A/N

I'm considering writing to my local council to ask for a council tax discount in exchange for all the extra tourism the last chapter sent their way ;-) Seriously though, thank you so much for all the love you've shown my town and my Essexward in your reviews.

The amazing ladies at Indie Fic Pimp are currently collecting votes for their April Readalong and The Search is among the stories listed. You can vote by visiting the blog address below (removing the spaces) and clicking on April Readalong on the right of the screen:

indieficpimp. blogspot. co. uk / p / readalong

Trip, my incredible beta, is particularly fond of this chapter so I'm dedicating it to her for her fantastic skills, her brilliant ideas, her thorough research and all the time and patience she gives to this story. Thank you for getting me this far, A! :-)

Thanks again to ladyeire3 and dreamalittledream83 for keeping Bella American no matter where she is, and for the endless encouragement.

BPOV

"Now that is an excellent question."

A man I can only assume is Edward's father stands in the doorway wearing an expression somewhere between a scowl and a smirk. He is tall and lean like Edward, with thinning fair hair. He stares at me for the briefest of moments before turning to Edward with a tight smile.

"Hello, Son."

"Alright." It is Edward's standard greeting but his tone is flat and hard.

He continues, "Dad, this is Bella. Bella, my dad, Carlisle." Even as he says his father's name, his eyes do not leave mine to look at him.

I turn towards Carlisle, stand and offer my hand.

"It's nice to meet you," I tell him although I'm not entirely sure it is.

"You're American," he states and his emotionless tone leaves me as to no idea if he considers that a good or bad thing.

I glance at Edward who rolls his eyes. "Um, yes. I moved here a couple of months ago."

"I see," he says, finally shaking my hand. "And how do you like England so far, Bella?"

"Oh I love it!" I smile.

Carlisle just snorts derisively. "Give it time, missy, you'll soon see. The economy is shot to hell and all this government is interested in is cutting back public services and punishing the working class."

"Jesus, Dad!" Edward exclaims. "Do you think maybe we can hold off the political lecture until at least dinner time?"

Carlisle shrugs. "Still, Ed, you're all right I take it? In your corporate bubble."

Edward meets his father's eyes, defiantly. "Yep. Work's great, Dad, thanks for asking," he says sarcastically.

I'm very grateful when Alice bounds into the room.

"Dad!" She kisses his cheek. "Beer?" she offers him the can in her hand and leads him out of the room, while Edward offers her a grateful smile. A good deflection indeed.

Alone again, Edward folds me into his arms, pulling me against him as if protecting me from something.

"I'm sorry, Sweetheart," he mutters into my hair. "I told you he was a wanker, didn't I?"

At dinner, all the ease of the afternoon seems to have evaporated. The addition of Carlisle has made Esme and Alice a little tense too.

Alice pushes the conversation along by regaling us with stories of the recent celebrities they've had in the store. Carlisle talks about his classes, Esme talks about their friends but I note that nobody mentions Edward or his work. Until eventually Carlisle asks:

"So what do you do, Bella?"

I glance at Edward. I find it strange that Esme knows so much about me and Carlisle so little. I guess they really don't talk much.

"I work at Volturi, with Edward."

Carlisle raises an eyebrow in Edward's direction.

"With or for?"

I hesitate and Edward says "With," and slips me a sly smile, no doubt recalling our altercation in Soho.

Carlisle's face is unreadable. "I see. And do you like it?"

"Yes, very much. Headhunting is actually a much more meaningful profession than some people think." My tone comes out a little harder than I'd like but I can't help feeling a little defensive of what we do after everything Edward told me on the train.

I notice Carlisle's eyes narrow a little but politeness stops him from voicing whatever thought was forming in his mind. Eventually he fixes me with a surprisingly gentle smile. When his features are softer I notice more similarities with Edward, similar face shape, same green eyes in a more muted shade.

"Well I've gotta say you impressed me earlier, Bella."

I look at him inquisitively.

"It's been literally years since Ed has played piano for anyone!"

"Dad..." There is a warning in Edward's voice that Carlisle chooses to ignore.

