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Chapter 12 - The Wounded Heart
Usagi quietly folded her cloth and put them in the suitcase.
After she finished, she sat down lightly on her bed and stared at it.
She had came with nothing but the suitcase..and now she was leaving with nothing else but it.
Usagi flopped backwards onto her bed.
She stared at the ceiling of her room.
She was so weak... Why was she always running away?
Usagi flipped onto her side, her head pillowed on her arm.
She ran her hand across the sheets, smoothing out the wrinkles. She already knew the answer, it wasn't the first time she questioned her own weakness.
Because it's the only thing that she could do.
She had thought about it the whole night.
She didn't want to face Damon.. didn't want to face Rei..Mamoru, she didn't want to face herself.
So she was running away..leaving.
She was selfish, walking away from this, even after knowing the truth, knowing Rei was falling for Damon's lies.
But what has she done?
Nothing.
She has done nothing.
"There is..nothing i can do..." Usagi whispered to herself.
Her eyes stung.
Rei who had accepted her with open arms.
Mamoru...who had done everything for her...
She had nothing to thank them. Instead all she could do was betray them.
Usagi wiped away the tear that leaked down her face.
She sat up and hopped onto her feet.
She had lost count of how many times she had cried since she arrived. It was pitiful.
She was done feeling sorry for herself.
Usagi walked over to the mirror and stared at her reflection.
She stared at the girl staring back at her.
It didn't matter anymore.
She didn't want to think about anything anymore.
She has decided to walk away..from everything.
She couldn't do anything even if she did, so what if she stood up to Damon?
What would become of all of them when the truth is exposed?
In the end...no matter what she did, she would only bring trouble to them.
Usagi looked at the mirror for a long moment.
Leaving is the only option for her.
Even if Damon hurts Rei now..
Rei will find another man worthy of her.
Usagi clenched her hands. God Rei will...she deserves to..
Usagi let out a breath.
Slowly she let it sank.
The dread..the anguish...all the mixed emotions her uncertainty had held back.
Now she let it sink in.
She knew what she had to do.
She was walking out of Mamoru's life...forever.
Usagi smiled wistfully at herself in the mirror.
They were...never meant to be.
But she was still happy she met him.
and atleast...
atleast..tonight..she'll make Mamoru a decent dinner.
It'll be their last night together,
and it would be her last chance to thank him..for everything.
Mamoru opened the front door tiredly.
He groaned inwardly. This was suppose to be his vacation..but things just keep on going wrong at work. He'll have to go work again this week and delay his break.
He hadn't been able to get much sleep either...
He couldn't stop thinking about Damon and Usagi.
The more he had tried to stop thinking..the more impossible it was.
His stomach grumbled as the smell of food hit him.
He could see the dim light shining from the kitchen.
Weird...was the kitchen light bulb broken?
Mamoru hung his coat up and walked into the kitchen.
He stopped as he entered the kitchen.
He stared at the room in front of him.
Candles.
Candles were lit everywhere and Usagi sat quietly staring at him from the dining table.
Food filled up the small table.
Mamoru looked at Usagi awed.
Usagi stood up and walked over.
"Okaeri..You're back"
She smiled and gestured lightly. "I haven't done anything much for you..if anything at all since i've been here and it's been a while already..I know this still isn't much but i thought it'd be nice to have a dinner like this."
"Usagi this is...great" Mamoru breathed. "You really didn't have to..but I.." Mamoru shook his head not knowing what to say.
Usagi giggled and lightly took his hand. "Come on..the food is getting cold. You're late"
Mamoru felt warmth swept through him as Usagi led him to the dining table.
Hadn't this been something he's always longed for?
To come home to the person he loves and to eat dinner together?
He knew what he and Usagi had agreed on but his heart was pounding as she led him to the table.
He sat down across from her.
She had made all the stuff he liked to eat.
"You look shocked." Usagi said quietly, looking amused.
"I am..." Mamoru smiled. "This is unexpected."
Usagi smiled lightly, taking a bite into her food.
