The hard part was telling Byakuya.
Ichigo was tempted, deeply tempted, to be a coward. To let Yamamoto and the other taichou's do it. But that would have been a betrayal of the trust between them, even though his plan was already a betrayal of their fledgling love. Would Byakuya turn away from him? And if he did, could Ichigo blame him? The lyrics of a song rose unbidden to his mind. It was nothing he'd ever heard before, but the tune suddenly came to him, as if his soul was speaking to him.
Would you leave me, if I told you what I've done?
Would you leave me, if I told you what I've become?
Because it's so easy, to say it to a crowd,
But it's so hard my love, to say it to you my love…
"I have never heard that song before. What is it?" Byakuya asked, looking at him with a small smile. Ichigo couldn't smile back. There was room in is heart for nothing but pain.
"It's the way I feel. Byakuya, I'm going to die." He simply stated it, but couldn't keep the pain out of his voice. Byakuya's smile turned into a frown and as he gripped the hybrids shoulder.
"We discussed this last night, Ichigo. You are not going to die. We are going to destroy our enemies together!" He said, a touch too loudly and they both flinched as a loud voice boomed behind them.
"That's the spirit! Never knew you had it in you, Kuchiki." Ichigo turned to glare at Zaraki, but his heart wasn't in it. The big man would know about the plan soon enough, and having an audience made this strangely easier. And he hadn't invited this audience, so he didn't feel guilty about having it.
"That's not what I meant. I am going to die." He said it emotionlessly this time, as if it were something obvious, like the sky is blue or the sands are red. "I have volunteered to use my life force to destroy Sona Maria." Byakuya stared at him and Zaraki's usual, homicidal grin faded as they both realized he was dead serious. "I'm mortal, I age and die, and when I die my demon half will go with my shinigami into the cycle of rebirth. So it is possible for a demon to be forced into that cycle. If I let Sona Maria drain my life, and a fatal blow is given to me at the right moment, my dying mortality will flow to her and we will both die. And all this will be over, forever." There was a shocked silence and Ichigo realized that several other shinigami were now in earshot. He didn't care. All he cared about was Byakuya and the shock and pain in those beautiful grey eyes.
"Do you guys need some time alone?" Zaraki finally said, surprisingly perceptive. "Because that is one hell of a bombshell, kid." Ichigo nodded, not looking away from Byakuya, and felt the big man leaving.
"This is what you were thinking about last night." Byakuya said quietly and Ichigo nodded. He wished he could make the pain in those grey eyes go away. "Ichigo, you do not have to do this. You just met us, and you owe us nothing."
"I have to protect." He said and then took a deep breath. "And if I don't and you make a binding, whose life will go to power it? You? Shunsui? Hitsugaya? Zaraki?" All of them meant something to him. He'd spent some time talking to the tiny, white haired taichou and thought Hitsugaya could be a friend. Zaraki… might be a friend too, someday, although a very odd and scary kind of friend. "And it would probably take more than one. I can't let you do that, not when it could be just me…" Ichigo felt tears prickle at his eyes and suppressed them mercilessly. "And bindings can be broken. This can't. I have to do this, Byakuya."
"You are not shinigami, Ichigo. You're a lost child, and until now we did nothing for you." Byakuya gripped his wrists, almost painfully. "You have your whole life ahead of you. This is not right."
"No, it's not, but it is what it is." He said softly and knew that Byakuya understood. He would not be moved from this course. "I'm sorry." Ichigo started to pull his hands away, silently offering to let the shinigami withdraw. Pull away from him, emotionally and physically. Not because he wanted to, but because it was the right thing to do. Loving him could only cause Byakuya pain.
"Ichigo, no." To his shock, Byakuya suddenly hugged him, pulling him into a tight embrace. Ichigo had genuinely expected the shinigami to leave him. "I will be with you through this. Don't push me away."
"Byakuya…" And Ichigo held tightly to his shinigami lover, as Byakuya held tightly to him, united in pain and love.
Struggling not to break.
Ichigo's head felt heavy and dull. His whole body ached, his hands were shaking with effort and even his soul registered the strain. He watched, his mouth full of saliva and mucus, as hands eagerly scooped up the water he'd called from the depths of the demons sands. Taking a breath, he spat on the ground to clear his mouth, then hunched over in pain. The hunger was so great it was nearly overwhelming.