"He plays wonderfully," I comment, trying to be as diplomatic as possible. The tension between father and son quite clearly stems from this point, I just wish I knew how and why.

"Doesn't he?" Carlisle enthuses a little too harshly and Edward shoots him a look which clearly says "Drop it."

"So why were you playing earlier, son?"

"Bella asked me to," Edward replies through somewhat gritted teeth.

This is going south fairly quickly and I feel terrible that my curiosity was the catalyst for this tension.

"Does anyone want any afters?" Esme says, brightly, standing to clear our plates and clearly trying a distraction technique. Carlisle ignores her.

"He was my prodigy, Bella," he says, turning back to face me. "Two years old he was up on that piano stool with me. So talented. Grade 8 by the time he was 11."

He speaks like a proud father but Edward's sullen expression tells me everything. His fists are clenched and his jaw tight, like he is desperately trying to hold in what he wants to say.

"But he threw it all away. Gave up chances that other kids would kill for."

"Dad, come on!" Alice suddenly exclaims. "Please can you just stop...stop banging on about this over and over again."

Carlisle continues regardless and I resist the urge to jam my fork in his eye for destroying the carefree Edward who arrived here this morning

"Threw away every chance, to be a...a headhunter." He almost spits the word. "I mean, Christ, I'm not even entirely sure what that is and-"

"You would if you ever fucking listened!" Edward suddenly explodes, throwing his silverware onto the table with a clatter.

"But you don't, do you?" He says more quietly, eyes fixed on Carlisle. "Because you aren't interested. You aren't interested in getting to know me because I'm not that boy on your knee at the piano anymore. I'm not the man you hoped I'd be."

I watch his eyes burn and his throat bob as he swallows. "And I'm never going to be."

Esme, Alice and I stare in silence. Carlisle fixes Edward with a steely stare but also says nothing.

"Thanks for dinner, Mum." Edward whispers, silently taking my hand in his and pulling me out of the room and upstairs.

In his room Edward collapses on the edge of the bed, with his head in his hands, and I sit down beside him, reaching my left hand up his neck and into his hair, stroking gently. He leans a little into my touch.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

He turns to me, surprised.

"Why on earth are you sorry?"

"I made you play. If I hadn't he wouldn't have seen and made a fuss and-"

"Bella, don't be silly. It wasn't your fault in any way. I'm so fucking sorry that I ruined tonight, that I put you in the middle of that." He takes a deep breath, looking down. "The truth is I wanted to play earlier, I liked it. I always liked it, I just didn't want to be a professional. I couldn't live up to what he expected from me. So now this is how it is, he can't forgive me and I can't stand it."

He kicks off his shoes, lies back on the bed. I crawl up beside him. I can hear raised voices downstairs but can't make out what's being said. Edward and I are silent but he holds me really tight.

The knock on his door makes me jump.

"Ed, it's me." Alice whispers.

"Come in," Edward calls wearily and an uncharacteristically miserable Alice creeps in and sits on the floor, leaning back against the bed.

She turns her head to Edward. "You all right?"

Edward shrugs. "This is why I don't like coming home."

Alice sighs. "Yeah I know. It's just - God I just don't get it!" She throws up her hands in frustration.

"Why the fuck is he like that? Always going on at you, trying to pick a fight. And he knows exactly what your bloody temper is like." She narrows her eyes at her brother.

Edward scowls. "Can you fucking blame me? When he is the way he is?"

Alice holds up her hands. "I know, I know. He's being a dick. But why? He's never really cared what I do for a living."

Edward runs his hand through his hair, studies the ceiling.

"Yeah well, he didn't have expectations for you."

"Oh ta very much!" Alice exclaims.

Edward sniggers softly. "You know what I mean, Al. He didn't force you into music. For some reason he used all his energy on me, and he's pissed off about it."

Alice nods, stays silent. Eventually she turns to me, puts a hand on my leg.

"Bella, God, I'm so humiliated. I wish you hadn't had to see my dad behaving like such a moron."