"I know.." She said softly. "I haven't had a chance to thank you..."
Mamoru paused, raising an eyebrow he asked. "Thank me?"
Usagi looked down at her plate, still smiling. "For everything.."
Mamoru raised an eyebrow. "Everything?"
"You know..everything you've done for me..till now."
Mamoru stopped chewing. He forced the food in his mouth down. He looked down and said lightly. "When you say that you sound like you're saying goodbye. "
His voice didn't betray his emotion.
For everything..Was she trying to tell him about something?
He saw Usagi stiffen slightly from the corner of his eyes.
Then he heard her laugh. "Gomen..i didn't mean for it to come out that way. You didn't have to be so serious. I really just wanted to thank you thats all"
He looked up. Her smile seemed natural. He couldn't read anything else.
She looked apologetically at him. "Sorry this was kind of random huh..I just wanted to do something for you..but there isn't much i can do other then this." Usagi leaned back against the back of her chair, chewing on her dinner. "The only family I ever had was Naomi...when she died..I thought i'd be alone."
She looked at him. "But then i met you"
Usagi smiled. "And...you became my family."
"Usagi.."
Mamoru didn't know what to say, even though she was smiling. Her eyes wasn't.
"Mamoru-kun...you turn out to be so much more than I imagined.." Usagi said softly. "You give me...so much more than you should have." She couldn't stop it, a tear slipped from under her eyelids. "So..I wanted to thank you."
Thank you for loving me..and letting me love again.
Mamoru set down his fork and got up. Walking over to Usagi's side of the table, he leaned down and wiped away her tears. "Usagi..theres nothing you have to thank me for Usagi...I did everything because i wanted to..and it wasn't even much.."
Usagi turned around and buried her face into Mamoru's shirt.
Why couldn't she stop her tears? She had said she would make this a happy dinner that she wouldn't cry no matter what. Why did his words break her so easily?
Mamoru wrapped his arm around her. "What is wrong Usagi..? He asked softly.
Usagi looked up at him.
He cupped his hand around her face and looked at her. Her light blue eyes pulling him in. He regarded her for a moment. "You're my family Usagi...you're the one I come home to everyday.."
He smiled softly at her. "You're the one that makes this house feel like home."
Usagi clenched the side of Mamoru's pants. "Mamoru-kun..."
Don't say these words..Don't say them to me..it'll just make me all the more cruel and selfish when i leave.
He brushed a strand of hair away. "Rei and I stopped living together once I turned 18 and from then on..other then the times she visits this house is always empty or its just me in here. I;ve had never thought about living with anyone else because there hadnt been anyone that I felt I wanted to live with. But then you showed up. You've done more than you can imagine for me Usagi."
Usagi could feel her resolve breaking. She shook her head lightly.
"Thats why..don't thank me..if you really think of me as family..then you should know you don't have to thank me for anything."
Ahh..
Every word stabbed at her heart and at the same time it brought such warmness to it.
Overwhelmed Usagi's tears poured out. She couldn't hold back at all.
Mamoru didn't say anything, he wrapped her into his arms.
She didn't know how long went by but eventually her tears stopped and she remained in Mamoru's arms for a quiet moment.
Then wiping away her tears, she pulled away and smiled helpless at him. "Gomen I wanted this dinner to be happy... and then I got all emotional."
Mamoru let out a small laugh. "Well i wouldn't call it a not happy dinner...but.."
Usagi took Mamoru's hands and laughed lightly. Swaying their hands she nodded towards the food. "Sorry.. i'm such a crybaby...the food's getting cold."
His eyes scanned over her tear streaked face. "You are.." he said softly. "Why are you always crying?"
"I'm not always crying..." Usagi mumbled.
He ran a finger across her cheek. "Then why are you crying now..?"
Usagi shook her head. "It..It was your fault"
Mamoru's eyebrow went up. "...How would it be my fault?"
"It...is.." At a lost of words, Usagi glared up at him. "Ohh fine I cried because i wanted to happy?"
Mamoru's face broke into a smile. "Because you want to? What are you..a little kid?"
