Sorry for this being so late, I was on holiday in another part of the country for a while and didn't have my laptop (or an internet connection, for that matter) with me for two weeks :/
AHMAHAGAD there has been such a long build-up to this chapter DX
You know this was the scene that first got me started on writing this whole story?
And finally…here it is…I pray I don't fail it -_-' I tried writing mainly in Gajeel's perspective this chapter… not sure how well it came out, but I tried XP
Thanks to everyone for the faves and alerts! ^^
Zororenjilover – Thank you! I like my characters to have some substance :3
9. Say All I Need (OneRepublic)
Do you know where your heart is?
Do you think you can find it?
Or did you trade it for something
Somewhere better just to have it?
Do you know where your love is?
Do you think that you lost it?
You felt it so strong, but
Nothing's turned out how you wanted
Well, bless my soul
You're a lonely soul
Cause you won't let go
Of anything you hold
Well, all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Do you know what your fate is?
And are you trying to shake it?
You're doing your best and
Your best look
You're praying that you make it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Better than you had it
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Do you think you can find it?
Yeah, better than you had it (Better than you had it)
I said I all I need
Is the air I breathe
And a place to rest
My head
Whenever the end is
Do you think you can see it?
Well, until you get there
Go on, go ahead and scream it
Just say it
It had been a few months since Shock and Gajeel had completed their job in Lilia, and the two seemed to have a greater understanding of each other after all that had happened. Gajeel knew not to press Shock about what had happened in her past and her relationship with her estranged sister – she would open up when she felt like it – and she knew not to question his ability as a mage.
But while Gajeel's relationship with Shock was improving, his ties with the other guild members were as brittle and volatile as ever. He spoke little to anyone else besides Natsu and Levy, and even then those moments were few and far between.
Most of the time he avoided going into the guild house because all he ever got were suspicious looks and dagger-like glares from people who still didn't trust him.
But when he saw his partner – who had been welcomed into the guild with open arms – be so accepted and well-liked by the people who despised him, it made him feel… frustrated. One could even say he was envious of her climbing popularity. Gajeel remembered when Shock had first shown up at the guild – she had been so distant and recluse, and hadn't spoken a word to anyone besides Levy and Mirajane for about two months.
He had seen a familiar aura of distrust radiating from her – she seemed to have no faith in human compassion or kindness, and was a little lost when it was given to her. When he saw that, it made him feel… not so alone in his own ways.
Fairy Tail was completely new to Gajeel – in Phantom Lord, he had been feared by his peers for his superior strength and violent ways. He had never socialised with any of his old guild members because he felt he had been above them. But then he'd left when Phantom Lord was all but destroyed. Why he had felt compelled to join the very guild that had defeated it, he still didn't know. Maybe Makarov had finally gotten through to him on some level.
But when he'd arrived, there was nothing but hate and contempt thrown his way – he had to admit that on some level he deserved it. He had destroyed their guild house and attacked Shadow Gear, after all. But he was willing to try push past his glaring superiority complex and atone for those sins. No one gave him a chance to try, though.
Even when he had protected Levy from Laxus, the guild still acted wary of him. So he kept to himself. He maintained his tough, unapproachable façade to keep the others away – he would rather be alone than persecuted.
But then Shock came along. After finding her own feet in the guild, she showed him that not everyone was so hate-filled and aggressive. She had managed to convince him in a matter of months to at least try and give them and chance again, and be an active part of a guild she had come to love so much.
He had decided to take her advice for once, and not write it off as more of her nonsensical rubbish. He had to admit, she had a point. He was tired of being rejected and feared all the time. Gajeel had started on trying to repair his relationship with Levy. So far, it had been mostly a success.
Shock, having seen the improvement, encouraged him to try it with other members of the guild after they had returned from Lillia. Trusting her judgment, he had decided to give it a chance.
Which was how he found himself in his current situation.
He sat next to his partner at one of the long wooden tables running across the guild hall, surrounded by other members of Fairy Tail. He noted that some of the less-hostile mages were there as well, and suspected Shock had organised that to make him feel a little more comfortable. Not that he would admit it to her, but seeing Natsu, Grey, Juvia, Erza, Happy, Lucy and Levy there was helping the encounter feel less strained.
He still wasn't all that at ease, though. He tried his best to ignore the glares directed at him from Levy's partners, but they were a little too heated to disregard. It seemed they still hadn't forgotten about the 'incident'…
Shock nudged him with her elbow, breaking away from the idle chatter for a moment.