The march to the Stones was not going too well. The problem was the supply lines. Ichigo could scout a path for them between the hives, and most of the demon lords seemed inclined to let them pass, except for random attacks by crazed minions. But Sona Maria was aware of their movements and while she was brutal, she was also intelligent. Her reply had been to cut their supply lines, and it was becoming nearly impossible for any water or food to reach them.
But they had found solutions to the problem. Shinigami could eat demon food, especially the fungi they grew in the hives. But they could also eat demons, even though they found it rather appalling. Ichigo suspected there might be long term effects, but hopefully they wouldn't be here long enough for it to be an issue. Water had been the real problem, until Ichigo had offered to call it up from the sands for them. There was water here, buried deep underground, and if he called hard enough with the demon half of his soul it would come.
The price, of course, was paid in power. Ichigo looked up as the beautiful scent of blood and power filled the air and the corpse of a greater demon was dropped at his feet.
"There you go kid. Strongest I could find." Zaraki Kenpachi said with a laugh and Ichigo didn't waste a moment tearing into the carcass. "A little peckish, aren't you? Want me to go find another?"
"Yef." He managed to say before burying his face back into the chest cavity. He was in no mood to wait and didn't give a damn what anyone thought of his feeding habits. Zaraki just laughed and went off to find him more prey. Ichigo was just glad there was at least one shinigami willing to hunt for him. The drain on his power was terrifying, and there was no way he could sustain it without fresh, powerful prey. He didn't stop eating until the body was nothing but broken bones, and sighed as he sat back on his heels.
"Ichigo." He blinked as Byakuya knelt beside him, offering him a wet cloth. "You're covered in blood." There was no judgement in those grey eyes, only calm acceptance. He took the cloth and began to clean himself off.
"That was enough water then?" If they were willing to use a bit of it to dampen a cloth, it had to be. Ichigo was used to giving himself sand baths, and would have done that, but the water was more pleasant. Byakuya nodded.
"It will last us at least another day, possibly two." They both looked up as Zaraki arrived with another dead body. This one was far less powerful than the first, and Ichigo opened it up more daintily, trying not to cover himself in blood again.
"Thank you." He said politely. "Want a piece?" He offered the other man a bleeding arm, and Zaraki took it with a crooked grin.
"Sure. Don't look so sick, Kuchiki. We're all going to be eating this in a day or two." The food wasn't entirely gone but it would be soon. He bit into the flesh and raised his eyebrows. "Huh. Tastes… good."
"That's the power you're absorbing." Ichigo said, licking his lips. "It always tastes really good, and the stronger the demon, the better it is." To Ichigo, the salty blood and the faint smell of rot were also delicious, but he was sure that wasn't the attraction for a shinigami. No, it would be the power that made this kind of food tasty for them.
"Will there be long term effects from that?" Byakuya asked and Ichigo shrugged.
"No idea. I don't think it affected my father, but they might have fed him a lot of fungi. I'm sure they fed him at least some meat, though." The fungi wasn't really that sustaining, for long periods. "I think we should just worry about it later, if there is a later." Ichigo added and Zaraki laughed.
"Smart kid! Nice little spark you have going there, by the way." He commented and Ichigo looked at him uncomprehendingly. "That thing in your reiatsu. What is that?"
"Huh?" Ichigo's gaze dropped and his stomach clenched as he saw what the taichou meant. There was a bright, swirling spark in the reiatsu of his belly. With appalling timing, his body had chosen now to stage a successful conception. "Ah, it's nothing." Ichigo laid a hand over his flat stomach, that would always remain flat, and felt a moment of sadness. It was beautiful, more beautiful than any of the earlier conceptions that had been forced on him, but it was still futile. "Just as well." He had no time to carry a baby to term anyway. The spark would probably still be there when he let Sona Maria take his life.
"It is a conception." Byakuya said softly and Ichigo looked up, surprised. "Zakanata told me that this would be possible. I'm sorry, Ichigo."
"What, you're having a kid?" Zaraki looked a little stunned at the news. "Won't that kind of screw up the plan?" He couldn't imagine Yamamoto allowing Ichigo to sacrifice both himself and a baby. But Ichigo shook his head.
"I'm too male to have it. It's nothing to worry about." He said, then stood. "And I'm ready to start scouting again. Thanks for the meals." Then he took to the air again, taking one last glance down at his belly as he flew. The reiatsu there looked like a gorgeous little flower.
It was such a shame that it was doomed.
Two days later, they had almost reached the stones and were beginning to encounter hard resistance.
