"Dad?" Bubblegum asked incredulously. Of course, she had known that Marceline had a father. And sure the Queen was pretty wicked. But not evil, and never this evil.
"Whoa, you're pink. Marcy dear, what did Daddy say about playing with your food?" Mr. Abadeer smiled wanly, his body bending awkwardly at the knees.
"One, as Queen of this realm, I order you to leave," Marceline growled so deeply that Bonnibel almost didn't think she was the one speaking. "And two, who summoned you here?"
"No, hun buns, I told you not to commit to any sort of relations with your food," he chuckled. "You don't want to eat where you sleep, you'll get crumbs in your bed." He walked towards them slowly, if you could call rolling your limbs like a corpse held up by puppet strings walking.
"And then, you'll get ants," he hissed, his green fangs jutting out from his chapped lips and dripping with yellow ooze.
Marceline's body hunched down, and the enormous black wolf she had been before reappeared, shaking the crown of ears free. They smacked into Mr. Abadeer's unfazed face, the momentum wrapping the tassels around his head.
"You take one step closer, and I'll put you right back where you belong," Marceline snarled. Bubblegum leaned into her furry shoulder and neck. She wanted to hide and shove the Queen behind her at the same time, and the absence of her backpack now weighed more than the bag could have ever.
Because under a spell or not, Marceline mattered. And they were going to go back home together.
"I did!" a voice rasped through her swelling panic, and Bubblegum blinked. Whoever was talking almost sounded like a garbage disposal had gained sentience.
"What?" Bonnibel said, peering around them.
"I summoned Hunson Abadeer!" the voice crackled again. A shadow slid down from behind Marceline's father, a pair of red eyes peeling open within.
"Jeff?" Marceline spat. "You're alive? And late, by the way. I asked who summoned him minutes ago."
"Well, I didn't hear you!" Jeff swung his legs down, collapsing to the floor. But when he stood, Bubblegum realized that Jeff was only unfortunately named for a vampire. He was a hulking mass, his face appearing in the flickering torch light and resembling more of a carved ham.
"You tore my ears off, remember?" he gurgled, his claw hands jabbing at the dents in the sides of his bald and burnt head. "You're not fit to rule this place. And now your dad's going to ground you forever."
"Excuse me?" Hunson asked, head twisting all the way around, the ears slipping off. "You're lucky my girl even considered ruling such a pathetic bunch of pasty hobos. After all, she only did it in one of her teen angst spells."
"Daddy!" Marceline snapped, pointed ears falling back.
"See how cute she gets when she's threatened?" Hunson cooed, seizing Jeff by his mauled neck.
"What are you doing-?!" was as far as Jeff got before Mr. Abadeer finished what his daughter thought she had.
Bubblegum's eyes clamped shut, her head twisting into Marceline over a churning stomach. Honestly, she didn't need any more fear. This was just overkill now.
Just then Marceline threw back her head with a vicious howl, and the sheer force of her canine voice snuffed the torches, throwing them into a pitch black.
Talk about thinking too soon—
"Hang on!" hissed the Queen, and Bubblegum felt her morph back into a girl, strong arms bringing the princess into her front. In a rush of shadows and wind, they sped up through the dripping tunnels. They weren't even halfway when a shrieking roar billowed up from the dark, griping Bubblegum's heart in a vice.
Even if they got back, even if she could lock them up behind her candied walls—then what? She had never seen anything like Hunson. Would Finn and Jake get mixed in and kill themselves?
She squeezed her arms around Marceline's neck, her eyes welding shut. "I'm sorry," she mouthed against grey skin. Her pride had ruined everything.
She should've never tried to make the girl what she wasn't. She liked Marceline this way.
She liked that the vampire was crude and capricious and absolutely nothing like her. She…she…
Bonnibel's eyes opened against the wind. Because she was finally admitting to herself that there wasn't vamp voodoo after all.
The cave opened up around them like a set of jaws spewing them into the night, interrupting the princess's epiphany. The Queen landed roughly, her boots skidding.
And then Bubblegum was shoved forward, Marceline moving to head back in. The princess seized her wrist, alarm shooting through her like a bee's sting.
