A/N: Thanks for the reviews and follows! At this point the theme of the story will be taking shape. I'm not intending on offending anyone with the topics discussed but feel free to let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up in a week or so, baring any unforeseen circumstances. Enjoy!

Paige had never been a spiteful person, so perhaps that was the reason that she felt such intense guilt after the summer of Ali's disappearance. It wasn't that she wanted the girl hurt, Paige just wanted Emily back. She just wanted her friend back; Alison didn't share.

To make up for her guilt Paige delved even deeper into the church. Soon the church leaders were giving her more passages to learn so she could start helping the younger parishioners understand God and how he worked for his children.

Paige had never felt less worthy of her father's attention than when the pastor made that call home. She felt as though she were deceiving them all. The night of the announcement, after celebratory ice cream, Paige found herself on her knees by her bed praying more deliberately than she ever had. God, please, listen to me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what is right or wrong. I used to know. At least I think I did. I'm lost, God, and I don't know how to find myself. I know that if I trust in you then you will guide me on my proper path. But I can't help feeling that I'm failing everyone. You, Mom, Dad, Emily. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who I should be. Help me, help me so that I can see.

The next day she saw Emily for the first time since the news of Alison's disappearance first broke. She looked haggard, as if she hadn't slept in days, Paige figured there was actually a fair amount of truth in that statement.

"Emily," Paige called to the other girl. She jogged to catch up, "I just wanted to say hi."

Emily looked at her blankly, "Hi, Paige."

Talking to Paige seemed to be the last ting Emily wanted to do but Paige wasn't deterred, God had sent her this sign for a reason and she was not going to pass it by. "Look, I know you probably don't want to see my face, but I thought I would ask if you were at all interesting in racing me sometime, you know, like we used to." Paige couldn't help but feel hopeful as she waited for Emily's response.

"I," -Emily seemed to be searching for the right words- "Guess it couldn't hurt."

"Great!" Paige exclaimed, hugging Emily tightly, "I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" The way Emily's grip on her tightened wasn't lost on Paige, she reveled in it.

"Okay."

"Sounds good, see you soon!"

"See you."

Paige couldn't help the bounce in her step as she walked away. Smiling, she thought, sometimes things work out the way you hope they will.

The next day broke with apprehension. Paige was worried that Emily honestly didn't want to be her friend anymore and Alison and the other girls had given her the courage to stay away from Paige. Cursing and calling herself out for being so ridiculous, Paige finally set about dialing Emily's number.

Emily picked up on the third ring, "Hi, Paige. I thought you forgot about me."

Paige stifled the not likely that tried to burst from her lips. "Nope!" She chuckled, "Just running late today. So, when are you free?"

"I was thinking about one. That way we can make use of the lap time they pool sets up and the open swim afterwards."

Paige's breath hitched, why did hearing Emily's voice cause her such a noticeable reaction? "Sounds great, see you in about an hour then."

"See you soon."

She heard the emptiness of sound indicating the end of the call for a number of seconds before she could bring herself to end the call on her end. She let out a loud "Woop!" of celebration. She quickly sobered however and began to ready herself, she didn't have much time.

Just like the first time Paige saw her, Emily was bathed in sunlight. She leaned against the wall beside the front door of the pool. "I'm kind of surprised you came," Paige heard herself vocalize before she could censor herself.

"Ouch," Emily looked genuinely hurt.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

Emily cut her off, "It's okay, I know you do. I deserve a lot more than that if we're being honest."

Paige looked down, all she wanted was to be able to spend time with Emily. She didn't want to dredge up old memories, especially unpleasant one. Though, and she would never admit it, there was a small sense of satisfaction with how much of a reaction Paige's words had caused, "Let's just swim, alright? I want today to be fun."

"Sounds good to me. Let's see if you've improved any, McCullers."

"I'll bet you lunch I did." Another time Paige wished her brain would catch up to her mouth and keep a better lid on it.

Emily's eyebrow arched. "Pretty high stakes." You have no idea. "Okay, I'll bite. You've got a deal. Loser buys the winner a late lunch."

Paige held her hand out for Emily's and they shook on it. Paige tried not to think about how soft Emily's hand was and if that sensation translated to other parts of her body. She cleared her throat and withdrew her hand, "Let's get rocking."

The two young women decided that a few initial laps were needed in order to warm up. Paige couldn't really explain it, but she had this feeling in the bottom of her stomach that if she could just connect with Emily again (though how, she wasn't certain) then next year could be something great.

Swimming with Emily felt beyond right to Paige. There was just this magnetic pull Paige felt every time she was near Emily. When they were swimming and racing each other, it was as if all weight had been lifted from her mind. She couldn't say with certainty if her feeling of freedom stemmed from Emily or from the flow of the water caressing her body. If she had to venture a guess she would probably say that it was a mixture of the two. Emily allowed her the comfort that swimming did, she didn't feel like she had something to prove because Emily saw her for what she was, who she was.

