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Chapter 2 - Her Past, Her pain

Usagi opened her eyes groggily and raised her hand to shade her eyes from the sunlight. It was morning...

She flipped around to her side and stared at the clock. 8:30. She traced back to the events of last night. She had fallen asleep after unpacking and cleaning...

Usagi looked down at the blanket that covered her. Mamoru-Kun must have came in last night and turned off the lights for her and covered her with a blanket. When did she fell asleep?

At the thought of that Usagi bolted straight up. Mamoru-Kun must have been waiting for her to go down for dinner and she had fallen asleep on him! Usagi groaned inwardly. It had only been one day and she had already caused trouble for the man.

Usagi quickly got out of bed and washed up. After she made the bed, she changed into a pair of jeans and a white blouse and headed downstairs.

Mamoru was leaning over the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee in one hand, and a morning newspaper in the other. When Usagi walked in the kitchen, he looked up through his glasses and smiled.

"Morning Usagi."

"Morning..." Usagi smiled back at the man.

"Did you sleep well yesterday?" Mamoru asked taking a sip of his coffee.

"H..Hai..Gomen..I hadn't meant to fall asleep..I hope you weren't waiting for me to eat dinner" Usagi mumbled.

Mamoru shook his head lightly and smiled at her. "iie..its fine you must have been tired."

Usagi nodded.

"Would you like some coffee and something to eat?" Mamoru asked taking out a cup from the cabinets.

"Some coffee would be fine..arigatou". Usagi walked over to the counter and accepted the coffee that was passed to her.

"Here's some sugar and creme." Mamoru gestured at the bottles lined up on the counter.

Usagi looked over at the cup Mamoru was holding. "You like black coffee?"

Mamoru smiled and shook his head. "iie.. i think the taste is horrible actually..but it wakes me up and keeps me awake..perhaps because the taste is so bitter."

Usagi who practically put sugar in anything she ate stuck out her tongue and made a face of distaste.

Mamoru laughed and watched as she poured a good half a bottle of sugar into her coffee.

"I don't think i'd be able to live without sugar. " Usagi commented adding another pinch in after tasting it.

"I can tell." Mamoru said amused.

They drank in silence for the next few minutes. Usagi taking sips of coffee studied the man over the rim of her cup.

Then setting down her cup, she looked down at her coffee and asked timidly. "Mamoru-Kun..if you don't mind i was wondering..h..how old are you?"

Mamoru looked up as though surprised by her question. One side of his lip lifting into a small smile. "How old do i look?"

Usagi who didn't know what to answer softly mumbled. "Well...you couldn't be more then 30..."

Mamoru smiled. "I'm 10 years older then you Usagi-Chan."

Usagi blinked trying to register what it meant. "So..you..you're 26?"

Mamoru nodded taking another sip of his coffee.

Usagi also taking a sip of her coffee took in this information.

Then Mamoru put down his coffee cup, taking off his glasses he said softly. "Usagi-chan..although i'm your guardian now..." He paused slightly. "I've never..lived with anyone and I really don't know how this should all be...and I know its difficult for you to think of me as family right now...but i'd like you to atleast think of me as a friend...if theres anything that you need help with or you're not happy with..please let me know'

Usagi nodded. "Ofcourse Mamoru-kun...and if i'm ever troubling you please let me know as well." Usagi hesitated. "I don't know how to do a lot of things...but i can help with cooking and cleaning. So..."

Mamoru smiled warmly at her. "Hai..arigatou..but please don't stress yourself with it" He said as he moved past her to the sink.

Usagi leaning into the counter whispered quietly to herself as Mamoru busied himself at the sink. "iie..I should be the one to say thank you..."

Although she has only known the man for a day but since she has stepped foot in this house, he has been nothing but curtious and welcoming. He made her feel warm and at home..and for the first time in a very long time Usagi felt a familiar sensation lifting in her stomach. A feeling she didn't know she could have again..butterflies.

Usagi tapped her fingers lightly against the book she had been reading. She looked up at the clock.

It was 12:00 already but Mamoru-kun still haven't came home. This was the first time he's worked this late...

She sighed and looked at the picture stand on her desk, it was a picture of her and Hitomi. They were both standing there holding a paintbrush and covered in paint. Usagi had both of her arms wrapped around the older woman. Hitomi whose grey hair was tightly wrapped in a bun had a bright smile on. Usagi traced her finger over Hitomi's figure. She missed her so much...