"No!" she burst. "Marceline, you can't face him alone!"
"He's my Dad, Bonnie," the vampire said, yanking her arm free. "You need to go back to where you're safe. He'll kill anyone who tries to stop him."
"Just wait—I'll call Finn—we can face this together!" Bonnibel cried, desperation straining every syllable. And she was going to have to say it to make Marceline stay. She was going to have to swallow every jagged bit of vanity.
Even if the vampire didn't feel the same way. Even if it meant she was wrong.
"For the love of Gob, why do you get so weird past your bedtime?" Marceline snapped, whirling. "I mean it, Bonnibel, go home! This is only going to get nasty."
Despite the harsh tone, Bubblegum could see the veil of worry in her glare. It was always the worst part of being a princess. You could only watch others die to protect you. And no one, not even LSP—okay, only LSP-could possibly feel worthy enough for that.
She hated it when Lady Rainicorn and Jake and Finn did it. And even though it was one of the first times, she hated it just as much that Marceline was.
"What if he takes you back to the Nightosphere? What if he wins?" Bonnibel demanded. Marceline's hands strained up by her head in frustration, and she leaned down at Bubblegum, hair bristling.
"Why do you care so much all of the sudden, anyway? Someone's going to have to take it over eventually. I see it now, okay? I see that I'm only going to endanger everyone by making him come back again and again for me. And aren't you the one always going on and on about how we can't run away from our responsibilities?"
Her grey hands cupped Bonnibel's face, her forehead bowing to touch hers. "You win, okay? It's time I did what everyone needs. Just go home. I can't see anything happen to you."
Bubblegum's fingers trembled before they grabbed the vampire's wrists, her rosy face screwing up in pain.
What else could she do? Her phone was in her now lost backpack. If she whistled for The Morrow, she couldn't force Marceline not to fly back.
And as tough as she could be, Peebles be a lover, not a fighter.
She pressed her forehead back, trembling in the cold adrenaline rushing over her again and again. Her racing brain wasn't coming up with anything, and now it was just running on empty. It had all gone down to her pounding heart, and that itself could only say one thing.
"Marceline," she started, eyes wet as they found the Queen's inches away. Her dark hair billowed out in the corner of the princess's sight, and Bonnibel watched as the strands flowed out by the stars over them…
Like a dark sea full of stars…
"The night I fell asleep in your arms, I had a dream. There was an ocean I could only see if I saw it for what it really was. I couldn't try to imagine it or force it into anything else, or it would disappear. And when I finally let go of my pride and saw it...it was beautiful. And I didn't put two and two together, but when you showed up, I should've known I had to see you how you are, not how I or your dad or anyone else wants you to be."
"Bonnie," Marceline whispered, frail and pleading. The princess felt her nails curl against the back of her jaw, felt the older girl move closer.
"And I see you now. And you're beautiful." Bubblegum murmured. Her eyes slipped shut, and she felt Marceline's breath ghost across her lips—
And then Marceline was gone, Bonnibel almost falling forward. She stared up instead, watching as something from nightmares swung the vampire with a black arm sprouting from its throbbing, bubbling neck. Hundreds of tiny little hands wriggled and pulled, searching from the split throat for whatever they could find.
A giant white and horned head opened its vertical mouth full of fangs and laughed in a hundred voices at once, the slanted eyes above it grinning. Somehow, it was all swelling out of a suit, and that was how she realized this was the real Mr. Abadeer.
It was when he slammed Marceline to the ground that Bonnibel snapped out of it.
"Sorry dear," Mr. Abadeer sternly apologized. "I'm hurting you because I love you."
Oh no. There was so much wrong with that sentence-
"Marceline!" she screamed, charging blindly forward. That seemed to snap the Queen out of it too. Mr. Abadeer watched as an enormous bat grew too big for his neck hand to hold. His skin split into tethers, and he wheeled backwards from his now hairy and winged daughter, Bonnibel skidding to a stop.
"Go! Back! HOME!" roared the vampire, her claws ripping up and down her father's suit.
