A/N
Apologies for the delayed review replies to the last chapter and thank you so much for your comments. If there is anyone reading who hasn't reviewed before I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions too.
This chapter would have been MUCH easier to write if I knew anything at all about playing piano. Thankfully my awesome beta, Trip, corrected a lot of my crazy ideas and has prevented me from looking too stupid. Thanks also to the lovely dreamalittledream83 for pre-reading.
I'm a nasty old cow who left poor Britward in a bit of a pickle at the end of the last chapter, let's see how he is coping, shall we? ;-)
EPOV
Longest. Week. Ever.
One definition of insanity is when a person repeats the exact same action over and over again but expects a different result. Each morning Bella arrives at the office and each morning I expect that I won't feel frustrated, won't start sporting a semi and won't want to tell Maggie to go fuck herself so I can get some relief from my girlfriend's hands and mouth. Yet every morning I do feel those things. I surmise that this could mean I'm going insane. Or insane with blue balls at least.
This is so much worse than before we got together. Of course, that was difficult; constantly trying to keep my eyes off her, struggling to concentrate when I gave her assignments because maybe her hair had gotten a little loose or a tiny bit of lacy bra strap was peeking out from under her top. I spent a lot of time imagining how it would be with her. How it would feel to tell her what I wanted, to kiss her and touch her and lose myself in her. How it would feel to fuck her.
That was challenging but this is so much worse. Now I know how it feels to kiss her and touch her. I know how soft and silky her bare skin is. I know she is a beautiful person inside as well as out. Worse than that, I know she wants me too and yet we can't act on those natural impulses. It's agony.
And worst of all, it's only Wednesday.
We have three more days of this painful abstinence, plus tomorrow night we plan to complete the homework Maggie set us. I'm almost certain this will only further frustrate us. How will I stand exploring every inch of Bella's gorgeous body whilst resisting the need to touch the few inches between her legs that will actually satisfy her? Sweet Jesus.
Bella isn't making things easy for me. Today she is wearing a tight, knee-length black skirt with a little flared slit at the back, a short-sleeved fitted pink shirt and heels. Her hair is up so I should thank God for small mercies.
I almost jump out of my skin when my computer makes a bing sound to indicate I have an internal instant message.
Message from I. Swan
Stop staring, Mr Cullen
I grin.
Message from E. Cullen
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I watch her carefully through the glass, her lips hide a smile.
Message from I. Swan
I think you do. You are making me very...uncomfortable.
Message from E. Cullen
Is that so? How?
Message from I. Swan
You're distracting me from my work.
Message from E. Cullen
Maybe you should have considered that when you picked your outfit this morning, Ms Swan?
I can see her eyes twinkling from here.
Message from I. Swan
I'm sorry, Sir, am I breaking the company dress code policy?
Only the one in my head, Sweetheart.
Her face suddenly lights up in recognition.
Message from I. Swan
Hey, Richard Curtis fan, did you steal this whole scenario from Bridget Jones' Diary?
Bugger. I guess I did.
I chuckle.
Message from E. Cullen
I'm sorry, is that a film?
Message from I. Swan
*smirks* Right. Leave me alone now...I'm very busy and important.
I laugh before quickly glancing around and realising laughing alone at my desk probably makes me look actually insane, and not just from lust.
Two hours later Bella comes into my office, this time looking pretty miserable. She tosses a file onto my desk.
When she releases a grumpy sigh it's ridiculously cute. "I'm not sure how much more of this I can take, Edward."
I don't know if she's referring to The Great Sex Ban or to the fact that she has been doing desperately dull data entry for me all morning.
"I mean, I have client work I need to do too. How come we're prioritising this database stuff?"
Ah, work then.
"I know, it's ridiculous," I tell her apologetically. "But we're going over to the new system soon and the truth is Kate and I kept putting it off until...well, now when we can't put it off any longer." I offer her my most apologetic smile. "I'm sorry."
She rolls her eyes but the corners of her mouth lift a little. I reluctantly hand her another file to get started on, which she takes with a frown.
