Apologies for lateness, I feel so bad for neglecting my account…
They're really not shy to heap on the work in the first term of school ^^;
Sort of had to hit the ground running and haven't stopped :s
And many thanks to my Beta-reader, Aikoyu Saotome for her patience with my slow updates and helping me go over all the finer details of the story that needed some cleaning up (like my grammar ^^;)
Deirim – Really sorry for not updating sooner, I had no internet at home for the past few days and before that I was hit by an extreme case of writer's block and lack-of-time sickness ^^;
I plan my chapters out in advance, so that may be why you feel the first few were a bit rushed – but I am open to constructive criticism, and appreciate the feedback :D I'll definitely work on the flow of my stories more to rectify that ^^
indescribable music - Thank you! I'm glad you like it :D
Kaito – Wow, I feel honored in that case 0.o I'm glad my stuff has the power to improve a week! :D And sorry for keeping you waiting so long for an update ^^;
DribbleDrabble4ever - Thank you! I'll try and work on keeping them in character better in future, in that case :)
10. Believe Me (Fort Minor)
Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got
You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
I hear your voice in my head when no one else is around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me
Do what i have to do
You're on your own now believe me
What ever happens to you
You're on your own now believe me
What do I have to say
You're on your own now believe me
It's not gonna happen with me
You're on your own now believe me
It had taken a few days for Gajeel's temper to die down a smidgen. Not to say that he wasn't still angry… he shot looks like daggers at the male members of Shadow Gear whenever he got the chance. He had stayed away from the guild house for the majority of the past week, not wanting anything to do with it or its members after the incident. But he had calmed down enough to grudgingly realize that he shouldn't have snapped at Shock the way he had.
And it was with this reluctant realization that he went in search of his partner. In his mind, he felt that he should at least try and apologize for his harsh words – but apology was something that didn't sit quite so comfortably with Gajeel. He was more of the 'act-without-regret' type of person – although treating Shock the way he had was one of the extremely few things he did indeed regret.
When he entered the guild house, it was early enough in the morning that not very many people were milling about but Gajeel preferred it that way; there were less people around to give him hostile glares, and less people he had to hand out death-glares to. Face settling into his usual 'talk-to-me-and-I'll-kill-you' look, he strolled over to the bar counter, assuming that Shock would be on her usual duty.
But when his eyes scanned the newly-polished bar counter, she was nowhere to be seen.
Frowning, Gajeel assumed she had just left momentarily and would be back soon enough. He took his usual seat and waited. When she still didn't appear after a few minutes, Gajeel's frown deepened and he peered down both ends of the counter. Still no sign of her. It wasn't like Shock to miss duty…
Noticing Mirajane at the end of the counter, doing something or other he didn't really care about, Gajeel waved her over.
"Where's Shock?" he asked, a frown still etched on his face. He figured if anyone knew where she was, it was either Mirajane or Levi.
The young woman looked surprised. "Didn't she tell you?"
Gajeel's expression immediately turned suspicious. "Tell me what?"
Mirajane began absent-mindedly polishing the already-sparkling glass she held in her hand with the edge of her apron. "She left on a solo mission this morning. Said she wanted some time alone."
Gajeel's temper flared right up again, but he shoved it down as quickly as possible. "Where did she go?"
"I don't know exactly, she said something about a village on the edges of Fiore," she answered, still focusing intently on the glass. "Although she did tell me to tell you not to follow her."
He snorted. Like hell he'd take orders from that little charm mage. "Which village?"
Mirajane gave him an uneasy look. "I really shouldn't say…"
Gajeel stood from the bar stool, letting his most menacing aura creep out and surround him like a dark, ominous cloud. "Which. Village?"
Mirajane shrank back, clutching the glass to her chest as if to ward off Gajeel's black aura. "Err…"
…
Shock sighed to herself as she twirled the neck of a bottle deftly between her fingers. She turned around to face the waiting bar customers with a fake smile plastered firmly on her face. She poured their drinks swiftly and sent them on their way, having no desire to engage in any unnecessary contact with strangers. The mere thought of having to actually talk to them made her skin crawl.
But she needed the job, so she had to persevere.
Shock had decided that she needed to get away from the guild – and Gajeel – for a little while, to clear her head; to get some space to think. After the incident at the guild house… Shock shuddered. Maybe she wasn't helping as much as she thought she could have. What really got her right in the gut was what Gajeel had said before he left.