I glance at Edward. He looks miserable, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"It's fine, Alice. Don't be silly."

The yelling downstairs finally stops.

"Mum's utterly livid." Alice whispers, conspiratorially. "She's making him sleep on the settee."

Edward just nods again. I hear someone else come upstairs, presumably Esme, and another door closes.

"I should go talk to Mum, say sorry." Edward says.

"Nah, don't worry, I'll go." Alice replies, standing.

"Night," She says, smiling at me. She bends down to land a kiss on Edward's cheek.

"Love ya," I hear her whisper and I feel an irrational wave on envy because I'm desperate to say that to him too, in an entirely different way.

"You too, Sis." They share a mutual grin and eye roll before Alice leaves the room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask once we're alone.

He turns towards me, pulls me closer to him.

"Truthfully? No." He kisses me softly. "I just want to forget about it."

"Well I can help with that too..." I murmur, bringing my mouth to his. He opens his lips almost immediately taking in my tongue and giving me his. He captures my face in one hand and my waist in the other, coaxing me up his body and closer to him. The now-familiar energy rises between us and he soon becomes needy and greedy, kissing me deeply, running his hands over my body - my hair, my arms, my waist, my ass. He forces our bodies closer and closer until I want to claw off every bit of clothing and just feel every inch of him against every inch of me.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispers brokenly between kisses. "I ruined it. I ruined an incredible day and-"

"Shhh...Baby, it's okay," I say softly against his throat and slide my hand up the back of his shirt enjoying the feeling of his smooth skin. "Just relax."

Only a few minutes later our clothes are abandoned and it's just me and him, naked and breathless. His fingers explore gently between my legs, his words are hot in my ear, the sheets cool against my fevered skin and I want.

God, how I want.

Everything.

I want to feel him moving inside me, not just his fingers. I want to give him this comfort, this simple act. I want the closeness. I want to be as close to him physically as I know our minds and souls are becoming.

I can feel him there, hard and ready in exactly the place where I want him to be. I push myself closer, feel him slip against where I'm so wet.

"Bella," he gasps, meeting my gaze, lust and surprise in his.

"Please," I whisper. "I want to try. I need to."

He frowns. "But before, we couldn't-"

"I know, I know. Please, just try now please."

I'm soon beneath him and I close my eyes attempting to force every muscle in my body to relax one by one. I try to imagine my body as liquid or rubber, pliable and relaxed, everything soft and open and clear. I can feel his eyes on my face but I'm afraid to open my own to look at him. I know the concern I will see there and it will make me more anxious.

I feel the very tip of him at my entrance, he fingertips gently stroking my clit. I focus on that, on pleasure, and try to ignore the stinging ache that begins when he starts to slowly push inside.

Painful inch by painful inch I grow more and more panicked and force myself to take deep breaths and calm my hammering heartbeat. I'm stretched and pulled and ripped until eventually everything tightens and clamps down like a vice, a sickening pain shooting up from between my legs and causing hot tears of frustration to force their way out from my closed eyes.

Moments later the pressure is suddenly gone, and my body sags in relief, now just a dull ache where there was once scalding pain.

"Bella," he whispers, his voice a little broken. "Open your eyes, Baby."

The sight of his face; pained, apologetic and ridiculously guilty causes more tears to slide across my cheeks in salty, angry tracks. This time they are born of self-pity rather than pain.

"Just keep going," I beg. "Try again, I can do it. I can handle it."

He shakes his head, a little angry.

"No, Bella. No way. The look on your face just now I...I can't. I won't."

I can hear the desperation in my voice. "But I need to give you something, Edward. I need to give you everything."

He cups my face in both his hands; kisses my cheeks, my forehead, my nose, my mouth.

"Don't think, Baby. Okay? Just let me love you. Let me love every inch of you. Just be with me okay?" His tone is a little desperate too and feels like a physical touch across my fevered skin.

I nod and slowly, gently he coaxes the tension out of my body. As he promised he covers every inch with his mouth and hands. Despite myself I'm soon aroused again because the power he has over my body that way is astonishing. I'm breathless and my heart is racing but not through fear.