Her face then transforms into a sly grin, and I don't miss her cursory glance to my office door, presumably to check she shut it behind her. She moves around to my side of the desk, leans one hand on it and bends down as if we're looking over a document together.
She speaks quietly. "You know, it's a real shame."
"What's that?" I murmur.
She sighs in an exaggerated way.
"My boss is being a bit of an asshole...when all I really want to do is get under my boyfriend's desk and blow him."
I choke, and maybe I'm blushing?
I clear my throat.
"Yeah, I guess that is a bit of a conundrum," I tell her, grinning while she smiles down at me.
"Probably a good thing that your boyfriend's cock is off limits at the moment then, eh?"
She sighs genuinely and pouts. I want to close the blinds and kiss her.
"Yep."
We stare at each other for a beat, my heart races with all I want to do right now but can't because we've been banned by a medical professional. Oh and we're at work.
Eventually, I groan and whisper, "Baby, why would you make things worse by starting conversations like this?"
She shrugs. "I just wanted you to know you aren't the only horny one around here."
I snigger. "Thanks for the support."
The door swings open and Aro crashes in. Bella's face freezes and she leaps to full standing, taking a hasty step away from my desk.
"Ed!" he barks, not even noticing Bella. "Briefing meeting is pushed back to 2pm. See you then." Then he dashes back out as quickly as he arrived.
"Jesus," Bella mutters.
"You know, if we just told him the truth you wouldn't have to leap five feet in the air every time he's in our presence,"
She looks thoughtful, she has been considering the idea of coming clean a bit more seriously recently.
"Okay," she eventually says.
"What?" I ask, surprised.
She looks at me, appearing a little more certain.
"Okay, let's do it. Let's tell Aro we're dating."
"Wow. Okay, wow...good. That's good then." It is good and I'm pleased she's changed her mind...but, shit, now I have to actually tell him. It was all hypothetical before.
Cullen, grow a pair.
"But not this week," Bella adds and I raise a questioning eyebrow.
"He just seems even more highly strung than usual at the moment."
She's right actually.
"Plus I'd rather just focus on us and our, ah, challenge for the next few days."
"Fair enough," I tell her, smiling. "I'll find an appropriate time to break it to him next week."
"Cool," she says, grinning and looking oddly relieved.
"Cool."
"I'll get started on this then," she says, picking up the file and brushing her hand across my back very slightly and softly. After days of nothing but kissing and cuddling even the tiniest touch feels like fire. I want her hands on more of me: my waist, my back, my hair, my face...my cock.
At the mere thought my dick decides to stand up to attention. Mate, I really don't know why you're bothering.
I swallow hard. "Yep, talk to you later."
She walks out and I can't help but notice how her arse looks in that snug skirt. I get even harder.
"Jesus, this is ridiculous," I mutter when I'm alone.
I have to get out of here.
The music shop on the corner of Blandford St and Marylebone Lane is deserted, just as it has been every time I've stepped foot inside during the last couple of weeks.
Alistair, the owner and as far as I can tell only staff member, greets me by name. We've gotten to know each other pretty well. Until very recently I had never gone inside, but I had always noticed it of course. Frequently I'd snuck glances as I walked by or occasionally lingered by the window, eyeing the beautiful pianos the way a child eyes up displays of sweets. And just like that child, it was my father who prevented me from going inside. Memories of pressure and persuasion, disappointment and anger flooded my mind.
The irony of it all is that I like playing piano. I love it. But any joy I ever found in it was squashed by my father's rules and harsh discipline. There was no reprieve, I was to practice every night without fail. I had targets, set pieces to perfect every week that got progressively harder. When I was a small child, it was just part of my routine, I barely thought anything of it, but when I grew up there were other ways I wanted to spend my time. Heaven forbid I want to try out for the school football team or the debating club, or just hang out with my friends. Anything that got in the way of my piano practice was forbidden.
So I would rebel. We would fight; I would storm out. At that point, playing just became a chore that I endured. If he had just let me choose for myself the chances are I would have chosen the piano over other things anyway, but he never did.