I don't need anyone's acceptance – not the guilds', and certainly not yours!
That one really stung.
They had been partners; surely her acceptance would have counted for something? Especially after everything they had been through. Shock shook her head, pushing the bothersome thoughts to the back of her mind. She had thought they had had an understanding of each other. She guessed she was wrong. That was why Shock hated people; why she had stayed away from them for so long – they turned on you without the slightest warning. The relationship often wasn't worth the pain, from her limited experience.
And that was how she found herself in this dark, dingy hole-in-the-wall. She had been so desperate to get away from everyone – even Levi couldn't comfort her – that she had grabbed the first job she saw straight off the notice board and had packed her bags and left without even reading the damn thing until she was at the train station.
When she had seen that the actual job was a low-paying one in some far-off town on the edges of the province, she sighed in relief. Remote village equalled peace and quiet – something she didn't mind trading a high-paying job for. But then she'd seen what the job actually entailed…
Working as a barmaid had never really been one of her top career choices, even though she worked at Fairy Tail's bar quite regularly.
Sighing, Shock focused on neatening up the bottles on the shelf behind the counter. As undesirable as the job was, she was stuck there until she finished it. She thought it was funny – when she had been dreaming of life as a mage during her excruciating stay in the conscription camp, Shock had always thought of a mage's job as glorious and exciting, with a new thrill and adventure around every corner. She laughed to herself. And now here she was, cleaning beer glasses and dealing with unsavoury drunkards. Oh, the humanity.
"Hey! Barmaid!" Shock stiffened as the raucous call assailed her ears. "We wanna see a magic trick!"
She gritted her teeth and adjusted her far-too-short uniform, roughly tugging down the preposterously frilly skirt. She hated skirts. The ever-present charm belt slung around her waist jangled slightly with the movement.
Taking a few deep breaths, she plastered a fake smile on her face once more and turned to face the expectant men wolf-whistling from the bar counter. As much as it irked her, it was unfortunately part of the job description – entertaining the non-magical folk of the town at the bar with whatever she could conjure up.
She thought it was a waste of effort and a mockery of magical skill, but the owner of the bar didn't care. He just wanted a show to rake in some money.
The men started cheering and clapping, urging her on with more whistles and jeers. She internally snarled, but forced herself to appear happy and accommodating. At that moment, she really wished Lucy was around to focus all the attention away from her – the blonde stellar mage seemed to just have that kind of magnetic personality that was good with people.
Gritting her teeth behind her smile, Shock brought the first charm her fingers brushed across to her lips.
With some bitterness, she noted that it was the water charm… the very charm she had used on her first mission with him – she thought it quite ironic, seeing as this was her first solo mission without her partner.
Pushing the thoughts to the back of her mind, Shock pressed the cool gem-laden charm to her lips and let the power ebb from its tiny surface into her body. She felt the cool rush of power through her veins and closed her eyes, relishing the feel of it for a moment. She registered dimly the various awe-struck noises made by her audience as the magic of the charm let her assume her associated appearance – blue hair, webbed fingers, flowing robes; the whole package. To her, it felt a damn sight better than her frilly, restricting barmaid's uniform.
She slowly opened her eyes again – and shifted uncomfortably as she realised that each and every person in the bar had their attention fixated on her. She wasn't used to this much attention, not at all.
Taking a deep breath, Shock tried to suppress the odd prickling sensation washing over her skin in waves – she couldn't let her nerves get the better of her at this stage. It would mean that she would fail the job, and that would give the guild a bad name. She wouldn't stand for Fairy Tail losing any shred of its reputation, especially not because of her.
Shock decided to start off with some simple little tricks that would hopefully keep the ignorant fools before her satisfied and wouldn't take up too much of her energy or magic. She focused on the glass of one of the nearest patrons and flicked her wrist lazily. The contents of the beer tumbler started to rise out of the glass, still retaining its shape as if frozen. She almost laughed at the half-terrified, half-amazed expression the owner of the glass wore.
Shock made the water float gently to the area directly in front of her, somewhere over the middle of the bar counter. Motioning both hands in precise, practiced movements, she split the liquid in half and flattened it so the alcohol spun in two razor-thin disks, one on top of the other. She went about her act with an air of cold efficiency, paying no attention to the awe-struck crowd. In her mind, they weren't even there – she didn't want them to be there.