Usagi lightly smacked his hand away. "I'm not!" She protested.
Mamoru lightly tapped her forehead. "How are you not."
He looked at the food on the table. "Anyways they are getting cold..." He stared at the food for a moment. "Let's finish them all"
Usagi gaped at him. "All of it?!"
"You made it...i'm not about to let any of it go to waste and they won't taste as good tomorrow."
Usagi blinked at him, wiping the remaining tears from her face. "But..."
Mamoru grinned at her. "We're finishing it today."
Usagi stared at him. "We can't finish all that."
"Yes we can." Mamoru forked food into her plate.
Usagi stared at her plate. "You're crazy! "
"Don't be so stubborn..I know you can eat a lot..I've seen you with that steak last time... So dig in. You won't get any fatter off this then you will from that"
Usagi's mouthed opened and closed. She stared wordless at him.
Mamoru laughed. "Gomen Gomen...you won't get fat off of this. I promise"
"It's not about that!" Usagi snapped glaring at him.
"Well then eat up!" Mamoru continued piling food into her plate.
Usagi picked up her fork stubbornly.
Before she registered Mamoru stuck his fork in her mouth.
"Hmphh!" Usagi pulled away, hand over her mouth.
Mamoru smirked at her. "Start eating..I'm not finishing all this by myself."
Usagi stuck her fork in her mouth, she looked up at Mamoru grumpily.
Mamoru smiled. Grumpy..was good. The light atmosphere around him seemed to lift the heaviness in his heart.
Nothing crossed his mind as they sat and argued and ate the food.
After Usagi made some hot chocolate and they sat down and ate the rest of the dessert she had made.
He wanted them to always be like this. He wanted to be with her...even if not as a lover. As long as she was here, he felt like he had a home.
Just let this feeling last a bit longer....
He hadn't known then..he hadn't known anything.
Usagi groggily opened her eyes, She rubbed them tired and turned to the alarm sitting on the table.
5:00
Usagi looked at her suitcase on the floor.
She stared at it for a long while.
Ahh...
She thought back to the night before, the dinner with Mamoru..it had been so much more than she had thought it would be.
She sighed softly. As long as she was with Mamoru, everything was always so much more.
The dinner last night had only added to her uncertainty and pain.
Usagi silently got up and washed up.
Afterwards she quickly dressed and slipped out of her room quietly.
Hand holding the suitcase, she walked silently over to Mamoru's room. Pausing before the door, she looked at the paper in her hand.
This was it...
She set down her suitcase lightly and opened the door.
Mamoru shirtless was lying on his stomach, face half buried in the pillow.
Usagi walked over slightly, feeling awkward slipping into his room like this.
She stopped in front of his bedside table and set down the paper.
She looked at him, tears gliding down her face again.
Damn..she really was a crybaby now..
She wiped her tears away, she brushed Mamoru's hair away lightly. She didn't need to memorize his face, it was already so imprinted in her mind, she wouldn't be able to take it out even if she wanted to.
"Goodbye..Mamoru-kun" Usagi whispered softly.
Then she turned and walked out the room.
Picking up her suitcase she headed straight out the house.
She didn't stop until she walked out the front gate.
Usagi turned back slowly and stared at the house and the intercom that was now covered with a thin layer of snow.
She wondered if she'd ever be standing in front of this gate again.
She was wrong when she thought she had came with nothing and left with nothing.
She had came with a broken heart, and Mamoru had put every piece of it back together until it was whole again.
But this time..no matter who came along..whom she'll meet..they won't be to sew her heart back up again.
Because she had left it with the letter she wrote Mamoru.
She was leaving this house but she had left her heart behind..she couldn't take it back even if she wanted to.
Usagii let out a thin puff of cold air, taking one last look at the house, she turned around and headed down the road.
She had already come this far..she won't turn back..she can't turn back anymore.
To be Continued........
Author's Note: I"m sooo sorry for the late update, but thankss to all of you for waiting!! Anyhowww here is the update!! Enjoy!!..and reviewwww plzz hahaha