It was so silent inside of her apartment. Closed window did nothing to conceal sounds from him, but it made him to stop and think. Again. He has done too many stupid unforgivable things because of not thinking - he couldn't afford this again.
She was still up. Catherine was sitting by the kitchen table, reading some papers. No, not SOME - THEE papers. Those few pages that contained some very important, maybe even crucial to his future information...
But he couldn't care less right now. Because it was her over there. And she'd closed a window.
She was wearing pajama with long-sleeved top and loose fit capris - such a cozy combination... Come to think of it this was the first time he saw her in something so... home-y.
Out of nowhere he remembered Catherine's story about her mom's traditional birthday present... and choked on the feeling of loosing it - loosing the right to know her stories, her little simple truths, her memories... She shared so much with him - and it was slipping away through his fingers even though they were in fists.
She brought a hand to her face to move remove a strand of her slightly dump hair... he never knew her hair is so curly when wet... but then again he never saw her after night shower. There were still so many things he hasn't experienced with her. Silly innocent things... and not so innocent things too. Things that was only meant for them, nobody else...
Catherine went to the kitchen counter and brought a teacup back. She flinched a little when putting a heavy cup to the table beside the papers and started massaging her left wrist while sitting down.
Oh no, he didn't!
Vincent knocked on the window, she'd heard him right away. Was she expecting for his visit?
Because if she was she definitely took her time to decide whether or not should she open the window. Sure thing Vincent could have opened the window by himself since it wasn't even locked only closed... but common courtesy (which he neglected SO MUCH this evening) demanded for him to wait for an invitation.
And he waited. She looked at him for a long time, her gaze questioning, unsure... pained. Then she nodded and went to open the window.
The moment he stepped into her apartment she handled him the stack of papers she was reading before:
- I guess you guys will figure out more than I possibly can, hope there's something useful in it cause it took me a while to get these documents...
- Yes, thanks, about that...
- Vincent, why are you here?
She tilted her head and watched him questioningly... she was so tiny yet he felt crushed under her unwavering gaze.
- I came to apologize.
She raised her eyebrows - not sarcastically but genuinely surprised:
- About what?
- For starters, about this.
Vincent took her left hand and lifted a sleeve - there was a fresh bruise on her forearm. Catherine tried to take away her hand awkwardly:
- Lemme guess! "Apply cold and don't kick anybody with this arm for the next few days"? Is that my prescription, doctor Keller?
She was joking. He couldn't understand why. It was obvious to both of them that he was rude, even abusive to her today, overstepped all the lines and beyond... yet she'd acted as if everything was back to normal. Well, not normal, but back to the way it was before - friendly, attentive... but distant.. clinical.
- Catherine, we need to talk.
- We did talk already, remember?
This was a sad joke. She sounded sad... but determined. Something was coming, he felt it... she kept breathing heavily to calm herself... she was about to do something important... he dreaded what might that be.
- Vincent, you talked. Now I will talk.
She'd seated him in front of her and took his palm to her small hands. It was more of an absentminded action, like she was steadying herself using his arm as an anchor.
- When... - she took a deep breath like before diving... and dove, - right before when Alex came back... I thought there was something... we didn't quite had time to explore. Maybe there was something for both of us... maybe it was just me...
He tried to object but she silenced him with her fingers on his lips. She traced a curve of his upper lip with just her fingertips mesmerized by her own actions and then blinked out of the oblivion. Her hand dropped abruptly and she'd continued:
- But you are happy with her. I can see this. And she loves you - no doubt about that too. And you deserve somebody who will love you, and make you smile, and make you forget about everything you've lost in life... Somebody to bring you back. Like Alex.
She fell silent for a while and he kept silent too... listening to her heartbeat... watching her eyes glistening in the pale light.
- Vincent, I owe you so much. My life. Redemption for what my mother did to you albeit unknowingly...
He shook his head vigorously because she was saying nonsense but she kept going in totally different direction from what he'd expected:
- But that's not the matter. I can never and will never be a part of your normal life. At least till you get a normal life that is. But till then I will always be a reminder of what you are and what you hate about yourself. Even though you know, surely you must know that I will never ever hate anything about you!