As she watched the disks floats in arcs, one over the other, she reflected on how much she had actually enjoyed her solitude before becoming involved with Fairy Tail. Make no mistake, she was happy that she had found Levy and joined the guild, but Shock couldn't help but think of how much simpler her life had been when she had been living with that old mage up in the mountains.
She absent-mindedly formed the cloudy beer into a flowing female figure and set it dancing over the polished counter.
There had been a simple routine back then, not much to think or worry about – get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, train for the rest of the day until the sun began its slow descent beyond the horizon. Now that she thought of it, there hadn't been much to Shock's life before, other than training. After the old mage had shown her the basics of how to use her charms, Shock had developed her skills on her own. She hadn't liked much human contact after her escape from the conscription camp, and the old woman had respected that. Training had been the only thing that set her mind at ease – it kept her occupied, didn't give her much time to think, to over-analyse.
Shock maintained control over the water-maiden with one hand while drawing more beer out of a few more unattended glasses nearby. She weaved the extra liquid into her dancer and internally rolled her eyes at the astounded gasps and cheers she received as the figure swelled and grew in size. Didn't these people realise that what she was doing was mere child's play?
This was another one of the reasons Shock wasn't a fan of people in general – aside from the ones she knew on a personal level.
They were ignorant. Ignorance led to discrimination. Discrimination led to ostracizing and violence. The one thing Shock abhorred more than people was violence. She had seen and experienced enough of it to last a lifetime.
Out of the corner of her eye, Shock noticed the door of the bar swinging open. Her eyes narrowed when she spotted the spiked hair of the figure that entered.
How did…?
She gritted her teeth and made her liquid dancer spin in a sort of pirouette. She glanced over at the newcomer and suppressed a scowl when she saw metallic studs glinting in the dim lamplight. Setting her mouth in a firm line, she tried to squash down the intense irritation she felt at seeing her partner in the gawking crowd. Hadn't she told Mirajane specifically not to give away her whereabouts?
An idea occurred to her, and Shock smirked. Why not take advantage of the situation for a tiny drop of payback? It wouldn't be much compared to the incident at the guild hall a week prior, but it would be something.
Making her dancer leap gracefully towards the crowd of people, she manoeuvred it gracefully over tables and chairs and made it ghost a watery hand over the cheeks of a few stunned customers for some added effect. After spotting her target near the back of the bar, Shock made the dancer leap over the last two or three tables in one long stride. It sailed over the heads of the non-magical customers and headed straight for the troublesome dragonslayer standing idly against a pillar.
With a flourish of her hands and an overly-dramatic bow to the crowd, Shock dropped her magical influence over the liquid dancer. As soon as the magic holding it together dispersed, the beer crashed down on Gajeel's head in a wave of frothy, cloudy rain.
As the crowd erupted in wild cheers and hoots of raucous laughter at the scowling, soaked man in black, Shock allowed her smirk to widen a fraction. She released the magic and reverted back to her normal appearance as the men went back to their idle chatter and discussion after the show.
Shock turned her back to the rest of the bar and continued with her previous duty of cleaning glasses and sorting out liquor bottles on the shelves behind the counter. Her keen ears picked out the sound of heavy – if not a little damp – footsteps marching towards the counter. She rolled her eyes as one of the bar stools squeaked under added weight.
"I thought I told Mirajane to instruct you to leave me alone," she grumbled, not bothering to turn and face what was sure to be the very irate face of her moody partner.
"Good to see you too, partner," Gajeel scoffed behind her.
Shock whipped around angrily. "Partner?" she spat the word out like something distasteful. "The last I checked, partners didn't completely disregard one another!"
"And last time I checked, partners didn't play dirty tricks on one another!" he snapped back, shaking some of the foul-smelling beer from his soaked shirt.
Shock snorted disdainfully. "Don't act like you didn't deserve it."
"Look, about that-" he began, but Shock was far too livid to let him do any of the talking.
"What about it?" she growled, grabbing an unused glass and stuffing the rag she held deep into it. "Want to rant some more about what you do and don't need?"
She could see that struck a nerve, but her frustration continued to build when Shock saw Gajeel's face settle into that damn indifferent mask he always wore when he didn't want to deal with something. Did the man have no remorse? Not a shred of regret over the hurtful words he'd said?
"I came all the damn way here to apologise for that," he cast her an annoyed look. "But if you don't want to hear it…"
Shock nearly slammed the glass in her hand down on the counter. He sure as hell didn't sound apologetic to her, and if he was going to be sarcastic about the whole thing, then she didn't want to have to listen to him. "Keep your apology!" she hissed. "I don't need it!"
