Chapter 9

Previously on The Hunger:

Neither of them notice the sound of shoes rubbing into the ground on the outside of the cave. Neither of them feel the weight of eyes watching them, analysing. It isn't until the watcher gasps, disbelief colouring the noise, that they draw apart from each other and look up.

…

"P-Peeta?" She gasps, fingers crawling around her lips to bury a scream. Both boys wince unsure to know what to do, how to react to her reaction. Shock colours the room, thick in the air. Uncertainty pushes her to take a step back, her free hand twitching for some unknown object at her hip.

Katniss's eyes narrow, deciding on mistrust and disgust as her final emotions.

"What the fuck is going on here?"

-x-x-x-x-

Silence envelops the cave, leaving the trio at a loss for words. Peeta is the first to speak, struggling to move from underneath Cato's body.

"Katniss," he gasps, his lips forming a perfect 'O' of surprise. "It-"

"Isn't what it looks like?" She finishes for him, a manic laugh taking over her. The sounds of her laughter shake through the cave, bouncing off the stone walls in a sick echo.

Peeta's expression contorts in pain, his eyes welling with tears. Despite his revelations about Katniss being more of a shield than anything else, it still hurts to see the look of utmost disgust and hatred clear on her face. What hurts more than anything is the appearance of pain underlying beneath the shown emotions, the sense of betrayal that she's obviously feeling.

"Is it Peeta? Is it really not what it looks like? Because it looks a Hell of a lot like he was kissing you… And it looked like you were enjoying it." Her expression contorts, a twisted mimic of Peeta's earlier appearance.

"I-" He gasps, unsure of how to answer the question. How did it look like? How was it? How did he feel about Cato and, more importantly, how did Cato feel about him? Katniss startled him from his delusions, brought him back to reality. It's the first time since their first kiss that he's been lucid; it's the first chance he's had to consider the entrails of the last few days. Is what he feels for Cato how he was supposed to feel about Katniss? Does he like boys the way he's supposed to like girls? In District 12 there's not enough time for considering such trivial things as sexuality and self-discovery, not with starvation and hypothermia being much more pressing concerns. Could he like boys?

He likes kissing Cato, he knows that. He likes how Cato is soft and hard at the same time, the way he smells, the taste of his lips. Yet not too long ago he thought he'd like those things about Katniss as well. Ever since the day that the tracker jackers attacked them the thought's been hiding in the back of his mind, swimming to the forefront of it occasionally but never staying there for long. Disorientation embraces him as he's forced to consider these things. He can't just tell Katniss that he doesn't know anything, that he doesn't know what he wants or how he could possibly want it. He can't tell Katniss that he wants Cato, only Cato, that he's not sure how he feels about her anymore, or how he'll ever feel about another girl ever again. All he knows is what he knows, which never feels like enough.

"You what, Peeta? You didn't think I'd care? You didn't even stop to consider how I'd feel when I found out you made me look like a fool in front of the entire world. I believed you. I trusted you. How could you… just, how, Peeta? And why? If it had to be anyone why him? He can't really care… you can't really care." Her dark eyes flitter between the two boys struggling desperately to understand. Peeta realises then just how quiet Cato is. His eyes fall to the other boy, watching for signs. If he expected to see a highly emotional disaster he's sorely disappointed. Cato wears a mask, showing no emotion at all. Even his eyes, usually so vivid, are blank and unreadable. His lips are set into a thin, tight line and Peeta can see his attempt at keeping away from him. The second they realised Katniss had seen them Cato had flitted away subtly, currently situated on the other side of the cave. The feeling of abandonment is heavy in his chest as he looks at the boy who, only seconds earlier, had seemed to fall apart at the idea of losing him.

"I thought I cared about you, Katniss. I honestly did. But seriously, before the Capitol, when did we ever even talk? I gave you bread once, big whoop. I thought you were beautiful or the longest time but now I seriously don't know what to think. This place, this whole experience, I'm not sure if it's changed me or if it's just opened up my eyes to what was always there but I'm not the same boy who started these Games. I'm not The Boy with The Bread any more. Don't pretend like you care either… you never did. Not once did you talk to me, not once did you thank me. You just stared at me like there was something wrong with me and let it be.

