I DO NOT OWN NARUTO
WARNINGS: Mentions of alcohol consumption, mentions of incest (kind of), mentions of babies, mentions of homosexuality and mentions of a pimp.
Next
(It's a funny T.V. Show on MTV)
At her favorite tavern, the Godaime can be found sitting at the bar, several empty sake bottles piled beside her. Her current bottle is already half-empty and she lowers it's content even more by pouring as much as she can in a small glass. She takes the shot and sighs.
'I can't believe Shizune abandoned me'.
Her apprentice went on a date with her boyfriend. She left Tsunade alone, but at her house. She doesn't even know of her master's current whereabouts. The Hokage takes another shot and sighs, again.
'I'm so bored. Maybe I should go bother Kakashi... Nah, he'll probably just whine about his new wife. What was her name again? Holly, Harley (Quinn lol), Hayley-'.
"Tsunade".
"No", she responds as she shakes her head.
"What?", a confused voice asks.
She looks beside her to see one of her paper jockeys.
"Nothing", she quickly tells him and looks away, a bit embarrassed she mixed up fantasy with reality. Her blush is covered by the deep alcohol flush surrounding her cheeks as a result of all the alcohol in her system. She fills up her glass.
"Okay?", the black-haired ninja replies, still confused by the strange greeting.
He leans on the counter top and she empties the liquid into her mouth.
"So", he says. "How-".
"Why are you here?", she interrupts him.
"I just wanted to-".
"Did you finish filing the paperwork in my office yet? There was a whole bunch before I left".
"Uh, no", he responds. Raising a finger he says, "But-".
She looks at him.
"Well, then I guess you should go do that, huh?".
His hand drops.
"Uh", is all that escapes his lips.
"Well, goodbye!", she tells him with a smile and a wave.
He slowly raises himself up and starts walking away. He looks back at her before leaving the building.
'She sure knows how to manipulate people', he thinks.
Kotetsu exits and his brown-haired companion enters. With his hands in his pockets, he slyly walks toward his target.
"Tsunade", he says.
She growls upon hearing his voice.
'Great... Another interruption'.
"You look lovely today", the young man tells her.
"Izumo", she says and looks at him. "I look like this all the time".
"Well, then I guess that that statement applies to you every single second of every single day".
He takes a seat on a stool beside her.
"Why don't I buy you a drink", he suggests.
"Well-".
"Bartender!", he screams, interrupting her, annoying her even more.
She finishes her bottle just in time for the other one to appear. When she holds it upside down and sees only a few drops of alcohol come out, she takes the full one from her ninja.
"Hey!", he tries to argue.
Looking at him, she twirls the liquid around in it's container.
"Shouldn't you be helping Kotetsu with the filing?".
"Um", he manages to say before she pushes him off of his seat.
He stumbles, but catches himself just in time or else he'd have face planted.
"Well, bye! Thanks for the drink though".
He walks away in shame.
'She sure knows how to kill the mood'.
When he leaves the bar Yamato takes his place.
'I can't believe I'm doing this... Though I have to admit, Senpai sure knows how to sweet talk'.
He takes a seat next to her.
"Hello, Tsunade", he says.
She looks at him from the corner of her eyes and takes a shot.
"Yamato", the Hokage responds.
"Um".
He nervously rubs the back of his neck and she looks at him. She sighs.
"You too?".
He remains silent. She turns her body to face him.
"This appears to be a reoccurring theme", she tells him. "So before this goes any further let me remind you, we have the same DNA".
She pauses.
"We would have demented babies... It just wouldn't work out".
The brown-haired Shinobi nods.
She smiles as she says, "But I'm really glad to see that you've recovered from Kabuto's attack so well. I'd expect no less from someone with Senju genes".
Yamato raises himself up, feeling as stupid as ever. He walks away deep in thought.
"Enjoy the rest of your night!", she yells from behind him.
'How did I forget?'.
The Godaime watches as the glass door opens and then closes shut. She turns her attention back to her sake and pours herself a cup. She smiles.
'The war's really over... And everything turned out alright'.
Her train of thought is lost as another one of her subordinate's calls her name.
"Tsunade-Sama", they say and take a bow.
She looks at him.
"Iruka... Let me guess. You wanna buy me a drink?", she says matter-of-factly.
He chuckles as he looks over her to the garbage on the counter.
"Actually, it looks like you've had plenty".
She eyes him suspiciously and he takes a seat. He orders a water for himself and she drinks her alcohol, eyes glued to the Shinobi.
"Have you seen Naruto's new girlfriend?", he asks her as he looks at her.
"New?", she questions, her eyes squinted at him.
He takes a sip of his drink and nods.
"Mhm", he responds. "He broke up with the brunette and now he's dating a redhead".
This catches Tsunade's attention and hey eyes open wide in shock.
"A redhead?".
The teacher nods. The Hokage pours herself more sake.
"Well, then she must be an Uzumaki, no?".
"It's possible", the brown-haired ninja answers. "But I'm not sure... It could be another fake. There's been a lot of them lately, women becoming who they're not, just to impress the war hero".
She smirks.
"I can't believe my little gaki's growing up... How many girls has he been with so far?".
Iruka raises his hand to his chin to think about it.
"I'd say... Over 20... I don't think he'll be settling down any time soon. He hasn't found 'her' yet".
Tsunade fills her glass.
"He's got his eye on someone though. And I know who".
"But?", Iruka urges her on.
She sighs.
"She's got her eye on someone else, but he doesn't even return the feelings... Love is so complicated".
Iruka nods.
"Love triangle, eh?".
The Godaime nods.
"There's one in every two man, one woman team".
"So how'd you deal with it?", he asks her and takes another sip of his water.
"It wasn't that bad actually. Although, I really think Orochimaru had it in for Jiraiya".
Her ninja chuckles and she takes another shot.
88888
The next day at dawn Tsunade is sitting at her desk, face on maple.
"Tsunade-Sama!", Shizune screams as she abruptly enters the room.
The Hokage immediately raises her head up, the loud noise waking her slumber.
"I wasn't sleeping!".
Her apprentice bows.
"Tsunade-Sama", she repeats.
"Okay, maybe I was", the Godaime admits in defeat. "But what do you expect? It's 6 in the morning!".
"Tsunade-Sama, look!", Shizune tells her as she holds up a piece of paper in front of her master's eyes.
The older woman has to squint to read the black print.
' WANTED
A male over the age of thirty, longing to find love. Even if you're not I still encourage you to
participate. Your objective is a busty, blonde woman who appears to be thirty years old and is known
as the Hokage of Konohagakure.
OFFERING: An abundant reward. The reward will very from man to man. For more details feel
free to contact me. I will be situated either at the training grounds, at my house or in the graveyard.
Must be completed before next week Tuesday.
Hatake Kakashi'
When the Godaime finishes reading a vein is popping out of her forehead and her face is red from anger.
"I WANT HIM IN MY OFFICE NOW!".