Chapter 3 - A Stressful Beginning
You could cut the tension in the room with a knife (a really blunt, rusted, butter knife). They've been sitting in the living room for half an hour and no one has yet to make a single comment. Quinn and Rachel glare, Kurt and Artie look confused and Puck smiles dumbly (Brittany is pretty sure he has absolutely no clue what is going on). Santana's got her feet on the glass table in front of her and Rachel looks like she's about to implode from restraining herself from scolding her (it doesn't help that Santana's boots are caked with mud and what Rachel is sure is dog crap). Santana reaches into one of her bags and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. Before she's able to light one, Rachel snaps.
"Santana, there is absolutely no smoking in this house. Second-hand smoke is among the leading causes of death in the United States," Rachel says.
(Santana lights the cigarette anyway).
"They say the same thing about second-hand embarrassment, but I've been around Kurt and his strangely feminine sweater for the better part of an hour and I haven't kicked the bucket yet," Santana says, purposely blowing the smoke in Rachel's direction.
"One can only hope," Quinn whispers.
"Sorry, what was that Quinn? I couldn't hear you over the sound of the couch creaking under your weight," Santana says with a sneer.
Brittany would be lying if she said she imagined this going better. She knew from the moment her and Santana made the deal that it was probably an incredibly bad idea (an entertaining one, sure, but an exceedingly bad one).
"I have an idea," Rachel says. Santana glowers at her so fiercely that Brittany thinks Rachel might suddenly internally combust from the look alone (thankfully that isn't one of Santana's powers). "From my extensive knowledge of psychology, I've discovered that role-playing can often help alleviate certain situations." Santana smirks and Brittany is sure she's saying "wanky" in her head.
"I'm down with that," Santana starts. Rachel looks shocked for a moment and then smiles, obviously quite happy her plan is being so well received. "I'll be beauty and you can be the hideously disfigured beast," she finishes. Rachel's smile falls immediately (Brittany thinks that's what Rachel gets for trusting Santana).
"You're impossible," Rachel says.
"Hey, you wanted to play a game! Don't get mad at me because it hits too close to home," Santana laughs (Brittany almost laughs too, but figures it best to avoid another Rachel Berry storm-off extraordinaire).
Puck is still smiling like a pig in shit and Brittany is pretty sure Quinn is seconds away from lunging at Santana (they never did get along).
"You know, I've gotta say Santana, you've got some of the nicest bikini stuffers I've ever seen. And that's saying something, I'm a boob connoisseur," Puck says, leering at Santana's scantily clad chest.
Brittany goes to hold Santana back from pouncing and finds herself confused when Santana merely looks down at her chest and smirks.
"Why thank you Puck. At first I thought you had the intelligence of a constipated baby, but I'm happy to find out you're the only sensible one in the room," she says, pleased with the compliment (six years ago, Brittany would have been picking Puck's teeth off the floor).
"Santana, since Kurt, Puck and Artie are meeting you for the first time, I think it would be pertinent for you to share with us your various powers. How you've managed to keep them a secret from us over the past couple of years is still a mystery. Following your demonstration, we will exhibit our own," Rachel says.
Brittany is surprised once again when Santana stands up and moves to the center of the room, she had expected a little resistance (or at least a well-timed insult).
"Brace yourself, I'm about to rock your world," Santana says. She's smiling again, the smile Brittany loves.
For a moment nothing happens. Quinn's about to make a sarcastic comment (probably something about Santana's definition of world-rocking and how she feels bad for all of her previous lovers) when Santana's body starts to shake. There's a faint humming in the air and suddenly Santana's no longer standing in the middle of the room. In her place stands an identical replica of Quinn.
"Hi, my name is Quinn and I'm a hypocritical bible thumper who will probably die alone being eaten by my hundreds of cats," Santana (well Quinn, sort of) says. "And now, for the piece de resistance," she adds, walking up to the real Quinn. She places her hand on Quinn's shoulder for a couple of seconds and returns to the center of the room.
"Rachel, tell me I'm the most amazing, most beautiful person you've ever met and that your life was incomplete before you met me," Santana says.
"You're the most amazing, most beautiful person I've ever met. My life was incomplete before I met you," Rachel says in a trance.
Everyone (save Brittany and a drooling Rachel) is in complete shock.
"You stole my powers!" Quinn says in surprise. She tries to possess Santana to give them back, but finds that she is unable to access the ability.
"Don't worry, it's only for forever," Santana/Quinn laughs maniacally (she sounds like a classic comic book villain, something along the lines of Muahahahah!).
Quinn looks like she's about to vomit something fierce, so Brittany decides to save her from having to steam-clean the carpet later.
