A/N Hopefully this redeems Tony a little bit.. He's been struggling with his own guilt and I hope you readers are able to see that and maybe Ziva is way more forgiving and understanding then she normally would be but she truly cares for Tony and believes that he would never intentionally hurt her.
I FORGIVE YOU
After Tony dropped off his date and apologized for his behavior, he slowly drove over to Ziva's. He didn't even know what he was going to say to her or how she would react when she showed up but he just knew he couldn't leave things the way they were now. He had to face Ziva once and for all and he just hoped that she didn't turn him away from her life completely. Tony gently knocked on Ziva's door who was now wearing something more comfortable than what she was wearing at the bowling alley. She slowly opened the door to see Tony standing there.
"Hey." He said so quietly that Ziva could barely hear him. "Hey." She said quietly back. They just stood in silence for a few seconds before Ziva made the next move. "Would you like to come in, Tony?" Tony just took a deep breath in and slowly walked into Ziva's apartment. "So, where's the blonde who shall remain nameless?" "I took her home. Her name is Emily, actually." "I see." Not really acting like she cared because she really didn't. Tony couldn't blame her. "Listen Ziva, I'm sorry about tonight. About everything." Running a hand through his hair.
"What are you even sorry for, Tony? What is even going on with us?" Tony didn't even know how to begin explaining things to Ziva. "Well-" "I just can't help but feel like so much between us has changed but I don't know what." "Trust me, Ziva. If anything has changed between us, I take full blame for it." Ziva just shook her head in confusion. "What exactly are you taking the blame for?" " I just said, for everything that's changed, for your memory loss, for everything that's happened afterword."
"Tony, lets just sit down and talk, ok? I'm sure we can get this all figured out." Offering Tony one side of the couch. "I really don't know what else to say, Ziva. I did wrong by you and I promise to do everything in my power to fix it but..." Hanging is head down as Ziva just took her hand and lifted it back up to face her. "But what? Is that what you're apologizing for, Tony? For taking care of me? Taking me to Israel to help me get some of my memories back? because if these are your crimes, I forgive you." Starting to tear up now.
"No Ziva, don't forgive me. I don't deserve your forgiveness. You don't know the whole story, ok?" Standing up now as Ziva did the same. "Then why don't you fill me in on the whole story because I'm obviously not getting it." Tony just stood there, feeling so lost now. Ziva just walked up to him and took him by the hand. "Please, just tell me what's going on, Tony." Tony so more vulnerability in Ziva's face now than had seen before she remembered everything. "It's not that easy, Ziva. To say what I did will not only change things between us, it will change your opinion of me and I don't know if I can handle that."
"Please, just say something, Tony. Please." Tony couldn't hold back the truth anymore. If Ziva was going to hate him, at least she would know the whole truth as to why. "I um- It's true that I was the one holding you before you lost consciousness and I know I said a few things to try to get you to stay awake, to stay with me." "Some things like what?" Talking so understandably to her partner now. "That I couldn't live without you." Looking her straight in the face now. "Oh, Tony." Tears filled her eyes when hearing this.
"it's true that I spent a night with you before we went to Israel. I just didn't want you to be more alone than you already were." "I know, Tony. Everyone told me. They told me you took full responsibility for me." Now squeezing his hand tighter in hers. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean I was the best person for that job, Ziva. I pretty much messed everything up." "Taking me to Israel could not of been easy. Having to remind me of how I lost my family, having to watch me deal with my father. My life is incredibly complicated and I am soo grateful that I had someone with me to go through it with." Tony still couldn't understand why Ziva was being so understanding.
"dammit, Ziva. I'm not the saint you think I am and I'm trying to get you to see that. I don't know when your opinion of me changed but you need to change it back and you need to change it now." Starting to get frustrated with Ziva. "Tony, just calm down." "I mean it, Ziva. I'm bagging you, do not force me to say this." "Say what, Tony? Just say it!" "I slept with you, Ziva. Ok?! I slept with you." Ziva just stood there for a few minutes, trying to understand what Tony had admitted to her. "What?" "You heard me, Ziva. When you had no regulation of yourself, me, or anything around you, I took advantage of that. You let me sleep with you, Ziva when I knew better. That's why things have changed and that's why they can't go back to the way things were and I'm sorry." "Tony." Starting to cry now and Ziva did the same. "Ziva, I'm soo sorry."
"Oh Tony, it's ok." Only inches from him now as she took him into her welcoming arms. "I don't want you to hate me, Ziva. Please, just don't hate me." Holding her soo close to him now. "I could never hate you, Tony." Breaking down along with Tony now. "Yeah, but you should. I could have stopped this if I just tried harder." "You know what I wish, Tony?" Looking at him in the face now. "What?" "I just wish I could remember this past week and everything that has happened between you and me. I wish I could remember us being together." Tony couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only was Ziva not upset with him for sleeping with her, she was actually wishing she could remember what he did.
"Why Ziva? Why would you want to remember any of this?" Taking her by the shoulders and staring directly into her eyes. "Because I love you and I wanted things to be this way for a long time." admitting what was in her heart for as long as she could remember. "Ziva, what are you saying? This only happened because I was too damn weak to stop it." "I don't believe that, Tony. Maybe this all happened because there was no way to stop it." Suddenly Tony remembered what Gibbs said about this all happening for a reason. "This didn't have to happen like this, Ziva." "But it did and I if I am sure about anything that has happened, it's that I don't want things to go back."
Tony just dropped his arms down to her waist as he continued to listen to the women he loved, bare his soul to him. "I want you to stay with me and hold me at night, I want you to take little trips to Israel with me, I want you to defend when I just can't find the words to defend myself" Taking Tony by the hand now as Tony just squeezed it tight. "When all else fails, I want you to make love to me to make me feel better." "Yeah, but Ziva, I still can't take back what I did."
"I don't want you to take it back, Tony. Don't you get that?! haven't you been listening to me? I don't think you did anything wrong. The only thing I regret is that I don't remember you being this way but I can let go of a week of my life if it means that I can have a future with you." Wrapping her arms around Tony's neck now as he just smiled down at her. "That's all I want too, Ziva. You have no idea how much I want this. I might not be able to forget the past week as easily as you can but I promise that I will work hard to focus on the future. I love you, Ziva." Tears just ran down Ziva's face. "I have always loved you, Tony." She brought his head down to hers and laid a kiss on him that made him forget all the guilt he had inside of him. Even for just 30 seconds. "Oh, wow. It's even better now than it was before." Wiping some tears off of his own face now.
I can't waite until we relive our first night together." Kissing her a few more times now. "So, that means you'll stay with me tonight?" You are going to have a hard time getting me to leave now, Ziva. Just a fair warning." She just laughed a little bit. "I think I'm ok with that, Tony." They just held each other for the longest time before taking things into the bedroom.