Reid's eyes flickered open and he slowly sat up, his body stiff and aching. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, opened his car door and got out into to car park. Once he finally made it back home after seeing JJ he couldn't bring himself to go into the apartment so he'd curled up in the back of the car.
He lazily stretched and pushed a few strands of hair out of his face, yawning as he did so. The sun had risen but it had been up less than an hour and hung lazily in the air. Reid looked down at his clothes and knew immediately he'd need to go into the apartment and get some new ones.
His heart rate quicken when he thought about going back but he pushed himself on and into the apartment. He didn't bother switching on the lights; he could just about see with the lights shining through the blinds. Once in the bedroom he pulled open his wardrobe got a spare suitcase and a second go bag, filled them as high as he could with clothes then closed the bags and carried them out to the car. He pulled out a white shirt with light blue stripes, black trousers and two socks; one grey with navy blue and pink spots, the other yellow with orange stripes.
He jumped into the back seat and hurriedly put the clothes on before climbing forward into the driver's seat. He quickly started the engine and took off down the street, heading west to the bureau. Once parked he hopped out, grabbed his messenger bag from the boot and went into the office. He took the stairs instead of the elevator to avoid bumping into any early risers and only relaxed once he was at his desk.
He looked over at the stack of files he had to look over with an indecisive look; he still felt empty from the loss of Emily but he knew it would be easier to cope if he had work to do rather than sit around and think of everything he could have done.
He grabbed the top file and laid it open on his desk. His eyes glanced over the first sentence but the words started blurring until the page was full of black, blurry lines at regular intervals. He sighed, sat back and closed the file; he wanted to stay busy but he realised then that it was too early to read about horrific murders… murders Emily would be able to stop if she were there.
He swivelled his chair to the left slightly and picked up the now- framed photo of Emily and him. JJ had helped him pick the frame out in the same little antique store she'd found the photo frame she'd brought Emily for Christmas. This one was made of pure ivory and had tiny flowers carved into it.
"She was so perfect" he whispered to himself. 'And I didn't deserve her' he thought.
"Reid?" Hotch asked as he walked into the bullpen. "You're not due back for another week" He reminded Reid and stopped at his desk.
"I'd rather just get back to work" He said quietly, his eyes avoiding Hotch's glare.
"Reid, you need to take some time to get over Prentiss before you can even think about-" Hotch began but Reid cut him off.
"I don't need time, Hotch. I just need to forget" He said, his voice a little quieter on the second sentence, like he was talking to himself instead of Hotch.
"Reid, I know this has been hard for you but I can't have you back until you're over this. I've spent the last two days persuading Strauss not to fire you! What do you think she's going to do if I try and take you to New York?" He asked in his calm, monotone voice.
"New York? What's happening in New York?"
Hotch sighed as he realised he'd said too much. "There's been three double homicides in three weeks… the PD think they're linked but there's no physical evidence to link any of them" He replied quietly.
"Hotch, I… I just need to forget about everything that's happened" Reid said, his voice barely above a whisper, he was so utterly ashamed of what he was saying, not only because he was wishing he could forget the most amazing thing that had happened to him but, if Hotch looked a little deeper, he wanted dilaudid to do it for him.
"I know, Reid… I've been where you are" Hotch couldn't help but think how what was happening to Reid mirrored what happened to home with Haley. "But it's not that easy- it's never that easy. You're not going to be able to forget her… You'll hope and pray that next time you wake up you'll forget all about her and be able to just go back to how things were; before you met her and she changed everything…" Reid suddenly looked up at him and could see how distant Hotch was.
"But that day isn't ever going to come, Reid. You'll move on, you'll get to a point when you can think about her, talk about her, and you'll be able to smile… But you won't ever forget about her"