I've lost count of how many times I would sneak to the piano stool while my dad was out or occupied. I was free to play exactly what I wanted then, how I wanted, without his watchful eye and scrutiny. Playing alone was the only time I felt free.
Until I played for Bella.
Suddenly there were eyes on me but I still enjoyed it. I liked that she watched me, I liked making the music fly and sing and speak to her. Through my connection with her, I felt like I had reconnected with the instrument. Of course even that moment was ruined once again by the arrival of my father.
But I can't forget that feeling, that exhilarating moment of laying my fingers on the keys and having the notes flood back to me. My fingers have been twitching to touch a piano again ever since we left Southend, almost in the same way they long to touch Bella.
So one lunchtime I went inside. I noticed the beautiful Feurich 178 almost instantly. A quick nod of permission from Alistair and I was free to play, to lose myself. Apparently he liked what he heard because he hasn't stopped me coming in again and again, including every day this week when my hands have desperately needed the distraction.
Just like each previous occasion, I play and I talk intermittently with Alistair. I admire the beautiful wood, the heavy ivory keys, the perfect tonal quality. I take every frustration I have over not being able to touch Bella how I want and channel it into music. A salesman at heart, Alistair asks me again why I don't have a piano at home and once again I struggle to answer him. If I'm able to focus on playing for Bella and not Carlisle then maybe I should buy one. Plus I'm on borrowed time here, the poor man isn't going to let me use his shop as a piano bar indefinitely, no matter how well we get along or how much he likes my playing.
I close my eyes and focus on the keys and Bella's face in my mind. Beautiful, vulnerable, brave and hopeful. She has captured my heart in the same instant, wild and unexpected way that music did all those years ago, when I played without my father watching. I want that feeling every day. I want Bella every day, and I can't imagine a time when I won't. And I want to play for her.
I drag my hands away from the keys and sit straight on the stool, gripping my fingers in my hair.
"Okay," I murmur and I sense Alistair's surprised expression out of the corner of my eye. I continue to just stare at the keys in front of me.
"Okay?"
I want the beauty of it in my home. I want the music, the escape, the freedom. I want to defy my father by actually playing, only not to his specification. I want Bella's happy expression and I want a distraction for hands that are desperate to touch her.
"I'll take it."
While Alistair takes my payment details and address, telling me it will be delivered on Saturday morning, I focus on my beautiful girlfriend's surprised face and our future full of music, and not my father's satisfied smirk.
"God, I want you." Bella's breathless words in my ear just make me kiss her harder, sliding my tongue urgently against hers and grabbing her arse with both hands to push her down more firmly against my crotch.
She pulls my earlobe between her teeth and I shiver a little.
"So fucking gorgeous," she whispers and I can't help smiling against the soft skin of her neck. I slide my hands up and under the back of her shirt, her skin is so soft and warm. She rocks her pelvis and I groan.
I'm not even entirely sure how this happened. One minute we were snuggled up on the couch watching telly, Bella's head in my lap, my arm around her. Then halfway through the 10 o'clock news I noticed she started absent-mindedly making small circles on my thigh with her fingertip. Over and over, just this tiny gentle movement that, coupled with my severe sexual frustration, easily triggered an erection. I had casually slid my finger up and down the side of her neck and she made this needy little sigh that made me harder still. Next thing I know she's straddling my lap and we're snogging like teenagers.
Okay, I guess I do know how this happened.
Only it shouldn't be happening.
And that just makes us want it more.
I notice Bella's fingers are shaking a little when she begins unbuttoning my shirt.
"Need you," she whispers. "Miss you."
"I know, baby, I know." And I really do. I miss her so much. We've been together every day since our therapy session but I miss being intimate with her. I miss her taste, her skin and the face she makes when she falls apart for me.
I want to taste her. I want to slip my hand between her legs and find her hot and wet and throbbing for me. I want to hear her whimpers and how she says my name all high-pitched and breathy.
I want to be inside her.
And it's that thought that stops me in my tracks.