Ichigo tore through the ranks of lesser demons like a buzzsaw, and the other taichou fared equally well. But as more and more demons arrived, the taichou had to devote their attentions to the greater and leave the lesser for the rest. Ichigo snarled as he engaged a greater demon he didn't know, a male with short red hair and a scar over his eye. The fight was vicious but Ichigo finally overpowered him and took his heart.
They finally drove off the attack, but Ichigo hated to see how many shinigami had died or been badly injured. The injured had to come along, there was no way to send them back, but that took time and effort. Several simply committed suicide, stating that their injuries were too severe for even the attempt. No one tried to stop them, because they were right.
The attacks came thick and furious as they penetrated the Stones, but every time the shinigami drove the demons off. Then a demon lord, one of Sona's vassals, took the field. Ichigo gave himself over to the thrill of the battle and used his Oblivion Sphere again. It worked as well as it had on his mother, and then Zaraki beheaded the rival demon lord while Byakuya's ban kai pierced him. As the body fell, the now leaderless demons turned and ran.
"If he was guarding this section of the stones, that might give us some breathing room." Ichigo said as he came in for a landing.
"You think so?" Kenpachi said sceptically as Yachiru congratulated him on his victory.
"Honestly? It's more of a hope. And it looks like my hopes will go unfulfilled." Ichigo readied Zangetsu as another wave began to overtake them. "And oh shit." He raised his gaze and Zaraki and Byakuya both turned to look with him. There was a dark, intensely powerful reiatsu rising and heading in their direction. "Excuse me." Ichigo frantically began devouring the fallen demon lord, not attempting to take all of his power but just enough to recharge from the Oblivion Sphere. Fortunately, a demon lord was a rich source of power.
"Is that…?" Zaraki sounded almost impressed and Ichigo nodded. "I think I'm in love." He could feel the astonishing bloodlust radiating from Sona, even from here. Ichigo almost choked on his food as Byakuya gave Kenpachi a reproving look. "Just kidding. But she's pretty damned sexy, look at that." Sona could almost be seen now. Physically, she was tall and strong, with long brown hair that streamed behind her in the wind. Her face was too strong for beauty, and was marked with red marks similar to Ichigo's, but they went over her right eye. Her armor was jet black, and she wielded a massive sword in one hand and a spiked whip in the other.
They had no time to talk then. Many of the taichous were busy with the greater demons, but everyone who could get free joined the fight against Sona. Her power was terrifying, and she clearly enjoyed using it personally. Ichigo flinched as she nearly maimed Hitsugaya, but Byakuya rescued the smaller taichou before she could use her whip to remove his tongue. It was clear to Ichigo that she was enjoying this. Half her spells were Suffering, rather than the more serious Damnation.
Unfortunately, soon two of her demon lord vassals joined the fight, taking some of the pressure off their matriarch. Sona let them fight, enjoying their pain as much as her enemies. Ichigo had always heard she was more than a bit crazy, and now he knew it was true. She was laughing like a lunatic as Yamamoto attacked her personally. The force of his power was dreadful, but it still wasn't fully a match for her…
He was definitely hurting her, though. Ichigo narrowed his eyes, gauging the power storm above him. He needed to strike at Sona when she was hurting enough to regard him as a meal rather than just something to kill. Yamamoto landed a titanic strike of fire that actually cracked her armor, and her shriek of rage could be heard halfway across the battlefield. Now. Ichigo launched himself into the battle. Until now he'd been holding back, conserving himself for this moment.
"Way of Damnation 62: White Fire Roaring!" He called on his power and sent it towards Sona in a blast of glorious white fire. She blocked the hit with her arm, laughing at him as Yamamoto fell back. She glanced at him with a sneer, obviously thinking the powerful shinigami was retreating from her might. Which he was, but not for the reason she thought.
"You think you can fight me, half-breed? HAH!" She said contemptuously, pointing her sword at him. "Way of Suffering 45: Flaying Knives!" Ichigo cursed as he tried to evade the sudden onslaught of knives intent on removing his skin. He managed, mostly, but blood dripped from scores of cuts as he launched his next attack. His sword clashed with hers, and then her whip wound around Zangetsu. Ichigo's eyes widened as he resisted her attempt to disarm him. "Stupid child. You never should have come." She hissed in his face, her breath a charnel reek. Her eyes were as brown as her hair and filled with exaltation and bloodlust. "Way of Suffering 89: Cross of Nails!"