"Stop looking so aggressive. This isn't going to work if you keep looking like that," she half-scolded in a whisper, nodding her head towards some unfamiliar mages at the other end of the table.
Gajeel tried to ease the tension out of his shoulders, rolling them. "It's a habit," he muttered, rolling his eyes at her. "They're aggravating me."
Shock snorted. "Just follow my lead, they don't bite."
"Not you, they don't," he mumbled under his breath as Shock launched herself back into the conversation humming around the table. He noted that her sunny optimism seemed to be blinding her to the looks he was getting and sighed. She really did have high hopes for him.
"So, been on any interesting assignments lately?" she asked Lucy casually, nudging Gajeel with her knee to garner his attention. She would draw him into this conversation whether he wanted to talk or not. It was part of her 'tough love' policy – if she didn't give him a push, he was never going to socialise with anyone.
"Yeah, we did actually!" Lucy smiled brightly – it was one of the things Shock liked about the stellar spirit mage, she was always so upbeat. A moment later, her expression turned a little sheepish as she continued, "But Natsu sort of destroyed the theatre we were working at…"
Shock laughed, surprising both Lucy and Gajeel - that was certainly something that didn't happen very often. "Don't worry, the first mission Gajeel and I did as a team kind of ended the same way." she scratched the back of her head, thinking fondly back to the first time she and her partner had worked together.
Giving Gajeel a pointed look, Shock commanded him silently to join in the conversation. When all he did was give her a blank look in return, she kicked him in the shin rather hard. Biting back a curse and shooting his hot-tempered partner a glare, Gajeel added, "Only because you started a fight!"
Shock scowled. "I did not! You questioned my ability as a mage – I was merely demonstrating my worth," she replied with a huff.
"Some worth that was," Gajeel muttered with a smirk. It was so entertaining winding the charm mage up.
She looked at him sharply, a retort on her tongue, but Lucy's laugh stopped her. Shock and Gajeel looked at the blonde mage questioningly.
Between giggles, Lucy said, "Sorry, it's just that you two remind me so much of how Natsu and I act on missions."
Shock smiled and laughed a little more when Natsu leaned over to Lucy, almost shouting over the din, "I heard my name!"
Gajeel looked at Shock, noticing her reaction. He realised she looked… happy here, happier than she had been when she first joined. A small smile curved one side of his mouth. Maybe he could make it work, too.
Just maybe.
"I was just telling Shock how much she and Gajeel remind me of how we act sometimes," Lucy explained, shoving Natsu into a sitting position and scowling at him good-humouredly.
Natsu looked like he was letting the information sink in a little for a moment. Then, suddenly, he pointed to Gajeel and exclaimed with a determined grin, "I still want that rematch!"
Gajeel replied with his own feral grin, "Good luck kid, I still don't think you have what it takes."
"We'll see about that!"
Shock smiled again, seeing how comfortable Gajeel was when bantering with Natsu. Maybe her plan was working, after all. She caught Lucy's eye and the older girl smiled.
"They really are very much alike, aren't they?" the blonde laughed, resting her arms on the table and watching the two fondly.
Shock gave a small laugh and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose they are."
"Don't compare Natsu to that monster," Droy, one of Levy's team mates, growled, glaring at Lucy briefly before transferring his heated gaze to Gajeel. "They're nothing alike!"
"Droy!" Levy cast him a shut-the-hell-up look, looking herself mortified. She knew just how hard Shock was trying to integrate Gajeel into the guild, and how hard the dragonslayer was trying to fit in.
"It's true, isn't it?" Droy continued angrily. Gajeel met his glare with an icy look of his own. The two didn't break eye contact as more of the less-familiar guild members cast their own disapproving looks at the black-haired mage.
"Don't say things like that!" Levy reprimanded sharply. Shock's stomach started to sink – Gajeel may have been keeping his cool for the moment, but she had a feeling that after one more outburst from any of the others and he would snap…
Droy broke eye contact with Gajeel for a moment to cast an incredulous look at his blue-haired partner. "Don't tell me you've forgotten what he did to you! How can you say he's not a monster?"
Shock's shoulders dropped. She knew that was it. She didn't even flinch when Gajeel stood abruptly from the table, fists clenched and jaw tight. She watched helplessly as he stormed away from the group, shoulders tensed, her heart contracting painfully. He had been trying so hard, and Droy had to go and say something like that – bringing up a past Shock was trying hard to let Gajeel forget.