"Bella."
She just sighs in response.
"Bella. Baby." I gently pull away, holding her face in my hands and stare at her dilated pupils and gorgeous flushed cheeks.
"We need to stop," I tell her, breathless.
Because it's not enough.
I'm so fucking in love with this girl that I've barely even admitted that to myself but now it hits me like a wrecking ball.
Kissing, touching, making each other come, it's not enough. We're amazing together and we deserve more. We deserve everything. And the only way to get that is to do as we've been told.
For a moment she looks crushed, and then defiant. Eventually, she looks resigned.
"You're right," she finally sighs, climbing off my lap and putting distance between us on the couch. Part of me protests in my mind, desperate to have her back in my arms, but I know we have to be good.
"Shit, you're totally right Edward." She nods to herself. "That was very irresponsible."
She moves another couch-cushion over and I can't help chuckling.
"Do we need a force field?"
She laughs. "Apparently!"
I reach over and grab her hand, linking our fingers together and squeezing.
"Come here," I tug.
I see the smallest hint of a grin on her face. "I don't trust myself."
I smile. "Don't be silly, come on."
She shuffles back to my side of the couch, her body nestled close to mine, our linked hands in my lap.
We're silent for a moment, I half watch the news while I wait for my heart to regulate.
"We need to control ourselves," Bella says, with more certainty.
"Yes," I agree. "Doctor's orders. Well, therapist's orders at least."
She rests her head against me, I kiss her hair.
"It's just so hard."
"Unfortunate choice of words, Sweetheart." I snigger.
"It's not for long though, right?"
"I really hope not," I try to reassure her, adding, "And just focus on the rewards. The goal."
"Oh believe me, Edward, I think about little else."
Just as my mouth is forming a dirty response that will probably land us back in hot water my phone rings. Saved by the bell.
I look at the display, a mood killer indeed.
"Alright, Mum."
Silence. A sniffle.
"Mum?" I frown. "You there?"
"Hi, yes, sorry love."
She sounds out of it and upset, and this is pretty late for her to call.
"What's wrong?"
More silence and then "Oh nothing. I just fancied a chat. Is that all right? Are you busy?"
The anxiety in her question makes me feel terrible. I guess I have been too busy in the past.
"No of course not," I tell her, turning down the box. "How's things?"
We talk but it's like we're conversing through water, she isn't her usual self at all and a couple of times she sounds like she might be choking back tears. I demand she tells me what's wrong but she just says she's tired and she has a cold. When we hang up I don't feel comfortable at all.
"What's the matter?" Bella asks.
"My mum...she sounds really upset about something. I...I don't know."
Bella frowns, strokes my hand.
"Maybe she just had a really bad day and wanted to talk to someone but didn't want to talk about why it was bad? I need that sometimes."
"Yeah, maybe. It's not like Dad's a great listener." My jaw clenches just thinking about him, we haven't spoken since Southend.
"Don't worry about it, baby. Just call her again in the morning."
I nod. "Yeah, okay. I'm just gonna text Alice though."
Ali, have you spoken to Mum today? She just called and sounded really weird.
Her reply comes half an hour later while Bella and I are getting ready for bed.
Weird how?
Upset, distracted.
It's late now, she'll be in bed. I'll call her in the morning though and try to get it out of her. Don't worry. Night, bro x
Night x
The next day Ali texts me just as I get home.
Hiya! Spoke to Mum, she sounded fine. Maybe she was just tired?
That doesn't sound right. She was definitely upset about something last night. She is obviously just covering it today. I tell Alice this and she replies a few minutes later.
I'm not saying you imagined it. I'm just saying she's fine today.
I guess. Did she mention Dad at all?
On the rare occasion when my mother isn't herself, Dad is almost always at the root of it.
Just that he's been working a lot, hasn't been home.
I text her back with gritted teeth. Shocking.
Yeah. Maybe she is just a little lonely, Ed?
I feel a stab of guilt, thinking about Mum rattling around in that house without Alice and I. She has plenty of friends and a few hobbies but it must be difficult when your husband can hardly find time for you.
