A/N
I hope you've all forgiven me for the terrible cliffy - some of your reviews really made me laugh, I very much enjoyed hearing how many of you wanted Bella to kick Jake in the nuts! Extra thanks as always to Trip, Heather and Lady V for their precious help and general awesomeness.
WARNING: This chapter contains scenes of violence and definitely qualifies for it's M-rating. Please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times, ensure your safety harness is securely fastened and hold on tight until the chapter comes to a complete stop.
BPOV
"Honey, you're home."
Instinctively, I try to slam the door in Jacob's stormy face but he shoves his heavy-booted foot into the door jamb, preventing me, and drawing his face closer.
"Now, that's no way to greet your husband, is it?" he sneers.
I pull my head back but keep pressure on the door, not allowing him any leverage.
"Ex-husband," I whisper.
His black eyes burn into my own.
"I haven't signed anything."
Being in his presence again, I can already feel a large part of myself slipping back into the familiar acquiescence that I have kept in abeyance for so long, but another, more instinctual, part of my mind is running over my options.
It's 1:00AM. Edward is in Brighton, my only real friend just left me, believing me safe and sound and Emmett, my old hero, is thousands of miles away.
There is no one here to save me, except myself.
"Get out of here, Jake."
I try to make my voice strong but I can hear it waver with uncertainty. I can tell from his expression that Jake can too.
"No. We have things we need to talk about."
I attempt to shut the door again, kicking at his foot with my weak, bare one.
"I have nothing left to say."
"I have plenty," Jake says, his face and one muscular arm pushing through my front door.
I consider crying out. But who's going to hear me? These old walls are thick and my downstairs neighbour is an 80-year-old recluse.
"Get out!" I shout anyway. "Right now, go! I'll call the cops."
"I don't think you will." He speaks with such certainty that I almost believe him.
Changing tack I say, "Okay, okay, you're right. We do need to talk, but not here, okay? It's late. What about tomorrow? I'll meet you."
In a brightly lit, crowded place.
"No way. You've left me waiting long enough. We're talking tonight."
With a firm shove from him, I lose my grip and stumble backwards, allowing Jake to push inside, slamming the door behind him.
I just stare at him, the man who used to be my world but is now only my nightmare - huge, strong with a crazed look in his eyes. My only exit is the closed door behind his enormous bulk.
He's breathless and swaying a little, drunk. Struck dumb by the fear that is clenched suddenly and tightly around my chest, I stay silent while his eyes turn from irritated and angry to soft and pleading.
"Bella," he murmurs. "When are you coming home?"
I am home. I have never been so certain until this moment that England, London, Edward is home.
He takes a step towards me, arms outstretched and I take a step back, stumbling over the side table in the hallway. He manages to grab my arm and doesn't let go.
"You need you to come home, Bells," he almost begs. "I need you."
I draw a deep breath, and wrench myself out of his grip.
"I live here now," I tell him.
He frowns, shaking his head and muttering "No" over and over again.
"Yes, Jake. I'm not going anywhere with you. Not today. Not ever." The words are strong but my voice is so weak, pathetic. Just seeing him again reduces me to the girl I used to be; the broken girl not good enough for anyone, a loner, a victim...a freak.
He launches himself towards me and my back hits the hallway wall hard. He presses me tightly against it, grabbing my arm again and twisting it painfully behind my back. His breath is hot on my face and his eyes don't look normal at all. I wonder if it's more than just alcohol this time.
"Enough of this nonsense," he growls. "You are my wife."
"I live here, Jake," I whisper again, tears stinging my eyes, my throat tight with panic. He's so much bigger than me, the grip he has on my wrist is so tight. I can't imagine even getting away from this wall, let alone out of this apartment.
He can do whatever he wants with me.
Blind panic begins to spread through my mind, consuming any sense of logic in its path until I can hardly think straight. All I can see and feel are a thousand images from our shared past. Shouting and crying, pain and fear. A hand gripping my wrist and giving me bruises. A shove against a table in the heat of a confrontation. A body pinning me down, all alone in a Seattle apartment. It threatens to swallow me whole, all of me: the Bella that I was and the Bella I am trying to become.
Then he pulls back slightly, allowing me a little room to breathe, and I try to clear my mind of the overwhelming images, try to think.
What do I know? He's upset. He's drunk, of course. He's perhaps on something else too, or maybe it's just his mental state. He doesn't want to give me up.
I'm alone in this apartment but that doesn't mean I can't try to reason with him. He hasn't always been like this; he was my best friend. He loved me once. I just need to keep him calm for as long as possible and I'll be fine.