Ichigo screamed then, as Zangetsu was yanked out of his grasp and his arms and legs were yanked away from his body. Nails hit him then, focusing on his arms and legs and penetrating deep into his flesh. That would have been bad enough, but this was an advanced Way of Suffering, so that wasn't the end. They exploded inside him with tiny detonations, driving more fragments through his lacerated flesh. Ichigo started to fall, broken and bleeding, but he was caught by another focus.
"Way of Entrapment 59: Holding Chains!" Iron chains wrapped around him, yanking him back up so he was held in the air across from Sona. And even through the agony, Ichigo felt a moment of satisfaction. She's taking the bait. But he couldn't make it easy for her.
"Zangetsu." He whispered and the sword reappeared in his hand. Struggling against the chains, he called on his shinigami side. "Getsuga Tenshou!" The blast of power surprised her, but that only enraged Sona further.
"Brat!" Her whip came into play then, and Ichigo screamed again and again as the spines removed strips of skin from his body. When she judged he was suitably weakened, she spoke again. "Way of Suffering 99: Soul Suction!" That was the preferred method for a powerful demon lord to devour an enemy. Ichigo's very soul felt violated, as tendrils of dark and hungry power erupted from her, tearing into his body with a thousand hungry mouths. Devouring everything he was, and everything he could ever become.
NOW! The roar was from Zangetsu, sent to the zanpakuto's of the chosen taichou's. Ichigo jerked in agony as Shunsui's sword entered his back, plunging through his heart. Then Hitsugaya's ice took him lower in the back, severing his spine and Kenpachi's sword punched through his other side, meeting Shunsui's in his body. It was overkill, really, but his body was incredibly tough. He had survived a wound to his heart once before.
But not this time. Ichigo coughed blood, his head falling forward for a moment. Then he raised it, looking at Sona across from him. Her face was twitching madly in shock and she abruptly screamed as blood exploded from her chest. Ichigo smiled, blood on his lips, as he embraced death and shared it with her.
"I'm sorry." Shunsui's voice was quiet in his ear as he pulled his sword free. Zaraki yanked his weapon free in a splatter of gore, and Hitsugaya's ice shattered, vanishing as Ichigo fell limply out of the sky. The black tendrils between him and Sona shattered as she tried desperately to close the connection, but it was too late. The stricken demon lord was falling with him and they hit the ground together. For Ichigo, it was strangely peaceful. Darkness was shading over his vision, and he heard Sona scream again just before death claimed him.
It was a beautiful sound and he let go with a feeling of deep satisfaction at a job well done.
Byakuya skidded to a stop beside Ichigo. He'd hoped to hold the hybrid one last time and comfort him as the light went out of those golden eyes, forever. But one look at the shattered body told him he was too late. Ichigo's eyes were open and fixed, unblinking and unseeing. Yet, the expression on his face was peaceful and Byakuya knelt beside him, picking up what was left of the demon boy, holding him close, heedless of the blood.
Then he looked up as the gates of Hell appeared. The great chains undid themselves and the gates swung open. Sona was on the ground, unnatural vitality struggling to keep her alive and she screamed in anguish as chains shot out and wrapped around her, lifting her from the ground.
"No! I am a demon! We don't die like this! We don't die like this! You can't do this to me!" Her voice rose to a shriek, carrying over the battlefield and causing her minions to cower in fear. Many of them were already fleeing, scattering in terror at the downfall of their matriarch. More and more chains came, thicker and heavier than Byakuya had ever seen applied to any soul. But this was not a normal soul, it was a demon. Then great hands reached out from the gate and seized the chains, beginning to pull her within. "NO!" Sona Maria writhed at the end of the chains and then screamed like the damned soul she was about to become as a spiked sword impaled her. And still she struggled, howling her defiance until the gates of Hell slammed shut behind her, silencing her screams.
Byakuya looked down at the body in his arms as it suddenly became lighter. To his surprise, he saw that Ichigo was dissolving into spirit particles. It was very fast for that… the bodies of shinigami lingered a while, and from what he had seen demons lingered even longer… but it was happening and tears pricked his eyes as he watched the golden particles dance into the sky. Spirit particles were usually blue. He'd never seen gold before, but it seemed right that Ichigo would be different.
"Ichigo." He whispered, watching as more and more spirit particles drifted free. Then he was holding nothing but air, with only the blood to say that Ichigo had ever existed. The particles swirled for a moment, forming into an orb of golden light. He watched, speechless, as a tiny rift formed. He couldn't tell where it was going to, but the little orb drifted to it and was swallowed in it. Then the rift closed. Had Ichigo's spirit returned to Soul Society? Was this how a hybrid died, no matter where they were? "Good bye." And he closed his eyes for a moment before taking a breath and picking up his sword.