Yeah probably. When shall we next go home?
Not this weekend. Jasper has plans.
I definitely don't want to know what that entails; maybe in a fortnight then?
Sure, sounds good. TTYL x
I turn off my phone and try to push all thoughts of family to the back of my mind so I can focus on tonight and on the "homework" Bella and I will be doing. I have come home to shower, change and get my stuff together then I'm heading to her flat. We figured it made more sense to do this at her place where hopefully she will be more relaxed, although to be honest she spends more than half her time here these days anyway.
I'm trying not to think about how tough this is going to be, she will be almost naked, laid out for me to touch. I'm hard just imagining it and decide that needs to be taken care of if I have any chance of getting through this without ripping her knickers off.
In the shower I allow my thoughts to have free reign. It's a relief after having to control them for much of the week. I'm already rock-hard when I wrap my soapy hand around myself. I sigh with relief as I begin slowly and firmly stroking. My hand has really seen some action this week.
My favourite fantasy spreads out in my mind.
We're in my office again, apparently I'm a little obsessed, I have no idea if we're alone or not but I don't care, the blinds are shut. Bella is wearing the black skirt from yesterday and I have it bunched up high around her waist. She is pressed against my desk, bent over with her palms placed on either side of her. I press my front to her back, leaning over and pulling her hair away from her neck to kiss her throat. I push my erection against her so she knows exactly what I want.
I reach my hand into the front of her underwear - black, lacy, simple - and when I slide my fingers down to her opening she is absolutely soaked.
"Yes," I groan against the tile, pulling quicker on my cock.
I slide two fingers inside her easily and she pushes back to greet them, groaning her pleasure. She is ready for me, completely and utterly. I gently rub her clit until she cries out for me, desperate. I'm palming my hard-on through my work trousers with my other hand.
In the shower I'm leaking pre-cum and feeling closer and closer to release. My groans are drowned out by the running water.
I pull my hand away and she whimpers, then I pull her soaked knickers to the floor where she steps out of them. I hastily undo my fly and drag my trousers and boxers down my hips, desperate to be buried inside her. Deeply. Finally.
I'm close, I move my hand harder and faster.
"Do you want me to fuck you, Baby?"
"Yes, please," she groans, looking over her shoulder at me through a curtain of her beautiful hair.
"Are you ready?"
She answers with a certainty that just hasn't been possible in real life.
"So ready, Edward, I need you. All of you."
I line myself up against her opening and push gently. She takes me in easily and I push a little harder. Tight, hot, incredible.
That image alone is enough and my throaty cry echoes around the bathroom as I climax in four long streams that hit the shower wall. The intensity of my orgasm causes my knees to buckle.
I catch my breath and try to shake the images from my mind. I can't help feeling a little guilty after I fantasise about Bella and I finally having sex. I know it's ridiculous because she wants it too and the whole point of what we're doing is for that purpose, our therapy last week was testament to that when Maggie made me admit I was frustrated. Still I can't help feeling a little guilty, like I'm cheating on real Bella with sexually healthy, fantasy Bella.
I blast the shower to cold to really try to rid myself of any last minute horniness before our homework, dress and walk over to Bella's. Being so close is really handy, I figure Volturi's HR department didn't quite have this in mind when they gave my PA accommodation in my Borough!
Bella opens the door wearing a modest, cotton dressing gown covered in characters from Sesame Street. I'm willing to bet it was specifically chosen to be as sexless as possible for the occasion. Well I'm sorry, Sweetheart, but there is no item of clothing in the world that doesn't make me want to roger you senseless.
She looks adorably nervous.
"What's up?" I ask, amused. "You're acting like we've never seen each other naked before?"
She blushes, I break the rules a little by kissing her firmly.
"It's silly but, other times we've been...distracted. This time you're really going to be looking."
I smirk. "Oh believe me, love, I've always been looking."
She laughs a little nervously. "Do you wanna get a drink or something or just, you know, get on with it?"
"There isn't really anything I like doing more than looking at you naked, Bella."