"Yeah pink, this is between Mar Mar and I," Mr. Abadeer explained gently, his fist giving a hard upper cut to Marceline's chin. "Ooo, glad your mother isn't seeing this."
"I meant you! You filthy Mc'Nasty!" Marceline rammed her teeth into his head, and his pupils widened, thousands of throat hands coming up to pry at her jaws and struggling to keep her paws from ripping them off.
"I'll make you eat detergent for using that language, missy!" he snarled, teetering about under his daughter's weight. "Two people can play the sucking game!"
The crevice of his mouth yawned open, and Bonnibel nearly puked at the egg like membranes bulging out.
What the bunk was this guy made of?
He inhaled deeply, and the air vacuumed in, pulling at Bubblegum's hair and clothes with such ferocity that she hunkered down.
"DOP DRYING DO DEAT DY DRIENDS' DOULS!" Marceline spat around her father's skull, her pawed leg kicking straight down into his mouth.
"HURK!" Mr. Abadeer gagged, and the bat was launched off of him in a mad stream of fizzing vomit.
"OH WHY IS THERE ALWAYS SPIT UP!?" Bubblegum hollered, shielding her face with her arms against the torrential down pour. Something thumped at her feet, and she dared an eye open.
It was Jeff. Well, the remains of Jeff. But could that be, sitting on his back…?
It almost seemed too good to be true! He must've mixed in with the others and taken it when she was out cold. Probably the one who touched my butt, too.
Actually no. No I don't want it to be. I am NOT sticking my hand in puke.
"Ey yo Bons, how about sticking your hand in my dad's ralph and getting that backpack?"
Mental Marceline? I don't need you anymore, I had my epiphany.
"Well, I'm having my butt handed to me, and it'd be really swell if you WOULD HURRY THE FLIP UP AND DO SOMETHING BRAINY."
A scream tore out, and Bubblegum whipped around in time to see Mr. Abadeer rip a wing down the middle, the bat attached to it pinned under his legs.
"Oh HECK no!" the princess snarled, ripping her pack free. She dug down into its swampy contents, her fingers curling around the one Hail Billy she really could've used earlier.
Seriously. Timing was really starting to get on her nerves.
"HEY, CHINLESS!"
Hunson looked up. "Marceline, why is your friend playing in my throw up?"
"I'm not her friend," Bubblegum hissed. "I'm her girlfriend."
And with that, she chucked a wrapped up bowl of Finn's soup straight into his mouth.
Well, she meant his mouth. But her aim was a little off, and it exploded into his eye instead.
"AH!" screamed Mr. Abadeer, clutching his face. He collapsed off of Marceline. "NOT CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP! IT'S MADE FROM LOVEEEEE. AND NOT THE DETRIMENTAL KIND I HAVE FOR MY OFFSPRING EITHHHEERR."
Bonnibel rushed, slipping and sliding over bile. She even fell to her knees in it at Marceline's large bat head. "Marceline?" she asked, prying open one of the large eyelids.
A pale green eye the size of a large squid focused on in on her. "Are you covered in my dad's throw up?"
"Yeah," Bonnibel laughed weakly, running her fingers through the tuft of fur on the vampire's head.
"This isn't over, pink one!" Mr. Abadeer hissed, and both girls jumped, twisting to see him staggering away.
"Wait a minute…Bonnie…is that bug milk I smell in the soup?"
"Ugh, don't tell me that! I've been eating it for weeks," Bubblegum groaned, closing her eyes.
"No…quick, draw a happy face," Marceline struggling, raising herself up before shifting back.
Her father turned, his melting marshmallow for a face locked in horror. "DON'T!"
But Bonnibel had already scribbled one out in the puke, a stubble covered smile under a pair of glasses.
"MALOSO VOBISCUM ET CUM SPIRITUM!" Marceline cried, pulling Bubblegum into her arms and lurching back.
The face cracked apart into a fiery jack o' lantern's grin, a great and wicked wind rippling around Mr. Abadeer. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shrieked, dragging all the way until the ground sealed over him with a loud burp.
With the call of demons cut short, the air around them was pure silence. And in it, Bonnibel craned her head away from Marceline's shoulder.
