Chapter 17 – The Broken

Usagi sat stiffly in her seat. She didn't know how many calls she picked up or appointments she booked, or how much paperwork she did. Her mind was blank; it was as if she had been on auto-pilot.

Usagi lowered her eyes and looked at her hands. She wanted to bolt…..

She wanted to laugh, even though she thought she was stronger, she was tougher, one look at Mamoru and she wanted to turn and run and never turn back.

What had she been hoping for?

Usagi slowly let out a breath.

It was to be expected, but it wasn't what she was hoping for.

She hoped for his smile, his warmth, his love….

Even though her head knew, the moment she walked away from his life, she had thrown all that away.

Why does it feel so painful?

Usagi closed her eyes. It's over Usagi.

He will always be in your heart. Isn't that enough? You'll just have to hide him deep, deep, deep inside. Even if you see him now, nothing will change.

He is just someone else now, he's not part of your life anymore.

Usagi jumped slightly when a hand slammed down on her desk.

Startled out of her thoughts she looked up at the blonde leaning over desk. "Mina…."

"You're awfully strange today, it's not like you to be late in the first place, but to zone out at work?"

Usagi blinked. "Ah..gomen…."

Mina looked at her friend and then sighed. "Don't stress yourself out too much. If you need anything, I'm always here."

Usagi felt a ray of warmth from the girls words. She smiled lightly at the girl in front of her. "I'm ok Mina, really…thank you"

Mina sighed again but smiled back at her. "Well try not to zone out, the New CEO doesn't know you like Frank does, he may not be very tolerant."

Usagi felt another painful thump against her chest. Her face must have shown something.

"Did something happen when you went to see him this morning? You looked awful ever since you came out of his office. " Mina questioned.

"No..nothing happened". Usagi answered quietly.

"He has quite the reputation; so I hear he's very harsh and cold with immorally high standards for his workers." Mina said quietly with a grin on her face. "But they say he is the opposite when it comes to ladies, he changes girlfriends faster than he changes cloth apparently and he has amazing skills when it comes to…you know." Mina giggled quietly to herself.

Usagi smiled. None of the description sounded like the Mamoru she knew.

Mina lowered her head down and whispered quietly. "I heard he's currently dating the famous model, what is her name? Misa Yuki? I heard he personally sponsored a commercial just for her."

Mina sighed. "It is nothing surprising though, with a gorgeous face and body like that and money, I'd say even she probably can't keep him for long"

Just as Mina finished talking, the door to Mamoru's office opened.

Usagi's head immediately snapped up, and her startled gaze met Mamoru's cool one.

"Tsukino-San, I want you to cancel all my scheduled appointments for this afternoon. I have other businesses to attend to." Mamoru said calmly as he walked past her.

"H..Hai" Usagi answered, immediately opening up her calendar with numb hands.

Mamoru stopped just as he walked past her and turned around.

Usagi looked up at him.

Something flickered across his eyes, but it was gone in an instance.

"I expect to see you on time tomorrow, Tsukino-San."

Before Usagi has the chance to answer, Mamoru had already walked away.

Usagi looked at the small townhouse that she had rented as she parked in her driveway.

Mamoru hadn't returned after that.

She thought about what Mina had told her today, and her heart twinged painfully. She smiled wistfully; she really shouldn't be surprised even if he were married now. After all, it has been 6 years….

Usagi sucked a breath in. She felt strangely calm.

She didn't feel the misery or breakdown she thought she would feel, just a dull ache.

She didn't want to think about anything anymore, she couldn't afford to think of anything anymore now that he was right here beside her.

If she did, she was afraid everything would crumble and then she really would break into pieces. She can only hold onto the tiny bit of control she has and live on like how she always have, and bury him even deeper inside of her.

Mamoru smiled at the girl sitting across from him. He swerved the wine in the wine glass he held. His other arm resting on the back of his couch and his legs crossed casually.

"Misa". He said softly. "I thought we had this established already."

The girl in front of him blew her hair away from her face and glared at him. "I know, but now I want more".

Mamoru looked at her and smiled again. "I can't give you more."

Misa jumped up and walked over to him, stopping right in front of him and taking his wine glass from him. "Why not" her voice full of frustration.

Mamoru's smile didn't falter. "Because I don't want to." His now empty hand reached out and grabbed her hand pulling her towards him. "I already told you what I want from the beginning."

Misa felt the heat on her cheeks. "I know..but..but I thought you'd change your mind" Mamoru's breath now on her neck.

Mamoru didn't answer, instead he took the wineglass from her hands and set it on the table beside him. He pulled her towards him until she straddled over him.

"M..Mamoru.." Misa mumbled. She wants his love, she wants all of him. But no matter how hard she tried, it didn't seem to reach him and he never gave her promises.

"Why is it so hard for you to treat me seriously" Misa said softly into Mamoru's hair as he kissed her neck. "Why can't I be your only—" Before Misa can finish, Mamoru's lips lapsed over hers and once again she caved in. She stopped talking as Mamoru started taking off her top, forgetting what she wanted to say, she reached over to pull off his tie and unbutton his shirt.

No matter how many times they do this, no matter how hard she tries, he never makes a sound, his expression never changes. Even though her own body was on fire and she could feel his body against hers, it was like he wasn't touching her at all.

Usagi groaned as she flipped over in bed, feeling chubby arms around her leg.