I need to stop being glib. Maybe I'm a little nervous too.
"Bedroom then?" She bites her lip.
"Lead on, Macduff."
In her room she has set out scented candles, thankfully not vanilla, and turned the lights down low. She has laid the softest looking blanket I've ever seen on the bed and there is gentle music playing quietly in the background. It's a room to make love in and I wish so hard that's what we were doing.
Catching me surveying the space she anxiously wrings her hands and says, "Is it too much? Maggie said to make myself feel as relaxed as possible and I-"
I cut off her ramblings with another light kiss and then pull her to me, holding her really tight.
"Shhhh, baby," I whisper. "It's perfect. Relax, okay?"
She sags against me and we just stand there for a few minutes.
"Do you want to go first or shall I?"
"Um, you'd better. I don't want to get too...worked up."
She smiles. "Right."
I take off my shoes, jeans and socks but keep my t-shirt on for now.
She holds my eyes as she removes the dressing gown and lies down on her back on the bed in just some simple cotton knickers. It's only when she says my name that I realise I'm frozen, holding my breath.
"Sorry," I mutter, climbing up on the bed to kneel next to her. My eyes are greedy, wanting to consume all of her but darting around, not knowing which part to look at first.
"Edward," she says again, softly, leaning up on one elbow and cupping my jaw with her hand. She locks her eyes on mine and I dissolve into those dark pools, almost black in the dim light. Eyes that have held me captive since the first day I saw them.
My heart pounds, I wonder if she can hear it.
"Lie down," I whisper.
"Close your eyes." I'm not sure I can look in her eyes one moment longer without wanting to take her.
Slowly, gently, deliberately I let the pads of my fingers explore her face. I brush along her hairline, taking a moment to indulge in running the silky strands through my fingers. I brush my thumbs along her forehead, over her closed eyelids and dark lashes, across her flushed cheeks. I even stroke my finger down her ear and she flinches and giggles, making me smile. When I run my hand along her throat she shivers.
I pick up the bottle of massage oil Bella has left on the bedside table and pour a little out, rubbing my hands together to warm them. I watch Bella take a deep breath.
"You okay?"
"Yes."
Beginning at her shoulders I run my oiled hands down her arms and back up to trace my fingertips over her collar bone and chest. I watch her beautiful skin, creamy and flawless in the soft light, as it moves gently under my palms.
Moving down her stomach I realise that despite my remarks before I am looking at her body differently. I'm noticing things I never noticed before; a tiny mole on her hip, a vaccination scar on her arm, the perfect rosy colour of her nipples that I'd never really paused to consider. When I touch her breasts she releases a tiny whimper and I bite hard on my lip, desperate to take her nipple in my mouth. But I don't. I won't. I'm in control. I'm hard of course, I have been hard this whole time, but I've barely noticed.
As agreed, I avoid the area covered by her simple pale blue underwear. I hold her right thigh between my hands, she's so tiny. I massage small circles with my fingertips, when I reach the top of her inner thigh, less than an inch from her pussy, her eyes flash open and lock onto mine. I'm frozen, silent.
We stare, just breathing, and then she smiles - the most simple, sweetest smile I've ever seen. Bizarrely, it's the most connected I've ever felt to another person.
I drag my gaze away and focus on her legs, her knees, her muscled calves and eventually her feet which I massage thoroughly while she sighs in relaxation.
When I finish I realise my hands are shaking.
"How do you feel?" I murmur. Maggie wants us to think about this but more than anything I just need to know.
Her simple answer makes my throat thick and my eyes sting.
"Safe."
When the intercom buzzes on Saturday I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. I hardly even glance at the delivery note as I sign, instead I watch as they set-up the piano in a cleared corner of my open plan area.
Much like when I watched Bella making herself at home in my loft weeks ago, the piano too looks perfect here. It looks like it's been here all along.
I mumble my thanks to the delivery guys as they shuffle out and take a moment to admire the instrument from across the room. I walk over to stand beside it and take my time running my hands over the beautiful polished ebony before sitting down, grazing my fingers over the keys.