If Emily thought she threw the race, she didn't ask. Paige wasn't entirely sure why she didn't power through even more at the end, there was something holding her back. Laughing, Emily tore off her goggles and waited for Paige to surface. "So," she flicked water at Paige's face once she was beside her, "Where are you taking me to lunch?"

Paige tried to keep her legs from shaking, thankful they were under water so Emily couldn't see how nervous Paige was at that moment, "What are you hungry for?"

"How about some sandwiches from the corner store and then we can go to the park to eat?"

"Sounds good to me." Paige dunked her head back in the water and then shook her hair free from its confinement, laughing when Emily sputtered as water landed on her face.

"Oh, it is so on!" Emily lunched at Paige, her hands found Paige's shoulders and she pushed Paige under the surface. Emily let go and allowed Paige to break the water.

"You jerk!"

Emily feigned innocence, "Me? You must be mistaken."

Paige laughed, "Come on, you dolt, let's get changed so we can get some food."

"Race you to the locker room!" Emily hoisted herself up onto the cement and started a quick walk toward the women's changing room.

Paige pulled herself onto the solid surface. "Emily, be careful!" She yelled out, laughing at the lifeguard on duty who was glaring in their direction. Paige's breath hitched when her gaze caught the sway of Emily's hips. She was gorgeous, Paige couldn't lie about that, nor would she choose to. She blinked a few times to try and clear her thoughts, she's your friend. When she looked at Emily again her hip was cocked and a small grin was present on her face, "You coming, McCullers? Or do I have to eat all by myself?"

Clearing her throat, Paige mentally flicked herself on the head. "Right behind you, Ems." Emily looked at her and nodded, turning back around and heading into the room. "Always behind you in everything it seems." Paige muttered to herself before moving forward. "Get a grip, McCullers. Everything is fine." Paige gritted her teeth to give her something to focus on beside Emily and walked into the locker room, she had other things to focus on.

The "not really a date" but more of a "this is only part of a bet, so don't get used to it" was definitely on Paige's top three list of the most fun she had had since her mother passed. "Emily?" Paige almost didn't dare break the mood that had fallen over the two of them.

"Hmm?" Emily looked up from the napkin she had been folding and tearing apart.

"Do you think it would be possible for us to hang out more this year? I mean, now that..." Paige trailed off, her mind a blank of the words she was going to say.

Emily looked up to meet her gaze, Paige was floundering. "What is it you're trying to say?" Emily's tone was sharp and Paige nearly gasped with the steel of it.

"Just that I missed talking to you and hanging out last year and now that we've hung out together again, you should be able to see how it can be fun." Nothing was going how she had planned, the words weren't making sense.

"My best friend is missing, Paige." Emily looked furious. "I think that's a little more important than what you're feeling right now."

Paige couldn't help nor stop the tears that sprung to her eyes, "I-" she stumbled over her words as well as her chair in her haste to escape the moment. "It won't happen again. I'm sorry to have bothered you." Paige turned and left Emily sitting at the picnic table. Where had it all gone wrong?

She didn't see Emily again that summer. Whenever their paths crossed, Emily would move to the other side of the street, sidewalk, aisle, to keep away from her. Paige tried not to let it get to her.

Without a goal to aspire to, Paige panicked. She had no idea where her path in life was leading or if she was even on the correct path (or a path at all at this point). Unwittingly she found herself meeting with the pastor of the congregation.

"Paige, come on in." He smiled kindly at her and gestured to have her sit in the leather chair facing his desk, "Have a seat."

She looked around his office, it appeared to be the standard study for men of the cloth. There were bookcases lining the walls and soft light shining down from the tops of the shelves to showcase the books. "Thanks, Pastor." She perched lightly on the edge, her leg quaking up and down.

"Relax, Paige. What can I do for you?"

Paige made to stand, "You know, I need to go-" She stopped mid way when she heard him clear his throat.

"Paige... Please."

She sat down and stared at her hands. They weren't spectacular by any means. They were rough from many years of use in her mother's vegetable garden. Her nails were rarely painted because the chlorine and constant water made her nails soft and it was difficult for paint to remain chip free. She twisted her hands and picked at a hang nail; they were the hands of a coward.

"Paige?"

She looked up, not even trying to conceal her wet eyes, "Am I a bad person?"

His eyes widened and Paige could see the gears in his brain turning. Instead of answering her question, he asked her one of his own, "Why would you ever think that, Paige?"

"I lie. I don't love as I should. Sometimes I'm mean. I have impure thoughts." Her voice sounded weak as if someone had turned down her vocal chords ability to phonate.

Pastor John sighed and leaned forward in his chair, "Paige, you're no more a bad person than I am." Bad comparison. "You're human. And a teenager. I hardly think those few things make you a bad person." He waited for her to nod in recognition. "Now, have you ever purposefully hurt someone?"

She shook her head, "No."

"Have you ever wished harm on someone?"

She paused at length, thinking. Alison. "Not really."