"You know, you can let go of me now."
"Psh, so?" the Queen scoffed.
"Okay," Bubblegum smiled, leaning back into the girl's hold.
At least she would've, if a giant tentacle hadn't witch slapped her into the goblamb air.
"Bonnibel!" screamed Marceline from below. And then, "Oh what the fu-!"
Her incredulous voice was cut off by the massive flapping of wings, and Bubblegum twisted to see her attacker, struggling in the ropey limb wrapped about her.
"Oh what the fu-!" she agreed, her own aggravated sentiment drowned out by massive jaws snapping before her.
Because besides the one wrapped around her, there were hundreds of tentacles whipping about a shark's grey and white head, each one connected beneath the enormous hawk wings protruding from its back.
Three hundred rows of teeth parted, and from within the fish's mouth came an orange tabby's head, its green eyes big and playful.
"Mrrreeeowww," it purred.
"Oh no. It has Bubblegum," a familiar voice droned out from below, and the princess nearly pulled her neck muscles to look down at Finn.
The boy was sprawled across Marceline's feet, face blank. "You have to save her Marceline. The tentacat sharkhawk has defeated us. Help. Help."
"What…" the vampire muttered.
"Yeah, help Marceline!" Jake called out, lying on his side, his four legs stiffly jerking back and forward. "You must save her so you two can smooch face and touch butts."
"Ew, Jake!" Finn hissed, sitting up to glare at the dog. "That's gross!"
"That's what people do when they're in love! Hush up, you're going to blow our cover!"
"HOLD UP!" Bonnibel commanded so loudly that even the creature holding her hostage paused in its writhing. "FINN THE HUMAN AND JAKE THE DOG—DID YOU TWO JUST REALLY SIC A...A WHATEVER THIS EVEN IS ON MARCELINE AND I TO BRING US TOGETHER?"
"Yes," Jake whined, drooping his ears.
"What the equations man?! Now they'll never get together!" the boy wailed.
"WE ALREADY DID!" Bonnibel hollered.
"You did?" the heroes blurted.
"Yeah! Wait, we did?" Marceline asked.
"Meow?" the cat called again.
"YES. And you!" she snapped, turning her attention on the beast. "Put me down before I skin you and make the world's ugliest sweater vest!"
The cat face scrunched up into a hiss before diving back into the shark. With a sharp roar, the tentacat shark hawk plopped Bubblegum back into Marceline's arms and swam off into the sky.
"Whoa, go Bonnie," the vampire grinned slowly, shifting her shoulders so that she could hold her in the more comfortable bridal style. "You okay?"
"I was doing fine until I found out those actually exist," the princess sighed, moving her arms around Marceline's neck. "I think I'm done for today."
"Did I hear you say fu—?"
"No. No you didn't."
"I'm so happy for you two!" Jake cried, leaping up onto Bonnibel's stomach, who 'oofed!' loudly under his weight.
"Thanks Jakey," Marceline leered, her fangs gleaming.
"Uh, hey Finn, maybe we should go put the tentacat in a cage or something!" the dog hurried, bounding past the boy with his tiny tail tucked.
Bubblegum's eyes fell upon her white hatted hero, and she felt a pang of guilt at his empty face. He was one of her closest friends, and without his persistent kindness, she might not even be here.
And yet, here she was, forever sealing their love unrequited for his friend.
"Oh Finn," she said quietly.
The boy kept staring.
"Finn," she repeated, a hand leaving Marceline to snap.
"Oh! Sorry!" the boy grinned, his face red with a rabid sort of joy. "I was totes zoning out about how great you gals are going to look in your wedding dresses!"
"Too soon," Marceline and Bonnibel shook their heads at the same time, but the boy was off.
"Wait up Jake! I don't wanna see them touch butts!"
"I'd…I'd like to go home now," Bubblegum muttered, head falling back into the Queen's chest.
"Yeah, I could use a bath," she agreed, kicking them off into the night sky. "Y'know, my tub's pretty spacious."
"Marceline, that's distasteful," Bonnibel giggled. "Although, it would save water…"