I inhale deeply, push all thoughts of my father to one side and play a few scales. The acoustics sound even better in here than in Alistair's shop. I begin with the pieces I can still play from memory. I'm still a little rusty and hit a couple of bad notes but overall it feels fantastic. Eventually, I grab some of the new sheet music I bought and begin playing, learning, memorising.
There are other things I should be doing today but now I can't leave the instrument alone. The luxury of playing, alone, and playing whatever I want to play has the child inside me jumping for joy.
Before I know it, two hours have gone by and my hands are almost aching. I close the sheet music and just play a few notes that have been buzzing around in my mind for a while. It's what I always hear in my head when I think of Bella and hearing it welded into real notes in the air is both strange and wonderful. I've never been skilled at composing. Carlisle always pushed for it, he said I had the skill so couldn't understand why I was no good at creating my own pieces. I could compose and although they were always structurally sound and kept my father quiet for a little while, he knew what I knew - my original music lacked passion, lacked that magical musical element that made you feel the melody deep in your soul. Not surprising I suppose when you consider I was writing music with my head and not my heart.
But today is different; a few notes turn into a few bars, a melody, a feeling. It flows out without me even concentrating, all to the backdrop of my girl. I think about Thursday night, about her beautiful body and her endless trust. About how she said she felt safe.
I don't bother to stop to write it down, I just play it over and over, knowing that my fingers are not going to forget these notes, these emotions. I eventually have to stop.
"Wow..." Her quiet voice makes me jump.
I spin around and there she is - as if conjured by the music - gorgeous in jeans and a simple white top, eyes bright with surprise and happiness.
I stand up and walk over to put my hands around her waist, breathing in her hair. I bend down and give her a slow, soft kiss, hovering my lips over hers for a few moments afterwards, revelling in her.
"How's that key working out for you?" I tease.
"Sorry," she blushes slightly, dropping her head before I lift her chin and smile so she knows I'm joking. "I just...I heard the music and I wanted to see."
I kiss her once more before she wiggles out of my arms and over to the piano, running her hand over it reverently.
She looks at me. "You bought this?"
I nod, feeling strangely shy.
"Come back and play some more."
I sit and pull her down beside me on the stool. I push her hair over her shoulder and nuzzle my mouth against her neck. She hums but pulls away.
"Play, Edward."
"What do you want to hear?"
"Whatever you were playing just now, it was beautiful."
I pick up the melody, feeling both exhilarated and unnerved now that my muse is here listening.
I have no idea how this piece ends yet so I'm forced to stop when I run out of notes.
"What is that?" Bella asks. "I've never heard it before."
I shrug. "I just knocked it up."
She stares at me. "You "knocked it up"? You wrote that?"
I nod again. Why am I embarrassed about this?
She grins. "Jesus, Edward. You're amazing, you know that, right?"
I give her my most self-assured smirk. "Well..."
She laughs, kisses me. "I'm so glad you bought this, that you want to play again. You're too good not to."
My head rushes with her praise. Somehow a few words from Bella mean more than two decades of encouragement from my dad.
I wrap my hand around the back of her neck and draw her mouth to mine. I suck her bottom lip and she slips her tongue into my mouth. I groan, pulling her body closer, massaging her tongue with mine, never wanting to stop, never wanting to be apart.
Afterwards we're both breathless and I cuddle her close.
"It's about you," I whisper, my face buried in her neck. "The song is how I feel about you."
She pushes me back and forces me to look at her. Her eye lashes are wet.
"I love you," she whispers.
This girl reduces me to goo, it's quite ridiculous.
"I love you too, Sweetheart," I tell her. "More every fucking day."
It's the truth.
She looks thoughtful. "I was serious the other day, I think we should definitely tell Aro next week."
I nod. "We will."
She gives me a wide smile, my heart races in response. "I can't wait until we don't have to hide anymore."
"Me neither," I murmur. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. You do know that?"
"To me, too. Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I was to pick this place. To find you."