"What do you mean?" His tone wasn't harsh, if anything, it was reassuring.

She breathed deeply, "Before Alison DiLaurentis disappeared, I had a thought where I just wanted her to go away."

To his credit, though she supposed that he's heard worse in his line of work, Pastor John didn't appear disgusted or even disappointed with her, "And why is that?"

"I just wanted Emily to be my friend again." Paige clammed up when she realized how that sounded. Sin. She sounded selfish. "That wasn't very Godly of me, was it?"

"Paige, the point is not to act as a God, it is to act in the proper image of Jesus and the life that has been set for us. Can you tell me why we ask for forgiveness at the beginning of every service?"

"Because it's nearly impossible to keep from sinning. That isn't to say that we shouldn't try, right? We should try and be free from sin, but Jesus died for us, in place of us so that we would be forgiven of our sings."

He smiled at her, "'Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.' We're all full on sin, Paige. That's part of being human. And what is also part of being human is knowing when to ask for help. Am I right in saying that's why you're here today?"

"You always do seem to know what's going on and what to say."

He laughed, "That's why the Big Boss Man gave me the job."

Paige couldn't help but join in laughing, "I suppose so."

"Paige, would you say you are unhappy?"

She looked down and shifted in her seat, "In general, no. But I know that there is much to be grateful for even if it is hard to see."

He watched her for a while before responding, "Your mother was a wise woman, we were ever so sorry she left us as soon as she did."

Paige swallowed past the sadness in her throat, "Me too." She paused, "And I know my father thinks of that too."

"Your father is a good man, Paige, even with as stern as he seems. The Lord's plan has not been easy for him to accept at times, and I believe that is true for you as well. It is oftentimes hard to stomach the losses we believe to be unjust or unfair. But you know as well as I that one grows from challenges. Never forget that."

She stared at the wall behind his head, his certificate from seminary was displayed prominently. He was a man of God, a vessel of God's word, he had to know what he was talking about, even if sometimes she felt like screaming because how could God be so cruel. How could he take her mother and leave her alone with her father. How could he make her this way and expect her to know what to do and how to act. She bit the inside of her cheek and stood, "Thank you, Pastor. You have helped tremendously."

He stood and spread his arms, the palms of his hands facing up, "Depart in peace knowing Jesus died for you and you alone. May you be granted the strength to walk in God's way. Amen."

"Amen." She echoed him and turned to leave.

"And Paige? Don't be afraid to come in and talk, about anything. You're a very special girl and I don't want you to get lost."

"Sometimes we have to get lost to be found again, Pastor," She walked to the door of his office, "I'll see you on Sunday."

The school year couldn't have picked a better time to start. There were definitely times where Paige wished that she didn't have to see Emily, but for the most part those were overwhelmed by the way her heart would clench and her stomach would drop and she found herself rather liking those feelings. What she didn't care for were the feelings that threatened to submerge her when she heard that Emily had started to date one of the guys from the men's swimming team. Ben. If someone asked her, she wouldn't have been able to explain just why the mere mention of his name made her skin crawl but there was something about him that scream untrustworthy. Emily could most certainly do better, and deserved better.

"Dad?" She closed the front door behind her.

"I'm in the study, Paige."

She placed her bags beside the table in the foyer and walked toward the sound of her father's voice. He was seated in his dark leather chair beside the cold fireplace so she took a seat across from him on the couch and pulled a book from the end-table next to her.

He looked up, eyebrows raised, "What are you doing?"

She looked at him and smiled, "Reading with you."

Surprise graced his face momentarily, "Oh. Well, all right then."

Paige ducked her head in the book and smiled.

Later, when they were at the dinner table, Paige finally mustered up the courage, "Dad?"

"Yes, Paige?" He looked up from his newspaper.

"Our meet schedule was released today. I just wanted to know if you wanted to see it so you could write them in your calendar. I mean, if you even want to go."

His eyes sharped and she looked away, picking at the piece of bread on her plate. "Give me the schedule, Paige. After dinner."

"Yes, sir."

She counted her peas, four left. She ate a couple more before putting her fork down, "May I please be excused?"

He nodded, barely paying any attention.

"I'll put it on your desk."

"Hmm? Okay."

She cleared her plate and left the kitchen, maybe he would actually show up to some meets, maybe he would be proud of her this year. She crossed softly into the study, schedule in hand and walked to her father's desk. Opened on the desk was a book and curiosity got the better of her as she began to read. When her eyes scanned the words she became more and more appalled. "Modern Day Sin" was the title and it seemed to be filled with what was considered "Prevalent and worrisome acts in today's youth and non-Christian culture."

She bit back the feeling of panic that seemed to start from everywhere in her body and put the book back where she found it, early in the chapter on Promiscuity and Homosexuality. She placed the schedule on the book. In some way she almost wanted to shut the paper inside the book, just to see how long it took her father to find it again. She hurried out of the room and went upstairs, she really needed to think.