I reciprocate and when he is in my mouth I take him as deep as possible. I try to make up for everything I can't give him with everything I can.

"Bella," he groans, pulling my head gently away. I look up and his eyes are smouldering.

"Together, Baby. I want to watch you."

We lie facing each other and touch and kiss and gasp until I'm pulsing and he's jerking and I stare into his eyes while he comes in hot streams against my skin.

He is silent, thoughtful, while he cleans me up and pulls me close under the covers. I'm still awake long after his breathing is deep and his arms are heavy. My mind won't shut off and it's pulsing with three words over and over on repeat.

I love you I love you I love you.

Let me love you.

I jolt awake and realise I'm alone, with just those words for company.

Let me love you.

That's what he said, isn't it? And that's certainly what he did. Could that mean...?

As I struggle into wakefulness, I realise I was woken by the strains of piano music filtering up the stairs. It could easily be Carlisle playing, or a student, but in my heart I know it's Edward.

Let me love you.

Stop it, Swan! I attempt to shake his words from my mind and quickly dress, desperate to get downstairs and see more of the gloriousness that is Edward Cullen: Pianist.

Halfway down the notes take a misstep, the music stops abruptly and I hear Edward growl:

"I can't concentrate with you watching me."

I freeze and for a second, I stupidly think he is talking to me, but then I realise there is no way he can see me from the middle of the staircase. I creep down two more steps and see Carlisle leaning against the door frame in the doorway of the lounge.

"You've still got it, son." His voice is softer now, so much gentler than the way he spoke to Edward last night.

There is silence and I imagine Edward shrugging, or seething. Eventually he says softly:

"I'm not playing for you, you know. Not now."

"Oh I know, Ed. Believe me." Carlisle sighs. "I couldn't keep away from the piano when I first met your mum. Every thought, every feeling; I ploughed it into those keys."

A very long moment of silence and then a scraping sound and Edward's voice suddenly louder.

"Well maybe you should bloody well tell Mum that yourself," he spits and before I have time to react he has pushed past his dad and locked eyes with me.

"Bella."

I'm frozen, embarrassed to be caught eavesdropping. He slowly climbs the stairs to meet me.

He looks awkward, surprised and a little angry.

"You heard that?"

I nod.

He watches me for a second, before shaking his head and leaning down to place a gentle kiss on my lips.

"Whatever," he whispers. "Let's get out of here."

He stares for a moment before the crooked grin I love brightens his gorgeous face.

"I know somewhere fun," he says.

"That was awesome!" Alice is flushed and grinning, and Esme is laughing and stumbling a little behind her. Behind them is the source of their delight - a huge, yellow roller coaster with as many twists and turns as my life has taken these last couple of months.

We're at Adventure Island. Bigger than a local carnival but nowhere near big enough to be called a theme park, it sits right on the edge of the seafront, with beach on either side and the pier in the distance. Edward says it's been there as long as he can remember, but that it used to be not much more than bumper cars, a cotton candy stand and the "helter skelter". In the fact the latter is still there - worn and weathered, nestled amongst the newer rides.

Unsurprisingly we left Carlisle at home, apparently he had a pupil coming. More likely I think Esme banned him from joining us. Seeing Edward's tricky relationship with his father makes my chest ache but I'm not sure what I can do to help. There are obviously resentments that go back many years.

Away from the tension with his dad, Edward is back to the carefree, laughing man he was yesterday.

I wish I could say the same. As much as I am enjoying myself I can't get away from the realisation that has struck me this weekend.

I'm in love with him.

It's so desperately clear to me now, that I just can't get the thought out of my head. I thought I loved Jake, I thought he was everything to me, but it's so obvious now how wrong I was. I cared about him, I wanted our marriage to work for the sake of our future and families, and because I had known nothing else.