"She's joking Quinn. It will wear off as soon as she shifts back to her own form," Brittany says, putting a hand on Quinn's shoulder to comfort her. Quinn shies away from Brittany's touch, evidently still in disbelief at having her powers stolen.
It takes another twenty minutes for Brittany to convince Santana to shift back (in which time Santana flashes the group, possesses Quinn to bow to her and makes Puck shave off half his mohawk). Quinn storms off once she is given back her powers (evidently more concerned with everyone having seen her boobs than at having been possessed by her own powers). Santana's got a proud grin on her face and Puck's desperately trying to glue his hair back on with an old glue stick. Overall, Brittany thinks this could have gone worse.
…..
"I'm starving! Is there anything in this house that isn't organic or vegan?" Santana says while riffling through the fridge.
"Rachel's in charge of groceries," Brittany says casually. "Did you wanna eat out tonight?"
"Wanky," Santana laughs.
Brittany misses moments like this more than anything (the little moments that remind her why she loves Santana so much). Santana takes out a bowl of strawberries clearly labeled "Rachel's property" and starts to eat them.
"You're going to regret eating those when Rachel lectures you for half an hour," Brittany tells Santana.
Santana shrugs and shoves more strawberries in her mouth (Brittany is pretty sure she's going to eat all of them then show Rachel the empty bowl).
"Speak of the annoying devil," Santana says as Rachel walks into the kitchen. Brittany quickly grabs the half-eaten bowl of strawberries and puts it back in the fridge before Rachel notices (it helps that she can move faster than the speed of light).
"So I've just spent the last hour consoling Quinn and…Santana were you just eating my strawberries?" Rachel asks.
Brittany isn't sure how she could have possibly known until she looks at Santana, who has strawberries all over her mouth.
"I wouldn't touch your nasty berries, berry!" Santana says, wiping her mouth.
"Then why is your face all red?" Rachel says, pointing to the red smears on Santana's chin.
"Um, because I'm shy?"
Rachel storms off, muttering something about Santana being inconsiderate and selfish.
"I wonder how many times I can make her do that?" Santana snickers.
"It's really not that hard," Brittany laughs.
They sit in comfortable silence for a while (Brittany tries to memorize Santana's face again). Every time Santana catches her looking Brittany smiles and looks away (she's never been shy around Santana before, but six years apart can do funny things). Brittany knows that the whole situation is a little messed up (especially considering there's a psychotic serial killer somewhere out there with a vendetta against her) but she doesn't think she's been this happy in years. Sure, she was happy when Artie got her the One Tree Hill box set for Christmas last year or when she ran into Quinn and Rachel at a bookstore five years ago, but this, this is heaven (and Brittany knows all about heaven). It's true Santana has changed, but Brittany can still see signs of the old one in the smallest of things; the way her nose crinkles when she laughs, the way she still blushes when she catches Brittany looking at her and how her body is still the same, all boyish hips and amazing breasts (Brittany thinks that might be her favorite thing).
"Well, it's getting late, I better get to bed. Got a long day of annoying the shit out of Rachel tomorrow," Santana says. She seems shy too, and Brittany's glad she isn't being the cruel Santana she saw in prison.
"Oh, right, sure. I'll show you to the guest room," Brittany says.
Santana seems sad for a second, before pasting on a smile.
"Thanks, Britt"
Brittany thinks it's the perfect end to the day.
…..
She wakes up the next morning to yelling. She slowly gets out of bed and makes her way to the kitchen (she follows the sound of Santana's curses). When she gets there, she finds Puck holding back Santana (who has by now started yelling expletives in Spanish) and Quinn holding a very angry Rachel. Rachel has coffee stains on her previously clean white costume and Brittany's pretty sure Santana is the cause. When the group sees Brittany in the doorway, Rachel stops writhing in Quinn's grasp and stomps over to her.
"Brittany, do you see what she did?" Rachel yells, madly pointing to the stains on her shirt. "She spit this on me! I was supposed to be fighting criminals and hoodlums this morning but no, now I'll have to dry-clean spit and coffee off my costume!"
"It's not my fault the coffee tastes like piss," Santana says, charging once again in Rachel's direction.
Brittany makes her way over to Santana and calmly asks her to apologize (she knows she won't, but what the hell?). She isn't surprised when Santana gives Rachel the middle finger and stomps angrily out of the kitchen muttering "puta" under her breath. It's only 8:30 in the morning (frankly, Brittany is wondering what Santana is even doing up this early) and already the day is promising to be quite eventful.
A little later in the day, Brittany calls a team meeting. Santana and The Order of Angels sit around the living room, Santana making faces behind Rachel's back as Puck tries desperately not to laugh (he seems to have forgiven her for the shaved mohawk).
