Inuyasha had known these feelings before and he wasn't stupid, he knew what they meant. Having lived for 200 years Inuyasha was definitely not oblivious to how people and demons alike are conceived. However youkai and humans have very different takes on the mating ritual; youkai are very animalistic in their instinctual objective of reproduction, whereas humans (well, most humans) attach pleasure and emotional meaning to the physical act. When Inuyasha first began to experience these feelings he found himself deeply confused by his conflicting desires. His human side would be disgusted by the primal yearning he harboured to plant his seed into the nearest fertile female. It took all of his human will to prevent these youkai cravings to come to fruition. Over years his mind began to associate any sexual desire with self-deprecation and disgust. Thus his mind eventually blocked out any feelings of sexual desire whatsoever… until now.
Kagome pulled back, aware that Inuyasha was suddenly rigid and he was breathing deep and fast, almost a pant.
"Inuyasha?"
He shot up and marched himself to the far corner of the room and braced himself on the wall as his chest heaved up and down. Memories of his former self came flooding back just as fast as the conflicting desires and confusion. He felt the immediate disgust as his instincts bid him to bend Kagome over the bed and take her there. This was Kagome for fuck's sake, she was everything to him and all he could think to do was ram into the back of her until her filled her with his legacy.
The image of Kagome's smooth round backside presented in the air before him almost took his youkai over the edge, so he reared back his head and banged it into the wall at full force.
"Inuyasha what are you doing?!" Kagome asked as she stared at the troubled hanyou and the large dent he had just made in the wall.
"I'm protecting you from myself."
Now Kagome was confused, only just today she had calmed his demon side with a kiss, now she had awakened it?
As if he read her mind he tried explain, "It feels similar to when I transform," *pant pant*, "the same loss of control, but I don't crave blood and destruction, I crave you Kagome, and it scares me."
Kagome knew what he was talking about, she had thought about it too, she wasn't quite ready to go the whole way but she no longer wanted to be with Inuyasha just as a friend, he meant more than that to her. The lustful gleam in his eyes both scared and exited her and he had the same look of fear written behind his features.
"Inuyasha I trust you and I want the same thing you do, we can just take it slow." She stood up and began to walk toward him.
"Baka, stop!" he cried. His panting began again and he covered his eyes. "Sit down and stay still."
Kagome slumped down against her bed and watched as Inuyasha paced her room, not so much as looking at her. "I trust you Inuyasha but it's ok if you don't want to do this, it looks like you're in pain."
Having only just been reacquainted with his long-suppressed desire Inuyasha realised that he had felt it before with Kagome without realising it. How could he not; she was the most beautiful person he had ever known, both inside and out. What had Kagome just said? She wanted it too? But she couldn't possibly know what she was saying. A hanyou like himself with these repulsive desires couldn't possibly deserve to be with someone so pure as Kagome.
"You don't know what you're saying Kagome."
"Baka! I do! You always think you know what's best for me but you don't, I trust you Inuyasha, more than you trust yourself because I know you will never hurt me. Being with you is the only way I can live, even if I have to risk my life every day it will be worth it because I couldn't live without you. You need to understand that!"
She looked down to her feet, "and… I want to be with you more… alone like this."
As quickly as Kagome had angered she had grown anxious and flushed and had begun to play with her skirt in her lap.
Inuyasha stood with eyes wide open gaping at Kagome's small figure. He felt a large twinge in his heart. His youkai cravings were long gone and although a small part of him still wanted to reject Kagome's feelings as mere delusions, most of him began to realise that all of Kagome's actions rang true to her words. No matter how close he came to tearing her to shreds she always managed to calm him. Most of all she never judged him for his uncontrollable youkai side or his weak human side, she accepted him as a whole. He still didn't completely trust himself but somehow Kagome's trust comforted him.
Inuyasha crouched down and looked at her with his intense amber eyes, she slowly looked up and blushed further but didn't break eye contact. God she was beautiful. Seeing the seriousness in Kagome's eyes finally convinced the thick hanyou. He sighed, "gods you're stubborn woman, you had better not kiss me like that again until I'm sure my youkai form won't take over."
"Mmmm I trust you Inuyasha." Why did she always have to say that?!
Thinking about what he was about to do Inuyasha could feel the desires beginning to surface again but with Kagome's trust surging through him he felt that he could at least begin to show her what she meant to him without immediately ripping her clothes off.
He leaned forward on his hands and slowly began to crawl toward her, he focused intently on her face so as to not be drawn to her outstretched legs or her beautiful curves. Kagome saw a look of anxious determination on the hanyou's sweet face. Crawling around to her side he came to her lips once again and kissed her slowly. She let out a soft sigh and his stomach clenched.
"Please don't move or make any sounds, you seriously don't know what this is doing to me."
She nodded, but all of the suspense and locked in emotions were only serving to fuel her desire. He took a hold of her chin and turned her face away from him and began to run his lips across her cheek and down to her neck. He could feel the pulse in her neck against his lips and he gulped, trying to will away his frightening youkai curiosity in how her blood would taste. His more reasonable human side wanted to know how her skin tasted so he slowly licked up from the base of her neck to her jaw. The addition of her salty taste to the sight, smell and feel of her overloaded his senses, he was filled with Kagome's intermingling fear and excitement. These two emotions embodied the battle between youkai and human that surged in his mind. The fear fed his youkai need to take her with or without her consent and the excitement stimulated his human desire to simply experience more of her. He began to tremble and his head span.
"Chikuso!" he cursed and flopped on his back beside her.
Kagome slowly opened her eyes and let out a deep breath as if she too had to relieve a ton of contained passion, "this is going to be hard isn't it?"
He looked up at her beautiful face, her eyes were filled with the same unfulfilled fervour that he felt and he let out a big sigh. "Yes, but I will get better, I promise you Kagome."
"I know you will."
Inuyasha stared up at the ceiling, "can we keep this a secret from the others for now? I want us to figure this out on our own first,"
Kagome nodded and gave her affirmative "mmm."