I watch as he sways a little on the spot, I wonder if I can use his drunkenness to my advantage. His features are so confused, so conflicted.
Unstable.
"I just want you to come home," he eventually whispers.
"I live here, Jake," I repeat in a controlled, gentle murmur.
His eyes dart from left to right while his jaw clenches.
"I know. With him."
My blood freezes in my veins. Surprise must be written on my face as Jacob barks out a humourless laugh.
"Did you think I didn't know? Do you think I don't know who my wife is fucking?" He snarls the words, clearly angry again.
"But I bet you're not fucking him, are you?" His insane laughter chills my bones.
Deciding my best course of action is to keep him calm and quiet I ignore what he's said. I have one clear image in my head: my cellphone on the nightstand.
"You're right," I try to keep the tremble out of my voice. "We should talk. I owe you that much. Why don't you come and sit down?"
Please please please.
He stares at me, perhaps surprised by my apparent change in demeanour, but he eventually follows the direction of my outstretched arm and steps cautiously into the living room. He looks around, shoulders tense.
"I...I just need a sweater. I'll be right back."
As soon as I'm in the bedroom and in sight of my phone I allow myself a small sigh of relief. Without a backward glance, I quickly move to the nightstand and pick it up. I pause for a split second, wondering if calling the police on your own husband is considered hysterical. The old Bella never did that.
It's not hysterical when he is behaving violently and has a history of attempted rape! New Bella rages.
Right.
I hastily dial 999 but before the call connects a heavy arm is thrown around my neck, dragging me backwards.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Jake growls, ripping the phone out of my hand and twisting me painfully around in his grip to march me back out into the living room. He tosses me on the sofa like a rag doll and tosses the phone onto the coffee table with a loud clatter.
He collapses beside me, way too close, practically crushing me into the arm of the couch. He throws his arm around me and grips tight.
"We're talking so who would you need to call right now?"
"Nobody. Nothing. I'm sorry," I stutter, wriggling in his grasp.
"Good," he murmurs hotly into my ear. "It's just me and you now, just like how it used to be."
He places a slow, wet kiss on my neck and I shudder, the taste of bile in my mouth.
"See? I know you still want me."
I vaguely wonder when this happened, when this essentially good man with some emotional problems become a monster. Is this what I did to him?
We both jump when my abandoned cellphone begins to shrill.
"Don't even think about it," he growls, pushing me down and reaching over to get it whilst keeping me tightly in his grip.
A small sob escapes when I catch a glimpse of Edward's name and photo flashing on the screen. A rush of need flows through me, followed by intense desolation at knowing he is so close and yet still way too far away.
Jake let's out a feral cry before throwing the phone as hard as he can into the wall, silencing it for good.
I can't stop the tears racing down my face now, knowing my last lifeline is gone.
"Why are you crying?" Jake rages, towering over me. "Over him? He's not important. He's nothing!"
I pull my legs up under me, trying to become as small as I can in the corner of the couch. I wish I could just disappear. I try to stop the flow of tears, my anguish apparently only aggravating Jake.
When my sobs have reduced to just an uncontrollable shaking, Jake sits down beside me again, enclosing me in his steel embrace. Arms that used to bring me comfort now only serve to terrify me.
"It's okay, it's okay," he murmurs in a creepy, soothing voice. "I forgive you, Honey. I know you cheated, I've seen you with him, but that's all over now. I'm here and we can just go home."
"Seen me?" The question bubbles out of my mouth and as soon as I hear my own words the dread washes over me.
He's seen me.
Jake pulls back and looks at me, his face twisted into a clown-like grin.
"Well of course. How do you think I found you, silly?" His playful words cover my skin in goosebumps. "Someone had to keep an eye on you, keep you safe. Silly Bella, having an affair with her boss of all people. But it's okay, like I said, I forgive you."
Fuck, he's lost it. He's really and truly lost it. Can he recall the last year of our lives at all?
"How did you find me?" I whisper.
He flicks his hand, as if such a question is of no consequence. "I knew where you worked, and that girl there, dark haired, kind of a hard face, worked at the front desk."
"Leah."
"Yeah, that's it. She told me you'd transferred so I just looked up the address of the company in London and waited for you to leave the office one night."
I feel like I'm going to be sick. He's been watching me, following me. For how long?
He glances back towards the shards of broken plastic on the floor that used to be my cell, the nonchalant look in his eyes replaced with something wolf-like and feral.
"I admit when I saw you with him in the park I got a little...upset."
Oh fuck. Oh God. He saw us in the park? My stomach churns violently. Our perfect day.
He pulls me close again. "But like I said, it's over now. He's gone and I'm here and it's going to be fine."
I shake and cry and he ignores me.