Gajeel's expression hardened, as did his fists on the counter. Here he was, putting his own pride on the line to try and apologise, and she was throwing it all back in his face. Gajeel didn't appreciate being… disregarded, as Shock had so eloquently put it. And all this after the fact that she had publically humiliated him and he was even trying his best not to punch her from here back to the guild hall.
"You know, if you would just listen-" Gajeel bit out.
"Listen to what? Some half-baked apology that I know you don't mean because of your over-sized ego? I have better things to do," Shock muttered bitterly, turning her back on him.
Gajeel could feel his frustration mounting. Could the woman not shut up for five seconds? The sooner he got this damn apology over with, the sooner they could go back to the guild and get on with what they had been doing before. He'd never admit it, not even to himself, but Gajeel had really enjoyed those few missions he had been on with the Charm Mage.
But before he could even open his mouth to say something else, Shock countered him.
"Whatever you have to say, I don't want to hear it," she hissed, glaring at him from the corner of her eye.
Gajeel was slightly puzzled when he saw the underlying tone of hurt in her gaze. Had what he said really upset her that much? Hell, he would have simply brushed it off if it had been directed at him. With an oddly uncomfortable feeling in his gut, he realised that his harsh words had probably shaken whatever little faith Shock had built up in people since she had joined the guild. She had come out of her shell, made herself uncomfortably vulnerable in order to try and push past her doubts about interaction with other people. And there he had gone, shooting his mouth off and basically rendering her efforts null and void.
God, he really had screwed up this time, hadn't he?
"Shock…" he tried again with the apology route, frowning.
"Just… save it, Gajeel. I don't have the patience for this," Shock interrupted him again, shaking her head. Her tone was… tired. Weary.
Before he could say anything else, Shock untied the apron from her uniform and dropped it onto one of the lower shelves behind her. She turned abruptly and pushed past the door into the staff changing room behind the bar.
Gajeel scowled. So much effort over a stupid apology… Why were females so damn touchy all the time?
…
Shock really didn't have the stomach to listen to any lame excuses Gajeel had somehow managed to brew up about what he had said back at the guild house. It felt like it had happened so long ago, and yet she still felt scorned. It hurt to think that all her efforts, all the time she had spent trying to integrate Gajeel into a community she felt would lessen the self-imposed isolation and guilt that must have been weighing down on him… that all of it had been for nothing… it stung.
She frowned, literally ripping the frustratingly clingy uniform from her body. She needed to be out of the wretched thing – it felt like it was constricting her to the point where she couldn't breathe. She threw it to the ground angrily and just stood there, her shoulders shaking.
Had their partnership meant nothing at all?
Shock took a shaky breath, letting her head fall backwards slightly. She wasn't even sure why it was bothering her so much – if that event had happened maybe even six months prior, she knew that she would have merely brushed it off and continued with business as usual.
Was she getting too attached?
That was one thing that scared Shock; that shook her to her very core – the fact that letting people get too close to you; getting too attached to people, would make you vulnerable. One thing Shock had always reared herself against was being vulnerable. If you were vulnerable, you got hurt. It was one of the reasons why she had been so hesitant to open up to anyone when she first joined Fairy Tail – if you let people get too close to you, if you made yourself more vulnerable, the pain and hurt they could inflict would be infinitely worse than if they were just some passers-by on the street that you'd never see again.
And because of her upbringing in the camp, she had learned quickly that vulnerability often led very speedily to death.
Engaging with people on a personal level was something Shock still found extremely difficult. Maybe the reason she was so upset with Gajeel was because she had opened herself up too much; she had let her impregnable walls weaken, and she had paid dearly for it.
She wondered where her thick-skinned attitude had disappeared to, and if it would ever come back.
…
Gajeel had decided to wait for Shock outside the bar. She would have to come out and talk to him eventually. He knew her well enough to know that she'd never leave any sort of argument unfinished, even if she was on the losing end.
When he saw her hurriedly walking out of the side alley leading from the bar entrance to the street, he seized his chance. She was going to listen to what he had to say, even if he had to tie her down to make her listen. He didn't like the way things were going at the moment.
He grabbed Shock's arm, bringing her to a standstill. "Now, you're going to listen to what I have to say, even if you don't like it – I didn't come all the way out here to be ignored!"
