Chapter 7

"So…" Ethan had to swallow a lump in his throat, "how did you get out?"

Benji blinked a few times and his eyes were suddenly full of emotion.

"It was Clive," he replied, his voice low. It sounded like it was suddenly difficult for him to move his tongue.

"Stevenson?" Ethan asked, a bit startled, and received a nod in reply. "I heard he died from a heart attack last week…"

"Yeah, he did," Benji smirked bitterly, sarcasm yet again showing in his voice.

"Convenient, isn't it," Brandt spoke up.

"I don't know if he somehow found out about Lovett's plans or knew about them all along but didn't want to go with it anymore," Benji was now staring at his palms. "He had it coming. He was dead the moment he decided to help me. It was just a matter of time".

Everything was blurry and surreal. Benji managed to half-open his eyes. There was movement. He didn't know if he was really moving or it was just in his head. Lights passing… Street lights? Was he in a car? Where were they taking him now? Were they going to drug him more? He felt sick. He began to try and pull some movements at the backseat when he heard a soft voice.

"Benji? Don't worry, I'm gonna get you out…" Stevenson probably said something else but the techie was unable to follow his voice, falling back into oblivion.

Next time his eyes opened, he saw two human shapes in front of him. One was rather large, the other was smaller. Two unsteady shadows. Why was the larger shadow shaking him?...

"Benji!" the larger shadow suddenly turned into Clive. "Come on, wake up, it's important!" He held Benji's head with both of his hands, making the technician look him in the eyes. When the Brit blinked drowsily, he took it as a sign of consciousness. "This is Guido," he nodded his head in the smaller shadow's direction. "He's a police officer. He is my friend. He will keep an eye on you, can you hear me? Benji?"

Clive shook him again as the Brit's eyes began to close. Benji tried to focus again, staring into Stevenson's huge brown eyes. In fact, right now they seemed too huge, making the agent look quite alien-like. Benji bit down a giggle.

"I'm sorry…" Clive's voice was now distant and almost inaudible, "… for what they did to you. Do you even understand what I am saying? I never wanted any of this to happen…"

Benji heard that without registering. It was like it was being recorded on some tape for some better times, when he would have his mind back. He couldn't hold on to consciousness any more. Everything went back to the surreal madness.

Benji wasn't paying attention to Brandt's hand on his shoulder anymore. Neither did he seem to acknowledge the pain in his other two friends' eyes or even their presence. He was recalling the events, as if needing to spill out all the words from his mind. He just spoke, sounding expressionless and dull.

For Jane and Ethan it was hard to imagine Benji – their Benji – in such a state. What they saw now hurt them anyway. They wondered if he could ever be back to normal. The silence lasted a bit too long now and it was Jane who decided to break it.

"So what happened next?" she asked almost in whisper. Even this sound, however quiet, made the technician jump and glare at her. His expression became some sort of a mask again.

"Next…" he let out a sigh. "Next there was detox. I don't remember it that well…"

Benji really didn't want to tell his friends about those two days of drifting in and out of consciousness, the excruciating agony and discomfort being the only constant in what he felt. He didn't want them to suffer through it with him, so he decided to keep it short, words escaping his mouth monotonously. He was not always aware of what was happening to his body. In fact, at some points it felt like he was losing touch with it. Sometimes he woke up to see Guido there but most of the times the police officer couldn't be there, as it was dangerous to be anywhere around the former agent. One of the most painful things Benji remembered was the feeling of absolute loneliness. 'I am going to die here, in the middle of nowhere, alone and in pain'. Sometimes he just wanted to end it all but didn't have the strength to get up and do anything.

The first relatively long period of coherence had him waking up alone again. It was when he thought that this time he might be able to get up and put this hell to an end that he started to think. 'So what if I die here? Lovett wins. Ethan, Jane and Brandt don't know about it. They might end up helping the criminals. If any of them finds out the truth, they might end up like me. Or he will just kill them'. He couldn't let this happen. He couldn't just die. He had to do something. A new wave of agony came, shaking his entire being in uncontrollable spasms and sending his mind back into darkness.

"It's like…" his breathing was trembling, a lump in his throat making it hard to speak. "It's like when you fall into a pit and you can't get out, and you start to scream because you want someone to hear you, to know that you are there, to come and help you. That's what it was like for me in those days. First when I was with Lovett, and then during the detox… I just wanted to get out of this bizarre dream. I felt like I was really going mad," he let out a sharp breath that sounded like a sob, and yet his eyes were dry. He shrugged, finally focusing on Jane and Ethan who seemed to have stopped breathing in shock.

"When I could finally go out, I had to meet up with Guido at certain places to get some meds and supplies. It was too dangerous for him to raise any suspicions. We could only hope that none of Lovett's men had picked the track of him. I picked a twisted route, trying to make it impossible for anyone to follow me without being too obvious. I knew I was being watched. I just couldn't understand why they didn't attack. Until two days later when…" he paused, looking over at Brandt.

"… when Lovett sent me after you," the analyst finished.

"I was still not quite in the best condition back then," Benji returned to examining the palms of his hands. "I mean, I know that I am still not too well…" Jane unconsciously rubbed her wrists at that. "… and I don't know if I ever will be. I've accepted that," he rushed to add, seeing how his friends opened their mouths to assure him he would be fine.

Seeing how Benji had gone silent, Brandt decided to take over.

"But yeah, you really weren't that well when I saw you," he recalled. "I've already told you guys how it happened. I wasn't quite sure what to believe but Benji's words did seem to make sense. I heard about Stevenson's death and it had raised suspicions back then…"

They sat like that for way too long. The sky outside began to lighten up with the upcoming sunrise.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Brandt asked, breaking the silence. He knew that if he came back without Benji after, no doubt, being seen meeting him, it would cause quite a few questions.

Benji kept sitting, looking down at the floor. As time passed and Benji still wasn't responding, the analyst began to worry, doubting whether his friend was with him at all. Just as he was about to call out for him, the tech finally looked up. Brandt took an involuntary step back, being able to see the Brit's face at last in the first beams of the daylight. He suddenly noticed just how pale Benji was. His eyes, so dark and bloodshot, were still filled with agony. The technician sighed, as if coming to some final decision.

"You're gonna have to kill me," he said at last, his voice painfully low and colourless.