She squeezed his hand passionately as if trying to pass on her faith through skin contact. He looked her in the eyes and saw it there. Yes, she would never hate him. Even knowing the worst about him.
I accept all of what you are...
His heart constricted fighting the pain that was simply bigger than a heart can contain. Catherine... she knew. Why he shied away from her at times, why craved for normality of relations with Alex. She understood...
- Vincent, I want you to be happy. Because you deserve it. Because life owes you even more than I do and it's your time to get what you need to be happy. Even if it means...
She hushed the last words and stood up. Catherine went to the table to take her tea and drank it in big gulps. She was trying to contain herself.
She turned to face him bub did not come closer.
- Vincent, you have to trust me - I will NEVER betray you to Gabriel or anybody else. I didn't say anything to Muifield and I will certainly not say anything to some arrogant jerk who tries to play me to get to you...
Vincent blinked once, twice... It felt surreal, like he was in some kind of twisted reality when things like that could exist.
Catherine actually thought he was angry with her earlier because he... didn't trust her? What was wrong with that girl?! Of all the people he knew she was the person he trusted the most! How could she take his stupid jealousy for something so serious but so utterly wrong as a trust issue?
But... then again... she dismissed a possibility of his jealousy the second she walked in on his reconciliation with Alex. He remembered that exact moment when she saw them... her exuberant smile paling away, her shoulders falling... her trying to keep a brave face.
He had made his try in normal life and she'd let him. She had every right to call on him, to call on those things they've left unsaid for so long, to call on everything they were about to start on the day of her father's wedding... she did followed him, it wasn't for nothing, they were ready...
But she stepped away because he seemed happy with Alex. Catherine kept close enough to help... but far enough to keep it easier for him.
- You should go...
- Go where? - Catherine looked at him at puzzlement. They've fallen in that comfortable silence where each one of them was engrossed in their own thoughts for so long that she's forgotten if they'd discussed any plans to go somewhere.
- You should go to that date with Lowen.
- Oh...
She did not expect that! Him giving her advice on dating... and whom! The guy he was so furious just few hours ago!
- Vincent, I don't really see any point in this. I already got everything Evan has on this issue and I'm pretty sure I will be able any further info from Evan directly... I mean, we've fallen apart a bit lately but I know we'll be back to normal in no time.
Vincent shook his head and lowered his gaze. He couldn't believe he was about to say this but...
- I think you should go for a date itself. You know, have fun... He seems like a type women usually like.
- He is - so what? He's not that much into me as he is into the fact that I am connected in one way or another to three of nine of your known cases. I guess he has his suspicions but can't really act on them in any other way than like this...
- No, Catherine, he's into you for you. I can give you technical details about his blood pressure and dilated pupils... but just trust me on this one - he likes you. A lot.
- Oh...
Catherine didn't know how to react to that. Such a bizarre experience... Was he trying to set her up with Gabriel to make it even between them with both their love lives settled?
- Um, Vincent, I appreciate the effort, but this is really not the way I would go... He's an arrogant douche and I have no interest in this sociopath type.
- He reads a lot.
- Wha... what? I mean, so what?
His voice was calm... sad...
- You didn't know it about him, didn't you? That he reads when nobody's around... And he volunteers in a shelter for homeless people... You didn't know it neither, right?
- Um... no. But you seem to know suspiciously lot about him... - Catherine squeezed her eyes prompting Vincent to speak up.
Vincent shrugged dismissively:
- I have this habit of checking backstories of all the new people around here... just in case. And this... Gabriel guy, - he spitted out his name with poorly contained enmity, - has a lot to him you don't know... but may like. So I say you should go on a date with him, see for yourself if he can be anyone special to you.
Catherine's lips mouthed silent "Oh" and... yawned. Vincent smiled tiredly:
- We both need to sleep now. You have your work tomorrow, I have my homework, - he waved documents Catherine gave him, - so I guess we'll call it a day.
Vincent stood up and nodded to Catherine signalling his departure. When he was at the window frame he has heard Catherine murmuring something to herself:
- How can you possibly know Gabriel is into me?
Vincent closed his eyes and whispered:
- Cause I know what it feels like.