"I know how you feel about Gale; I'd be stupid not to. I knew you would never want me, I knew you'd never care. So what's making you care now?" He takes a deep breath, his pulse racing. Dizziness threatens to take over him, portends to drag him into the abyss of unconsciousness that he's found impossible to escape these past few days.

Katniss's eyes widen, her lips parting ever so slightly in surprise. "Because I did care, Peeta. That's why I never talked to you. You have friends, you have family. I don't see why you'd ever want me."

Peeta freezes, his skin coating with ice. Not because he still cares about her romantically, but because he's made yet another discovery. His feelings for Katniss were always a cover up, they were his way of shielding himself. He knew that no matter what feelings were between them neither of them would ever act on them. If Peeta was in love with Katniss he'd never have to settle down, he'd never be forced to find anyone else.

"It's too late, Katniss. I've changed. I'm not who I was when I stepped into the arena. Maybe it was always there, maybe I was always there, but all I know for now is that I'm not who you thought I was: I'm not who I thought I was. And I don't feel the same."

Tears dribble from Katniss' eyes, something Peeta never thought he'd see. His heart clenches with pain, he hates knowing that he's the reason for her tears.

"You don't care?" She spits, her eyes sharpening dangerously. Although the tears don't stop falling and the pain refuses to leave her face, her eyes are focused and deadly, an expression Peeta recognises. Katniss has her hunting face on. He notices the subtle changes in her body, the straightening of her posture, the tenseness of her body that wasn't there before. He notices her fingers curling around her hard bow and a rock forms in Peeta's throat. What's she going to do?

"That's fine." Her lips contort into a grotesque mimic of a smile. "You just took away my only reason to keep you alive."

The bow lifts in her fingers and Peeta realises she's already hooked an arrow into its crest. With his blood turning to ice Peeta shivers, what he believes will be his last act. Katniss' eyes lock with his as the arrow points square in his chest. God is she fast, is Peeta's last thought before the world explodes.

Peeta hears the snap as Katniss lets go of the bow. Peeta knows she won't miss, Katniss' aim is always perfect, but he never gets the chance to see the arrow pierce his skin. The world rocks as he's shoved to the side, the ground jumping up to meet him. Confusion wells inside Peeta; the ground can't move? Then he realises, it's not the ground moving, he is.

The ground smashes into him, his leg screaming with pain, but adrenaline has taken over and he ignores the feeling. He snaps his neck as fast as he can to see just what happened. The scene before him is worse than the idea of dying, it's worse than the knowledge that Katniss now hates him. Cato lies on the ground, his blood black as night already seeping into the cave floor. His eyes are closed and Peeta could almost trick himself into believing he were asleep, if not for the arrow protruding from his chest at a grotesque angle. The world goes still and Peeta sees black spotting his vision. Nothing matters anymore and nothing will ever matter again. He doesn't when notice when Katniss sprints from the cave, frustration plain on her face thanks to her mistake.

Peeta moves without thinking, digging his fingernails into the cave floor and dragging himself to Cato with sheer will. An eternity later he's beside the other blonde, kneeling in a pool of his blood. His body iss still screaming with pain, but he can't hear it over the pain of his heart.

No, no, no, no, no, no… The broken record plays in Peeta's head, a loop that will never end. Cato isn't dead. Cato can't be dead.

The scene before him ells a different tale. The boy he's only just learned to care for, maybe even love, lies still at his knees, the loss of blood paling him out by the second.

"Cato?" A five-year-olds voice whispers, fear seeping into the name. Peeta wishes that kid would shut up and leave him to be alone with Cato until he realises that the voice belongs to him. Tears drip down his cheeks, merging with the blood and mud coating the floor. "Cato?" He squeaks again, a mouse this time. Although he's afraid to hear a response, he's terrified not to.

An impossibly long moment later Cato's eyelashes flutter, his chest rising weakly. Peeta chokes, his heart crushed in his chest and his windpipe pulverised in his throat. A soft whimper fills the cave though Peeta is not sure which of them it belongs to.