Sighing again Usagi looked up at the ceiling of her room and chewed on her bottom lip.

She has been here for a week already and she has done nothing other then help out Mamoru-Kun with some house work.

She felt like she should be doing something else other then sitting around all day. She felt like she had to keep herself..but with what?

Mamoru hadn't brought up the idea of going to school.. and Usagi was grateful.

Usagi closed her eyes. She didn't want to remember. That one memory she had spent so long trying to bury down. How long has it been since she last went to school. 2 years? 3 years?

2 years... A voice in her mind whispered. No matter how much she wanted to forget that night, it always seem to find its way back to her. The night when her body and heart had been shattered... Her hands tightened unconciously around the book. Usagi stood up abruptly and shook her head lightly. Her head pounded. She felt like she was suffocating. Taking quick strides, Usagi walked through the front door and sat down on the steps.

Usagi felt the cold night air hit her face and she closed her eyes.

Flashback

"Gomen is anyone sitting here?"

Usagi whose mind had been elsewhere snapped back to reality when a voice cut through her thoughts. She looked at the young man standing beside her looking at her.

"ii..iie...theres no sitting here" She took the pencil that she had been unconsciously chewing out of her mouth.

The boy sat down. Then he turned around and offered his hand. "I"m demond. Yoroshiku"

Usagi blushed and offered her hand in return. "h..hai..I"m Usagi Tsukino.."

"Nice to meet you Tsukino-San" He smiled.

Usagi returned the smile back.

Usagi stole glances at the boy that sat down beside her. he had beautiful silver hair, it was such a rare hair color.

Inwardly, Usagi heart pounded.

End of Flashback

That had been the first aquaintance, on the first day of school. It had been the first time that she felt that way... the first time that someone had caused her heart to pound so crazily inside her. So many first times...so many happy memories that were now memories that she ran from. They were memories that stung. He had been her first love, and he had taken away all her firsts.

Usagi's eyes started to stung. It had been the first time she started have expectations, started looking forward to school...to seeing him...loved something more then she loved painting. He had brought her up so high and let her fall so hard. It had crushed everything. Usagi closed her eyes painfully.

"Usagi"

Usagi's eyes snapped open. Mamoru stood in front her, he looked alarmed.

"Ma..Mamoru-kun!" Usagi smacked herself mentally, she hadn't even hear the car pull up.

Mamoru looked at her and lifted his hand toward her face.

Usagi stiffened.

He hesitated and then gently one of his fingers brushed under her eyes.

Usagi blinked and then she realized that she had been crying..

Quickly she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "Go..Gomen! I..."

"Whats wrong?" He asked softly.

Usagi shook her head, and forced herself to smile. She didn't want to trouble him. "iie...i'm just tired...gomen"

Mamoru nodded slightly. "Were you out here for long?"

Usagi knew he didn't believe her but was grateful for the subject change. "No..i was just out here getting some fresh air...i was worried cause you dont' usually work this late".

"Gomen..there was some last minute stuff i had to take care of today...come on lets go inside so you don't catch a cold..it's chilly out" Mamoru opened the door and waited for her to enter first.

Mumbling an thank you, Usagi slipped inside the house and quickly up the stairs.

"Usagi..."

Usagi paused just outside of her room and turned to face Mamoru.

Mamoru hesitated and then shook his head lightly. "iie..gomen. " He walked past her placing a warm hand over her head. "Oyasumi". Then he disappeared into his room .

"Oyasumi..." Usagi whispered looking at the closed door.

Then slipping into her own room, she closed the door and leaned on it. Bowing her head she stared at the floor. She was always troubling him...and worrying him.

Usagi slowly sank to the floor and buried her face into her arms.

The truth was even though she has only just met Mamoru-kun a short week ago. she had fallen in love with him.

It was strange..she didn't think she would fall in love again...and definitely not with a man she had barely knew.

But what right did she have? She...didn't have the right to love anymore.

There was no way that Mamoru would love someone love her...

she was..dirty.

Usagi wept silently.

To be Continued...

Author's note:

Here is chapter two! I hope you all will like the update. Sorry if theres any mistakes or incorrect grammer haha i'm not very good with those. Thank you for all your reviews. Please keep reading and keep reviewing. just keeep them coming haha

The next update will probably take a week or twoo i'm sorryyyy..but i'll be working on my other story as well. If any of you are in for some haruka/Michiru-ness. give it a tryy and i hope you will like it as welll.