But what I felt for Jake, even in our lightest days, was nothing like this, this obsession, this addiction. I'm attuned to every move Edward makes. I can't keep my eyes off of him. I want to touch him constantly, crawl up inside him and stay there forever. I want to explore every single part of his mind, his thoughts, his memories. I want to know every experience that has touched his life before this moment, good and bad, because they all contribute to making him him. This caring, honest, respectful, passionate, wonderful man...who I love.

It's been a matter of weeks but I suddenly can't imagine living a moment of my life without him. And that is a pretty damn frightening thought.

The problem is now I'm obsessively wondering if he feels the same. I feel like a giddy, naive teenager but then I guess that makes sense when I didn't experience this in the same way ten years ago as most others did.

Let me love you.

His words from last night have been ringing in my head all day, driving me close to insanity.

"What are you thinking so hard about, Gorgeous?" His warm voice in my ear jolts me from my internal musings. He slips his arms tightly around me, pulling me close to his body. I take a deep breath of his scent and nuzzle his chest, wondering how it is possible to fit so perfectly against another person's body.

I lift my head and smile at him.

"Nothing important," I lie. He raises a sceptical eyebrow but then leans down to kiss me, softly and gently with the tiniest brush of his tongue.

"Yeah alright, you two," Alice grumbles. "You're making me nauseous."

Edward laughs and ruffles her hair. "Awww, missing J?" he teases and she shoots him a glare making him laugh harder.

My God, I love him.

"What's next?" Esme asks, looking like an excitable child.

"I might just go on Rage again." Alice says. Her blue eyes glint in the bright sunshine.

"Say Eddie, my dear sweet brother, don't you want to join us?" She grins at him a little devilishly.

Edward glances up nervously, eyeing the highest point of the huge yellow roller coaster.

"Nah, you're all right," he mutters.

"Really? Are you sure?" Alice baits. "What if Bella wants to go on it and wants you to come with her?"

Edward looks at me, trying to hide a slightly stricken expression.

"Do you, Baby? I mean if you want we can -" he looks back towards Rage with a grimace.

I laugh, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

"It's fine, Edward. I could always go with your Mom and Alice if I wanted," I lower my voice in his ear. "But I'd rather stay with you."

Alice giggles. "Oh, Bro, you are too funny." She turns to Esme. "Hey, do you remember that time at Thorpe Park when we were actually in the queue when he changed his mind?"

"I was eight!" Edward exclaims. His cheeks are pink and I love him. I can't stop the words now; my head is filled with just that one thought.

Esme is chuckling too. "Yeah, Dad had to walk him all the way back along the line!"

"For Christ's sake, Mum," Edward grumbles, looking at the floor.

"You're too cute," I tell him and he rolls his eyes but returns my smile anyway.

"Such a wimp!" Alice laughs and a small giggle escapes me.

"Right, that's it," he grabs my hand. "Sod the lot of you!"

Before I know what's happening he is half carrying me half dragging me, running towards the ride. I can hear Alice and Esme laughing behind us, no doubt delighted that they have cajoled him into exactly the action they were hoping for.

When we reach the end of the line I'm breathless and giggling and Edward is laughing too, but still eyeing the roller coaster dubiously.

He grabs my hand and tugs me close to his side.

"What is it about you, Swan," he growls, playfully. "Somehow I always end up higher than I feel entirely comfortable about when I'm around you."

I shrug, smiling and he pulls me close, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes suddenly more serious.

"Maybe it's just so I can fall," he whispers.

My breath catches and the words I'm dying to say bubble to the surface, but before I can speak an impatient voice behind us tells us to move forward with the line.

I hold my tongue and we are quiet for the rest of the wait. I sneak glances at Edward and he looks increasingly nervous the closer we get to our turn, but when he catches me staring, he just smiles his crooked smile at me.

"Shit," I hear him mutter under his breath when we reach the cars.

"You don't have to do this, Baby," I whisper.

He grits his teeth. "Course I do. Come on."

We sit down and the heavy harnesses lock down on us. Edward takes a deep breath. I'm genuinely a little concerned for him now, it's clearly a very real phobia and I feel like an asshole for encouraging this.

"You okay?" I ask quietly.

"Yep," he says. "Just wanna get up there now."