Icy pale eyes touch Peeta's. It appears that even Cato's eyes have been drained of life though he knows him well enough to see the fire and desire burning right below the surface.

"I'm dying." Cato murmurs, more like a faintly intrigued scholar than a boy on his deathbed. A soft chuckle tumbles from his mouth, blood bubbling and staining his lips as he does. "Aren't I?" He adds, the slightest amount of fear touching his eyes.

Peeta shakes his head, the tears falling freely now. "No." He whispers, leaning down and pressing his lips fiercely to Cato's forehead. "They can't take you from me. I only just found you."

The cave sighs, a sound that comes from neither Cato nor Peeta but a mixture of the two. "I'm going to die, Peeta." He states once more with complete certainty.

"It's not fair."

"Life isn't fair."

Silence envelops them and they welcome it. Though Peeta doesn't want to spend what looks like his last moments with Cato in silence, it is a comfortable feeling. If he shuts his eyes he might even be able to imagine he's not in the position he is, that his lover's blood isn't staining his clothes and his skin; that he's not about to say goodbye to the only person he's ever cried over.

"I wish it was."

Cato sighs. "Me too."

More silence.

"Does it hurt?" Peeta whimpers, his heart aching.

"No." Cato replies, though Peeta can see the lie clear in his eyes. "Lie with me." Peeta complies, cradling his body against the other boy's. He's careful not to jostle him and to risk causing him further pain. His skin is hot everywhere he feels Cato's touch, despite his skin being icy cold from lack of blood. He contorts his body so that he leans over Cato, his eyes opening as he looks down.

"I'm scared; don't leave me. I only just found you and already… I don't know how I'll be without you." Peeta whispers, his heart breaking. He wishes he could be as strong as Cato, that he could give the other boy reassurances. But he knows that won't work, he knows he's not as strong as Cato; that he can't lie in the same way.

"Don't be." Cato whispers, his voice softer than even before, weaker. "It doesn't matter what happens, it doesn't matter if I lose my body from this; I'm not leaving you. You're stuck with me, Peeta. Now and forever." A gentle smile presses to his lips and Peeta's heart breaks all over again. What will the world do without such a beautiful smile?

Moments pass between them in silence until finally Peeta speaks. "I think I love you. I was waiting until I was sure to say it, but you kind of fucked that up." He laughs, a strained sound as he attempts to joke. The tears have slowed now but still they embrace his cheeks. Cato's lips twist into an angelic smile and he appears the youngest and most painfully beautiful that Peeta has ever seen him. Cato's eyes flutter open.

"Kiss me." He whispers, desperation creeping into his voice. Peeta complies within milliseconds, unsure if he'd be able to physically withhold any sort of request from Cato while he dies. The kiss is bittersweet, the taste of tears and love on both of their lips as they pull away.

"Say it again." Cato asks.

"Cato," Peeta begins with a playful smile. He kisses him once more, the smile continuously pressed to his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too." Cato sighs, happy for the first time in years. He can't help but grimace though, the pain too much for him. Peeta's expression contorts.

"What can I do?"

"Just lie with me. Love me. Be you." Cato waits until Peeta lies down before he lets the tears fall from his eyes. He won't let Peeta see him cry; he won't.

Seconds pass, then minutes, then what feels like hours. Neither boy sleeps but they don't talk. They just lie there, waiting for Cato to bleed to death. Peeta wishes he was more competent, he wishes that his leg would support his weight; he wishes Cato hadn't jumped in the way, that their positions could be switched, that it could be him dying on their cave floor. But wishing is pointless, so instead he just lets the moment sweep him away.

The beeping starts gradually, almost unnoticeable by either boy. Cato's too deep in his mind to hear anything; it's Peeta who notices it first. Although he feels dead on the inside he can't help the slight tug of curiosity that pulls at his heart, tugging him to explore. At first he leans up, focusing his ears on the noise to make sure he isn't crazy. The beeping remains constant so he decides to stand. His legs shake beneath him, his injured leg threatening to fail him, yet still he stands. After a final glance at the boy, pale as the moon, beneath him he takes his first steps from the cave.