"I mean really, Bells? What were you thinking of?" He looks at me with pity in his eyes. It's the same look I've seen a thousand times, a look that renders me speechless with self-loathing.
"Did you really think it could work out with someone else? Who's going to want you with your...problem?" He kisses the top of my head and I flinch away, straining in his grasp.
"That's why it's so good that you still have me. Someone has to put up with you."
The old Bella would have just taken these words as truth. They would have simply been added to the pile of building blocks Jake had already constructed over the years with his unkind remarks. Bricks that created an impenetrable wall around us where I could only see his opinion of me, the real me hidden behind the barrier.
Part of me is still this girl. Seeing Jake again has brought all those old feelings of resentment and self-pity rushing back, there's no denying it. But there's also a new voice that rallies against his words, against these feelings. A Bella who stomps her feet and yells and shouts that I am worthy, I am desirable, I am wanted. That I can be a good girlfriend, a good woman, a real woman to someone.
To Edward.
"He would have soon gotten sick of it, Honey," Jake soothes.
No he wouldn't! New Bella screams inside my mind. He wants me! He tells me I'm worth the wait. He wants me, not so he can control me, but because I'm me.
He loves me, he loves me, he loves me.
The words bubble to the surface and I almost argue with Jake aloud but then he squeezes me harder still, digging his fingers into my side.
"You need to forget all about him - Edward Cullen," he spits his name. He catches my eye, holding my gaze fiercely. "After all, you don't want to make me upset again...do you?"
My insides boil with rage. I want to punch him, kick him, scream in his face. He doesn't control me anymore. He can't tell me what to think, how to feel, how Edward feels. My limbs feel tight with anger. But I'm not an idiot. Drunk or not, I know who would win in a fight and my money isn't on me. I just need to keep him calm, keep him talking. If he's talking he can't hurt me - at least only with his words.
"Why did you come here, Jake?"
He looks at me with a self-indulgent smile, like I'm crazy for even asking such a question.
"To talk, Bella. I need you, I miss you. It's time you came home."
I take a shaky breath.
"But we're not together anymore, Jake. We've not been together for a year. I live here."
He sighs, a weary sound, and pulls me almost onto his lap. The smell of stale sweat churns my stomach but I resist the urge to fight him, knowing there is no way I'll get out of his grasp.
"I made some mistakes, Honey. I know that. And I've said I'm sorry, haven't I?"
I nod. He has. He apologised over and over. He begged, he pleaded, he told me he loved me. He told me things would change.
Then he attacked me.
I nod slowly, pushing the panic to the back of my mind. If nothing else I must keep a clear head.
He reaches two fingers to my chin and turns my face towards him. His eyes are gentle now, soft.
"Please, Honey," he whispers. "Don't leave me. Don't leave me like Mum and Rachel."
"It's over, Jake," I breathe, aware that his face is inches from mine, his huge hands imprisoning my head.
His glazed eyes are filled with so much pain, so much anguish, but all I feel is fear and disgust.
"You have to forgive me, Bells. I didn't mean any of it. I miss you." He lets go of one side of my face to run his fingers over my hair. I think of Edward, long for Edward.
"Do you forgive me, Bella?" It's little more than a whisper.
Never.
But I don't have time to answer. He drags me towards him, pushing his mouth sloppily against mine, pushing me back and crawling on top of me. I scream against his lips and struggle in his grip but the harder I push on his chest the tighter he holds me.
I manage to wrench an arm free and throw my fist at the side of his head. It's enough to make him unsteady and I realise I can move my leg.
Swiftly, sharply I aim my knee at his crotch.
"Agggghh!" He rears back, releasing me, cringing and grabbing between his legs in pain. I don't waste a second and quickly scramble off the sofa and onto my knees on the floor. And that's when I see it. Rose's forgotten purse where it must have been knocked to the ground.
Rose's purse...and Rose's cell!
I rip open her clutch and grab her iPhone, her front screen shows two missed calls from Edward. The keypad is locked but I remember that you can still make emergency calls.
Jake suddenly grabs my ankle, dragging me back along the floor towards him and I cry out as loud as I can. I kick out hard with my other leg, while hastily dialling 999, but he manages to grab that leg too, forcing my body underneath him and pressed into the floor. He forces my hand open, unfurling my grip on the phone and cutting off the call before it completely connected.
I scream, shout, try to get my legs free but the full weight of his body is crushing mine into the floor. He manages to roll me over onto my back and I get my knee free again but this time he crushes my leg down before I have a chance to kick him, growling with frustration.
"Fuck! Stop it, Bella! Stop fucking fighting me."
