Disclaimer: As usual, if you recognize it, I probably don't own it.

Summary: See Previous Chapters

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my twin, who drowned on December 26, 2005. Rest In Peace, Sally.

CHAPTER THREE

The first hospital visit came not even a full day into the semester.

Celesita's Paladin, a male student with blond hair and glasses, failed to realize that a Scottish horse might bear a passing resemblance of one of the My Little Pony characters, but it was far more likely to kick you, hard, than a character from a children's show was. Thinking that it would be nice to hug Buttercup did not translate so well when you tried to glomp a draft horse, which panicked and broke two of your ribs.

None of the staff had been very sympathetic, especially when they pointed out that it was mostly his own fault for coming up from behind and startling the animal. Fortunately, Pixar movies didn't pay as much attention to how long it would realistically take for an injury to heal, and the Witch said that the ribs would be healed in a week.

Given that the University Healer was the Witch, half the students were waiting to see if there were any unexpected side effects. Especially of the fangs, fur and claws variety.

Miss Mairi had been totally unaware of what a 'Brony' was, and had been only dimly aware of My Little Pony once she passed the age of five (though she refused to say how long ago that had been). Fortunately for the not-so-fortunate student, Miss Mairi also appreciated that at least he was secure enough in his masculinity to admit it, especially since it meant that he – and by extension, the rest of the male population – would have less of a base to complain about something being 'girl's work'.

Two boys had already tried to protest that about cooking, and been bluntly informed that you generally didn't bring wives with you when you marched off to war, so unless you wanted to starve on the way there, boys learned the basics of cooking, too.

Apparently, the same rule applied to sewing class, which was the source of the next hospitalization. Sewing might be a predominantly feminine occupation in medieval Scotland, but you didn't take your wives on a war campaign, so boys got to learn enough to mend their own kilts, at the least.

The problem was a young boy by the name of Zack, whose 'exploitable weakness' was needles. He had probably meant doctor's needles, but the enrolment office had a very nasty sense of humour, and a very good sense of creative interpretation, so even a sewing needle caused a minor panic attack, and Zack was carted off to the infirmary for a soothing (and foul-tasting) tonic.

Eva had quickly taken up the position that if it was something that was likely to result in protests, it was better if someone else did the protesting, and therefore got punished for it. If punishment was not dished out, then she could be the second to complain about whatever it was.

Not that complaints got you anywhere in the first place, as a student who had enrolled as a Selkie had discovered first-hand. Selkies were creatures out of Celtic Myth, shapeshifters who could change from seal to human with the help of a magical seal-skin. Sadly for Nona, her Selkie form had not come with instructions on how to remove the seal-skin, resulting in a blue-eyed, golden-furred seal looking even more mournful than seals usually do as she waited for someone to take pity on her and figure it out.

After being shown some of the fanfiction written about them to ensure that the Characters wouldn't be too nice to the students, it took King Fergus – and his staunch disbelief in magic, which affected the magic skin enough that they could get it off – showing up to talk to Miss Mairi about weapons lessons before Nona managed to figure it out.

Luckily, she had been attempting to talk to Miss Mairi by herself, so the happily-married King was the only one to see her change back. Seals did not go about with a spare change of clothing, so Nona had taken the seal-skin off, only to find that her human form was totally naked. Miss Mairi's reaction was to sigh, hand her a cloak, and tell her to go put her uniform on and catch up on her missed work.

All in all, Miss Mairi was quite happy with the results of the Orientation week, especially the introductory classes.

Her time at other OFUs had taught her that sooner or later, something would happen to render the kitchen temporarily unusable. Sometimes it was one of the characters (in this case, most likely the Royal Triplets), sometimes it was a student trap or plot gone wrong, sometimes it was just chance.

Queen Elinor, who had seamlessly assimilated the role of Vice-Headmistress into her other responsibilities, frowned slightly as she looked over the reports. "I agree that we need to teach basic life-skills first, but wouldn't it be better if we got the students started on how to write properly as soon as possible?"

Miss Mairi tallied up a few numbers, frowning at Haris, Huebrt and Hammish until the three Minis came down from the shelf they had been climbing on. "Yes, but consider this preventive measures. At least this way, if someone destroys the kitchen – it always happens at least once – everyone knows enough to make their own food until it is fixed."

Queen Elinor knew how hard it was for a teenage girl to sit still and sew when they wanted to do something else. She smiled, somehow managing to mix beatific with faintly nasty. "And since stampeding – or trying to stampede – a lust object is likely to result in torn clothes and trampled students, knowing that you'll be the one mending it may get some of them to think twice."

Miss Mairi returned the smile raising a goblet. "Eventually. Add the threat of the Witch as the school nurse…"

Queen Elinor tapped Miss Mairi's goblet with her own, "…and if nothing else, there is less structural damage from rampaging students, and the Minis can deal with any more subtle attempts when they realize that Stampeding only makes it worse for themselves."

It might work, or it might not, but it was worth a try.

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A/N: I've been insanely busy, so writing has fallen a bit to the wayside. I will, however, work on this fic when I can until it's finished. I can't fit all of the students by name into one chapter, but rest assured that everyone will make an appearance eventually.

This is more a filler chapter, and we'll get to more detailed classes later. If anyone has suggestions for what they'd like to see, I'd love to hear them.

Thanks

Nat