It was a twisted sense of humour but Edd slept the best that night than he had for months. He woke up feeling refreshed,free,safe and an odd sensation of what he could only describe as happiness without good reason. Stretching every muscle possible even extending his toes to their limits a smile would feel appropriate but the four walls that housed him caused his situation to crash down around him reminding him what had happened. Edd wouldn't smile, but he refused to make a sad expression. adjusting his position Edd lay on his side pulling his blanket up tighter around his shoulders so he could gaze and the only item in his room he felt any personal attachment to.
It wasn't something expensive or new,it didn't even fit in with his color scheme. It was a picture frame that the buyer had paid a dollar for,a hideous shade of bright green. The frame of course wasn't important but the fact they sought to even buy the frame sparked a warm flame in Edd that melted away his cold feelings. The frame held the photograph taken of Edd and his two friends Ed,Eddy. The feeling of belonging Edd felt last night had always been preserved in this "god awful tacky frame" Edd thought aloud laughing to him self in a whisper. When Edd was staring at the photo his emotions were torn,the world wasn't so bleak. He couldn't live still forever.
Edd looked away. If things were different and he had been another person Edd always thought that he would like to stay still never leaving his town,get a low paid job and settle down. Doing what many of his neighbors around him had done before him and what he knew his friends were destined to do but Edd didn't want to simply exist! he wanted to understand. He felt like he knew so little and with all this spare time suddenly all he could think about was what he didn't understand. It frustrated him to feel so clueless but it was a frustration beyond his grasp,it couldn't be fixed. he knew the more he dwelled on it the more exhausting it would become.
He found himself once again being littered with negativity and gave in to the screaming whispers from the furthest end of his subconscious and glanced back to the photograph. licking his lips he noted his dry cracked lips then connected the thought to his suddenly dry mouth. Throwing aside his bed covers Edd lifted him self in an up right position staring down at the floor in shame. The urge to scratch his knuckles starting to twitch his finger tips.
A mother will always be there for her son. The pain of child-birth is of course a good reminder and memory to keep the life you created, Edd's mother never forgot any detail. a part of the reason she became so succesful. Finishing off her list of rules and chores she took a minute to observe her penmanship on the several crude yellow sticky notes. Though Crude,always effective when raising her son. She was pleased with her work it, was perfectly written and was instructive but the gentle curve in her writing?Made her handwriting seem more motherly. Just as she went to leave for work and put aside her notes she hesitated. Something seemed missing in her notes but for the life of her she couldn't quite calculate what she may have possibly been lacking.
"Forever the perfectionist" Her husband laughed interrupting her thoughts. He was a kind man but hard-working. He forgot how to be a family man and had become unattached to his only son and for that he felt guilty.
"you know" he continued "you could stay...you seem worried. He may not want to be by himself,you don't seem to keen on leaving him alone" He spoke informaly only when in the presence of their own company but you could hear the warmth in his tone when he did so. If he spoke to others more in this way perhaps he'd have more people to care for,two was enough.
She twitched her left hand slightly and almost violently placed the note down on the kitchen counter controlling the urge to lose control. She blamed her lack of sleep and considered the case closed as she left her home for work.
When Edd ventured downstairs he found a familiar empty house. Silence screamed from the walls pulling Edd out of his thoughts of shame,part of him grateful. He ate breakfast but it had taken him roughly thirty minutes to put together something with a more adventurous flavour that he felt he craved from such bland ingredients. A bowl of thick porridge and some lemon tart to flavour he'd found in a jar that had clearly aged with parts of the label faded. At first the lemon was bitter exploding on his tongue as it collided and covered his taste buds leaving a distinct flavour. This caused him to slightly consider another spoon but he continued and forced every spoonful.
Edd found his mothers notes. He remembered receiving his first letter of instruction and almost felt heat boil from a darker side of himself but it simmered. a long defeated sigh created sound through out the house and Edd decided to stop with his foul mood. Self pity,how ugly. He carried out all his chores routinely without reading the list.
Theres something about being on your own that nags at you. If you seek solitude by choice it's entirely different and this time can act as a moment of peace and clarity it gives you time to sort your thoughts. These other moments however are not peaceful but are like a shouting mirror image picking on any insecurities. It gives you too much time to think creating dark thoughts which seem impossible to escape.
Entirely alone. Thats how Edd felt. His jobs took him only three hours and that was at a leisurely pace among several tea breaks. Staring up at the clock in his bed room he fought the urge to turn to his bed side table. In a way he knew was twisted feeling so alone made him happy,almost proud. but the boredom the doing nothing made him feel wasteful and useless. Scratching had lost its sting an hour ago and now only realising it he examined his hands. Long,thin skeleton almost things. They seemed to big in places and they were making him think about himself. He was to thin,frail,nervous a shivering wreck. His school was only weeks from kicking him out he knew it. His good mood from this morning had left him but he was trying so hard to regain it but the room was so loud it made him strain not to respond to it. Any response he knew would lead to something more sinister then he'd ever ventured. Trying to clear his thoughts Edd knew that this morning he had been calm and rational and asked why now he had flipped to a different extreme? Almost to breaking point all thoughts were interrupted.
A large pebble from his mother's garden lay across his bedroom floor surrounded by the broken glass it had broken through. Edd took a moment to regain himself from his thoughts the last question he asked him self being the one that had worried him the most. Did I hear the glass shatter? Edd walked towards the window careful not to stand on any glass bare footed and saw his two friends standing below his window.
"Sorry Double D I didn't think it would break!" The shorter of the two in response to his friends stupid mistake only shoved him aside barking insults inquiring his stupidity. Edd in response lit up and without a thought raced downstairs. Flinging the door open he couldn't control his smiling and searched his front yard for his friends. Edd allowed him self three heartbeats of this careless joy as his eyes lay upon the two goons he called friends who were to busy bickering to notice. Inhaling deeply closing his eyes Edd's smile melted into something more subtle and peaceful. Exhaling he reopened his eyes and his thoughts returned to his new concern.
"Eddy you broke my window!" he found him self rushing to their side false anger in his voice as he gestured upwards.
"Me?!" Eddy dramatically recoiled protesting " No! That Idiot broke your window! jesus its like being his carer!" Edd listened to his ranting and excuses carefully but any actual words were lost. He just felt glad to now be with his friends.