I think about literally holding his hand but I realise that his are gripping tightly onto the handles of his harness.

The ride jolts to life and I hear his sharp intake of breath.

"Okay," he says, to himself I think. "Okay."

We start to climb very steeply, our bodies tipped back and Edward closes his eyes.

"Just tell me when we're about to go down, okay?" he requests. "I don't mind the down bit, I just hate the slow climb, and the clicking - why is there always clicking?"

I stifle a smile.

We climb and climb, higher and higher, and while we do I think of Edward. Of everything I've learnt about him, everything I want with him in the future. He has been so patient, so caring. How many men would risk everything for a girl as physically and emotionally fucked up as me? I mean, damn, he's terrified of heights and yet he's on a roller coaster, for me.

It is then I decide. He has done so much for me so it's time I faced my fears for him. If I want a physical relationship with him, then I have to be the one to make it happen. And with that decision I realise I can't keep the other words in any longer either. I want to say them, I need to. And I realise that it doesn't even matter if he says them back, I just need him to know what he means to me.

We're nearing the top, just beginning to tip over the steep peak to the descent below. This is where I would tell him to open his eyes.

I watch his stunning profile, jaw tight, knuckles white, eyes tightly closed. I suck in a deep breath and I lean over as far as my harness will allow so that my lips are close to his ear.

"Edward," I whisper, despite the other riders behind and in front of us I feel like it is just me and him and the sky.

"Mmmhmm?" He replies stiffly.

"I love you."

For a split second his eyes flash open wide and he turns to look at me, for the briefest of moments I think I see his green eyes fill with wonder.

And then we're falling, falling and hurtling and dropping and tumbling and flying. Edward is shouting and cursing and laughing so hard.

As the ride spin us through yet another twist, it dawns on me that in my whole life, I have never before felt so free.

Did you know that Southend-on-Sea boasts the longest pleasure pier in the world? This is one of the many bits of Essex trivia that Edward has somewhat nervously imparted in the last hour. The moment we stepped off the ride a giggling Esme and Alice were there to greet us, continuing to jibe Edward gently while he took it in good humour and snuck frequent glances in my direction.

My declaration, that felt brave and necessary up in the air, now hangs between us like a dark cloak of unease.

We had left the fair and continued to walk along the seafront. Anxious, I could hardly look at him but he couldn't seem to keep his eyes from me. We walked side by side and I could feel his glances every few steps. When I found the nerve to finally meet one of his furtive looks his expression appeared to be a bizarre mix of bewilderment and surprise.

He'd held my gaze with his strange one before smiling and taking my hand, squeezing it gently.

"Shall we get some lunch, Eddie?" Esme asked us.

But eyes on me again, Edward had only replied. "Actually, Mum, I think Bella and I are going to go off on our own for a bit if that's okay. "

My heart was suddenly pounding and I wondered if he had noticed how sweaty my palm had gotten.

"Of course, love." Esme smiled at each of us in turn. "We'll see you back at home later."

So now here we are; walking along the longest pier in the world with nothing but the call of sea gulls and Edward's nervous tour guide as the soundtrack.

I'm not sure I've ever witnessed this awkward version of Edward before. Professional? Yes. Angry? Sure. Passionate? Definitely. But this rambling guy is a new breed, and all it does is make me love him more. Which is the problem.

Fuck, Swan, you are such an idiot. Why did you tell him that? It's only been a month and the poor man is probably still trying to work out if he wants to pursue anything at all with someone who comes with so much baggage, and you go and profess your undying love for him on a theme park ride?

I feel like a fool. No wonder he is filling the silence with stats from the Southend Tourist Board, he is probably afraid that if he is quiet for more than 30 seconds I'll humiliate myself again.

"Hey, Bella," He interrupts himself and pulls us to a stop.

I try to smile bravely though I feel so humiliated I wonder if my insides are blushing too.

"Are you all right?" he asks, nervous.

"Yep. Yep, I'm fine." I try to reassure him, whilst mentally swinging at a punch bag with my picture on it.