"Let me go!" I scream. "Get off me!" I turn my head towards the door. "HELP ME!"
I struggle as hard as I can and he simply presses his body further onto mine until I can hardly breathe.
Tears run down my face and I can hardly catch my breath. His hands pin mine above my head and his body holds the rest of me still.
I continue to scream as loud as I can, maybe my neighbour will at least call the cops.
"Shut up!" Jake roars, pulling my wrists together to pin them in one giant hand and forcing the other over my mouth, silencing me. I try to open my mouth to bite him but his hand is too tight.
And that's when he holds my eyes with his and I stop struggling for a split second, I can hardly get any leverage anyway. I plead him with my eyes.
Don't hurt me. Remember who I am, who we were. Remember that you loved me.
Tears slip from my eyes and run onto his hand. He shuts his eyes, breaks the connection, turns his face away and I know that I am lost.
Despite months of therapy, despite every mistake I've realised, every painful memory I've relived, every step of progress I've made, I am completely and utterly powerless.
Jake has won.
The old and familiar black cloud of panic slips over my brain, protecting me, blocking out reality. I have fought so hard to learn how to keep the darkness away and now I crave it, I don't want to think or feel.
Just as I've almost managed to disconnect myself completely a sound slips into my ears from a world away.
A key in the lock.
A door slamming open against the wall.
An animalistic roar of rage.
And at once the weight is lifted. I'm free, released. I can breathe again.
I pull myself up off my back in a daze, my muscles screaming. The muffled sounds are growing clearer and clearer. I lift my eyes, and blink away tears and darkness.
Edward.
Jake is on the ground, Edward straddling him. Edward's shouts and screams, words of rage and fear and anguish echo off the walls. Jake is silent, his face a bleeding mess of swollen flesh and the soundtrack of Edward's curses is punctuated only by my ragged breaths and the sound of furious fists pounding unconscious flesh.
Feeling comes back to my limbs and logic to my mind, and my body floods back to life.
"Edward." My voice is little more than a croak.
"Edward." Louder, stronger.
"Edward!" Panicked, broken.
I stand up and rush over to them.
"Edward, stop!" I shout, throwing myself onto his back, trying to grab his flying fists.
"Edward! Stop it! Stop it! You're killing him!"
"Please. Please, baby." My voice dissolves into sobs and I wrap my arms around him. At first he resists but soon I feel his body sag, collapse. I slide down, turn his face towards me. His cheeks are red and sweaty, his eyes glazed.
"Enough," I whisper, stroking my fingertips over his jaw. "Enough now."
We both collapse onto our heels and my breathing becomes panicked when I see the full extent of my ex-husband's broken face.
My hands cover my mouth. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Edward, he's...we've..."
"Shhh.." He grabs me, holds me. His scent wraps around me like a security blanket. "It's okay, baby. It's okay. Look."
He turns my face to Jake with so much gentleness that I can't help crying harder.
"He's breathing. He's fine."
I watch as Jake's chest rises and falls. He is completely unconscious but I realise a lot of the damage I saw at first glance was just blood, not crushed flesh. His nose is definitely broken though, his eyes already swelling shut. There is blood seeping from a wound on his temple.
Edward's jaw is set, his muscles tight.
"I wish he was dead," he murmurs.
He turns to me, his eyes suddenly afraid.
"Come here," he says, gently, taking my hand and pulling me closer. He strokes a hand over my hair, studies every part of me, his eyes full of unshed tears.
"Are you alright? Did he touch you? Are you hurt, sweetheart?"
I shake my head, I'm dazed but unbroken.
"You...he...I'm okay."
You saved me, Edward.
I watch Edward swallow hard, take a shuddering breath before holding me incredibly tight and yet at the same time as if I were made of glass.
"I'm sorry," he whispers on a heavy breath. "I'm so fucking sorry."
A groan from Jake grabs our attention and Edward instantly pins him down, wrapping a hand around his throat.
"Don't move a muscle, you sick fuck, or I will kill you." I believe every cold word.
Keeping his weight on Jake, Edward pulls his phone from his pocket with his other hand.
"What are you doing?" I exclaim, horrified.
"Calling the Old Bill."
"The police? Edward, fuck, you can't. Look at him, look at the state of him."
"I don't care."
"Well I do! Edward, Edward please."
Jake coughs hard, I notice him clutching his stomach and chest and I remember the blows he took from Edward there too. I wouldn't be surprised if he had broken ribs, bruising all over him, a broken nose, maybe even his jaw, too. No matter what Jake did, the police aren't going to let Edward get away with that, and as much as I know he deserved every painful moment and more, and that I'm desperate for him to be locked away for what he's done, I'm not going to allow anything to happen to Edward because of Jake. Because of me.