"Lola" Usagi gently moved her leg and nudged the girl wrapped around it.

The smaller girl reluctantly releases her leg and rolled over mumbling softly.

Usagi reached over and slammed off the alarm. 7:30am

Usagi closed her eyes and sighed. She wasn't going to be late today.

Usagi opened her eyes and looked down at the smaller girl. Smiling softly, she reached down and pulled the younger girl up into her arms.

"Usa?" Lola mumbled sleepily, on chubby hand landing on Usagi's face.

"Hai, what are you doing in my bed little monster?" Usagi gently brushed away the silver strands of curls tickling her chin.

"Lola scared, Lola had a nightmare". The smaller girl mumbled into Usagi's chest.

Usagi gently patted the younger girls back, and pulled the blanket up to cover her.

"Next time crawl under the blanket, you'll catch a cold. I have to go to work Lola. Open the door for Sara ok?"

Lola nodded sleepily and curled up.

Usagi smiled down at the younger girl and quickly pecked her chubby cheeks before getting up.

Usagi stared at herself in the mirror; her tired blue eyes stared back at her.

Let it go.

When she came home and found Lola sleeping on the carpet using her slippers as a pillow, Usagi felt her heart ache.

She had Lola. She wasn't alone, no matter how much it hurt and how much she didn't want to think about losing Mamoru. She already lost him. It was just not meant to be.

It was impossible for her to forget him, it was impossible for her to pretend he never existed. She accepted it. After 6 years, and seeing Mamoru, she finally realized there was nothing she could do.

Just like there was nothing she could do but leave 6 years ago, she would probably never forget him. But she had to put him away and move on with her life. This was her life now; she had to move forward even if every step drains her. The worst was over 6 years ago.

She had grown stronger, she had forced herself to go back to school, be independent, give up painting, walk away from Mamoru….what else can't she take?

Usagi brushed the bangs away from her eyes, and tied her thick long hair into a bun at the back of her head. No matter what happens, she'll live through it…

Usagi knocked on the office door. Her heart pounded despite everything she told herself.

What should she call him?

"C..Chiba-kun" Usagi stammered.

"Come in".

Usagi hesitated for a second, and then opened the door.

Mamoru was sitting in his usual chair, a girl sat on his desk facing him, her hands laced through one of his hand, playing with his fingers.

Usagi froze for a second. Ah…..

She swallowed the rising emotion back down. She smiled at them, her expression not betraying anything.

"I brought you coffee." She walked over and gently placed the cup of coffee in front of him. "Sorry to intrude, I'll be outside if you need me." She said softly and turned to leave.

Her heart clenched.

He didn't say one word, she slipped quietly out the door and back into her seat.

Letting out a slow breath, Usagi smiled sadly. It's ok Usagi…..It's going to be fine.

Usagi stood up and stretched. She looked down at her watch. 8:38….

She sighed and started packing her things. There had been a lot of work to do; Mamoru's schedule compared to Frank's was a lot busier, and the paper works and other things he had wanted her to complete was the double of her usual amount.

He must be working himself to the ground if she had this much work to do.

After she packed everything, she walked quietly to Mamoru's door.

She knocked lightly.

"Come in".

Usagi opened the door.

Mamoru sat at his desk, piles of paperwork and folder stacked in front of him. His reading glasses slightly sliding off.

Usagi felt another twinge. He used to sit at the kitchen table and read newspaper like this…

Mamoru looked up at her.

Usagi averted her gaze and looked away.

"Um..I finished all the paperwork you asked for, they're all sorted already." Usagi said quietly, handing Mamoru the folders, looking down towards his desk.

"Thank you". Mamoru took the folders from her.

They were both quiet.

Usagi hesitantly looked up at him. Mamoru looked back at her through his reading glasses.

Usagi's heart pounded loudly against her chest.

She quickly averted her gaze again.

"Is it alright if I go home now? Is there anything else you need me to do before I leave ."

Usagi quietly asked.

"No, that's all. I'll see you tomorrow Tsukino-San."

Usagi looked up again and nodded.

She looked at Mamoru's grey eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow .." She said softly and turned and closed the door behind her.

Usagi walked quickly out of the office and into the parking lot.

Once she was in the safety of her car, Usagi buried her face into her palms.

She felt so drained….

Mamoru sat heavily into his chair, and pressed his palm into his temple to calm the throbbing.

It had taken all his energy today to keep his composure in front of her.

When she had walked into his room this morning, her tired blue eyes made his heart ache.

He remembered her light blue eyes; they drew him in especially when she smiled. Now, she looked almost guarded and tired.

The wariness in her eyes pulled on his heart.

Why did he still let himself feel like this?

Deep down, he wanted to ask her, ask her how shes been doing for the past 6 years.

At the same time, he was angry, angry with her, and angry at himself.

He had no reason to worry, with Damon by her side, how can she not be well? Financially, Damon would have no problem supporting her.

Then why was she here? Working till this late to keep up with this job?

Mamoru closed his eyes.

She probably wanted to pass time.

Anger flared inside of him again as he thought of Ray.

She may here to pass time; Ray had been working herself to the ground for the past few years. She had gotten over Damon, but it seemed like she couldn't open herself up again.

It was his fault.

His fault for taking Usagi in.

He had broke his family.

To be continued….