He still had a duty to his Division. But later, he would mourn.
Ichigo drifted through a haze of golden light, filled with a childlike curiosity.
He was not really thinking, only feeling and experiencing as he instinctively followed the golden path. The light was beautiful and filled him with joy. And there was something good at the end of it. He could feel it through his entire soul.
He finally passed through the golden path, and found he was in a forest. It was nothing like the real world, though. The colors were so intense, so brilliant that Ichigo knew any living being seeing them would be destroyed. Only the dead could accept this place, and find peace here as they waited for reincarnation.
"Ichigo!" An unfamiliar voice called his name and Ichigo turned, surprised to find he had a body again. Although, strangely, he felt that something was missing from him. That feeling was relegated to unimportance as he looked at the strange man in front of him. He had spiky brown hair, thin facial hair and a smile on his face. Ichigo's breath caught in his throat as he saw the shape of the man's face and realized it bore a resemblance to his own.
"Who?" He breathed, unable to believe it. But then a second figure stepped out from the trees, and he knew it instantly. A proud warrior with gold and white armor and short brown hair, his aura was instantly recognizable. "Zakanata!"
"Oh, you know my zanpakuto but not me? Ichigo, I am ashamed!" Isshin complained but Ichigo could tell he was joking. "Come give your father a hug!" With a gurgling laugh of pure, unadulterated joy, Ichigo caught his father in a bone crushing hug. "Ah watch it! You've grown up strong, Ichigo."
"You can't be hurt here, silly." He said to his father, grinning. He instinctively knew that there was no pain here. "Zakanata!" He abandoned his father for a moment to give the zanpakuto his own hug. The spirit seemed startled for a moment, then hugged him back energetically. "You could have at least said goodbye before you left! You scared the crap out of me! I almost had a breakdown before Zangetsu showed up!" Ichigo let the zanpakuto go and looked around. "Where is Zangetsu?" He looked around, puzzled. Shouldn't his zanpakuto be here too, awaiting his own rebirth?
"He's busy elsewhere." Isshin answered and Ichigo blinked as his father put his hands on his shoulders. "Let me look at you." Ichigo stood before his father and smiled as Isshin looked at him proudly. "I'm going to be a grandfather!"
"What? Oh." Ichigo glanced down at himself and was shocked to see the presence of a second soul within his own. He'd thought the nascent presence of the baby would dissolve completely, but it seemed that was not to be. It still looked like a beautiful flower, and Ichigo set his hand over it, hiding the radiance for a moment. "I'm dead, father. And even if I weren't, it couldn't have been born."
"It is still beautiful. Two souls dancing together, forever. It is a wonderful dance." Zakanata said and Ichigo shrugged with a smile. It was almost comforting, having his baby with him in the afterlife. He had a tiny bit of Byakuya with him and that was a beautiful thing.
"Ichigo…" Ichigo's eyes snapped back to his father. Isshin sounded almost choked with emotion. "Before I died, your mother said, said that they would, would… did they…" Ichigo could see the answer Isshin desperately wanted, but he knew he couldn't lie here. It simply wasn't possible in this land of death and rebirth.
"They did everything they said, and more." He said softly and touched his father's shoulder comfortingly. "But it doesn't matter, father. I found something worth living and dying for in the end. I am content." The pain of the past didn't matter anymore. Or at least, that was what he told himself, although the scars did remain.
"You'll have to face it someday, son. That's how this place works." Isshin sounded worried, now. "That's why I couldn't go on… I was waiting for you, waiting for my boy. But how will you leave with those wounds on your heart?" Ichigo blinked at his father, wondering why it mattered.
"I just got here, father. Why would I want to go quickly?" This was a bit baffling and as he looked between his father and his old zanpakuto, he had the strange feeling they were hiding something from him. But he couldn't begin to imagine what so he asked a question. "Can you tell me a story? Something about your family? I want to get to know you, father." It gave him a thrill just to say that word to Isshin. Finally, he had a father. His father smiled broadly and hugged him again.
"Gladly! Let's all sit together and trade stories." And the three of them sat beneath the trees. Soon there was the sound of laughter, as Ichigo enjoyed his father's stories of his misspent youth. And a spirit wind swept through the trees, driving ahead small sparks of golden light.