He doesn't have to walk for long to find the source of the beeping. At first he thinks it is a ball, something he saw to rarely back home in district 12, where recreational activities were strictly limited. It takes a few more steps to realise what it really is; a gift.

His injury forgotten, Peeta sprints to the gift, falling to his knees. Pain lashes through his legs but he ignores it, hope gripping his chest. He rips apart the parachute, shoving it into his pocket. The sounds of the night are blocked out around him, his heart pounding the only noise he can hear as he cracks open the case.

A small tub falls into his fingers, no labels to tell him what it is. Twisting away the cap he smells the tell-tale scent of medicine. Suddenly Peeta can no longer breathe; he's forgotten. After a few seconds of marvelling at his luck, he grabs the case and the medicine and sprints back to the cave, not stopping until his boots splash in Cato's blood.

Cato isn't moving and for a moment fear overwhelms Peeta. Is it too late? Is Cato already gone? Shivers threaten to overwhelm him, the deepest fear that he'll never know the warmth that only Cato can bring him ever again. It takes the longest moment Peeta has ever known, but eventually he sees Cato's chest rise, his last attempts to cling to life.

"Cato!" Peeta cries, falling to his knees and unscrewing the cap of the medicine with desperation. His fingers tremble as he does, his heart thudding in his chest. He's sure that the cave is about to start pulsing with the beat of his heart it's that loud.

When the boy is unresponsive Peeta presses their lips together fiercely, surging all of his hope and love into the dying boy. Cato's eyes flutter open with surprise and disorientation.

"Peeta?" He whimpers. "What's going on?"

Peeta simply lifts the tub. "Medicine." He grins, hope filling the confined space of the cave. Cato's eyes are suspicious but he doesn't say anything.

Peeta ignores his lover's scepticism, instead turning to assess how best to go about applying the medication. His lower lip catches between his teeth and his eyes widen, taking in the arrow. No, no, no… The broken record is back and fear paralyses him. He knows what he has to do, there is only one choice possible… But will he be brave enough?

"Cato…" Peeta moans, his skin prickling with fear as he trembles. His eyes move from the protruding arrow to the eyes of the boy he loves. "Cato, I have to move the arrow." Peeta forces himself to keep his voice steady, to be as brave as possible, just as Cato would be brave for him. Cato nods faintly, his eyes fluttering shut. If Peeta doesn't start working quick he will lose Cato. He turns once more to the arrow, ice freezing in his stomach. No, no, no, no, no…

There is no choice.

"I love you, Cato. Try to remember that, no matter how hard it hurts."

Peeta's fingers shake as he leans forward, his shaking members curling around the rod. Cato winces beneath him and nausea threatens to overwhelm him. He tugs slightly on the rod and blood bubbles to the mouth of the wound, dripping onto the cave floor.

Peeta's stomach churns and it takes all of his will power to avoid giving in to his nausea. He pulls against on the rod, this time a whimper dancing from Cato's lips.

I can't do this.

I have to do this.

Peeta grits his teeth together, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from his eyes. He doesn't need them blurring his vision, not now when it is so important he stays focus. Mustering all the will power he sees possible he tugs on the arrow with all his might.

Peeta had thought that once he had the will power to pull the arrow the rest would be easy. He always knew it would hurt Cato ten times worse than it had going in. What he hadn't counted for was the strength of the arrow. The torso is a thick thing and arrows aren't supposed to slice through them. To save Cato, Peeta will have to pull the arrow through muscles, veins, possibly even bones and organs. His stomach churns once again but he refuses to let go.

Even with all of his strength behind it the arrow only move millimetres at a time. It doesn't take long for Cato to start screaming, his eyes wide with pain and tears. The sound pierces through Peeta's eardrums, sickening him further. Tears dribble helplessly down his eyes, to his amazement. How much can one person even cry? But he refuses to let go. He doesn't have a choice this time, Cato needs this. It's his only chance.

So Peeta pulls harder.