"Alright guys, since everyone's had a little time to cool off, I think now would be a good time to talk about everything," Brittany starts. She knows that nobody (save Puck) has actually cooled off (in fact the stress in the room is almost unbearable) but she supposes it's now or never (she wishes she could pick never).
"Brittany, if I may?" Rachel interjects. Santana sighs and slumps into her chair like a petulant child being reprimanded for having eaten all the Halloween candy. "I would first like to address the elephant in the room,"
"Wow Rachel, Quinn's literally right there. You are so rude," Santana says, trying to cover a smile.
Quinn looks like she's about to burst into tears from sheer frustration and Artie is cautiously looking around the room, hoping that someone will save him from Rachel's death stare (he accidentally snickered). Rachel attempts to ignore Santana (which Brittany knows will only incur more of her wrath) and continues.
"Santana, you have been here for less than a day and have already made two of us cry," Rachel says pointing at Quinn and herself (Brittany thinks the number is closer to four as she watches Puck unconsciously stroking his bald spot and Kurt suddenly wearing an out of character sweater). "Although your presence can be described as toxic, I have a few ideas as to how we can improve all of our living situations," Rachel says.
"Oh God, please let it be role-playing," Santana says sarcastically.
"While role-playing is indeed a valuable tool," Rachel says, completely oblivious to Santana's cynicism, "I believe we are far past that. I have created a list of rules, which we must all abide by. Listen carefully Santana," Rachel says (Santana merely roles her eyes). "Rule number one: Santana must accompany me on all grocery trips, so as to avoid any arguments about food. Rule number two: no powers are allowed within the confines of Angel Cove. Rule number three,"
"Alright, I'm gonna stop you right there Berry," Santana interrupts. "This is a terrible idea. All of your ideas are absolutely terrible. I'm serious, I've heard better ideas on midnight infomercials. And that's saying something, last night they were selling Handerpants,"
"What on earth are Handerpants?" Kurt asks.
"Underwear for your hands. I'm not even joking, that's a real fucking thing, look it up! It's number three on the list of completely useless things, right above Khloe Kardashian and a big ass picture of Rachel."
Rachel is beginning to lose her cool, so Brittany steps in.
"Okay, why don't we just get on with the reason I called this meeting," she says. "You all know why Santana is here,"
"Um, not really. Unless you invited her here to make everybody completely miserable," Quinn says, sneering at Santana (Santana flips her the finger).
"Look, I know everything's a little tense right now, but I'm sure it will all get better soon," Brittany lies. "We're all just going to have to learn to get along. I mean if Russia could forgive that guy from the Beatles, I'm pretty sure we'll be okay,"
"Lenin?" Kurt asks credulously
"That's what I said. Anyways, Santana is here because there is no one on earth who knows more about The Watchers than she does. I made a deal with Tina; if Santana helps us solve the murders, The Watchers will let her go," Brittany says.
"But if The Watchers are behind this, then why would they even agree to all of this?" Artie asks.
"Because they don't really have a choice. If they were to say no, it would look awfully suspicious, don't you think?" Brittany says. "So, as long as Santana is constantly with at least one member of The Order and continues to follow the law, she can help us find out who is behind everything."
The Order reluctantly agrees (Brittany thinks it's at least a start).
…..
Brittany is sitting at her computer reluctantly reading her e-mails (that damn video really has increased her unease around computers) when there's a knock at the door. Santana hesitantly pokes her head in when Brittany asks who's there.
"Are you decent?" Santana asks, her hand covering her eyes (barely).
"Yea," Brittany laughs, beckoning her inside.
"Damn," Santana says, smiling.
Santana takes a couple of minutes to look around Brittany's room. She carefully fingers all of the pictures lined up above the fireplace (Brittany thinks she sees her pause in front of an old picture of them) and quietly makes her way around the room. She finally sits down on the end of Brittany's bed (Brittany wants desperately to sit beside her, but the last thing she wants is to spook Santana). Santana seems like she's debating whether or not to say something, so Brittany tries to lighten the mood.
"I'm pretty much ready to chuck this computer out the window," she laughs (she's rewarded with her favorite smile).
"Yea, I'm shocked you even have one. I tried to teach you how to use it for years," Santana says shyly.
"I know, I remember," Brittany says (she doesn't say all of the other wonderful things she remembers).
"Anyway, I uh, I wanted to thank you," Santana all but whispers.
"For what?" Brittany asks.
"For getting me out of that place." Santana looks tired and sad and Brittany wishes it were six years ago (she would be allowed to hug her then).
"Yea well, I guess I owed you. You did save me," Brittany says
"When did I save you?"
"The moment I met you." Brittany answers (she's never said anything truer in her life).
A/N - You can follow me on tumblr if you'd like. I'll be posting all of the character's stats and powers, so if you're interested, check it out.