She shot him a dirty look, but otherwise remained silent. Gajeel took this as a safe indication to continue without risk of major bodily harm.
Biting down his damnable pride, Gajeel swallowed. "I wasn't thinking straight when I said all that stuff, I guess I was just really pissed at that dumbass Droy…"
Shock regarded Gajeel as he sank into an uncomfortable silence, trying to search for the right words. She knew it must have been the hardest thing he'd ever attempted – saying an apology. Gajeel was the kind of man that was completely remorseless in his actions. Admitting he had been in the wrong was something completely out of character for him. Shock was slightly surprised. He must have really felt guilty for saying what he did.
She waited for him to continue, her expression carefully blank.
Gajeel stopped for a moment, his grip on Shock's arm lessening as he groped around in his mind for the right words – any words – that would make it seem as though he could stomach apologising. Unfortunately, none were forthcoming.
Shock noted his clueless silence and decided to interject.
"I get that you were upset, but it didn't mean that you had to take it out on me," she mumbled, folding her arms and looking off to the side pointedly.
Gajeel glanced down at her before returning his gaze to the starless sky overhead. "Well it was kind of your fault that I was in the position in the first place," he replied gruffly.
As soon as the words were out his mouth, he realised they were the wrong ones to use in the situation.
Shock's expression morphed from slightly annoyed to absolutely livid in record time. "My fault?" her tone was quiet, but laced with a venomous undertone.
Gajeel thought for a split second about trying to explain himself, but then realised that it would just make matters worse. And, hang on a second… why should he have to explain himself? It was true, after all. It was Shock's fault for dragging him along to that little get-together, almost like she was putting him on display or something – trying to show people what a good little mage he was.
"If you hadn't dragged me to meet all your friends, none of this would have happened," he continued, frowning. He was not going to back down from that Charm Mage. He had come a long way to try and offer an apology, and she was throwing it back at him. Well, now it was his turn to go on the offensive.
"Well excuse me for trying to make your life a little bit easier," she snapped.
"Easier?" he retorted sharply. "All you did was parade me around like some pet! No one in the guild likes me, nor do I even need them to!"
"Why can't you understand that you don't have to isolate yourself from them all the time?" Shock growled, glaring at him.
Gajeel scoffed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not 'isolating' myself – I just don't need to depend on anyone!"
"Having a good relation with your fellow mages is not 'relying' on them, Gajeel!" Shock's tone turned exasperated. "What is it with you and this whole 'lone ranger' thing? Is your ego so inflated that you think yourself better than everyone else?"
Gajeel stiffened at that. His ego? Yes, it was true that he had thought himself superior while he was with Phantom Lord, but now that he was at Fairy Tail, his ego had nothing to do with the equation – he knew for a fact that there were many other mages there that were on the same skill and power level as he was. And he also knew that Shock wasn't one of them. What right did she have, preaching to him?
"My 'ego' has absolutely nothing to do with this!" Gajeel ground out through gritted teeth.
"Then why act so high and mighty all the time?"
"Coming from you?" He pointed an accusatory finger at the smaller mage. "You're the one who likes going around pretending to be a social miracle worker!"
Shock clamped her jaw shut to stop it from hitting the ground. Social miracle worker? Is that what he thought about all her efforts to integrate him into the guild? That she was using this as a way of glorifying herself? She was almost struck speechless by the audacity of it.
"I don't need to stand here and take this from you!" she spat, turning sharply on her heel and walking away from the dragonslayer.
"Oh no you don't!" Gajeel grabbed her elbow before she could get too far. "You're coming back to the guild with me, no more playing games!"
"I'm NOT going back with you!" Shock ripped her arm out of Gajeel's grip. He was taken aback for a second at the force with which she used. "You think you can just waltz in here after everything you said to me and expect me to fall back in line like a good little girl? It doesn't work like that!"
"You're coming back to the guild one way or another!" Gajeel growled, clenching his fists.
"Oh, I'll go back alright," Shock started backing away from her 'partner', her tone seething and her eyes slitted, "but certainly not with you!"
Before Gajeel could take a step towards her, or even say another word, Shock snatched her shadow charm from her belt and ran it over her bottom lip. In another second, she was gone.
Once again, sorry for the long wait between updates ^^
I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up (I'm back at school again, and it's exams), but as soon as it's ready it'll be up :D
Thanks for all the support!