disdain about the Redguard guest, Razelan. Apparently, he had caused a number of drunken incidents at similar events. Soon after, he called me over.
"Hey there, buddy! Where can I get a good drink around here?"
"Should you be having a drink? You seem pretty far gone."
"Bullcrap! A good mead never cause any trouble for me!"
"If you say so," I sighed. I asked Malborn for a bottle of mead and handed it to him. No sooner did he begin to drink than he was already up rambling about some nonsense and attracting everybody's attention. Malborn quickly pulled me towards a door, and we backed into the kitchen, where a Khajiit cook was working alone.
"This one doesn't think lady Elenwen will be happy to hear about an outsider in the kitchen," she remarked.
After she said that, Malborn's face twisted into a look of passive aggression. "And I'm sure lady Elenwen would love to hear about your moon sugar addiction. I'm sure no petty hook on that stuff is quite as important as eating," he said, moving his sharp eyes closer. "...or breathing."
The cook was shocked and nervous at the response, and feared to lose eye contact with him. Malborn continued into the next room. I followed behind, passing a sympathetic glance at the cook, but our eyes didn't meet. She was staring toward the ground.
In the pantry, there was a chest containing my armor and weapon, as well as the healing potion. Malborn turned me around and said, "You need to search every room to find evidence of their involvement with the dragons."
"Uh, okay. If I don't find them?"
"Then this would be a huge waste and I'd send you on your way," he said, glancing away for the last part of the statement. He then handed me a parting bottle of mead, which I quickly drank without much thought.
Without so much as a farewell, I left for the living quarters of the complex. Malborn looked ahead at me with some expression I couldn't recognize. He closed the door behind me, and I could hear it firmly lock.
Once I'd gotten the teary-eyed furball back in shape, we left to find Rodryck and Helen to regroup. I figured we could take a visit to the Blue Palace and see if the Jarl had anything in store for mercenaries. We walked into the grand courtyard, past a bunch of guards. We were greeted at the door by a Legate.
"What sort of business do you have?"
"We're here to visit the Jarl for work."
"Jarl Elisef the Fair is out visiting the Thalmor Embassy at the moment and will not be back until dusk. You will need to return tomorrow."
That sucks.
We turned around to leave, feeling a bit off-put and terribly bored. I honestly couldn't take it for much longer. Just as we left the palace courtyard, some woman in a robe called us to the side, asking for our assistance.
"Excuse me? I heard you were looking for work," she said with an undertone of worry. "I have a few problems to attend to."
Looking back at my companions to remind them to stay on-guard, we followed her into a private garden, where two other men were waiting. Ri'saad and I led the siblings in, just as the woman made a move we weren't expecting. She turned around and made a quick jab with a dagger towards Ri'saad's heart.
Clearly, she didn't know who she was dealing with.
Ri'saad immediately grabbed her arm and twisted it over her shoulder with an audible crack tearing through her bone. He pushed her to the ground, straddling her, with his twin daggers crossing her neck, ready to behead her within the blink of an eye.
One of her henchmen made a move for Rodryck, hitting him over the head with a rock, knocking him out cold. Helen twisted the man around in a headlock. The second man didn't even try anything, dropping his sword in shock. I pinned him to a wall. Ri'saad, fuming with rage, yelled at the assassin.
"What is the meaning of this child's play!?" he hissed.
Ri'saad scared the crap out of me with that.
"The Night Mother," she breathed, shuddering. "She spoke, and he listened. The Dragonborn will die."