"You were saying?" I prompt, because even hearing about what the council plan to do with the one-way system is better than standing in silence while he looks at me pityingly.

But he doesn't start talking again, he just stares at me with a strange smile on his face. He reaches out to grasp a wayward piece of hair that the breeze has blown across my face and tucks it behind my ear.

He is looking at me so gently that I wonder if my fears aren't actually warranted. Could there be a chance that he does feel as I do...?

Let me love you.

"Do you wanna sit down?" he asks, quietly, gesturing to the sheltered bench behind me.

I take a deep breath. "Sure."

We sit down and he pulls me close, half into his lap, trailing his fingers down my spine. I shiver a little. He wouldn't want to sit this way if he wasn't going to say something good, right?

"What is it with us and benches?" He says eventually, with a smile in his voice, and I remember the night in Soho when he held my hand and told me we couldn't just be friends anymore. I feel so grateful for his courage that night.

"I never thanked you for that, you know?"

He watches me. "For what?"

"For telling me how you...felt. For not letting me run away." I stroke a hand along his jaw.

"I couldn't not, Bella. I've never-" He pauses, looks at his hands before pulling his gaze back to mine, determined. "I've never felt like this before."

I nod. I understand only too well. At once, I realise that it is right that I said those words first, because he has done everything else. He has shown me that we can be together, that we should be together. He put himself on the line for us. He has been strong for us.

He is still staring intently at me, his expression unreadable. When he finally speaks the words are almost whispered, like a secret.

"Did you mean it?"

I'm tempted to be obtuse. To ask him what he's talking about, try to pretend it didn't happen. But I can't. I put those words out there because I feel them and I want him to know, regardless of what he feels for me. But I'm still a little cowardly so I say:

"Do you want me to mean it?"

His green eyes stare into mine, unwavering. I watch him swallow hard.

"Yes," he eventually whispers.

I forget to breathe and just sit there watching him. He brings his face closer, his hand to my neck. I feel his intake of breath.

"I love you too, Bella."

He says it a little uncertainly like he is not really sure the words left his lips. But then after the briefest of moments he smiles, and his eyes light up as if a burden has been lifted.

He shakes his head a little, almost laughing.

"I love you. It's -" he grins. "It's bloody obvious!"

Before I can even work out how to respond to such a strange manner of declaration he has crushed his mouth to mine, kissing me hard. I part my lips and he does the same and his breathing is just as ragged as my own. I push my hands into his hair, keeping him as close to me as possible. I never want to let him go. Even though we're kissing I can hardly keep the smile off my face.

He pulls his mouth away and holds me so, so tight, his lips at my ear and no longer laughing.

"God, I love you so much." He murmurs, and I notice the hitch in his voice.

His kisses me again and again, his hands pinning me against him before finally releasing me until we are just grinning at each other like morons.

"There's something else as well."

"What's that?" he smiles.

"When we get home, I'm going to make an appointment...with a therapist."

The sheer relief in his expression makes me hate myself for not being brave enough to do this earlier.

I continue in a soft voice, running my hand through his incredible hair. "I need that closeness. I need to share that with you, give that to you, in a way I never did with anyone else."

I draw a deep breath. "And this time, I'm never giving up. This," I gesture between us, "is too right to not work out, right?"

His beautiful eyes are a little glazed when he bends his head down and gives me the softest of kisses.

"Yes," he murmurs, taking my hand and squeezing it.

"Thank you, Baby." he continues, "Everything will be fine. I truly believe that." And his honest expression tells me he really does.

I turn my face to the ocean - sparkling in the sun. The breeze cools my flushed skin, it feels fresh and alive with possibilities and carries with it my old friend and enemy; hope.

I turn back to Edward.

"Yeah, I'm starting to believe that too."

A/N

Come on, admit it, who thought he was gonna leave her hanging? ;-) I've wanted to share these scenes with you for a while and would love to hear your thoughts.

Thanks as always, your feedback makes me so happy. If you wanna chat you can find me on Facebook under Amber's Pen.

Take care. Amber x