He isn't sure how long it takes. It feels like infinity, tough he knows it could only last for a few minutes at most. Finally the arrow's only obstacle is the thick layer of skin on Cato's chest. Exhaustion overwhelms Peeta, his arms tireder than he would have thought possible. Cato's screams still pierce his ears, though at least now he's dug his fingers into the dirt of the cave's floor, attempting to stop himself from moving. Peeta is thankful for the effort; the last thing he wants to do is hurt Cato further.

With a final pull the arrow tugs free of Cato's body, a sick squelching sound that promises to haunt Peeta's nightmares filling the cave. A final squirt of blood gurgles from his chest and Peeta feels the bile burning his throat. He swallows hit down, though it sickens him, knowing right now is not the time to be getting sick.

The screams end, much to Peeta's delight, replaced by pants from his coarse throat. "Is it over?" He gasps, his voice barely a whisper. Tears wet his eyelashes and Peeta realises it's the first time he's ever seen him cry.

"It's over." He replies, leaning back to grab the tub of medication. His fingers curl into the cream which is a lime green colour and smooth on his fingers. He leans over Cato, his lower lip trembling with fear. What if this doesn't work? What if it's not what he thought it was? Did Peeta really do all that work for nothing?

How will he live without Cato, if he is wrong?

No. Peeta refuses to think like that. If he starts to think like that, if he starts to doubt himself, he'll never stop and that will be the end of it. No, Cato will live. Cato has to live.

His arm trembles ever so slightly as he lifts Cato's shirt with his free hand. His stomach drops as he sees the full extent of the wound. Not only is it deep, but Peeta's pretty certain it penetrated Cato's entire body. Fear almost paralyses him; nothing should be able to heal a person from that. Instead of letting the feat take him though, he just presses the cream against his blood-stained skin. Blood mingles with the cream, turning it an off-pink colour. Oh God, there's so much blood. Peeta can feel the ragged skin that the arrow ripped into tickling his fingertips. Nausea wells in his stomach once more but he pushes it down. It's not the time. Biting down on his tongue to keep himself from screaming, Peeta pokes the cream into the hole, his fingers quite literally in Cato. He pulls his hand back once he's handled all that he can, grimacing when the feeling of torn skin refuses to leave his memories. Glancing down he sees Cato's face contorted into a similar grimace.

"This is it." Peeta mumbles, barely realising that he's spoken aloud until Cato opens his eyes and looks at him. Peeta reaches out and takes the other boy's hand with his unbloodied one, squeezing reassuringly. He sends the vibe that he's certain the medicine will work, despite the icicles of fear prickling his entire body.

"Ow." Cato spits, wincing. Two pairs of eyes glance to the hole in Cato's chest, their fingers squeezing tighter in anticipation. Cato winces once more and Peeta can see why. Through the hole in his chest, muscles string together, forming like a spider web. Peeta's breath catches in his throat as the building speeds up. Veins twist into the combination, reforming the structure that once was. Finally a layer of skin forms over the internal organs, leaving the wound completely healed.

"Cato." Peeta gasps, drawing his eyes from the miracle in front of them to look at his lover's face. He feels his own stretching into a wide grin, his eyes shining with happiness. Cato's expression is simply stunned, full of awe and shock.

"Cato!" Peeta cries again, bursting out in impulsive laughter. Cato looks up, his lips stretching to mimic Peeta's grin.

"Yes, love?" He murmurs, his expression more full of life than Peeta's ever seen him.

"I told you you're not going to die."

"Yes, that you did."

And then they laugh. They laugh until they forget why they're laughing; they laugh until their stomachs hurt; they laugh until they believe that everything will be okay. They laugh until the laughter dies down and they're left in silence, silly smiles on their faces.

"Cato." Peeta begins, his voice thoughtful.

"Yes, Peeta?"

"No matter what happens to end these Games, I'm not leaving this arena without you."

Cato is silent, thinking this over.

"I never planned to leave without you."

Peeta leans down and presses his lips against his lover's. Their fingers loop together, showing the way they'll stick together no matter what.