The charm mage turned her head to Levy's partner and shot him a venomous look. "How dare you!"
"What do you mean, 'how dare I'?" he retorted sharply. "He's done things to this guild that you would be appalled at if you knew!"
"He's my partner, how could I not know what he's done?" Shock hissed angrily.
"And you're still defending him!" Droy spat.
"He's trying to make up for his mistakes!" she spat, slamming her hands down on the table and rising to her feet. "You could at least be decent enough to give him a chance!"
Leaving a rather speechless table behind her, Shock sprang over the bench and ran after her irate partner, her blood seething in indignation. Who they hell did they think they were? They didn't even know how Gajeel was trying to change. Now Shock could see why her partner had kept himself so isolated before… some of the others just couldn't let the past go. It saddened her – she thought everyone deserved a shot at redemption.
…
Gajeel stormed through the guild house doors, his blood boiling. That idiot from Shadow Gear infuriated him – why he hadn't killed him before, he didn't know. He was starting to wish he had.
Anger coursed through his veins, so much so that the edges of his vision had started to turn red. This was why he refused to associate himself with any of the other mages in Fairy Tail – they were far too petty for his liking.
He was starting to wish he had never listened to Makarov; that he had never joined this pathetic guild in the first place. He would have rather gone rogue and joined a dark guild than be subjected to that.
"Gajeel, wait!"
He didn't slow down as he heard his partner call after him. It was all her fault, anyway – trying to play puppet master and make him do things he didn't want to. If it wasn't for Shock, he wouldn't have had to deal with Droy's accusations or the other's glares. It annoyed him to simply be around the weaklings, but he had done it to shut that nagging girl up. Somehow, he had always known that the other mages would never give him any type of respect. They were far too narrow-minded for that. Why he had even bothered to try in the first place, he didn't know. He hoped Shock was satisfied now.
Her footsteps got louder and louder as she tried to catch up to him. Gajeel wouldn't stop – he didn't feel like listening to any more of her half-brained ideas.
"Hold on, will ya?" Shock cut him off, bringing him to a stop.
Gajeel folded his arms, glaring down at his smaller partner angrily. "Happy now?"
Shock scratched the back of her head, grimacing. "Droy shouldn't have said what he did. He didn't realise that you're trying to make up for things…"
"I'm done trying," Gajeel growled, shaking his head. "These weaklings aren't worth my time."
Shock sighed and looked at his apologetically. He felt like shaking her. "Look, it'll take time for them to realise that they're wrong to be doing this, but we have to start somewhere!"
"I don't care what the hell they think!" he snapped. "I don't need them!"
"Gajeel…" Shock's expression turned sympathetic. That just made him even more angry – the last thing he needed from anyone – especially her – was sympathy.
"No, Shock," he cut her off. "I don't need them! I don't need this guild to make me stronger! All I need is a place to keep out of the cold at night and to train! I don't need anyone's acceptance – not the guilds', and certainly not yours!"
A myriad of emotions washed over the charm mage's face – first shock, then pain and hurt, and finally, her expression settled into a stony mask.
"Fine, if that's the way you want it," Shock's voice was icily calm, her eyes colder still. If he had looked hard enough, Gajeel would have seen searing pain in their depths.
She was hurt that he didn't want to try anymore… that he considered her acceptance to worthless. It felt as though someone was squeezing her heart, trying to crush it. And just when she had started feeling like she could open up to him… she guessed she must have just been delusional to think that could ever have happened.
Shock started walking back to the guild house, arms folded. She stopped just beside her partner and looked at him through the corner of her eye. Her mouth curled into a slight snarl as she asked, "If you don't need anyone's acceptance, then why are you even here?"
Before he could answer, Shock started walking again. Gajeel turned to shoot a retort, but stopped when he caught sight of her guild stamp proudly emblazoned on her lower back, just under the hem of her half-shirt.
For a moment, he felt a pang of regret, maybe even guilt. But as suddenly as it had appeared, he squashed it. Expression melting into a frown, Gajeel noticed Shock's tense shoulders and the unevenness of her steps.
Shaking his head as if to banish any images of both his partner and guild from his mind, Gajeel stormed away from the guild and everyone in it.
I hope I managed to do this chapter justice…