Jake draws a shaky, gravelly breath that turns into a maniacal laugh.
"If you call the cops I'll have you for assault," he croaks, before exploding into a coughing fit.
Edward grips his throat tighter, bringing his face close.
"Do you honestly think I give a fuck after what you just did? After everything you have done to her, after trying to take the woman I love from me. Forget the police, I'll fucking end you right now."
I'm hit with such clarity. This is not Edward's fight. He loves me and he wants to protect me, needs to maybe, but Jake is my problem, my past. I'm the one who needs to defeat him, stand up to him, show him who I am once and for all. New Bella, strong Bella, forgotten and buried half an hour ago rises up inside me, cleansing away every moment of fear and doubt.
"Edward," I say, my voice oddly calm and controlled. "It's okay."
He glances at me, bewildered.
I crouch down next to them. "I have something I need to say now."
It's the calmest, strongest, safest I've ever felt in my life.
I move my face close to Jake's bloody and broken one. We're nose to nose and I ignore Edward's protective stance and warning murmur of my name.
"I don't love you, Jake." I tell him simply, clearly.
He swallows, blinks.
"That's not true."
I nod.
"It is. More than that, I never loved you."
He shakes his head, his lip quivering slightly. I glance at Edward, where his eyes don't leave my face.
I turn back to Jake, my past and my pain. "I know what it feels like to love someone, to respect them, to trust them. And I never felt anything like that for you."
Unable to resist this final, naked truth I bend close to his ear and snarl, "I know what it feels like to want someone, to truly desire every touch, every kiss. To want to feel them moving inside me more than anything else in the world." I drop my voice the lowest whisper, although I'm sure Edward can still hear. "I want Edward to fuck me in a way I never wanted you. The only problem I ever had was you, and the way you treated me. And now I never have to worry about that ever again."
I lift my hand, my fingertips holding his chin tightly as his did mine earlier. I twist his head and he growls in pain. I continue to speak calmly, my mind so clear.
"You will not go to the police because if you do I will tell them exactly what happened, tonight and back in Seattle. Emmett will happily act as witness to the vile, disgusting things you tried to do."
"I never want to see you again. You are going to leave my home right now, and get on a plane to Washington. You will sign those papers and give them to your lawyer on Monday morning and if you ever come near me, or Edward, or anywhere near this city again I will have your ass thrown in jail. Don't fucking test me."
His face crumples, collapses.
"I'm sorry, Bella."
I shrug, shake my head, feeling nothing.
"It's too late. It's all too late. I don't care anymore." I draw back and stand. "Just get the fuck out of my house."
Edward and I share a loaded look. He is asking with his eyes, asking if this is really how I want this to end. Respect and trust. A partnership. Something Jake and I never shared.
I give a curt nod, stepping back.
Edward silently pulls away from Jake too, watching as he half walks, half crawls towards the door. His face is hard as he stares, hatred coming off him in waves.
By contrast I feel numb.
Staring at Jake's pathetic, retreating form I feel a rush of nostalgia, a memory of fondness so far buried it's almost as if it never existed, but I can't help the final, soft words that leave my lips.
"Get help, Jacob. Before you hurt someone else."
He casts a final look in my direction and nods.
The door shuts and my calm falls away. My mind is at once crushed by the night's events and what could have been. Gasping sobs fill my chest and Edward catches me just as I fall to the floor.
We land on the carpet in a crumpled mess and he pulls me into his lap, rocking me like a child, making soothing noises into my hair.
"You're here," I manage. "How are you here?"
"Alice-" he pauses, his voice rough with his own emotions. "She...my sister has...hunches. She called me."
He pulls back, resting his forehead against mine, cupping my face in his hands.
"It doesn't matter, I'm here."
He kisses my cheek, my ear, the top of my head. He threads his hands through my hair, caresses my back. Then I'm in his arms again, tight and close.
"Fuck," he whispers. "I love you. God, I love you. If he'd hurt you - if I lost you - I-"
I place my lips on his neck, slip my fingers into his own hair.
"I'm fine, I promise."
Tears run down my face, relentless, unstoppable. Edward holds me and time has no meaning.
I breathe him in and he says two words over and over again, a reassurance for himself as much as me I think.
"You're safe, you're safe, you're safe."
A/N
Now might be a good time to mention that I mainly read thrillers and crime novels before discovering fanfiction! ;-)
I'm sure some of you will be disappointed that Jake didn't get carted off in a panda car BUT it came down to a choice - cops vs a beating from Edward and the latter just HAD to happen. Hope you liked it...
Can't wait to hear your thoughts!
Amber x