YOU HEARD ME, BOSS
"You're what?" Is all the response Gibbs could give. He knew Tony had strong feelings for Ziva but to actually here those words come out of his mouth were shocking. "You heard me, Boss. I can keep saying it but it won't make it any less true. I am in love with Ziva David." The tone in Tony's voice gave Gibbs the impression that he wasn't just calling to let him know, it was like he was calling to warn him. That his feelings for Ziva were no longer friendly and he had a fear of loosing control with her. "Just calm down, Dinozzo-" "Yeah, that's easy for you to say." Starting to let all of his anger, fear, and frustration out on his Boss.
"I don't know what to do. It's hard enough to control myself when I'm at work with her but I could atleast distract myself. I could eventually go home and seperate myself from her for one night. I mean, she was still in my mind but that's it. That's as far as it would go and that's as far as I would let it go but now..." Running his shaky hand through his messy hair. He was expecting Gibbs to reach through the phone and give him a well deserved head slap but instead, he said something that suprised him. "You really do love her, don't you?" He said quietly to Tony. He just took a few seconds to let that sink in. That his boss was on his side and was really listening to him. Instead of having to defend himself, he felt like a friend was there for him.
"Yes, I do, Boss and it's scaring the hell out of me." Gibbs could practically vision Tony on his knee's now, pleading for forgiveness but Tony had no reason to apoligize. He had no control over his feelings and the fact that Tony was calling him like this, proved how much he cared for Ziva. "Pretty scary, hu? I felt the same way Shannon. You may not believe me but it's probably the greatest, scariest, most intense feeling that you'll ever have. " "Boss, I can't feel this way about her. I would do anything if it meant these feelings would go away." "Why, Dinozzo? Why would you want something like this to go away?" Just wanting to get into Tony's head a little bit. He's had some experience with that before but not with something like this.
"Because it's not right. What I'm doing is not right. I'm trying soo hard to keep myself under control but I'm loosing it. Little by little." Tears in his eyes now as Gibbs just smirked a little bit. "Tony, you have no reason to feel guilty. You can't control how you feel." "Yeah, but Boss, Ziva's not exacly in the right state of mind for me to be feeling like this. She needs be to be strong, she needs me to remind her of who she is. When she kisses me, I shouldn't be kissing her back. I should be giving her reason why she shouldn't be kissing me but I just can't seem to." Still feeling soo ashamed for his behavior toward Ziva.
"Dinozzo, let me ask you something, when Ziva was struggling to stay awake at the crime sight, and you said you may have said some things that you might not have said if the situation was different, did you mean them or were you just desperate?" Tony found himself thinking back to the crime sight. He was holding Ziva in his arms and tears were in his eyes. Tears were in Ziva's, aswell. The desperation to hold on to each other was so strong. It wasn't just fear of loosing his friend, it was fear of loosing the one person he was meant to spend his life with. "If she would have died, Boss, I would have died. I said it before without truly believing it but I can't live without her. I can't." "Tony, I would never let Ziva here this but maybe this all happened for a reason. Maybe this was your slap to the head to get your feelings straightened out for this women, finally."
"But like this, Boss? I want you to know, No, I need you to know that I would never do anything to hurt Ziva." "And you havn't. Dinozzo, Ziva's memory and her feelings will come back to her eventually and I have no doubt in my mind that Ziva will be feeling the same way she's feeling now. She loves you, Dinozzo. I see it in her face and in her eyes, her love for you is real and it's still there. Your feelings for her are real, too. I know you feel guity for how this came about but the situation and your feelings for one another are real." Tony just shook his head and agreed as if Gibbs could see him. "I'm still not sure about all of this but thanks, Boss. I would of called my dad for advise but I can't trust him with my feelings for Ziva. He's still annoyed that I havn't prayed on her the minute I met her. It's just really good to hear your voice right now." Giving a sigh of relief.
"Just take care of her, Dinozzo. If she tells you she loves you, tell her you love her. If she kisses you, kiss back. If she wants you to hold her, don't let go. The rest of the details can be a locked in a box and shoved in a closet but all I need to know is that she's being taken care of. That's all I've ever needed to know." "Thanks, Boss. I better get back inside before Ziva starts to wonder-" "Hey, are you coming back in?" Suddenly opening the front door to her building to see a smiling Tony closing his phone. "Yeah, I'm coming back in." Speaking so sweetly to her.