I shrug. "Maybe it was luck. Maybe it was how things were meant to be."
Bella giggles. "Aww, Cullen, you are such a softy deep down, huh?"
I fake a shudder. "No 'softy' talk before therapy, eh?"
She laughs. "Fair enough! Speaking of, we'd better go."
"Yep," I sigh, reluctantly standing up and closing the fallboard over the keys.
"You'll play more later?" she asks, hopefully.
"Baby, I'm not sure I can ever stop now."
She grins. "Good, that's what every girl likes to hear."
The second therapy session is so much easier than the first. Maggie has such a relaxing manner about her, as well as incredible knack for getting you to open up. That's a major tool of the trade for a therapist I guess.
We talk about our frustrations, how desperate we were this week. We even confess our naughty almost slip-up. As usual, Maggie is understanding and logical. She asks about our homework task and when Bella again tells her she felt safe I feel so relieved and happy, proud even.
"This is an excellent start, guys," Maggie tells us. "Just the fact that Bella picked that word is a major breakthrough. Until she feels truly safe she's not going to be able to relax physically so this is a fantastic development."
Bella smiles at me and squeezes my hand. She's already a different woman from the one I watched enter this room for that first session.
"And now...more homework."
I resist the urge to groan. I have been positively dreading what sort of challenges Maggie is planning to set up this week.
"You've explored each other's bodies in a non-sexual way and now I want you to focus on the sexual organs."
This sounds a little more promising.
"Bella, I know from some of our other conversations that you sometimes feel your genitals are ugly, is that right?"
"Um...yes."
I don't think Maggie misses the utterly incredulous stare I direct at Bella. Ugly? That's insane. I must rectify that.
"Well again I think this is another facet of your condition," Maggie continues. "So this week I want you to really explore yourself. Thoroughly. Use a hand mirror so you can see everything clearly and I want you to explore all of yourself."
I don't miss her smirk. "Edward, your role is to watch."
Done!
"Ask Bella questions. How does she feel about certain parts? What does she see? What feelings does she associate it with?"
She gives us both a sly smile.
"And I'm not a total sadist, much as you may have been cursing me last week, so after exploring I want you to touch yourself in a sexual way, Bella. I want you to work out what gives you pleasure and how and I want you to share that with Edward."
Oh this is so much better than last week!
"And Edward, the same goes for you. Masturbate together but try not to touch each other. This is about self-exploration but I do want you to share how you are feeling at every point, with each other. I want Bella to learn that her sexual organs are beautiful and nothing to fear or shy away from."
Bella nods slowly. I'm desperate to be inside her head right now.
"Any questions?" Maggie asks.
We shake our heads and she bids us farewell. As we're walking out into the waiting room I lean my head close to Bella's and whisper:
"FYI, I am so on board with this week's task."
Her giggle dies on her lips and I watch her face freeze in horror, staring at one of the waiting room chairs.
"What's the-" Words fail me too as I follow her gaze to the familiar face staring back at us.
Sitting on a plastic chair, in the waiting room of Marylebone's most reputable sexual therapy clinic, mirroring our horrified expression is Aro Volturi.
A/N
Figured I haven't left you on a cliffy for at least 3 chapters so it was about time, right? ;-) Credit for this one goes to Trip, I just hope I manage to do her awesome idea justice.
Three pretty amazing fic-related things happened in the last week. theladyingrey42 gave us another outtake for Our Lives Unbound which was incredible. I FINALLY started reading Pocket Change by aWhiteBlankPage and I can't believe how late I am to this party, it's one of the best fics I've encountered in recent months. AND, the real icing on the cake, WhatsMyNomDePlume is writing a mini-fic sequel to The Best I Ever Had! I literally squealed when I saw that in my inbox. TBIEH has always been my all time favourite fic so this just about made my week. It's unlikely but if there is anyone left out there who isn't familiar with all of the above, then please read them now - so, so good.
Lastly, please tell me your thoughts on this chapter. It really makes me so happy, and keeps me inspired. THANK YOU.
Amber xxx